Need to vent, very embarassed

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Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 3/12/2009 11:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Everyone. I need to vent, I'm so angry that I can hardly think. Well I just got done talking to my friend who was over at my house cause she babysits for me on Mondays and Thursdays evenings when I go to a class of mine. Well she informed me that she got a call from someone at our church (now keep in mind that even though me and her belong to a church, we dont go cause we both suffer from alot of health issues) cause her very very crazy 80 year old mother got up in front of all the people this last Sunday (on my Birthday) and told them that my friend (who's 60 years old and has alot of fatigue and other health issues but is not crazy at all) that she wanders the streets all the time confused and how she was a stripper when she was younger and all these horrible things (which isnt true in any way) and how she (my friend's mother) has to hide her prescription drugs from me cause I steal them....GRRRR, I could just scream. First of all, I dont do drugs, I dont steal drugs, I would NEVER EVER take anyone else's prescriptions meds, especailly from an 80 year old. And I have been to her hoiuse twice, and once was to pick up a package my friend got delivered there, and an other was to take her scooter to her from when she was in the hospital and couldnt get it home cause there was no room in the car she came home in and I have a minivan. And I dont even know whaat prescription drugs she takes, all I know is that she takes heart medication, why in the world would I want that, theirs nothing wrong with my heart. And to think she said this in front of all these people, who now think I'm this horrible terrible person. It's not fair, I have never hurt or stole from anyone. I'm always going out of my way to help everyone. I really want to cry, but I know it would be useless. I'm so embarrassed, and I have no way to prove to these people that I didnt do anything wrong. I have never stole, I'm as innocent as they come, I have never been arrested, or been in trouble in any way. I live my life by myself just taking care of my 2 beautiful children, I wont even bring a man home cause I'm scared it would upset my kids. I dont even drink (but I do smoke ciggs), I'm planning on going to college to be a nurse this summer. And now everyone at my church thinks I'm a drug addict theif that steal from helpless little old ladies. What would you guys do? How should I handle this? What if they call the cops to investigate me (which I would of course have nothing to worry about but it would embarrass me enough to throw me in a huge depression, I'm a very sensitive person).Thank you so much for listening.
 
-hellokitty
 
 
I have Migraines, Pancreatic Divisum, Severe lower back pain (possibly turned to arthiritis from lack of treatment), Fibromyalgia, Asthma, Depression w/Anxiety/panic, had glallbladder stones at 14yrs old, gallbladder removed at 15yrs old, 2 severe car accidents in '05
Meds: Suboxone 8mg 3xday for pain, Cymbalta 60mg @ night for depression & Fibro,
Lyrica @ night for Migraines and Fibro, Treximet as needed for Migraines,
Ventolin Albuterol Inhaler as needed for Asthma Attacks.
Chocolate as needed daily
Been on Diability since I was 22 for Migraines and chronic Pancreatitas but going to college Spring '09 to be a nurse
"Some days I just wish I was a missing person!"
"I'm not spoiled, I deserve all my stuff"  -Happybunny


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 3/13/2009 12:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty,
It's so late and I don't have the energy to give you an adequate reply. But at some point in life each of us has to decide how much we are going to let other people's opinions affect us. Because we can't control what others think or feel. Those people who believe this woman are going to do so, but not everyone will. I think you need to take comfort in who you are and what you know to be true.

I don't want to suggest any actions to you because it's way too late and I'm not sure I'm thinking clearly. But I'm glad you vented here.

Trust in who you know you are.

PaLady

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 3/13/2009 12:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitty, I am not sure where to start but as a pastor, I feel you have several options. First, I am not sure what kind of church or leadership structure it has but I would start there. You could talk with the pastor if there is one. Explain that you heard that there was some erronious information shared with the congregation. Depending on how that is received it would direct your next step. You could also have your friend go with you and both of you could share what you have heard and how it has effected you.

If this happened in a church that I was pastoring, I would certainly want to get the truth out. If, as the pastor, I felt that someone was falsely accused, then I would talk to the woman who started it. After that I would try and bring all three of you together and try and facilitate reconciliation. If that works, then a statement can be given to the congregation that some unfortunate information was shared that was not true and that the parties have met and that there has been forgiveness granted and that all the parties are saddened that this happened but it has now been taken care of. It of course would depend on the pastor and how the meetings were handled. 

This is very unfortunate and will be difficult to walk through. My experience is that if you don't try and get it straightened out, you will always wonder if people really think you were the woman she describes you as. It is possible that the 80 year old woman has other issues and her memory plays tricks on her. If that is the case, the pastor might already know the possibility that what she said was not true.

If none of this works, then you could change to a different church but I would try and reconcile first. I will be glad to help you in any way possible. If you choose to try this, I would be glad to keep in touch and advise you as you go from step to step. I am sorry this has happened to you especially at a church that is supposed to be a safe place.    


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 3/13/2009 12:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Talk to the minister.
Don't go saying stuff to anyone else.
He will get it straightend out.
I would be one who believes you.
Do you even WANT to know the people
who gossip and believe untruths.
Kitty, they're not worth it!
Do you live in a very small town?
Pamela

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 3/13/2009 1:58:25 AM (GMT-6)


nurse2
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 229
   Posted 3/13/2009 1:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty,
This is all so unfortunate and has just about killed your soul, I imagine. Just try to remember that God and the people who really know you and love you know the real truth and that is what really matters. I worked in hospital for years and live in small town and things like this spread like wildfire.........BUT...those who are really important to you in your life will know you for the person that you are and will know the truth. Surround yourelf with these positive people and in a few weeks this will all blow over and they will have moved onto someone else. The sayint."this too shall pass" is very true. Believe in yourself and let no one make you feel less of a person than you truly are. I'll be praying for you.
Nurse 2
Degenerative disc disease,osteoarthritis, status post 4 cervical spinal surgeries with plate insertions and fusion, Lupus, Sjogren's Disease, Fibromyalgia, chronic heacaches and chronic pain.


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 3/13/2009 2:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Nurse,

I read your response to Kitty. I love what you said. It's so well put.
"This too shall pass"

Kitty, read her post over several times.

Pamela

edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 3/13/2009 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitty,

I am so sorry this has happened to you....I agree with all of the posts!  Does this lady have known Dementia?  Maybe this can explain why she would do this?  Just a thought!

(((((((((((((((Kitty))))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti


mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 3/13/2009 8:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with everyone else.Talk to the pastor but after that if he can not get it straightened out try hard not to worry about what other people think.If you are a good person then no matter what anyone says you are still a good person.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


Lindaloo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 3/13/2009 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Kitty,

I am so sorry this has happened to you.  Most likely the older lady is suffering from dementia.  At the hursing homes and hosptials you find this "stealing of money and drugs" theme very prevelent. You need to take a step back and say a prayer as I have already done for you and maybe talk to your pastor as others have suggested and just go on with your life.  After a few weeks it will all die down and the rumor mill will start up with someone else, you'll see!

I knoe this is a hard time and embarrassing for you, but this too, shall pass, I think someone said ( see, my mind is going too.  I can't remember for sure if someone already said that.  hahahahahahaha.)  Don't worry, it will all blow over.  I am sure.

God bless you and gentle hugs.

Lindaloo


Moderator Chronic Pain
 
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.
 
Linda


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 3/13/2009 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Awe Kitty,
You didn't deserve any of this and so don't go blaming yourself in any way,
You are a nice young lady who is our friend here, now what Father John said I
agree with, take a friend with you to this church during the weekday and talk
to this pastor and explain things, calmly to him...Maybe he can help get this older
person, the much needed mental help and maybe the pastor could help you get her somewhere
to get that help..
The people who know you will not believe these rumors, but you do need to talk with
the pastor.
We all know you here and would never believe of these things (rumors) that this older person
is telling.......
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kitty}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13455
   Posted 3/13/2009 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty I have little to add other than you have been given excellent pointers. I would first call the minister/pastor of this church and discuss this with him as Father Johnhas suggested. Its unfortunate this happened, but I have to agree with the others here, this lady must be failing in the memory dept. You know what kind of person you are so please take a step back and a long deep beath. This is not worth ruining your health over and stress will tear you down. Please think about this. Hugs, Susie


shannon1
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 3/13/2009 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty, i agree with the others! Talk to the pastor....

Rumors can be so very hurtful! I know from first hand experience. My own mother in law, told my husbands coworker(the two men are very close) that i was just married to my husband because he was a good father and provider (also in a round about way saying that i was with him for his money).

This nearly TORE me apart. I thought i was close with my MIL and was shocked to find she had done this....My husband and i were having some problems at the time and it was then natural for him to think about this once the seed was planted....

I confronted my MIL privately and made it clear this was NOT the case, and that if she ever said anything about me/my marriage again, it would not go as nicely for her. I also made my husband talk to her about it. I really wanted him to talk to the coworker also, but i don't think he ever did,so im sure that guy still thinks im a gold digger....(granted, my husband had nothing when we married, and we MADE our money together!). Anyways, we ended up in counceling because of it because i was so angry and could not let it go.

I finally HAD to let it go or i would have ruined my marriage.....And if you don't get the answers and response/redemption you are looking for , you will need to just "let it go also".....It's one of the hardest things i have ever had to do, but i HAD to do it.
Good luck, i hope that it will work out to your satisfaction.
Jan. 2009, complete hysterectomy, diagnosed stage 4 endometriosis & adenomyosis (age 36)
2003, dx moderate UC
2000, dx selective IGA deficiency w/ anti IGA antibodies
2000, dx Antipholipid Antibody Syndrome
1999-2009, chronic hemmoragic ovarian cysts, w/ partial ovary removal
1977, complete reconstruction of foot after lawnmower accident (chronic pain)
 
Meds
6mp 75mg, prednisone 40mg (just starting meds again)
percocet 5mg 3x day
potassium 3x day
 


Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 3/13/2009 2:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for the responses. I will start by talking to the Bishop (I'm mormon) and get things cleared up. See, this woman is a very aweful person, she abused my friend, her daughter, physically and mentally when she was little. She use to throw boiling water on her, beat her til she was unconscious, and turned a blind eye when her dad use to sexually abuse her. And she does accuse all her careworkers of stealing her drugs and money from her, so this is nothing unusual, but to go and say it in front of people I know really hurt me. And the fact that she abused my best friend is the main reason why I cant go to her house, it makes me sick. And even though she doesnt physically abuse her anymore, she still does mentally very bad. Like lately she bounce $1500 in her bank account and blamed it on my friend, (she said she spent it on chocolate lol), when she spent it heself at costco buying things, and then has no memory of doing so, so she blames it on everyone else. she even told the people at church, that my friend wanders the street in her bra for hours, picking up men....which isnt true at all, my friend doesnt even go anywhere unless I take her, and is always dressed, and never even talks to men (actually she hasnt even had a bf since she divorced her husband when she was 24 years old and she's 61 now). about a half a year ago my friend did get a call from someone else in the church saying that they think I'm a bad influence on her, and my friend got mad, she told them that before she met me she was in a severe depression, never went anywhere, and I have done nothing but helped her cause I take her to pay her bills, grocery shopping, take her to doctor's appointments, I even payed for her prescriptions meds when she couldnt afford it and was geting sick from not having her blood pressure meds.

But anyways, I will make a phone call to a few people in the church. I'm not too crazy about the bishop (he isnt the easiest person to talk to) but there is a guy there that I can talk to who I know would clear this up. They think I've left the church cause I dont care, but I just dont attend cause I'm in too much pain to sit on those uncomfortable chairs with my son who has ADHD and fights like crazy with my daughter, so that causes me way too much stress which causes me more pain. But I still beleive in the church very much, the same goes for my friend. And if your wondering why my friend doesnt set things right since it's her mom starting these rumors, it's because they think she's crazy cause of the things her mom says. Her mom belongs in a nursing home, but she wont go, and my friend refuses to take power of attorney for her cause it would make her physically sick, she cant handle that kind of stress, and the doctor says she right on the border line for going to a convelesent home. right now she lives in the serior citizen apartments (its a place for people who dont need help) and she will physically fight with her neighbors, they complain about her all the time and are scared of her, so I dont know why they wont do anything. Actually yesterday my friend asked me why she thinks her mom is still alive (she has recovered from a triple bypass, cancer, a severe staph infection, and now has to be on dialysis) and doesnt understand why she's still kicking, and I told her that I really beleive that the devil is keeping her alive, she really is a very evil person, I could write a book on all the aweful things she's done to my friend. And why my friend still helps her is beyond me, she never abused her brother or sister, but yet they havnet talked to her in like 40 years. But thank you so much fir the responses and the support, I really need it right now, last night after writing the post I got really nauseous from the stress, I need to stop thinking about this, the people who know me knows I would never harm anyone. Thanks for being my friends, you guys are the only ones that understands the stress of being in chronic pain and all the fun side effects that goes with it.

-hellokitty
I have Migraines, Pancreatic Divisum, Severe lower back pain (possibly turned to arthiritis from lack of treatment), Fibromyalgia, Asthma, Depression w/Anxiety/panic, had glallbladder stones at 14yrs old, gallbladder removed at 15yrs old, 2 severe car accidents in '05
Meds: Suboxone 8mg 3xday for pain, Cymbalta 60mg @ night for depression & Fibro,
Lyrica @ night for Migraines and Fibro, Treximet as needed for Migraines,
Ventolin Albuterol Inhaler as needed for Asthma Attacks.
Chocolate as needed daily
Been on Diability since I was 22 for Migraines and chronic Pancreatitas but going to college Spring '09 to be a nurse
"Some days I just wish I was a missing person!"
"I'm not spoiled, I deserve all my stuff"  -Happybunny


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 3/13/2009 2:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitty,
From the information in this post I can tell this woman is very ill, in many ways. I think you probably know this just by looking at her behavior over the years, but you have to really see this more clearly for yourself now. So that at the very minimum you don't allow what this woman says to affect you. See her as very ill. As someone who cannot think clearly. I doubt many people at that Church really believed what she was saying.

As far as how to deal with it at the Church, I'm going to leave that in fatherjohn's capable hands!

PaLady

rwolhar
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 3/13/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I work in an enviroment where things are said about me all the time. Don't worry about it. I have learned to just let it go. Just think that a lot of the people there know the lady is old and may say some strange things. . . I wouldn't feel the need to give everyone the truth, if you do keep it brief....don't open up to all the people about the meds you are on and the pain you do have. I would just say maybe in passing to some that she must have you confused for someone else and it is sad.

Don't let it bug you. People at work have accused me of everything from theft to affairs to drug abuse and I just brush it off....you don't need all those people anyway, that is why I have a very very tight knit circle of friends.
Qty 2 Oxycodone 40MG Extended Release per day
Qty 5 (15MG Oxycodone) Per day
Soma/Zanaflex 5 times a day
IB-Profen 800MG 5 times a day

Tens Unit 1-2 hours per day
Lidocaine Patches - 2 per day
Chiropractic help 2 times per month
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Zoloft 50MG 1 time a day


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 3/13/2009 8:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitty, I am not mormon but I have had dealings with different mormon bishops dealing with cases I was assigned in my previous employment. It can be a difficult step as the bishop holds alot of power. I would recommend that if you know another man in the church that has standing with the bishop, I would suggest you check and see if the man will go with you. If he will, you may need to brief him first. They may or may not see you CP and disability as a reason for not going to church which as you know is a big issue. I would not let that bother you. You know what the truth is and that is paramount. From what it sounds like, they are already going to be aware that this woman has problems and I would be surprised if this is the first time that they have had to deal with her. How it gets handled from there will be up to the bishop. Keep us informed as you go through this. The mormon / non-mormon won't be as issue with me and probably not with others as well. We are not here because of what church we do or donot attend. I hope you find that refreshing as in some circles it becomes a dividing factor. When I tell people that I am a pastor or minister it changes how some people lokk at me or accept me. I could tell many funny stories. Any way, be brave and be strong. In the end, at least you know the truth. 

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 3/14/2009 12:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitty you have our support, go and do what is right, we'll be with you in spirit...
Lots and lots of soft ((((((((((((((HUGZ))))))))))))}}}}}}}
Keep us posted..
(((((((((((((((((((Kitty}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********

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