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Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 9/21/2008 3:21 AM (GMT -7)   
This evening I went to a bar-b-que. (Worst hamburgers and hot dogs I've
ever had. The salads tasted poison. The beverage was Cool Aid! It was a
mashed potato salad.) Yurk.
Anyway, I met a nice woman. She had all the back pains and problems that
I have. I have never had a real person to talk to so I started talking about
all the issues that we discuss here. It felt so good to know I don't suffer
alone here on my block.
So what happened? I'd yapped right along givin her a chance to talk back,
of course.
She stopped me COLD. She said, "I will have this pain ALL my life. I don't
want to think about it.
Oh Lord, I felt slapped... but it is something to think about, I guess. sad
Pam

She has had three surgeries on her back. Each one made her worse.

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 9/21/2008 5:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I can sort of understand where she is coming from. I have Ulcerative Colitis and I have had it for 16 years. There hasn't been a time in which I didn't have some sort of symptom from it. When I am out having a nice time, that is the LAST thing I want to talk about because when I am out, I want to forget for a while and try to be a normal person. I have had people come up to me, who knows that I have Uc, and will start talking about it. I am not rude to them such as this lady was to you, but I sort of grunt one syllable words at them and hope they take the hint. It's nice that you found someone else that shares the same grief as you but unfortunately not everyone wants to share - try not to take things like that personally.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
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Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 9/21/2008 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, Sherry,

I guess I learned my lesson. I've always been real open about stuff. My daughter
dislikes this openess, so I close down around her. I need to look at situations
and think about the other person.

I hope I didn't ruin the relationship. Time will tell about that.
Pamela Neckpain

Boxerlover
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 274
   Posted 9/21/2008 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Pam, I'm sorry she was so rude to you.  If that was how she felt, she could have said it in a much nicer way.  For me I have no problem talking about my illness, like you I am very open about pretty much anything.  I personally would have been offended, but she might have been in a lot of pain and cranky.  I am isolated a lot and if I found someone who could relate to my life, I would have wanted to talk too.  What I find socially is that no one ever seems to ask me about anything.  I don't know if they assume I have nothing to talk about because I am on disability and don't have a job. Plus we have no kids so I cannot relate there.  I have stopped going to gatherings where there is a lot of people and instead tend to just got out with one other couple at a time.  This way my hubby and I can particiapate in the conversation.  Although there have been many times even with just 1 other couple that they have talked the whole time and never once asked us about ourselves.

I used to get quite offended about it but now I find it a little funny.  Just the other day, I was getting my nails done and the woman beside me made a comment about something that I said soemthing to her about. I ended up hearing all about all 3 of her children, her job, their plans and she not once asked me anything about myself. I feel sorry for people that self-involved.

Take care!

Melissa


JR_EATS
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 9/21/2008 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I guess I can swing both sides here. There are times - few and far between - that I can talk about my problem. I get emotional and usually tear up when talking about my conditions, especially on the bad days. I'm a lot like you Melissa when it comes to socializing now. I prefer smaller crowds, especially ones that won't ask me about my condition - it seems tho that I have become my problem. Thats all people ask me about now - I'm really good at saying
"I'm fine." or "Their okay."

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/21/2008 3:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Pamela,
I have mixed feelings about the situation, too, because there are times I'd love someone to talk to about how I REALLY am doing, feeling, etc., and then other times I wish no one would ask because I don't want to think about it. And it's not a predictable thing, so sometimes I feel sorry for the few people who really do ask and want to know the truth and I ask to change the subject. But I try to be a bit light about it - just kind of saying oh, let's not talk about that right now. Sometimes I even tear up and honestly say that it's just too emotional or depressing to talk about, especially if I'm at a gathering and I truly don't want to start crying. So maybe you can approach this person one-to-one sometime and just ask her about that very issue - does she NEVER want to talk about it, or just at certain times. Because I'm guessing you could understand that, and maybe you could find a way to communicate honestly with eachother about how you're feeling in that moment, and respect eachother's wish to distract or avoid the subject at times.

Just a thought.

PaLady

JR_EATS
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 9/21/2008 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I can completely relate to you PAlady - I started to cry reading your post... thanks for sharing.

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 9/21/2008 6:58 PM (GMT -7)   
You guys are great! Very open. Totally real. and now ....
You've got me crying.

Good crying. Crying that there are people out there who can relate to anything.
(I'm also kinda laughing)
It's a mixed feeling.
XOXO

Pamela Neckpain will use her Duct Tape only on some occasions. blush

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/21/2008 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, no! I didn't mean to make people cry! smhair But I guess if it's a "good cry" then I can smile at that. Am I making sense? It's late! rolleyes

I think it's time for a hot fudge sundae. turn

PaLady

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 9/22/2008 2:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I think it's time for a hot fudge sundae, says PAlady
*************************************************************************
I'll be right over! If I have a hot fudge sundae, my weeping will subside quick
as a bat can wink.
Pamela yeah

JR_EATS
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 9/22/2008 8:53 AM (GMT -7)   
no its totally a good kind of cry! like finally i can see someone else feels like i do... i can finally relate to someone, even if its only through a computer screen

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 9/22/2008 12:43 PM (GMT -7)   
JR ...
It's strange but these people can become real. You learn their names, their ways, their sorrows. It's nothing that can be explained
to other - this Cyberworld. I dreamed about it long, long before it came into existence.
Someday I will tell that story.
Cyberworld is dangerous too. You gotta know what you're doing. You sure have to let kids know about the dangers. Cyberworld
is a mixed blessing.
It has actually saved my life.(A long, long time ago)
Pamela Neckpain

JR_EATS
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 9/22/2008 1:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Pamela and everyone else too ;)... as much as its killing me to type, these last two days have certainly brighten my spirits and showed there are people like me out there. I just had to look in the right places :)
*****************************************************************************

Bilateral Tennis Elbow, Golfer's Elbow, Myofascial Pain in Forearms, Tendonitis in Wrists and Thumbs

Meds: Percocets, Pennsaid and sleep aid Amitriptyline

Pain bottles should have easier lids!

*****************************************************************************

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