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Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 2/6/2009 5:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all my dear friends in cyberworld, I really hope y'all have had a better day today than me. I had an appointment with my Urologist this AM at 9:00 and it went terrably wrong. It was my fault as I was supposed to see him and get a blood test back in Aug. which being the dumb*** of the year, I didn't. As any of you who are getting to know me may already know, I don't care much for doctors and had been in my opinion, seeing too many back around then and didn't think it would matter much if I went a little longer to get my PSA & testosterone tested. WRONG! This is the doctor who prescribed me testosterone when no other would 2 1/2 years ago. For those of you who don't know, I had prostate cancer and after having it taken out, they will not let you use testosterone because thats what makes the p.c. grow, it feeds on testosterone! The way they love to put it is it's like throwing gasoline on the fire. But a man needs testosterone and without it all kinds of horrable things happen. Anyway, this was one of the nice compassionet doctors who realized that if he didn't prescibe it for me, I may not be around long enough to find out if the cancer would return or not! I was in that bad of shape and my CP with all my broken parts and pain just compounded the matter. So back to the appointment. When he started looking at my chart, I said to him, I've been a bad boy but I never would have dreamed the reaction I got when he finished reading it. I never heard a doctor yell and swear like he did. He told me that he had gone way out on a limb for me and if I had gotten my cancer back, it would have been his reputation that would be ruined. Then he told me to get the #%*! out of his office! It was then I broke down and started to cry. I said, your right, I'm an idiot but please let me just try to explain. It took me about a minute to catch my composure enough to talk clearly enough for him to understand me. I told him about my depression, my hip surgery a couple months ago, my upcoming surgery, a few other things and that my wife of 28 years is living 250 miles away from me breaking down several times durring my pleed. Being a good man he said, if you promiss me you will never miss another apt. or blood test he would continue to treat me and that he could see that this was no time to dissert me. Then I told him how I hated the testosteropne gel and my wife would not come near me when I had it on because she think it gets on her and is doing all kinds of bad stuff to her. Although he dissagreed and said it's all absorbed within an hour he still agreed to try me on shots instead. I couldn't believe it but he told me to pull down my pants and he hit me in the butt w/ 400mg of the good stuff! The crazy part was that he hadn't even checked my PSA yet to see if I had the cancer back or not. They drew the blood before the shot but of course he will not have the results back in a couple days. That blew my mind, I must have put on quite a show! not only that but he also gave me a perscription for 3 months of the T-gell!!!! So I put my tail between my legs and drove to work, crying the whole way. I had to keep my sunglasses on for the rest of the day because as we all know>> "There is no crying in Construction!" Everyone came in for their paycheck because it was Friday and I got so many boy aren't you cool and which movie star are you today. It was no fun. So thats my story except I e-mailed my wife about what had happened and I'm waiting for her to call. Thats not going to be fun either! Happy Friday all!! Sorry for the long pity party but other than your good folks, I have no one to tell this pittyfull story. The day in the life of Pete or adventures in Peteworld!
Thanks for the ear my friends or should I say familly, you are the only ones who could possable know how I feel!!!
Pete   

55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/6/2009 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm ...
I'm not sure I understood all of it.
My attention span is that of a gnat.

My first question: Why are you worried about your wife's response?
Are you worried that she won't call at all?

What is YOUR opinion of your doctor now that the dust has settled?

Chronic pain is terrible. It's life shaking to say the least.

Later,
Pamela

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 2/6/2009 9:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure I am understanding either. Why did he scream at you and threaten to drop you as a patient? What was so bad that you did that you were not suppose to do? Sorry Pete......I just don't get it. Of course...........then again.......I'm brain dead right now and ready for sleep. I'll check back later.

Hugs

Scarred
HEALTH ISSUES: Herniated discs at S-1-L5, L5-L4, L4-L3. Two level fusion (2000); one level fusion (2002); Revision at L4-L3 (2003). Slight herniation at L2-3 but Neurosurgeons will not operate because of previous failed surgeries. Diagnosed with Failed Back Syndrome, Permanent Nerve damage and Chronic Pain

Medications:

Kadian, Lexipro, Percocet, Lunista, Topamax and Robaxin.


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/6/2009 10:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Pete,
I hope you're feeling a little better by the time you read this. It's tough on both sides, I think, in situations like yours. By that I mean on your side and I can also see it from the doctor's point of view. He's taking a chance of creating more cancer and you both know it. It's like a woman who's had breast cancer taking estrogen. It does put him in a position of being liable, although I'm not sure the yelling was professional. It sounds like he's a little scared of what he's doing.

But you've got so much going on - I'm glad you were able to explain it to him, and that he did get how very overwhelmed you are. Maybe in the future now that will help you see that you don't want to put either of you in that position again, so keep up on your blood work! You also want to catch any potential rise in your levels early.

Did you go back to taking your anti=depressant dose regularly? I wonder if that needs some adjusting. They can stop working at a certain dose, and sometimes need to be increased; sometimes a given anti=depressant stops working and another one needs to be tried.

Anyway, I'm rambling, and don't know if I'm helping at all. Just know we understand being desperate and overwhelmed!

PaLady

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/7/2009 12:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Gosh Pete, you have an incredibly good doctor in my opionion. Yes, you could
get your cancer back but as you said you NEED the good stuff to survive.

Don't give up on us because we're (I'm slow) You sent a lot of infomation along,
man.

I wish you'd post. I think you're probably doing ok now. Why did you cry? That
part I'm unclear about. Did you cry those tears because someone finally "got it"

Did your wife call. Pardon me but she sounds like a slightly difficult woman. As
we're told "There's lots of fish in the sky"

Pamela

Hound-Dog
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 183
   Posted 2/7/2009 3:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pete....Sorry to hear how rough your day has been.I know that I used to cry and become very emotional (not normal) until my Dr. fiqured out how much and how many shots of testosterone it was going to take to bring my levels back to near normal.When first diagnosed, my level of testosterone was 0.78 instead of a normal level of between 4.0 and 7.0.I was one sick dog.My body was eating up my muscles and food digestion was slow and very painfull.My thyroid,heart, and pain meds were not getting into my system with any regularity and depression wasn't helping matters any.It's taken nearly a year of 200mg shots every two weeks to normalize my testosterone levels and I get a PSA test every 6 months.Should it ever show that I have cancer someday, I'm sure that stopping the testosterone would probably kill me faster than the cancer would.I was glad to read that your Dr.has kept you on the testosterone and hope that you feel better soon.Take care.......Rod

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 2/8/2009 7:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry for writing all that garble and then leaving my friend hanging. I was in a really bad place last Friday. I thought I was having some sort of breakdown which only got worse after I got home. Pam, I love my Doc and realize I'm very lucky he listened to me through all the crying. He's one in a million. My wife of 28 years is living at our someday hopefull retirement place 250 miles away. It's way too long a story to write here but she still loves me and I love her more than the world. She drove down when she realized how bad I was and we spend a wonderful 24hours telling each other how much we still love each other. Thats why I haven't been back on the computor till now. Scarred, I was suposed to be closely monitored for my cancer returning and I blew off my appointments which the last one was in Aug. I hadn't see him since May! He had every right to yell at me. He stuck his neck out by prescribing tesstosterone to me and I let him down. I'll never miss another apt. PA, yes, I'm taking my AD meds but both my wife and I agreed that they are not working and I should get some psych. help very soon. I was way out there, thinking all kinds of crazy things and 2 days of straight crying just ain't normal, ya know?
Pam, no my wife is no more difficult than any women going through metapause, I'm the difficult one because I think all this crap I'm going through has finally put me over the edge. I know I'm not right in the head right now. I'm playing this past Fri. & Sat. over in my head not that I've calmed down and can see that I do need help. Maybe you have seen it in my posts over the past couple weeks? Sometimes high and others low. I know we all have good an bad days but talk about crazy!!! Thanks for all your replys. I'll keep you updated if I can.
Your crazy friend,
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


mrsm123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 1228
   Posted 2/8/2009 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi ya Pete,

I don't think you are crazy, overwhelmed, scared, terrified too I'll bet....but not crazy. smhair  You have been through an awful lot for a man as young as you are, and your wife living in separate housing right now, isn't helping you either. I am truly glad to read that she did show up, and stayed with you to help you through this crisis.

Yes, your doctor had the right to yell , and yes, he is taking a huge risk putting you on testosterone with your having have cancer, so he does have a right to expect you to hold up your end of the deal. I'm glad that he listened to you, and gave you an injection right then, to get your blood levels on the rise again..Now, I'm sure that you will do your part and stick to his regimine.... :-)

I think a good therapist might help you alot, giving you a safe place to talk....about all of the stuff going on in your life.....giving you some other tools, some other ideas for support, to help you when it feels like everything is caving in on you. You may need a change in your antidepressant, many do, after some time. There is nothing to be ashamed of in that....

Take it easy for a few days, get your testosterone levels back to near normal and hopefully a good therapist who can give you some support and a safe place to vent...and then, there's always us...we're getting bigger shoulders all of the time......mine are here, whenever you might need them.

Sandi

 


PLIF/TLIF Fusion w/Instrumentation L4-5 Spondololysthesis L4-5.Laminectomies L4-5, foraminal stenosis L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, herniations L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, central canal stenosis L3-4, L4-5 and L5-S1
POST OP CES 3/30-06
Neurogenic Bladder and Bowel, bilateral numbness legs and feet
Revision for failed Back surgery, pseudoarthrosis L4-5, hemilaminectomies L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, bmp added to revision fusion, replaced two bent screws that were reversing out of vertebrae - August 2, 2007
On going back pain and neuropathic pain, failed back surgery, consult for scs, decided not to do that at this point.
Adhesive Arachnoiditis also......just what I didn't need..9/08- adding bilateral ulnar neuropathy with severe compression to the mix. They want me to see a surgeon for ulnar nerve surgery, but I'm not biting.
I've seen enough surgeons over the last few years.


kttn251977
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 2/8/2009 9:32 PM (GMT -7)   
You know I am sorry things are so bad..... God Bless you, you hang in there.... You know the wonderful thing about crying is it cleanses the soul. You will be fine, you are a strong person. I love reading your posts, so know you have friends in all corners when you need them. If you EVER need anything, even to talk, please feel free to email me or even call if you need to...... we will all be here to listen. Now please stay regular on those check ups. I had ovarian cancer years ago & I know they are a pain, but thank God we have a life & are not suffering as sooooo many people do with cancer. Chin up!! ((big hugs)) you will be fine, everything will be fine. And anytime you need to talk, get a hold of me, or someone- ok? Don't wait for another break down, and maybe talk to your dr about some anti-depressants. One of mine is amitryptiline, its an old school med, but it also doubles for back pain & is only $4 at Wally World without insurance. ((hugs again))
RX's: Oxycontin 80mg 2x's daily; Oxycodone 30mg 5xs daily; Zanaflex 4mg 3x's daily; Restoril 15mg 1x; Soma 3x's daily; Lyrica 100mg 3x's daily (pain & fibro.); Phenergan 25mg (as needed); Amitriptyline 25mg 1x (chronic pain); Cymbalta 60mg 2x's daily (pain from fibro); Abilify 5mgs at bedtime (depression); Metoclopram (as needed) & Senokot (as needed).
"The most critical choice you'll ever make is the one you make about what you're going to do with this. The past is over. The future hasn't happened yet. The only time is now."
- Dr. Phil


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 2/8/2009 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow Pete...such a miserable time you've had yet such wonderful ideas and suggestions. The only part that concerned me was how unprofessional your doc acted. I would have never returned if someone yelled at me like that. But the most disturbing part to me was his concern about his reputation was more important than your life. At least that how it came out. As long as you are getting appropriate treatment for your cancer and like him that's all that counts. He doesn't have to answer to me...lol

Please know that we are always here for you. You can email me any time if you'd like to talk or just need a shoulder to lean on. That's what this "family" is all about, Pete.

Hugs!
Chutzie
Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis and a few other side dishes.
***************
Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/8/2009 11:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Pete ...
We family folk can work thngs out. Sometimes we're a little slow but we try. And
YOU are usually here for us through our breakdowns and crackups ~ Later, Dude.
Pamela rolleyes

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 2/9/2009 12:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete:
There are a whole lot of anti dep. meds out there, so give another medicine a try, and
some of the older ones work better than the newer meds, I hope you find one that works soon.
Sorry, I'm late in responding.
I agree with Chutz, the doctor shouldn't have yelled, seems like there's too much yelling anymore
you'd think he could've asked you why you failed to show up or if you had a family emergency,
that might have made you missed, before yelling, just my 2 cents..
You know I care about you, so keep us posted about your blood work k! Sure
hope it comes back good on the psa..
Soft Hugz
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 2/9/2009 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, Y'all are the best! I can't ever remember having such great support on line anywhere before. I thought that the prostate cancer forum was the greatest and most suppotive untill I found you good folks here. It's almost overwelming how caring and compassionet everyone is and you are the ones who are constantly plaiged by horrable pain. It blows my mind, what little mind I have left. I had a very healing weekend and realize that so many of my worries where just fabricated in my own mind. There are still problems, but they are not as large as I've made them out to be. I do need help and I will get it. Thank you for being there when I needed you most!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your Brother,
Pete
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


Becoming undone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 2/9/2009 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I second Pete's sentiments...great place, this place.
Pete...my husband (of a mere 5 years) is struggling too. It is so hard for him. I can only begin to imagine the bonds that are formed by a long commitment (heck, my parents, though divorced still have strong ties...not all positive though...hence the divorce). I wish you and yours all the best through these rough waters...
BTW, you all (pete, pam, Pa, etc) are such strong, incredible people...I learn a lot, even when just lurking...

Lindaloo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 2/9/2009 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   

Pete,

Hope you are doing well today.  You certainly know that a lot of people care about you and are rooting you on.  That's wonderful!  That's why I love this forum so very much.

Chutz said exactly what I was going to say.  I don't think it was very professional of him to be more concerned about his reputation, but enough said.  He is still helping you and that is what counts now.  Stay positive, my friend.

You have a loving wife, which is greatest thing too.  My husband is my rock as well.  I know how you feel.  I'm only sorry you are having to live so far apart, but one day I'm sure that will change too.

Keep those appointments, as I know you will and keep positng here to your friends.  I am available on email too anytime.  God's blessings to you and I wish you gentle hugs.

Lindaloo

 


Moderator Chronic Pain
 
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.
 
Linda


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 2/9/2009 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks BU & Lindaloo,

I love your name (Lindaloo!) The Doctor thing is ancient history now. I know what your saying but I've got to move ahead, not back! OMG, what this depression or anxiety attac or what ever I had has done to me physiclly! I feel like I've been run over by a train! I took my AM meds at 9:00 and nothing! I'm very tempted to take more or what I'm really prescribes as I don't take it all. That tough guy thing again. Not really, I usually only take what I need to keep me going because I always figured that when i need more I can go up but if I keep taking more and my resistance to the narcotics grows, I'll be screwed. Cabish?? But my neck and back are just killing me, knees & hips are not fare behind and shoulers an Plantar Facia foot are bringing up the rear! I just called my pain doc and scheduled an apt. for 4:15 this afternoon. In all my confusion last week, I cancelled my it. I think I'm going to get the MRI's done the doc has been after me to get as my other post stated, I'm going to try for SS Disability and will definitly need the. Then I can get rid of the cancer stuff on the bottom of my post and put down meds, vetabrae numbers, ect, ect. and be a real full time CP'er!!! Anyway, I think I'll take an extra strength Tylonol, maybe it will help along w/ my midday Roxy!! Thanks again Yuze Gize> I'm origonally from New Joisey Y'all!! I'm a mutant as I came to Fla. via Austin Texas!!!!

Love Y'all> Yuze all!

Pete


55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 

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