Feeling Overwhelmed & tired of explaining

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/17/2009 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, friends,
I just need somewhere to vent and where else can I go where people understand but here?

You know it 's just kind of the straw that's breaking the camel's back kind of thing (probably bad metaphor to use considering my spine). There are details of this particular straw I don't want to put in the forum, but it's a professional situation involving a deadline at the end of this month. I work very little as it is, since I was laid off over a year ago. Hanging on by my teeth because of unextended unemployment, but really have to face disability. Much easier said than done.

But anyway, I am just trying to hang on to things and this lousy deadline issue, and I asked for an exemption on a simple thing because of health issues and of course, of course, they want a doctor's letter. And this is a deadline issue that can affect many things. There was no real reason for this request. But it seems like everywhere I turn now someone wants 'proof' of my income, of my health issues, of every private detail of my life. I know it's relevant in legal sitautions, or for medical care, but it's all these peripheral people and agencies and such. Does anyone know what I mean? It's about having absolutely no privacy left. Financially. Medically. And it's only going to get worse.

Let me add to that the stimulus bill that just got signed today (ok, we can't get political here, and really, I'm not talking about a party or a person) is going to help people pay their COBRA (extended health insurance after you get laid off) if you got laid off AFTER September 1,2008. Then you'll get 65% of your COBRA, from what I read. My cousin has been paying my COBRA for me for the better part of a year, since I got laid off 12/07. But I won't be eligible for that. And that isn't even the issue that I was referring to at the beginning of this. It just goes on and on and on and on.

I'm tired of having to explain the why's and what's of my life to every lousy person. I'm angry that I don't seem to be allowed any privacy anymore if I want the slightest bit of help or the slightest extemption from something.

I'm rambling. Venting, and in need of a good cry. I'm so tired of it all. I just want a life back. A part of my old life will do.

And now I need a new dryer. Has anyone priced them recently? Out of this sight!

I want to scream at the world but it wouldn't do a darned bit of a good.

mad cry

Thannks for listening,

PaLady

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 2/17/2009 6:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Geezee PAlady, so sorry about this whole situation your in and no it's not a fair world, I
don't even wanna know what to expect when I get up there, as most of my stuff was cause by
a car (3) accident, (they keep building on each other) and well the settlement from it all wasn't
much. But anyways you are a person and they shouldn't have to make us jump through
all these hoops...
Here's a shoulder for ya to cry on, have it for as long as you need it..
Lots and lots of soft hugz...
Try to hang in there............
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 2/17/2009 7:43 PM (GMT -7)   
PALady-
I totally know what you mean about having to tell all about your sad little life to way, way too many people. And then I start crying. I don't normally cry but it is just so sad & humiliating to have to keep telling the same story over & over. What's worse is when the stupid prying people demand that I stop crying.

I do get why so many people feel they need all the details. I have volunteered in social service programs in the past & was really horrified by people who tried to take advantage of programs that didn't even have enough food or money to help those who really did need it. It is really hard & I would get so angry when someone would come in asking for a handout who was pretty well off & just wanted some extra money to go out for dinner or rent a movie (not that I begrudge anyone for wanting that, but it was sad to have to then turn around later and turn away a skin-and-bones single mother with children begging for some rice or peanut butter b/c we were completely out of food). But now I see if from the other side & I think it is really hard to have to bring in my medical bills, doctors notes, disability payments, utilities bills, banking statements, etc. just to get a bag of food or $30 to keep the lights on. It's so hard.

I would encourage you to keep the faith about getting something extra from the government yourself. Remember when you were sad that PA didn't get the extra weeks of unemployment pay like other states, and then it did. It is hard -- really hard -- to be patient when you are living hand-to-mouth, I get that, but we have to hang on to hope that something will be there when we really need it most. I am trying to content myself with having food & clothing. As other things break down or run out of gas or can't stay on, we learn to cope. I know it sucks & I so wish I could help you out somehow, but you have made it this far & you will continue to find ways to survive, I'm sure. sad

I doubt you really have money for it, but have you looked into reconditioned dryers? They are about half the price of new ones. It's still a ton of money, but maybe if you look to several sources you can scrape together enough money to acquire one -- perhaps on financing. Also, Craig's List often has some pretty good deals. You need to pick them up from the seller, but often Salvation Army, Good Will, or local religious institutions will help out & send a van to pick up the appliance for you. Again, that might mean more storytelling &/or sharing documents, but at least you would have a dryer at the end of the day. Just trying to help. I know it's really hard to try to pack everything up & haul it to the Laundr-o-Mat every week.

Do take care of yourself & keep fighting to keep hope and faith that things will get better. I understand things look bleak right now, but the only way we will all make it through this is to try to believe that a better tomorrow is in store. I'm off myself to a Job Fair tomorrow. No actual positions available & hundreds of people lining up for 3 hours just for a chance that a temp position might open up in the future. (lol) What has this world come to, right? I'm sure I will have some fun stories to share at the end of the morning. I will try to post if I have the time. :)

take care,
frances

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/17/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Char & Frances. It helps just to have somewhere to come to "talk". I do understand about formal agencies and the like needing proof, but I feel like it's starting to go too far. In my case I've been a professional for 30 years, and have prided myself on my integrity, but anymore it just feels like it's questioned on every single level. I've not yet even asked for formal government assistance other than unemployment. But like you say, Frances, in the example you gave to have to prove so much - so much documentation - for a small amount of food is ridiculous. Showing one thing ought to be enough.

I have been getting supplies for my TENS unit - which I was given as part of a test by my PT, and I never signed a thing that I'd pay for supplies - but they've been sending them and billing my insurance. Now they are sending me the bill for about $30. When they sent their "hardship" form there was so much detail it was worse than giving them a tax return! I have no intention of completing it. We'll see how much they push, considering I never signed a thing. But it's just that all these things keep piling up day after day after day. It never ends. The insurance company keeps sending me forms from an attorney's office to explain my back injury, even though I've already done this twice! I am tired of doing it.

Then I also wonder - where does all this info go? Wherer is it stored? And just how much more at risk for identity theft do we all become?

Ranting and rambling again.

PaLady
Frances - thanks for the ideas about the dryer! Fortunately, I found it still air dries, so I've been doing small loads, and hanging lots of stuff all around the house! LOL And it is nearly 30 years old! But I know I need to have new wiring and a new vent put in because what I have now isn't up to current codes. I am going to look around for the best deal, ask family members, etc. and for now air dry, and take the heavy stuff to my cousins!

Post Edited (PAlady) : 2/17/2009 9:44:47 PM (GMT-7)


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 2/17/2009 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Aw, Palady, I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time! I don't know that I can be of much help, but please know that I am here for you!

I'm sorry that this whole mess is making you have to sacrifice your privacy. I'm sure the people demanding it are just trying to protect themselves. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone just tried to help each other rather than trying to protect their own backs? It seems like everything comes down to it & it's just not right. I hate money. I think we need to come up with a better system. I guess I can just dream on.

Sending you lots of big (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))!

Skeye

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 2/17/2009 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Pa-
Don't keep sending them the same stuff. Keep records of what you've sent when. Then the next time you get a repeat request just send a letter indicating you received their request and believe that all required information and forms were previously submitted via your letter addressed to SO-AND-SO at location sent via U.S. Mail on SUCH-AND-SUCH-DATE. Tell them that as a result you are requesting they refer to that information, but to contact you by phone if they there are any specific items they don't feel were addressed in your previous communications.

Those attorneys are getting paid big bucks; let them hunt around their office and locate the forms you already sent them before asking you to send them again. Make sure you are super polite with your first letter (your letters can get progressively more hostile if you have keep sending more stupid replies telling them to stop losing their paperwork, but start off nice), but don't put up with that any more.

peace,
frances :)

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/17/2009 10:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Frances,
This isn't that kind of a situation. It's a professional issue involving a deadline that's not personal to me. And it has major ramifications - like a dominoe effect if they don't get it together. I really don't want to go into the details here, but it has little to do with my health, but they're making it a pain for me needlessly.

I should have asked for the exemption earlier, so that part was my fault, but it's just some people being a pain in the butt needlessly. These aren't people giving me any money or anything. Those goodies are all to come. I've got to apply for the heating assistance program but have to do my taxes first to see if I'm going to qualify. I'm going to have to include the money my cousin has been giving me for the COBRA which may push me over the limit. But that's another issue entirely.

Oh, I'm tired and I've got to wait for some clothes to dry a bit more in the air!! I'm running out of room to hang stuff up! LOL

Skeye - thanks so much for the hug!! It's much needed!

PaLady

Dagger
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 2/17/2009 11:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I know what you mean about losing your privacy. It gets me nuts too.

Have you checked your local freecycle network for a dryer? I've seen dryers listed on our local one rather often.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/18/2009 12:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Dagger -
What's freecycle? I'm not familiar with that.

PaLady

Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 2/18/2009 2:31 AM (GMT -7)   
posting takes energy. every time i'm called to post i'm going to do
a little house work or fix vegetables. sitting is so bad for our bodies.
we'll see.
pamela is flying off now.
MEDICAL CONDITIONS

Osteoarthritis all levels of spine right down to Coccyx,Spondilytis,Myofascial Pain
Fibromyalgia,Bulging Discs,Spinal Stenosis,Scoliosis,Osteopenia,Chronic Constipation
Carpel Tunel Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder,
Depression & Anxiety

Methadone for Pain, Xanax for Anxiety, and more, of course.


AndreaRN
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 2/18/2009 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, your post brought back memories I don't want to think about re the privacy issues. I remember legal depositions lasting almost two hours with a court reporter recording everything and then a couple years later more of the same. Me, I would lose my temper sometimes and say "It is none of your business". Then my attorney would say, "Andrea, you have to answer all questions. Me, becoming more angry, "show me in writing a law that says I have to give out my sons personal and financial information".

I remember being so broke that I was praying there would be some potatoes in the ground to try and dig so I would have vegtables to eat. (I had planted a few pieces of potatoe to grow)

about the clothes drying, to save money on the electric bill I would hang and air dry most clothes and now a year after my settlement still do so. The taste of feeling desperate has never left me.

Just hang in there, your day will come! Hugs, Andrea
Women who behave don't make History!

C3-4 herniation
C4-5 disectomy & fusion (anterior)
C6-7 & C7-8 L laminectomies (posterior) (need R)
Partial removal of supporting Cervical Posterior Ligament
Constant shoulder pain & tightness.intermittent neck pain
bulged discs at C6-7 & C7-8

Vicodin 7.5 for pain
Atarax 50mg q 6 hours for pain
soft collar and heating pad best friends


VIEW IMAGE


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 2/18/2009 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
PA-
Sorry I misunderstood. I'm sure you're taking care of everything properly.

Does your energy assistance program have a one-time hardship program? Mine does & it has higher limits for who can qualify, plus it requires slightly less paperwork (no tax returns, for one). It's only a one-shot deal, but it doesn't disqualify anyone from receiving future assistance on their monthly program. I know that's not a long-term solution, but maybe it could at least help you out in the short term, get you caught up on your bill & let you keep your utilities on for a bit longer while you wait for everything else to come through.

I can't imagine how tough this all must be for you. I keep praying things will somehow work out so you can get some help.

hugs,
frances

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 2/18/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
PA,
I'm so sorry to hear about your problems w/ these jerky people! Thank you for bringing me back to reality. I thought I was having a bad time then I read your post and realized that I really don't have it so bad compared to you and a lot of others here. Andrea and her potatos? Holy crap and I'm complaining about working!
Oh what wonderful friends we have here! So many jumped right in to try to help you, it's always like that on this forum. I wish I had millions of dollars! I would drive around the county and look all of you up and open my check book and say> How much do you need? Then write a check for ten times the amount! I swear I would! You folks are great and just don't deserve the treatment you get no matter what condition or pain you have. The pain just makes it all so much harder to deal with!
I hope you win the battle you are fighting PA or at least find some pease and less pain.
Your loyal friend,
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/18/2009 11:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all. Truly. What would I do without all of you??? The support, having a place to come...it's priceless, isn't it?

Pete - when you win the lottery, let us know!!!

Andrea - you truly understand deeply. I think you expressed the core of what I was feeling better than I did. Will we ever again be able to say "it's none of your business?" Let alone the fact that in this instance - which is professional, not personal - the deadline is the end of the month and you all know how quickly we can get a letter from a doctor, right? I e-mailed my neurosurgeon pretty much begging him for a one sentence e-mail, but that was just yesterday.

You know, this one issue wouldn't have happened if I'd have just lied. And it would have been a relatively minor thing. But no, I had to be honest.

PaLady

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/19/2009 1:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Just wanted to ask everyone to send positive thoughts, cross your fingers, whatever and hope that I can get this issue resolved before the end of the month. My neurosurgeon did not respond to my e-mail; I'm not surprised, as this isn't exactly a priority for him. I know I'd have to make an appointment (and pay for it) to see any of my other doctors, take a chance they'd give me a letter, and then wait for it to be dictated and type. That ain't gonna happen by Feb. 28th. I've pulled up an old e-mail from my NS, but it really has more information than I'd prefer to share, and it's a year old.

This situation is just ridiculous, and overkill on their part. But it'a also critical for me and they know it. I just can't believe they're putting me in this situation. I could lose what little work I have left if they don't straighten this out in time.

PaLady
And now I can't sleep because I'm worried about this situation, in addition to everything else. Gimme a break! smhair

Post Edited (PAlady) : 2/19/2009 1:52:27 AM (GMT-7)


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 2/19/2009 2:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to hear that the lack of cooperation from your doctors is still threatening the deadline. It is very frustrating when people or agencies put time contraints on us that we have no control on meeting the conditions. My heart goes out to you. I am also sorry to hear that you are not able to sleep. It seems that if the pain does not keep us awake, our minds work overtime and sleep evades us then as well. The sleep demons are working overtime here ae well. Blessings!

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 2/19/2009 5:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Keeping my fingers & toes crossed for you today PA! I came here 1st this am to check on you!
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


AndreaRN
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 91
   Posted 2/19/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, I am thinking very hard and trying to send vibs to those that need to help you (don't laugh)

We get so tired of fighting for even small crumbs of help. It is just too much sometimes but we know that if we don't all is lost.

I don't know what the answers are......Hugs, Andrea
Women who behave don't make History!

C3-4 herniation
C4-5 disectomy & fusion (anterior)
C6-7 & C7-8 L laminectomies (posterior) (need R)
Partial removal of supporting Cervical Posterior Ligament
Constant shoulder pain & tightness.intermittent neck pain
bulged discs at C6-7 & C7-8

Vicodin 7.5 for pain
Atarax 50mg q 6 hours for pain
soft collar and heating pad best friends


VIEW IMAGE


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 2/19/2009 10:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Sending all the positive thoughts I can muster your way, Palady! I'm praying that everything will work out for you! And sending some hugs to to help get you through this rough time!

Skeye

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 2/19/2009 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Keeping my fingers crossed.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/19/2009 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
WHEW! I have spent the day writing yet another letter explaining my need for an exemption, reasonable acconomodation, etc. to these professional folk who hold my ability to produce any livelihood in their hands. I had to dig up one year old e-mail from my neurosurgeon - it was the best I could do as he didn't respond to my request. I can't blame him; they've kept me on far longer than most others. My fear now is that my request to him triggered another look at my file, and the need to move me on to others for long term care. I know it's coming, but I dread it. shakehead

So tomorrow it all goes back in priority mail and keep your fingers crossed and all the good thoughts there through next week. I actually may not know for a couple of weeks, because it has to be reviewed, but if the e-mail I sent isn't good enough for them, well, nothing I can do. I really didn't want to send them that e-mail as I felt it had TMI, ya know? It was an explanation from my post-surgery MRI report and there were details that are irrelevant, but it's all I had. I can't wait to get it in the mail tomorrow. This whole thing has thrown me for a loop. With all the other things going wrong I thought this was taken care of. I was planning today to fill out the application for low income energy assistance, as I finally talked to an actual person on the phone to tell me how to explain my pittance of self-employment income. I guess that will be the fun thing for this weekend. And oh, yea, there's the dryer. And the mini-blizzard outside. And heaven knows what else.

I'm having a little pity party, can ya tell? Everyone's invited! yeah

Whatever would do without you all? shakehead

PaLady

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/20/2009 10:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, friends,
I do have to share with you a tidbit of good news. I sent a packet of information off today using the 1 year old e-mail I had from my neurosurgeon. When I got home I found an e-mail from him, stating exactly what I needed, clearly explaining that sitting,, especially sitting in poor seating, would increase my pain and he is requesting an exemption for me. Even though it was too late to put in the packet, I forwarded a copy to the e-mail address of the person I'd spoken to over the phone, asking her to put it with my packet. She should receive that Monday (priority mail). So there will be no good reason whatsoever for them to deny me. Of course, they've turned this week upsidown for me, but what else is new for us, right??

It just felt SO GOOD, though, that my NS still supports me. I even wrote him back a quick thank you, and he texted back from his i-phone (I don't have any of those gadgets!!) saying I should thank his nurse, which I will. She's the one I always deal with anyway - the one who's so great about my pain scripts.

So I thought I'd share that. I can't believe how much of a relief such a seemling small thing brings. Such things shouldn't be so abnormal for us; it should be the opposite.

So thank you all....next week my packet should hopefully be reviewed, and I'll let you all know what happens.

Hugs around! yeah

PaLady

Lindaloo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 2/20/2009 10:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I will be praying for you PaLady.

Lindaloo
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.
 
Linda


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 2/20/2009 10:47 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, you have done your best and all that you can. Now you can sit back and allow things to take their course. No worrying or fretting will change anything now. My prayers are with you and I am looking forward to hearing a good report from you about the outcome. I just got home from work and I am trying to catch up on everything that is going on tonight. I was supposed to off today but duty called. I think I need to catch up with everyone in Maui.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 2/20/2009 10:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn and Lindaloo - my thanks! Yes, fatherjohn you're right on two fronts - I've done all I can now, and soon I will be moving over to Maui with you!! Got some catching up to do there myself!

PaLady
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, December 11, 2016 7:00 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,736,309 posts in 301,366 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151462 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, barbarwhit.
219 Guest(s), 9 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Rebel_runner, Fl Drifter, TotesMagotes, reminder, ASAdvocate, U B Tough, ks1905, fightUC, franko63


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer