Pian, Depression, Meds & Sex

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Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/20/2009 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello All,
Coming here from the Prostate Cancer Forum I may come off as being a little liberal about the subject of sex. On the PC forum, we discuss all kinds of physical & mental sexual problems that we encounter with this horrable disease. It has helped countless guys and their wives understand and learn about these problems by talking about them. Maybe I'm out of line bringing it up but I think it's an important issue that most of us are suffering with. I appologise to those of you who are not married or have a signifigant other but I just know alot of you are feeling like I am. Many of the meds we take reduce our libido which may be very hard for our partner to understand. Then there is the constant pain, for most of us, if we do get a break and get our pain levels down to a acceptable level, its time to rest or sleep to catch up from all that we had missed! As some of you may have read in another post, I recently cut my Effecsor dose hoping that I might get a little of my long lost sex drive back. I was foolish for trying without talking to a Dr. and I paid the price with a bout of depression that caused me to post here several times in which I said things that I wish I could have taken back. I am having troubles with my 28 year marrage and I think one of the big problems is sex. There is none. OK friends, I opened this subject for discussion because I think its a important issue to all who suffer from cronic pain. Anyone like to chime in?
Your friend,
Pete

55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


AndreaRN
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete,

I was thinking last night about starting a similar thread. You beat me to it. Thanks, you saved me the work of tiring my arms out typing.

After my husband died, I met a wonderful man.....we went fishing in the great north woods, sat in the rain and sometimes snow flakes, fished and laughed..............he was having problems and it was like a cloud hanging over us. He then had similar surgery as you. He became obsessed and and became desperate. By that time we were in our second year of a committed relationship.

He obtained a device from his urologist to enlarge his penis. Things were alittle better for us....I should say him. He was not on any medication so did not seem to have a lack of desire......(seemed more to me like he had to prove something to himself truthfully)

Oh oh.......I had a severe neck injury. Meds, tests, no desire....so much pain I could or would not bring more pain upon myself by even attempting sex. Then over a period of several months I had my two surgeries. Put on weight from the prednisone. Now I was depressed and put on Paxil (terrible med to get off of)

He then decided things would be better if we went on trips.....for the weekend. Sure, San Diego in a fast three days had me in such pain I started drinking just to "try" and have sex.

Time (years) and the weekend trips continued....me more depressed and him more determined.

There were other smaller reasons I broke off the relationship but truthfully the underlying cause was he put too much pressure on me for sex and I became so resentful that it did not matter how many diamonds etc.....(he had money). I still miss him at times but know in my heart it never would have worked. The fact is I had pain doing many of the things he wanted to do and if I brought the pain level down I was hurting myself just not feeling it at the time.

My story is very different than yours but still wanted to share. I now take things at my pace (still fall flat alot) but I am happy I am not imposing my burden on someone else. It is right for me.

Andrea
Women who behave don't make History!

C3-4 herniation
C4-5 disectomy & fusion (anterior)
C6-7 & C7-8 L laminectomies (posterior) (need R)
Partial removal of supporting Cervical Posterior Ligament
Constant shoulder pain & tightness.intermittent neck pain
bulged discs at C6-7 & C7-8

Chronic Pain with Vicodin 7.5/325 rx

VIEW IMAGE


Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
My story is quite similar but yet a bit different. My husband of almost 13 years knows what it is like to deal with an injury to the lower back and to this day he still from time to time has troubles with his back that prevents him from being able to become intimate with me. But not only am I dealing with the pain that courses through my legs and back everyday that lowers my libido and the pain medications but too I am dealing with another situation that only a woman could really understand.....Menopause. At almost 45 years of age (I hit this big number the day before I have to bury my father this week) I am going through Menopause which lowers a woman's libido. This coupled with the pain and the medications has frustrated both of us and we have tried many things to enhance our intimacy with no luck of course.

But I think after 13 years of marriage that has been fantastic and more trusting then any that I have ever been in hubby and I talk about things and he knows that even though I am mostly not in the mood that I would do anything to please him even if that meant going through the motions without the satisfaction in the end (if you understand my meaning). This is not an easy topic for me to speak about cause I am a very private person when it comes to a topic like this but I figured I'd put my two cents in.

Scarred
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Slight herniation at L2-3 but Neurosurgeons will not operate because of previous failed surgeries. Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Lunista, Topamax and Robaxin.


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/20/2009 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Andrea, My heart goes out to you. I understand but unfortunately for me I understand your Ex's feelings too. It's so sad the way society teaches and treats men. We have to constantly try to prove our manhood not only to the females but the men also. We are constantly bombarded with belittling jokes about small penisis or that we have no balls meaning we are weak or couardly. Did you know that government funding for breast cancer is 10 times the amount it is for prostate cancer evan though there are more new cases and deaths from PC in this country every year? Want to know why? because it's a desese hidden away that men don't want to talk about because it's a direct hit on their masculinity and heaven forbid anybody thinks they are any less of a man for having it. I was like your Ex but I'm not any more, thank God! I went to a Retreat called Reel Recovery which takes men with all stages of cancer fly fishing to different locations around the country. I though it was going to be fun fly fishing, one of my passions but it was so much more. Being with 10 other men in the same boat as me or worse and talks led by proffessionals. It truely changed my life.
Now I preach prostate cancer awareness to men of all ages. I open myself up like a book and explain exactly what they did to me, what I can and canot do since surgery and how it has affected my life. A lot of guys don't want to hear anything about it because it scares the crap out of them. I am proud that I have been able to talk guys I know over 40 into going for a PSA test (a blood test which can show the possability of PC) especially my African American friends who are twice as likely to get it than Caucasions and terified of anything to do with PC!!. Oh I'm sorry to start preaching to everyone! I have to get to work, I'll write more later and I DO want to talk to you Scarred about metapause, my wife is 52 and there!
Thanks so much for your responces!!!
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 1/20/2009 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete,

Thank you for having the courage to start this tender thread. It is a common problem for any of us on pain medications and/or living with chronic illness. I too have the problem that pain meds bring on...no desire. It breaks my heart so much that I'm tearing as I type. Hubby is not one of those guys that has to prove something to anyone...thankfully...but it's still not fair for him to do without. I do my best to keep him happy but I still don't feel like I am the wife he deserves because of these dang! pills. Without them I have no life at all tho so I'm lost as to what the answer is to this problem. Tears are pouring...will check back in later.

Thanks again, Pete,
Chutzie
Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis and a few other side dishes.
***************
Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/20/2009 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutz, Scarred & Andrea,
Thank you for having the courage to speak up on such a tough subject. You Gals are just the greatest! I know that this is a very personal problem and not easy to talk about. Scarred, you mentioned how hard it is to discuss because you are such a private person. I respect that but when you posting here you are anonomous. It was funny to read the wives post in the PC forum, at first they got so embarrast you could feel them blushing. But after a while they became so comfortable, nothing was off limits when it came to what was going on in the bedroom because they realized that they would probably never meet anyone they were writing to. It was very healing for everyone involved. But back to you Scarred, you brought up the point that you are in metapause and your libido is nada. My wife started a while ago and her periods are crazy along with the pms. Some months she has really bad ones and the next nothing at all. She keeps saying, "I hope this is the last one!" But so far, they are still coming. You're all probably wondering why after 28 years I haven't just talked to her about our sexual problems. Well, thats not easy to answer. We have been through so much in the last 6 years with all my health problems, I try not to bring up the subject if I can help it. She acts like she is just so tired of it all and I don't blame her. There have been times when we were making love when she accidently hurt me badly, so then there is always the fear of it happening again. There is also this darn testosterone jell that I have all over my chest and abdomen for hypogonadizm, without question the worst "ISM" I ever had!! I have to use it every day and if I don't, its instant metapauseville for Pete! I get all the same symptons that you girls get. Now my wife is blaming some of her symptoms on my testosterone, she says it gets on her from the sheets and pillows and even from touching things around the house. She says it gives her wiskers among other things! I try to be very careful with it but who knows? She went up north to our property here she lives 4 weeks ago and I went up the following weekend but haven't seen her since. I hate living without her. I don't have time to get into the reasons that she is there and I'm still down south but maybe in bits and peices I'll explain it although it will take a while. Have to go> more later.
THANKS again!
ISM-MAN Pete!
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 1/20/2009 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pete,
 
I usually post on the fibromyalgia forum but one in awhile post here as I have tons of chronic pain issues.  I posted a simalar post on the fibro forum.  I struggle with the sex issue everyday.  It's like I am terrified when my hubby Jayson even hints at sex.  I also am no idiot at some of the comments that I know pertain to me not being a willing partner,like last night my hubby and I were watching TV and he made a comment of "at least he's getting some" and then when I was upset he said it wasnt about me and he was only joking ,ya right.
 
When Jayson  and I first got together 9 years ago it was with me getting out of a terribly abusive marriage and him not being with anyone for 3 years so there was sex galore in every room in the house sometimes several times a day.  I had lost a bunch of weight right before meeting him and he was 50 pounds lighter too and even though I had some pain from having my tailbone removed several years before,I had been going to a gy 3 times a week and was in the best shape I had been in years.  Then 4 months after he moved here I fell down the stairs and broke my back and hurt other multiple things on the way down.  So I was thrown into massive pain for many months.  The outcome though was chronic pain on a daily basis and weight gain.  Then you throw in the deppresion and meds for that and all the pain killers and so no libido.  I got to the point where if I never had sex for the rest of my life it would be fine with me.  It did not change the way I felt about Jayson though as in how much I still loved him and did want the affection just not sex.
 
Jayson has been pretty patient in all of this and as the years went by with him gaining the 50 pounds his libido has lowered alot as well but we would have sex every few months and I did throw in pleasuring him every few weeks.  I did not feel bad about taking care of just him.  It was my only way of feeling close to him in that way on a reg basis and he even said he felt somewhat guilty about it like I was just doing it to make him happy but I was getting some satifaction out of it myself too because it made me feel close to him.  Then I got fibromyalgia and even that changed.  I now have all over muscle and joint pain and many days I walk around the house looking like an 90 year old lady specially now in the winter as the cold makes me hurt even more.  Now when we attempt sex more times then not I have to stop because of pain,mostly pain in my back.
 
One of the issues we have is that Jayson used to be alot more active when we had sex but since gaining all the wieght we literally have something that has come between us....his stomach.  He tires easily and is short on breath too so that leaves me to do all the work.  He basically lays back and start to finish its up to me to do all the work.  I am very short so being on top of him is impossible its like sitting on a teeter totter.  For me to be in a sitting position on him requires me to use my legs for the motion and that kills my legs and low back and he is opposed to any going in from behind because he says it makes him feel "weird" sighhhhh.  We have talked about how much better things could be if he lost wieght and became more of an equal partner in out love making but shows no sign of that ever happening as he has become very addicted to food.  Its like he acts like he wants more sex but does nothing on his part to make that happen and I just cant do this on my own but he acts for the most part like its because of me that we dont have much sex.
 
And there have been times when I phych myself up all day to have sex and actually get in the mood and make sure I have just taken my pain meds and then he turns me down.  Its usaully some totally bogus excuse too,the old I have a headache or I banged my leg at work and it hurts even though when he first came home he said he was feeling fine and was not limping till later.  I take that as he is feeling fat and slugish and just doesnt want to make the effort what little effort there is.  It does make me resentful that the reason I have trouble having sex is because of things beyond my control but him losing weight is totally something he can control and that its not worth the effort to get rid of the weight if not for him then for me.  He knows how hard it is for me to do everything and he knows how much easier it would be for me if he dropped the pounds but I feel like I a not worth the work of losing this weight.  The only time he even seems happy anymore is when he is eating and his gluttony is making me more and more turned off by him.
 
And its not just about sex in our household.  Its about him not putting any effort into anything but his job.  He used to help out around the house alot and now its a fight to even get him to vaccum.  I do many things at home like dusting,bathroom,dishes,all the cooking and most of the laundry and overall picking up and keeping things tidy.  All I ask of him is to vacuum the stairs and landings and to mop the kitchen and bathroom floors.  He tired saying "oh I keep forgetting" so we have a dry message board riht on the side of the fridge and I told him anything I need you to do I will write it here.  Ya,still doesnt get done and like the vacuuming of the stairs it gets to the point where I was practically begging him to do it and still nothing so I end up doing these things myself and he goes"I said I would do it why did you do it?"  sheesh,he knows that those things hurt me like hell and put me in a fibro flare but he doesnt care, obviously.  This all in turn causes tons of pain and makes it impossible to even try sex.  So where do I go from here? its like we are at a standpoint in our marriage and I frankly dont know how much longer this can last as it is?
 
Soft Hugs,
Karen
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
 
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day
 
 
 


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/20/2009 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen,
Welcome to our pity party! Oh how we all yearn for the"Old days"!! I'm so sorry to hear about your problems w/Jayson. So many of the issues you mentioned sounded like I'd heard them in my house in past years. I like Jayson have a problem with my weight and food. I know that my eating dissorder is directly related to my depression. You said " the only time he is happy is when he is eating. Now, I'm no doctor and I'm NOT taking his side but it sounds like he has also been through alot even though it's you who has the health problems. It sounds very much like my wife Lisa. I could say, the only time she is happy is when she is with her horses and there is a lot of truth to that. I realize that she has been though the ringer with my health problems and can understand why she just wants to get away from it or take a break. With me, it's one thing after another and I let some many thing go untreated because I'm sick to death about it all too. I'm tired of the doctors, the tests, the drugs and all the bad news that goes along with it! Right now I'm trying to descide weather I should get a new hip or a new knee first as I'm well overdue with both. Should I have my back surgery done like they have been bugging me for years or my neck that they told me if I didn't get the stenosis fixed, I'd spend the rest of my life in a chair? Should I get the ambiblical hernia from my pc surgery or my ulna nerve (funny bone) in my elbow which is not in the groove anymore and has my hand numb constantly fixed first? My shoulder or my foot? Oh it goes on and on!!! Who in their right mind would want to have to listen to all this crap every day. I left the two cancers off because unlike all the other stuff, they were not my fault! Man, there I go again getting carried away! Geeze, thats the problem w/ posting on a forum. There is no one to tell you to SHUT UP ALREADY!!! Anyway, I brought all this up to try to help you to see that your hubby has problems too. I don't think he does things intentionally to hurt you or to spite you. He is also missing that beutiful healthy wife he used to have sex with 3 times a day. It is a huge loss for him. Now I know what you are probably thinking. That Pete, of course he is going to side with the guy. NOT! I feel terible for you. I know what constant pain can do to a person. This pain crap is the second hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. Lets face it, it really sucks and people who don't have it can't understand what it's like!! OK, I need a nap bad! I was up way to late last night and I woke 1/2 hor before my 4:00am alarm. I didn't get to see the new Pres get sworn in either because evryone called me at noon today at work, (Murphy's Law) of course! So Karen, please don't be upset with what I wrote, I'm just a big fat dumb old broken down guy who is trying to give a little support to his friends.
Big Hugs for my Girls of H.W. C.P!!!!!!
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


ace lungger
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/20/2009 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Pete, one of your last comments, just a old broken down Guy! Pete that is how i feel! I don't post much for certain reasons. And I feel for you!  Since I have started detoxicing and trying to get a new Doc, my pain is worse than ever. I am at the point where all I want to do is sleep, because the only place i can get any relief is lying in bed, and then I get sleeping and that is it.

 My wife who I love dearly, never says anything about our sex life any more, for a while she would mention that I was attracted to who her anymore, but I think she has come to realize that that isn't it a tall. I have no sex drive a tall, At first I blamed it on the meds. But I think my problem is a combination meds and pain. And I mean no offense to the wowen on here, but when A man has no sex drive, it does something to his self respect that is unbeilable! Some people on here know about my Doc. thing, which I havn't gotten straiten out yet, but the deal is, my doc doesn't want to treat me any more, and mine being a Work Comp case, it takes a act of congress to get anything done! So I started to detoxic off the pain patch, and had this doc lower the mg. Thinking 2 things, maybe I would get back some of my sex drive. and maybe I was just a junky. Neither one has changed , i still have no sex drive, and my pain is worse. So I am lost. All I do is lay around wanting to do things, but knowing the more I am up the worse the pain is. I even thought about taking vigara or something like that, but If I am in pain, I don't know If it would be helping either  one of us!

Pete, if you ever get anything that helps, please let me know!

ACE


AndreaRN
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 1/20/2009 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Ohhhhhhhhh.....Good Grief...............I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Before SO (significant other we were not married) and I broke up he said I loved my dogs more than him. I said it is easier!!!! (for me I might add).

You guys are having a terrible time....but how would you feel to never have that person in your life again. I am glad I did what I did but will always have that empty spot. Such is life...... we sometimes choose the easiest route in relationships.

Andrea
Women who behave don't make History!

C3-4 herniation
C4-5 disectomy & fusion (anterior)
C6-7 & C7-8 L laminectomies (posterior) (need R)
Partial removal of supporting Cervical Posterior Ligament
Constant shoulder pain & tightness.intermittent neck pain
bulged discs at C6-7 & C7-8

Chronic Pain with Vicodin 7.5/325 rx

VIEW IMAGE


ekkorose
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 329
   Posted 1/20/2009 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, this is a tough topic. I guess even I have "bedroom" problems. My husband is afraid of hurting me so he does not want to have sex with me very often. I also have menopause related issues due to a really pissed off ovary so I suffer with a lowered libido as well.

This is a tough thing to talk about. Pete, this thread is what made me realize that my problems are not going to go away and I have to learn to live this new life of mine. Wow is it hard to finally realize I won't get to do all the things I wanted too in my life. No babies, no crazy stuff like climbing Machu Pichu or anything like that.

ok, gotta go now.

Sarrah

Hysterectomy at 25

4 laproscopic surgeries since 24

Cervical stenosis in C3 & C4

_____________________________________________

 

Meds - percocet  3x day : nexium : xanax :

Supplements : calcium : magenesium :potassium : milk thistle : fish oil : B complex : vit E

____________________________________________

In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. ~Thomas Szasz 


ace lungger
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   

to the ladies out there, if your mate didn't show you any sexual attention, you do understand, or is there a doubt in your mine?

ACE


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Ace Buddy!!!

You my friend must get your testosterone checked and soon! You have the classic hypogonadizm sympoms! That being tired thing, that sounds just like when I was at castration levels of T. The low libido, I didn't even look at girls or get any sexual thoughts at all. Every man who has a normal level of T can't help but look at girls, no matter what they look like! You know what I mean, all guys do! That doesn't mean you are going to go cheat on them or do something stupid, ( been w/ Lisa for over 30 years and never cheated!!!} it's just normal no matter what our signifigant other may think when they catch us turning our heads looking. Do your breasts hurt at all? Are your nipples very sensitive? Do you have no intrest in anything, even things you love to do? Do tyou get wild hot flashes, start sweating like a water fall for no reason no matter if its hot or cold? If you have any of these symtoms, I'd bet the farm that your boys {testicles} are not producing enough T!!! It was the worst 3 & 1/2 years in my life! If it were not for my two sons and my wife there is no question, I would not be sitting here writing to you right now!!! It can be caused by long term narcotic use, among other things. How old are you Ace, if you are over 40 and haven't had your prostate checked>>>Get going!!! You don't want PC and if you do, the earlier they catch it the better. I don't mean to scare you my brother but if you do have low testosterone, it can be easilly fixed.

Andrea, I'm so sorry to be complaining and whining to you and others who are alone. I agree, I can't imagine what I would do if I were alone. You are one strong LADY! I'm terrified that my wife may fall out of love with me! I'm less than half a man without her! If she were to leave me I don't know what I would do! I have my bird Angie here with me. She is my constant companian while I'm alone in this house. She is sitting on my shoulder giving me kisses right now. Lisa has the other 3 birds and our loving hound Rosie {1/2 cooker spaniel & 1/2 blue tic coon hound}, The most loving dog south of the Mason Dixon line!!! A whole other story! The rescue and adoption of us by Rose the Wonder Hound! I am going to stop now as Angie wants to party! I came home and got on the computer then took a short nap and she has been waiting patiantly for play time and it's passed her bed time so Good night all you brave souls!!

Thank God for pets!

I'll look forward to reading any night owls posts in the AM.

Luv & Hugs to all>

Pete

PS> You hang in there Ace, there must be a reason!!!


55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


ace lungger
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Pete,

 I do have a lot of the systoms that you mentioned, no sore breast, but have hot and cold flashes like you can't believe. And you are right All Men look at Women, that is nature, and as you stated excatly, I do noy look anymore, I am 53, and I couldn't wait for the Victoria Secret show every year! and havn'r wathed it for 4 years. All men, see a hotty and go WOW, but not me anymore. And it has realy bothered me, and every little mental problem you have , makes all the others worst and more pain!

I thank you so much for the advice.

ACE


QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 1/21/2009 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Pete,

You were doing pretty good till ya got to the him missing his beautiful,healthy wife who had sex 3 times a day. Ok got to admit I got a bit offended on that one cause your right I dont have the sex )but he couldnt handle it either)and I am not healthy but ya took away my dang beauty too!! lol but I am over it =) And last night I did take a good hard look at myself and ya even some of that beauty is gone too. I was always so vibrant and made sure my clothes were nice and my hair and makeup done and ppl thought I looked to be more in my early 30's then approaching 50 and I do still get many ppl thinking that I am younger then my years but Jay looks older so we kinda met in the middle as I am 15 years older then Jay. So I could personaly try harder there. Maybe part of my problem after so many years of abusive men in my life I just dont feel like taking any kind of crap anymore and I do feel that Jay is way too old for his crude joking and not helping out around here.

But I did get on the scale myself last night and have gained almost 20 pounds in the last 6 months!!! and yes I do look a whole lot more frumpy then this past summer. So I have problems to address myself before things get too far out of control as I used to weigh 300 pounds and wear a size 28 in clothes and had got down to a 16 but those are tight now and I sure dont want to go back to where I was. I think for me mostly with the weight is that with the cold weather I am not out walking like I was before. This cold makes me hurt so bad and its like every muscle I have constricts specially outside and I am having a hard enough time staying warm in our apartment without going to the poor house on the heat bill so ya bundled up in tons of sweatshirts and sweaters and wearing my fav pair of non constricting jeans for pain relief hasnt helped. That and eating too many wrong foods,comfort foods.

I do plan to have a talk with Jay tonight about my trip to the scale and what I want to do about it and if he wants to come along then my hand is out to him but if not then I dont know what will happen with us. To top things off Jay has no medical and is not in good shape. His blood pressure is sky high to the point where the pharmacist told him to start planning his funeral. We both smoke but Jay has doubled the amount he smokes this past year and now has a cough and he has an umbilical hernia that is about to pop since his tummy has gotten so big. Now Jay was a big man when I met him,about 6'2" and 220 but now is in the 275 range and mostly in his middle but I didnt mind some smellow but not this much to where he can hardly eat and breath at the same time? not too mention the belches from eating too fast and the oh it slipped gas ya right. I am offended by these habits and he knows it but doesnt do a thing about it so its many things. I have gained some weight but still have manners and show him respect and respect is not a thing that I can just let slide,its very important to me after crawling my way past years of disrespet and abuse. Not to mention ppl are commenting on how he treats me now and its not good.

Because I do love him I will try and work things out but I am getting tired of waiting for him to pull his share in this relasionship and to tell ya the truth I would much rather spend the rest of my life alone then to go back to being some cowering ,voiceless woman who just settles once again.
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
 
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day
 
 
 


AndreaRN
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 1/21/2009 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen...just a thought...could Jay be deliberately pushing you to do something........like put him out of your life so he can just wallow in his bad habits happily .........won't be the first time in a relationship that it has happened.

Sounds like he is really pushing you for a reaction.......

Andrea
Women who behave don't make History!

C3-4 herniation
C4-5 disectomy & fusion (anterior)
C6-7 & C7-8 L laminectomies (posterior) (need R)
Partial removal of supporting Cervical Posterior Ligament
Constant shoulder pain & tightness.intermittent neck pain
bulged discs at C6-7 & C7-8

Chronic Pain with Vicodin 7.5/325 rx

VIEW IMAGE


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/21/2009 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Karen & Andrea,
First let me tell you that when I saw your post Karen, I wrote a book trying to explain and appologizing for how & what I wrote while I was at work in my spare minutes. Then while switching out of the screen, I ERASED it! It's the second time I did it this week> GRRRRRRR!!!!! Well I'm home now and other than my little Angie yelling at me, I have time to rewrite some of what I wrote.
It did sound worse than I thought or meant it to be when I reread it. I'm really sorry! I'm sure you are still a beutiful woman, I didn't mean that you were not anymore! It came out so wrong! I was just trying and hoping I could maybe explain that there might be a mental reason for the way Jay acts the way he does but after reading your last post I don't think I'm going to try to defend the guy anymore! There is no reason for anyone to be treated the way you are by him. I'm also very sorry to hear that you have been mistreated by a bunch of *** hole men in your life. All I can say is we are not all like that.
Geeze, by the sound of it, I'm almost Jay's twin physically. I'm 6'3" and haven't been on a scale since before the hollidays but I'm guessing about 300lbs but hoping for 275lbs> NOT, I know I'm not. It's also right in the middle so when I look at myself in the mirror I don't look too bad, Im very careful not to turn to my side> YIKES!!! My wife used to bug me about it but she doesn't anymore. Like everything else she's just sick of it. I have gone on so many diets and its always the same, loose 20lbs really fast, then 30, 40 and start cheating and up I go again. There is a medical reason that may be affecting my weight which like all the rest of my helth problems, I need to go see a doc. about 10 years ago, I started having problems swallowing, not enough to stop my eating but I finally had it checked and to cut one off my babble-on stories short>> thyroid cancer. That was my first cancer. Well it was like a big spider about the size of an egg and it completely surrounded my 2 glands so after 2 biopies that came back inconclusive, I told the doc you are going to cut it out anyway, well get cutting because you are NOT sticking that needle in my neck again! So I don't have a thyroid anymore but luckily cancer either! So between that and my worthless testicles, my horemone are a mess! I used to go to a Endocronoligist named Dr. Pepper but stopped going after a couple of years when he didn't do anything but collect the $$$. I'm still taking the same dose of thyroid med I did 10 years ago.
So are we going to go on a diet together? I kind of am always on one, a failing one. Especially since my wife left. It's so depressing, I used to cook a real nice ballanced meal every night when the kids were here and even after they left, I still did for Lisa & I. But now getting home exausted from work, I have no motivation to cook. I do sometimes on weekends and freeze single portions for meals but my freezer is full of them. Most times I'll just eat a sandwich or bowl of cereial. I have to do something soon, it's killing me!
I also have one other bad habit! I have pretty much quit drinking, been about 5 years but the last vice from my crazy days still has me, smoking> YUK! I'm embarrast to even tell Y'all because I feel like I'm not only weak but stupid that I haven't stopped. Two cancers and I still can't stop! Lazors, hypnotizm, patches, chantics, welbutron, lozegas, gum> you name it, I've tried it. Lots of $$$ waisted.
Well, I have to get something good to eat for Angie and me so I'll say fairwell and I really hope I didn't offend or insult anyone this time!!!
Love to my HWCP Girls and Gize!!
Pitiful Pete!!
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


AndreaRN
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 1/21/2009 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Phewy!!!!! Stop the smoking guilt trip!!!! Haven't you noticed they never ask and bug you anymore about it at a routine appt...... Reason.......too many of us know the large number of doctors (and nurses) who are closet smokers. Besides nagging never helps.

I had my first cig in a hospital coffee shop at age 33. Handed over by one of the other two nurses who were smoking. I got hooked. I know how the doctors used to smoke up a storm while charting in the back room at a certain hospital in Ocala. Doubt if they do now.

If I can ever quit great....if not....I have other things to worry about. Don't be so hard on yourself Pete!!!!
You impress me as a great guy.....how you drive in FL traffic to work and then keep going is beyond me. Does your wife work to at least pay for her horse expenses. I sure hope so! I only have my dog and self and hardly can force my self to that some days.

Will chart more in am.....ran errands today since we finally had a high of 32.......I am tired....

Hugs to all, Andrea
Women who behave don't make History!

C3-4 herniation
C4-5 disectomy & fusion (anterior)
C6-7 & C7-8 L laminectomies (posterior) (need R)
Partial removal of supporting Cervical Posterior Ligament
Constant shoulder pain & tightness.intermittent neck pain
bulged discs at C6-7 & C7-8

Chronic Pain with Vicodin 7.5/325 rx

VIEW IMAGE


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/21/2009 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
WARNING>>OFF TOPPIC!!
Andrea & Karen,
Angie and I had a big dinner! I was lying on the couch with the dinner plate on my chest and she was right next to my face making her happy sound eating the fish, green beans, and salad with me. I don't mean to gross you out but she is like a little kid and I love her. After dinner I called my boss, thought I was getting laid off because things were getting really weird at work today. As usual he got pissed at me for asking and said that I wasn't going anywhere and they needed me. He is a crazy workaholic millionare who is about 10 years my junior. I'm still not sure I beleive him.
YES my wife works! That is another reason she is up in the country, She works or babysits for a group of doctors who travel all over the country teaching healing techniques using hypoberic chambers. We were going to move up there and build a house, had a builder and plans drawn out. I was going to get a job from one of my vendors who had a branch in Ocala. When she told her employers she was going to move up there, they broke down and said she could work from home as the docs liked her and didn't want to lose her. She moved there back in May and was working with the builder to get started on the house. Then my job offer fell through because of the economy, they stopped hiring and startyed laying off their guys. Then with all the foreclosures on houses in Fla. (2nd in the nation behind Cal.) House prices plummeted and my 300k house turned into a 100k house that I can't sell! If she moves back here she will have to go back to work in Boca and I can't ask her to do that! I am just gratefull to still be working or that we both are. I'm going up to see her this weekend which I'm very excited about even though it sucks driving up Sat. and back Sunday. I bought her an electric gate opener for Christmas and told her I would install it. Last time I was up I went out in my boat fishing instead of doing chores (mentalhealth day). Wow, this post got way off topic> sorry all!
9:00 and time for me to start thinking about bed, 4:00am comes real soon and I've been up past 11:00 every night this week so>>>GOOD NIGHT ALL<<<
I hope everyone has a great nights sleep and those #6-7-8-9+10's stay away tonight!!!!
Big warm fat guy florida hugs for all!
Pete
PS>>>Our low here tonight may be 32 degrees!!! 35 last night!!!
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/22/2009 4:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Andrea,
I didn't notice the view image last night, must have been out of it! What a tease! It's so small we cant see you and your pup very well! But thanks for showing anyway. I'm such an old poop, I don't know how to put a picture on there like you did or I'm put the Andie & Pete Show on!
Thanks,
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/22/2009 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi again,
Andrea, do you still smoke? My Mom is 81 y-o and has smoked since she was 13! She smoked while she was in labor with me! Maybe I got conditioned to the effects of nicatine while I was in the womb and thats why I can't quit? I have to have some excuse, unlike my fat, I can't blame it on my thyroid or lack of one! He He, I made a funny! My back is
Kiiiiiillllliiinngg me today, meds haven't touched it! Oh the stress from yesterday and last night about work! I guess that would be another good post since this one has pooped out! How stress affects our CP!! I guess all the brave souls already posted about their pain & sexlives. I keep bumping it up to the top but no one else will speak up so maybe we should let this one die. Thanks to y'all that posted!
Your pain-riddled friend,
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 1/23/2009 2:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Back to the first topic I am glad to see that I am not the only one with these problams(not that I am happy that you have the same just that I am not alone).My husband and I have been married for 28 years and have always had a very good sex life untel all of this happened a year ago on the 20th. of jan. last year.Because of the pain,pain meds.,and the time it is taking me to heal,low sex drive, and my husband worrying about hurting me  are sex life almost dosn`t  exist.This adds to my depression because I do not feel like a wife most of the time.He tells me not to worry about it that it will get better with time(I know he is right) and like scared-for-life Most of the time when we do have it I am just doing it for him because no matter what he says he must miss it.I really do not care at this point if it is any good for me as long as it dosn`t hurt I am willing to do it for him because I love him and in the long run it makes me feel better about myself and not so useless.So if you have someone in your life that loves you enuff to go slow and careful give it a try.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 1/23/2009 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Mom>
Please don't feel like it's your fault or guilty! You sound like you have a wonderful understanding hubby, you are very lucky. I don't know how you do it w/ all those kids, Holy Shmoly!! I'm surprised you & your husband even remember the word sex! You are an angel for taking care of him the way you do but if he is making you at all unconfortable or hurting you, you should tell hem. I think he would be upset if he found out, I know I would be! Thanks so much for posting, I thought this one was finished!
Your friend,
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 1/23/2009 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete you are right I have a wonderful husband and I am very lucky to have him.He never hurts me,he is very careful.I missed this tread when you first posted it because I am just starting to feel better from my surgery on dec.31. And I just wanted to add my two cents worth on this topic.I was glad to see it on here where everyone else is in the same boat as I am.It is so nice to be able to talk to people who know what you are feeling.Most people just can not understand what it is like to live with this kind of problams.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.

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