sleep once again remains elusive

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skeye
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 2/16/2009 2:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm starting to believe that sleep is a myth. It's going on 5 am here, and I've given up on all hope of sleep tonight. I haven't even managed to get 20 minutes of rest because of this darn unrelenting horrible pain. How incredibly frustrating! It seems that everyone else is actually sleeping tonight, or at least not online! I hope for all your sakes that you are indeed alseep! Someone please send the sandman my way!

Your tired, hurting, incredibly jealous of all those who are sleeping, friend,
Skeye

Off to tackle a lab report. Yes, at 4:45 am. Hopefully its not too incoherent! turn

Scarred_for_life
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 2/16/2009 3:27 AM (GMT -7)   
oh Skeye I know how you feel hun. I too wonder if sleep is a myth that someone has made up to play cruel jokes upon us CPers. I listen to hubby snore in the bedroom and I wonder gee what's it like to get that much sleep? Headed for bed at 9:pm but didn't get to sleep until 10 was awake at 11:30pm.....because of the horrible pain I went in and took a hot bath. Then I tried to go back to sleep and I think I finally fell back to sleep around 12:30am. To my surprise (not really) I was awake once more at 2:am. Done for the night. So I think all in all I got maybe 3 hours if I was lucky.

I think we both got passed by Mr. Sandman and his pouch of dust.

Hugs

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


fatherjohn
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 2/16/2009 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I just tell people that sleep is over-rated. In my case, by the time I get the pain close to manageable which is not very often at this late hour, I am so awake that sleeping is not going to happen. They say that getting angry or frustrated makes it worse. If we could just come up with a fail safe way not to get a little angry or frustrated it would help.   

Pamela Neckpain
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Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/16/2009 3:58 AM (GMT -7)   
It's 3AM on the left coast and these are my eyes. -------> @@

skeye
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 2/16/2009 4:04 AM (GMT -7)   
The worst part is when you stare at the clock watching the hours go by & you know that you have to get up soon, sooner, in 20 minutes... smhair And then try to will yourself even harder to go to sleep. Like fatherjohn said, I think that makes it worse! shakehead

Pam, I love your eyes!

Skeye

Pamela Neckpain
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Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/16/2009 4:38 AM (GMT -7)   
@@
-

Why, thank you skeye. I love your face! My favorite color, red.

It is now 3:40 on the left coast.


Sheeeeeeeeeeee oooooooooot

fatherjohn, you around?

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/16/2009 12:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, dear Skeye,
Don't presume I was sleeping either! I just stare at the tv. It's pathetic when you watch the news rerun over and over!

Just too lazy to sign online as I have a dial up so my computer is tethered.

Hugs to you,

PaLady

skeye
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 2/16/2009 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
The news reruns?! Now that just sounds horrific!

I'm afraid to look at this lab report that I wrote at 4 am, it could be rather interesting... At least I only wrote half of it. I tried to write the rest now, but my eyes just are NOT functioning at all, so I gave up. I'm pushing 36hrs awake right now. This psychiatrist appointment that I have in another two hours could be rather interesting too. I'm definitely NOT in the mood to talk to anyone right now, especially this guy. I really disliked him the one other time I saw him. I'm not sure I can be held responsible for what I say turn.

Skeye

Pamela Neckpain
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Date Joined May 2008
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   Posted 2/16/2009 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
skeye ...
why do you go to him?
pamela

I watch "Saved Programs" or a wide choice of stuff. It's Comcast. There
is also TIVO. Expensive but soooooooooooooo worth it. I can watch Gray's
Anatomy at 3 AM or Oprah at 1 am. I don't know what I'd do without it.

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/16/2009 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Skeye ...
I go to a psychiatrist to get my Xanax. It doesn't matter
whether or not I like him. I've never been in the office more
than 5 minutes. He just keeps a never
changing record of my condition Anxiety/Depression.
It so happens I've liked both of them (just got a new one)
They call themselves Psychopharmacologists If I should need
to talk about a "Problem" he would
refer me to a psychologist.
Pamela smhair

seems kinda strange to me too.

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 2/16/2009 4:41:28 PM (GMT-7)


skeye
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 2/16/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Honestly, because it is too much of a pain (pardon the pun) for me to look for another one right now. There aren't too many in my area. It took me long enough to find & get in with this guy & I really need to get my depression under control right now. It would just take too long to find another one, not to mention one that I like. I see my own psychologist regularly, who I really love. I'm just going to this guy to get started on meds, as my pcp, who had been handling this before, wanted to relinquish control to a psychiatrist because things were getting too complicated. As much as I hated the last time that I went there, I'm not planning on seeing him more than a couple of times, so I'm just going to put up with him.

Skeye

fatherjohn
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 2/16/2009 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Skeye, sorry I baled out on you guys last night or rather this morning. I had three classes to teach today and I hate it when I have to ask my students what I was talking about. I had to at least make it look like I was sleeping to keep it together. How did your appointment go. I hope your night goes better tonight. If not, I will probably be up later as my Mondays and Tuesdays are long days and they take a toll. I don't know how it affects some of you, but I actually found myself looking forward to hearing from other CPers tonight. The feeling that you are not alone seems to give some comfort even if the pain level continues. Blessings!   

Chartreux
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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 2/16/2009 9:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Skeye, I sure hope you have a better night tonight!
wanted to wish ya well in getting sleep...
Lots of soft hugz......
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/17/2009 12:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Skeye,
I'm going to send the sandman and tinkerbell to your house tonight! i hope they both do their jobs, which is to give you a reasonable night's sleep!

Re: you psychiatrist, just to add my 2cents I think you're ok because you can run your psych. meds by your psychologist. If he/she thinks something isn't working, they can communicate with the psychiatrist. Most psychiatrists only do med checks anyway.

Reruns of the news? Yep. Hate to admit to it, but in flipping around (it took me a few weeks to put this together) ABC and CBS do late night - or should I say early morning (starting at 2am) news. But if you watch it long enough, or fall asleep and wake up again you begin to see that somewhere around the second hour the puns of the first hour are repeated - word for word. Guess I kind of wonder what happens - do these people just come in for an hour or so and then go home?? LOL

Fatherjohn - you're certainly not the only one who looks forward to this group. I have found this site to be a real godsend, as I live alone and as pain increases isolation more and more over time, it's great to have others who understand to play with, vent to, and just share. Just to know somewhere is "here" anytime.

PaLady
Oh, Skeye, what do you want to bet you get an A on that report?!

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 2/17/2009 1:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Skeye, If PAlady's  messenger, Tinkerbell, has extra snooz dust, send some my direction. I did the unthinkable, I forgot to get a RX refilled and I went to take my meds and the bottle was empty. I don't remember taking the last ones. I hope you are already checking for light leaks in your eyelids.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/17/2009 1:29 AM (GMT -7)   
A completely empty bottle. Ouch! But there's so much we have to juggle in life - and you're still working and Skeye is trying to get through school - that it's overwhelming to keep all the CPP needs straight. Most of us have so many meds, with different due dates, and so many other complications.

I hope you can get your refills tomorrow, fatherjohn, without much waiting.

And I'll definitely send extra fairy dust your way - tinkerbell has her orders!

PaLady

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 2/17/2009 2:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, I join the party late tonight. Seems Mr.s Sandman did visit last night and sprinkled me with a little extra sleep dust so that I could at least catch up on an extra hour even though it was not an extra hour if I was up twice if I took a bath at 10:30p and was awake at 12:30am in gobs of pain took a bath and headed back to bed...and once again at 1:30am where I put the dogs out and forgot them OPPPS. Now that's what I call extra sleep only cause I was able to fall asleep quickly LOL.

But now I'm awake and ready to post. Father I have to give you kudos for only forgetting just the one medication! Your juggling a job....and that has to be hard as heck with the pain that you go through. I'm proud to know you just for the fact that you seem like a very strong person. Give yourself a little slack and go get your meds filled tomorrow bro. This time don't forget them he he he he.

Hugs

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 2/17/2009 2:41 AM (GMT -7)   
The first time in almost 11 years. I guess once in over 4015 days is not that bad. For some reason the mind is not working like it should In case the fatherjohn name looks strange I have been a pastor for 26 years. I tell people I am in the forgiving business so I will just have to extend a little my direction.

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 2/17/2009 2:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh my I had no Idea! I guess I better watch what I say on here from now on LOL. Hugs to you fatherjohn for being you! I'm so glad I met you. I guess that would make you a Catholic pastor?

Hugs

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 2/17/2009 3:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Not catholic. The name fatherjohn came from some youth I took to Eastern Europe about 8 years ago. I was the oldest person on the trip and as some went through the homesickness thing, I was the fatherly figure that helped them through. They thought it was funny and nick named me father John. It just stuck.

Pamela Neckpain
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Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/17/2009 3:56 AM (GMT -7)   
@@ <----

Oh Woe.

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/17/2009 1:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred,
I don't think we have to worry too much about what we say with fatherjohn - he's already shown he's got a great sense of humor and creativity with our "flying vets" thread! And we've got to keep this family friendly anyway, so we're cool!

We all could use some forgiveness - including self-fogiveness. You know, that might be an interesting topic but right now I don't feel like getting into anything that heavy. I just wonder how much it relates to us beating ourselves up for having CP (it's not rational, don't get me wrong), and certainly for not having "normal" lives. And having to decline tons of invites from family and friends. Oh, enough for now!

PaLady
p.s. Skeye - how'd you do last night?

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 2/17/2009 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Palady, fortunately, the sandman & tinkerbell you sent over to me did help a bit. I managed to get about 5hrs of sleep, which is the most I ever get. I'm still quite exhausted today from being up for over 40 hrs yesterday on top of my chronic sleep deprivation. Unfortunately, it hits me the worst in my eyes (just what I need). It throws my convergence way off, so my eyes stop working together.

The appointment was alright, I suppose. The guy was running a half hour late, which was frustrating, since my appointment was supposed to be a 8 pm & I was so exhausted, all I wanted to do was go to bed.
For the first five or ten minutes he kept trying to tell me that my pain is caused by my subconscious because I want to "lead a normal life" and can use it as a way to safely back out of trying to fulfill such large goals.
I can't tell you how many times I have heard this (mostly from people who don't really know me). They learn about my shoulder injuries forcing me to stop racing when I was competing at a really high level, and then about my eye nearly stopping me from going to school when I am an excellent & high achieving student, and then they think, ah ha! she is crying out for help from within.
I have thought about it, I have talked about it with my psychologist, and I reject it every time (as does my pscyhologist, who actually knows me really well). It just doesn't fit. If you actually know me, and know my injuries, it doesn't make any sense, and it drives me nuts (to say the least) when people think this. I'm fighting as hard as I can to keep going & not let this affect me.
I was so grouchy from lack of sleep, being kept waiting, & not liking the guy, that I think I may have been giving him evil looks in addition to my firm arguing & explaining why that statement is NOT true, that when he finally accepted my answers, or at least gave up trying to persuade me otherwise, he kept saying "don't hate me for having suggested it." Overall I don't really feel like I got anything worthwhile out of seeing him. We are increasing a medication that I was already on & then I have to see him in another two weeks (joy).

Skeye <----- heading off for a nap before starting to tackle that lab report again!

PAlady
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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/17/2009 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Skeye,
I'm so glad you got a little sleep last night. You can't keep going 30 hrs without it - or even close. I know your PCP is more helpful, and this sleep deprivation - well, maybe your PCP would be more helpful addressing it than your PM.

Usually med. check appointments with psychiatrists only last 15 minutes - are yours longer? Sometimes they try to do therapy and a lot of them are really not trained to do so. I know that surprises a lot of people, but today's psychiatrist specializes, for the most part, in medications. Not that they all want to, but insurances have kind of pushed them into it. A few psychiatrists, especially those in major cities, may get additional training and actually can be excellent therapists. But my professional experience with psychiatrists has been that they try to be therapists without the training or adequate experience. You may have one of those. My suggestion would be to tell him that you are discussing this with your psychologist, and thank him for the suggestion and move on. You don't need the aggravation. I would trust that your psychologist knows you best, and can help you make decisions about your life and goals much better.

Now that I know CP from the inside out, I can see that many professionals really can't appreciate the struggle, the grief, the actual usefulness of denial in some cases in order to keep going with life, and a lot of other things.

Oh, I'm rambling now! I'm just glad you got some rest.

PaLady

Scarred_for_life
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 2/17/2009 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree PA. It is sometimes hard for all of us as much pain as we are in to self-forgive ourselves. I've found myself even after 9 years blaming myself every now and then for taking the job as a CNA or not using proper technique when I took care of that resident that day. I replay the day in my head and think if I just would have done this different or that different I wouldn't be in this situation. But the fact still remains that I have never been one to stand by and watch anyone fall and even if I would have the opportunity to go back and redo the day I still would have done the same thing as I did, putting myself at risk to save my resident from falling when she was about to fall face first on the floor and possibly crack her face open or worse. I think it is human nature to disregard others when we see someone in trouble and that day was no different then any other day as I went to work with my Alzheimer patients. I've seen too many of them since then fall break a hip, end up in surgery and a few days after the surgery fail to make it back. I guess that is why my Nurse Manager considered me a really good CNA. She told me when I had to go on light duty that losing me to an injury was a total loss to her staff. When I asked her why she told me that I had a quality that not many Nurse Aides had these days. Never understood until I was fired after I could not do my job and they couldn't place me in any position in my current health and I watched the other CNA's work. They did not have the sympathy for the residents that is so badly needed in any nursing home.

But I digress. I'm missing my residents today I think and my job. It was so fulfilling to care for the elderly and I so enjoyed it. Funny how when something is gone....you miss it so much (oh geez now I am thinking about my dad *sigh*). Best close for now before I get depressed again.

Hugs

Scarred

P.S. I too didn't get much sleep last night. BTW fatherjohn it was a pleasure to chat with you last night or was that early this morning??? I forget LOL.
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P

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