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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 141
   Posted 3/4/2009 12:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I try to stay upbeat but I think a combination of things has clobbered me. I needed to get my billing done today. I tried but I had a client actually come and take me from my house today after he needed some stuff done and I didn't have a car available. My wife had the car, PTO day..., and I didn't have any way to make it out there. I had no other excuse except for, "hey I cannot sit up for more than 2 seconds without wanting to rip out my spine ...."

My battery just died on the laptop and I had to get up and plug in the adapter. I didn't want to get up to find it earlier and this is a direct result I think (now that I read that it seems so obvious but hey, I don't want to think right?). I do not really believe in any higher power or spiritual being (karma huh?) but I am still going to take this as a sign I should leave my pity-party and quit on it. I know that so many of you have a lot more problems than I do.

I hope every one of you out there has had a better time of it than I have. Hope for tomorrow to be a better day.

Fentanyl Patch - 75mcgs x 72 hours
Baclofen - 5mg x 8 hours

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 3/4/2009 1:42 AM (GMT -6)   
Skrape, We all have to do what works to help us through. As has been stated before, I have been a pastor for 26 years. I don't require that people believe like me. I will tell you that without my faith, I don't know how I would face the constant pain and all that goes with it. The last several weeks have been trying on my end and I have to have something or someone to keep a focus on to continue to be positive. I have those really tuff days as well and it tests my faith but I don't give up. I can't speak for others but we all get to that point where giving up seems like an option. On the lighter side, someone once told me to cheer up, things coould be worse. I cheered up and guess what? Things got worse. We can't experience the victories unless we fight the battle. I hope and pray that your day tommor is much better than today. Blessings! 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9607
   Posted 3/4/2009 1:49 AM (GMT -6)   
You don't have to believe in a higher power to be here, sometimes things just in
the book "Why bad things happen to good people" sometimes they just do...perhaps you just need a day off
from everything and so, maybe it was your body saying hey, slow down (hope this makes sense) .
What's PTO? sorry I'm lil slow with slang...
Anyways, the billing will get done and it's not like you wanted it to be late and we've all had a day or so like that...
and hey we all need to get things out once in awhile...
I hope that tomorrow will be a better day for you and anytime you need a shoulder to lean on we'll be here....
keep us posted......
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********


Becoming undone
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 3/4/2009 2:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Sometimes one does need to have a party and invite themselves to it. Let your party get as big as you want it. You might find alternatives/ides for different situations. Heck I had my own party going yesterday. Didn't think I could take another moment...and whoever came up with that slogan "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" I would love to show him/her a thing or two.

Anyway...just saying we all go through those process of loss greiving or what every you want to call it. And we go back and forth depending on the day, hour, the acceptance, they some goes wrong, and now at anger. Oh well.
now I'm just babbling...IMHO you deserve a {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGZ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
"The earth laughs in flowers"

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 141
   Posted 3/4/2009 11:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks guys. PTO is for Parent Teacher Organization. It is kind of like the PTA except they don't have to listen to anyone else tell them what to do (I think). Anyway my wife got roped into being the vice president so she usually has the car... ;-)

Fentanyl Patch - 75mcgs x 72 hours
Baclofen - 5mg x 8 hours

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 3/4/2009 11:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey there Skrape... Having a rough time of it, Huh? Me too. But don't ever think that your problems aren't as important as anybody else's. Because they are, to me, and to everyone here. We all have been through the wringer(sp) in one form or fashion. And it makes me feel better to think about someone else for a while and try to help them with their troubles. So, it's not a "pity-party" to me... We all care, and we all love each other, and we all will try and help if we can.

Anytime...Day or Night...

We are all in the same boat...unfortunatley it seems like it's sinking...
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome
Hemi Lamenectomy
Spinal Fusion
120 mg. Methadone daily
60 mg. Oxycodone daily
Lyrica as needed 


Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13363
   Posted 3/4/2009 12:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Skrape, its ok to have an off day, thats what is happening to you. Usually, when those happen it just upsets the whole dang apple cart too. I think sometimes this happens to remind us we are only human. I for one can do w/o that reminder,lol. Its ok to have a pity party or whatever you want to call it. The onlty thing we request is to be on the invite list. I have had alot of those days where everything I touch turns to do-do. Even in good health remember, we had days where we didn't feel so great and it seemed like everything that could go wrong would. I guess this is what the call life.

Tomorrow has got to be better, today is just an off day. Chin up buddie, we have a party to get back to....Susie

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 3/4/2009 2:41 PM (GMT -6)   


Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 3/4/2009 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Skrape, i hope you have a better day tomarrow! We all have bad days, and it's fine to feel bad. HUGS
Jan. 2009, complete hysterectomy, diagnosed stage 4 endometriosis & adenomyosis (age 36)
2003, dx moderate UC
2000, dx selective IGA deficiency w/ anti IGA antibodies
2000, dx Antipholipid Antibody Syndrome
1999-2009, chronic hemmoragic ovarian cysts, w/ partial ovary removal
1977, complete reconstruction of foot after lawnmower accident (chronic pain)
6mp 75mg, prednisone 40mg (just starting meds again)
percocet 5mg 3x day
potassium 3x day

ace lungger
Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 3/4/2009 7:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Skrape, I totaly understand where you are coming from!! I have allways thought and made the remark that there is a lot of people out there
that have it worst that me, but I think everyone case is a little different. But I like you, just don't know how anyone can keep going when you know it isn't going to get any better for a long time, if they do come up with something to fix you!
 i am tired of never having a moment that I am not hurting, unless I am laying down!! Those of you, I don't know how you do it??? I ask my self everyday, when I wake up, can i take another day of laying in this bed, doing nothing!
 Skrape, you and lots of us on here are going threw the same thing, I tell my self everyday, i can't take this another day!! But i do, make it!!
hang in there Pard!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 3/4/2009 9:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I like my quote better (see below)
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 3/5/2009 7:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Skrape are you feeling any better?



Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 141
   Posted 3/5/2009 9:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much for asking Patti!

Today was better than yesterday. I was doing well, down to 3.5/4.0 until about 3:00pm. This seems to be a trend happening about 12 hours after changing patches. I took a shower today and these stupid patches came most of the way off. So now I am sitting here all taped up looking like I have a gunshot dressing on (or something) and am getting irritated again. Up to a solid 7.5 right now. ;-(

I was really bad off last night. I called a random help line and sobbed to this poor guy for like an hour. I felt soooo bad while talking with him but he was really nice and seemingly understanding. I felt a lot better afterward though. My wife and I had an argument (basically me being in a really bad mood, I apologized to her this morning .... she does rock but I do worry about how much of this she can take) and I was up alone. I really needed to talk to SOMEONE and cry. I never cried a drop until the past few months. My father died after a horrible bout with cancer when I was 18 and I never cried then but this seems to have broken me. Wow, that sounded really bad (callous), I love my dad more than anything .... I am sure you all get this.

Bottom line is this; if you ever get really bad off and there is no one to talk to, try one of those lines. I know it's their job to be understanding but I would never have believed how much it would help. I probably need therapy or something but the cable got shut off last night and the phones will be next (I have had a lot of trouble working since November), I haven't met my crazy-high deductible for my insurance yet and I do not have the money for it.

Fentanyl Patch - 75mcgs x 72 hours
Baclofen - 5mg x 8 hours

Post Edited (skrape) : 3/5/2009 7:35:37 PM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 3/6/2009 12:50 AM (GMT -6)   

I'm sorry that you've been going through such a rough time lately! People often don't realize that as CP suffers, we don't only have to deal with our pain, but also the reprocussions of having CP: how CP affects our entire lives. We have to make so many different sacrifices because of our pain & crippled bodies, medication side effects, resulting financial issues, etc, etc, etc. It's not easy to stay positive, nor to deal with these things every day. Some days, some weeks, are definitely harder than others & it's all that we can do, just to make it through each hour, each day. I'm glad that you were able to talk to someone who at least helped you feel a little better. It's rare to find someone who understands all this (which makes HW so precious).

Try to take things one small step at a time, as hard as it may be. I have confidence in you; you'll get through this! We're here to listen any time you need to vent, or need a shoulder to cry on! Glad to here that you are doing a little better today.


Post Edited (skeye) : 3/5/2009 10:53:45 PM (GMT-7)

ace lungger
Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 3/6/2009 9:39 AM (GMT -6)   
I have to agree with Skeye, It is rough, and those that are not going threw what we are cannot totaly understand! i am on the same pain path system you are on! I got worked up to the 100mg patches and I finialy out some relief, my patches allways worked for 2 day and not much the third day! When I was on the 100mg, my family set me down and told me I had a problem, that i was acting pretty cazy, so my next doctor appointment i had him lower them to 75mg, it took a while to get threw the DT's but i did, the 75mg didn't work near as well, but it made my family happy! Here a few months ago, a small disagreement with a scheduling  sec. got a little heated and i got a notice that my Doctor od 30 years was no longer going to see me after my next appointment. When I went to get, i ask him about the withdraw problems without the meds, and because this being a work comp case,I couldn't just go get a new doctor, it would have to go threw the court! So I had him cut me back to the 50mg, again i went threw the same thing, and the 50mg didn't do much for the pain so I have been in bed most of the winter, he treated me for a few more months, then he told me I would have to go to the back door at the end of the day, and after he was threw he would examine me and write my scripts, so the next month he did it, I finialy got a court Date April1, last Thursday I was out of meds so i did what he had told me, he had a nurse come out and tell me, he wasn't going to write any more! i had a rather bad weekend! Tuesday evening he called me to see how i was doing, i told him the truth not good, so he had me over and gave me a examine and a script, he wrote it for 50mg, but I had him tear it up, and right 25mg, because in my mind i did know if he would see me again or not! The 25mg do nothing, so I am hoping to get a hold of him and have him write me another script of 25mg so I can wear 2 of them, I will just have to see!
All I can Tell you, is hang in there, and I know it isn't easy!!
Torn L3,L4,L5
Agressive D.D.D.
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