Scared, Alone and In PAIN...

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Bailey2008
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 11/17/2008 5:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Everyone,
 
I just wanted to keep in touch with everyone here.  Most here already know my story (living with mom and sdad, bad situation, in bankruptcy state b/c of huge medical bills, lost my home and have no friends)...  Living here with my mom and stepdad is very hard.  There's a lot of tension b/c my sdad and I never really got along, both parents are in poor health, both have very bad nerves and are angry b/c they're getting old and can't do the things they used to do.  My mom is only happy when she's spending money.  They recently had a lot of work done to their home, including getting rid of their tub and getting a nice new delux shower.  I needed that tub so badly to soak my muscles when the pain is very bad.  I've tried to get medical assistance, food stamps, etc... any kind of help from the county/state, but since I live with my parents, the Dept. of Public Assistance always includes their income with mine.  It's crazy. I pay them a lot of money to live here and buy my own groceries, pay for all medical bills and prescriptions out of pocket, etc... My mom is sometimes so nice to me and understanding, then she can change suddenly and act as though she's angry with me and has nothing to say to me.  My sdad and I rarely ever talk.  He's been cruel and both parents are in poor health.  I can't help them.  My mom is always busy, cleaning, wanting to go shopping, etc... and I have such guilt feelings b/c I'm just not feeling well enough to take her places.  I have absolutely no privacy at all, and there's tension if I don't watch TV with them at night... I need my own space!!!  I hurt so bad if I sit in the livingroom with them b/c we have designated chairs and my neck, back, ribs and hips hurt SO bad if I sit on "my chair" for more than a couple of minutes.  I feel like I'm 5 years old!!!  I've lost friends b/c none of them want to come back into this house after getting their first dose of my sdad's vulger sexual remarks toward them... It's just a huge mess and I feel totally trapped.  I did try to get the Medical assistance + at least 4 times.  Each time I'm denied.  I've s/w my doctor and therapists, all of who did not believe that I would not be eligable for help until they called for me and were all told the same thing.  B/c I live with my parents (only b/c I lost everything I had b/c of chronic pain issues).  It's certainly not fair, but it's the way it is.  All of my doctors and therapists I've seen and Pain Mgmt. doctors and specialists have told me that I'll "never get better at all, but only get worse if I don't get a place of my own where I'd feel safe and have less stress."  Since I can't get help, I don't know what to do. 
 
I'd just love it if I could find support and encouragement and folks to email back and forth with, so I'd feel like someone cared.  The way I've been living, I feel like no one else even knows I'm alive anymore.  I'm also have bad female problems and don't have a GYN, can't afford one and have no medical insurance...therefore, no doctor will take me in as a patient.  I have only 1 doctor, who is a regular family practitioner.  At least he gives me my meds.  He knows about the female problems, very bad family hx of ovarian cancer, and I told him how I've been bleeding and spotting most everyday for a long time now, esp. when I do to much of anything, like grocery shopping, etc... My doctor even told me that there is no doctor that would take me on and that even if they did diagnose something bad, I would not get proper treatment b/c of having no insurance.  I've seen it many times as a nurse, how the uninsured are looked down upon by doctors and I've witnessed good people die b/c they could not get proper medical care b/c of having no health insurance.  It's not fair, but it's the way it is.
 
I just need friends and desperately would like to be able to keep in touch.  I promise I would not be a total downer and would not be an overwhelming/overbearing kind of email buddy.  I'm not usually a complainer!  I just need to vent from time to time and I'm feeling so alone that I'm thinking that there will never be anything good in my life ever again.  I need someone to talk to/email with...I'm having a hard time dealing with this devastating loneliness and feelings of hopelessness.
 
Thank you all so much for listening!  My thoughts and prayers are with all of you too.  I know my problems are small compared to many others.
 
God Bless,
Kathy K. sad
Fibromyalgia, Myofacial Pain Syndrome, RSD-CRPS, 11 herniated discs w/ multiple pinched spinal nerves, Osteoarthritis, TMJ, Sleep Apnea, CFS, Narcolepsy, Hypothyroidism, Asthma, Insulin Resistance, Major Depression, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Bilateral Peripheral Neuropathy (cause unknown)...LONELINESS & POVERTY (lol...)

Other than the above, I'm in great shape!


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 11/17/2008 6:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Kathy,
My thoughts are with you ~ can't talk now I'm in screaming pain! I'll be
back. I think you'll find many fine people here.
Pamela is in bad pain
MEDICAL CONDITIONS

Osteoarthritis all levels of spine right down to Coccyx,Spondilytis,Myofascial Pain
Fibromyalgia,Bulging Discs,Spinal Stenosis,Scoliosis,Osteopenia,Chronic Constipation
Carpel Tunel Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder,
Depression & Anxiety

Methadone for Pain, Xanax for Anxiety, and more, of course.


Bailey2008
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 11/17/2008 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Pamela,
 
I'm SO sorry that you're in so much pain! I'll be praying for you!!! Thank you for always being so nice to me! 
Write when you can.  I understand!
 
God Bless,
Just rest Sweetie and feel better.
 
Kathy K.
Fibromyalgia, Myofacial Pain Syndrome, RSD-CRPS, 11 herniated discs w/ multiple pinched spinal nerves, Osteoarthritis, TMJ, Sleep Apnea, CFS, Narcolepsy, Hypothyroidism, Asthma, Insulin Resistance, Major Depression, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Bilateral Peripheral Neuropathy (cause unknown)...LONELINESS & POVERTY (lol...)

Other than the above, I'm in great shape!


ekkorose
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 329
   Posted 11/17/2008 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Kathy,

I am sorry things are so rough. I wish I could wave a wand and make it all better for you. If you don't mind me asking, waht state are you in and how old are you? I spend a lot of time looking stuff up and might be able to find something. Please feel free to email me any time you want. I understand the female problems all to well because those are what caused me most of my chronic pain issues. There are somethings a CP can order to check for you starting with a transvaginal ultrasound. It sounds humiliating but they really are not that bad. Mine cost about 600$ which is a lot of money but it could save your life. Try contacting planned parenthood. They do a lot with womens health problems and may be able to connect you with clinics that will do tests cheap or even free.
Womens problems should not be ignored.

Take care,
Sarrah

Hysterectomy at 25

4 laproscopic surgeries since 24

Cervical stenosis in C3 & C4

_____________________________________________

 

Meds - percocet  3x day : nexium : xanax :

Supplements : calcium : magenesium :potassium : milk thistle : fish oil : B complex : vit E

____________________________________________

In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. ~Thomas Szasz 


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/17/2008 10:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Kathy,
I do remember you and wish I could help more directly. But we are all here for support, and I'd encourage you to post here more frequently and you'll develop a lot of contacts over time. Maybe not direct e-mail, but it's pretty close. Some people have their e-mail addresses available, also, but the forum is great.

Have you looked for any shelters for women in your area? It's not a permanent solution, but maybe if there was one you could stay in for awhile (something run by social services or even affiliated with a religious group) they might be able to help you get on your feet and eventually get a place of your own. It's worth a shot.

Sending you hugs.

PaLady

Rhonda in Nashville
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 11/17/2008 10:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Kathy, I know what you mean about living with parents...I live with my mom after living on my own for 16 years and it suxxx... I also have a 15 yr. old son with a very bad attitude. I was just wondering, has your mom ever been diagnosed with Bipolar? the reason I ask is because of what you said about her shopping habits and that's the only time she's happy.....That sounds like me and I am Bipolar. Maybe if she were on some meds she'd be nicer to you and get her life in order. Just a thought. If you ever want to talk look me up, my email is available...

Blessed Be,
Rhonda
 
 
hemi-lamenectomy L-4 1998
spinal fusion with own bone L-3 to S-1 2005
Degenerative disc disease
spinal stenosis
several epidural injections
caudal block
high blood pressure
GERD
sleep apnia
arthritis in both knees
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome
Bipolar Disorder
 


Hound-Dog
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 183
   Posted 11/18/2008 1:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Kathy......I was sorry to read how difficult your living conditions have become.It would be hard for a healthy person to deal with, let alone someone like yourself with your health concerns.The loss of your bathtub when your parents know how badly you need it convinced me that your step-dad is indeed a cruel piece of work.Please don't give up on getting out of there sap.In my opinion your step-dads sexist behaviour toward your friends and the prison like, manditory "TV time" on uncomfortable furniture sounds like "abuse in spades" to me. One doesn't have to be "black and blue" to be abused, so maybe speaking to womens shelters or church women support groups and the likes may help.I sure hope things start looking up for you soon.It sounds like your health may depend on it. As many of the people on this thread have stated "you are not alone" and we all vent here when needed.I'll say a prayer for you and may God Bless You..........Rod

kttn251977
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 11/18/2008 5:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kathy!!!! i am sorry you are going through this. i have had some experience as to what you are talking about. i understand what you mean about friends. most of mine know that i can't do the simple things i used to (mall, etc) that its a major obstacle course for me anymore. i had to cancel a trip with my friends once & one of them has stopped talking to me. no matter how many attempts i have made, she dosen't get the kind of pain i am in. its hard to watch your friends slip by. hurts. you miss the normal life you should be leading. instead its a task to make dinner. i get it, we all do. you are always among friends here. if you ever want to corrospond with me outside of here, feel free to. maybe a cure for your dad would be to sexually harass his friends. lol!! give him a tase of his own medicine!! (ha - joke) well, maybe...... :) don't let them get you down. i see 80 year olds whizz by me (thats embarrasing) but there is nothing i can do about it. i accept whats wrong with me & just try to lead as happy a life as i can. of course i have my days- i had one yesterday. i know its harder because it is your parents. mine don't understand pain like i go through either. though my dad did sprain his back a few days ago & now he knows how i feel. (kinda) i said "now imagine that not going away" he said "i would go crazy" well, i have my moments of insanity. anyhow, i hope this cheers you up some. feel free to get in touch with me anytime you need someone to talk to- even off of here is ok. have a better day today!! ((hugs)) -Shannon
RX's: Oxycontin 60 MG 2x's daily; Oxycodone 30 MG 4x's daily; Soma 3x's daily; Lyrica 100 MG 3x's daily (all for pain & fibro.); Phenergan 25 MG (as needed); Amitriptyline 25 MG 1x at bedtime; Cymbalta 60mg 2x's daily (for pain & fibro); Restoril 15mg at bedtime; Zanaflex 4mg 3x's daily; Metoclopram (as needed) & Senokot (as needed).
"The most critical choice you'll ever make is the one you make about what you're going to do with this. The past is over. The future hasn't happened yet. The only time is now."
- Dr. Phil


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 11/18/2008 6:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Awe, wanted to offer up lots of soft hugz to you.
I go home from time to time and it can be Heck just staying a week
with my parents, they argue every 5 minutes or seems like it.
Parents just don't understand...
I agree with PALady, try to seek out a womens shelter, or look into it
as it might be something...
Wish I had some magic words for you to make your situation alright
again, if only there where some....
for now I'll just give you prayers and more soft hugz and a shoulder to
lean on for as long as you need it.....
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


moondancer
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 11/18/2008 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Kathy, I am so sorry you are in such a overwhelming situation and in pain too. You have tried to get SSD?? I can relate so much. I get frusterated when I just visit my parents for a few weeks. (they're in their 80"s) and their health is not so good either.
Kathy, I moved to New York a couple years ago to marry my husband and I have no other friends or family here. I spent 4 months in the hospital alone and afraid.(My husband worked a lot and rarely visited me)I need friends to and would like to be friends with you and stay in touch. we both need someone to talk to who understands the PAIN we all suffer every day. Everyone here is so nice and caring.
I had surgery last Thursday and I recieved so many kind words from everyone here( I am fairly new to this Forum). my e mail is posted here and you are more than welcome to e mail me whenever you like. I will try to answer when I can. sometimes I don't always make it to the computer for long periods, due to the pain of sitting here.
I will be praying for you and please don't give up on trying to get medicaid and your own place to live. have you tried applying for goverment housing.
I understand about losing friends, I can not go places and do things like I used to do, and so I understand why they don't invite me places anymore. I just slow them down.
Listen Kathy just e mail me and we can talk some more.
GOD BLESS YOU HONEY
Patty
 
 Degernative Joint disease, Depression,severe Hypertension, Ulcers, Nerve damage,OA, stroke & blindness in left eye
  Prozac 80 mgs, Synthroid, Ultram, Metroprolol, Lipitor, Norvasc, Vicadin, Benadryl (for sleep)__Vitamin D&K
  Bilaterla hip replacements, Bilateral knee replacements, Titanium Spine Fusion (L4-5)(4 spine surgeries)Oblation for SVT(supra ventricular tachycardia) Biopsy of left Optic Nerve, left shoulder surgery, revision of left hip
The hardest lesson in life to learn...Is which Bridge to cross and which ones to Burn.
 


b4u
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 11/18/2008 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kathy,
I am sorry you are going through such a hard time as well....my mother sounds like a close relative of your moms ..maybe we are related...just kiddin anyhow my daughter and I had to stay at my parents Senior Condo and I am talking small...teeny place during Hurricane Ike and the Conditions were much like yours so totally understand..its hard.. I was smokin like a chimney. My mom would not let me use my flat iron on my hair while staying with them because it would increase her electric bill, and I had to pay for the food we ate and our share of utilitys and gas,while we bunked down there unable to return to our home. I would not have gone there but with short notice we had no other choice. Like you I have lost friends but LOVE my new ones here,including you..Take Care
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