I just need some kind words

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Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/24/2009 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't post here much. I do read the posts all the time but I usually dont' know what to suggest so I just keep quiet I have grown very fond of everyone on here and I always look forward to seeing how everyone is doing. I don't usually ask for help because I know everyone else has as many, or more, things going on than I do and you all have your own problems. But I am really at a loss lately and I really dont' know what to do. I know what I want to do but I won't do that to my family, although it would probably make things much easier on them in the long run if I did.

I have most of what is wrong with me listed in my sig but there has been new things crop up lately. I am still fighting with disability. From what I understand I am approved but I still haven't received the actual paperwork stating that so I still don't have any insurance. I haven't been to see my ortho since January 2008. He is over 180 miles away from me and with gas prices and the economy I just haven't been able to get to see him. Without having insurance I can't get an ortho closer to me to accept me as a patient. I live in a small southern town that is inhabited by pill heads to the point that there is only one doctor in the county that will prescribe pain meds and even then he will only prescribe 2 pills a day which is no where near enough to get my pain even remotely under control so I lay here day in and day out hurting more and more with no relief in sight. I can't fool myself anymore with the old tricks, telling myself that there will be an end to the pain soon. I know I'm lying to myself.

Ever since August 2007 I have been having trouble with my heart. I have no idea what is going on and neither does the doctor that I pay $75 a visit. My BP is high and my heart rate is never below 110. I have chest pain and an irregular heart beat quite frequently. I am on a beta blocker, in fact, this is the third one and none of them seem to be able to get things under control. Until I get insurance I can't see a cardiologist.

The plate on my tibia has come loose. The screws backed out of it again and it is actually moving around and doing more and more damage but until I get cleared by a cardiologist my ortho won't fix it, which I understand. But in the meantime I am back in a fracture boot which keeps the plate from moving as much but the weight of it causes increased pain in my hip and knee.

My left hip, which is the good one has become the bad one. I dont' know what's exactly wrong with it but it hurts worse than the bad right hip and and has decreased range of motion in it that pretty much makes mobility a no go.

To top all of this off my doctor thinks there is a chance that I might have MS. I have the optic neuritis and other symptoms, but once again, without insurance, I can't see a neurologist to confirm or hopefully disprove this.

I am at my wits end. I sit here just about every night after my family has all either gone to bed or left for work and I seriously consider taking the coward's way out. I am so tired of hurting and being scared about everything. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Stillrecovering,
I'm glad you decided to post. This is the place to reach out, vent, cry, and ask for support. First, I want to say I have a suspicion what you're referring to regarding the "coward's way out" and I want to emphasize that your family will NOT be better off. Please use the
1-800-SUICIDE hotline if only just to talk with someone. That person may also be able to help you find some resources in your area.

Are you not eligible for Medicaid? If your SSD has been approved, then it's just a matter of time for you to get the paperwork, and then if it's been two years since your date of disability, you should be eligible for Medicare. So there is some hope that things could improve in the not too distant future. No, you likely may not be pain free (as most of us won't be), but possibly you could be eligible either for better medication, or other options like a pump or SCS unit (others know more about those than I do, and you've probably read info. on recent threads about them).

Anyway, I just want to offer you healing hugs, and tell you to hang in with us. It's late and my brain never works great anyway, but I did want you to know you're not alone!

(((((((((((((Stillrecovering)))))))))))))))

PaLady

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:19 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, thanks for those words. I won't lie, I do think about it very often but I would never do it. I saw and felt how my kids were affected when my mother was killed and after seeing that grief I would never do that to them. It's just one of those pain free fantasies I have.

According to my attorney, the disability office said that my case had been sent to quality review. SHe said that means that I have been approved. If they had said it was sent to district review that would mean I was turned down. It is a waiting game. I really think they hold out just to see if you will go ahead and die so they don't have to pay you. I have been disabled for over 4.5 years now so I know I will eventually get the medicare along with the state insurance where I live. I just hope I can hold out that long. The whole heart thing is what is scaring the hell out of me. I know I won't ever be pain free again and I can deal with that. It's the days like today, after going to lunch with my hubby yesterday, it takes another whole day to get over it. I just get so tired of it. I know you all do too and I appreciate the time you all take in reading this.
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Stillrecovering, Like PAlady said, thanks for posting. Most of us can relate to the frustration of insurance, doctors and even trying to get the right meds. We also understand the feeling that we are putting a drain on our family. The drain is not that they don't care but that they are at a loss also because they can't do much to help relieve the pain. In my case, after dealing with the pain for 11 years, I am no longer deciving myself that I am going to be cured but that as I keep fighting, I hope for a way to better mange the pain. PAlady stated it very well, it seems that the long journey for disability is coming to an end and even you said that it appears that you are winning that battle. With that will come the opportunity for a better chance to see a doctor that can help manage the pain. I also deal with the heart problems with highblood preasure and a high beat rate. My doctor told me that pain can do this as well as the lack of sleep. Unless you are different from the rest of us, sleep is hard to find and even harder to keep. It seems that if I manage to get to sleep, it does not last long as the pain wakes me up. How we got to this point, the number of surgeries and doctor visits, don't really make much difference, pain is pain and we live a life that has pain at the center. Just know that there are otthers out here that have the same feeling you do and the more you reach out the more you will find that there are people that care. If you are comfortable, tell us more about your family. Keep us updated as to how things are going. Remember we don't have to be alone.

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for those great words fatherjohn!

I;m not any different than the rest of you. Sleep does not come easy at all. If not for my Elavil I wouldn't get any sleep. And yeah, pain and no sleep do effect your heart. What worries me and my PCP is the irregular heartbeat that is showing up on the EKG's. I just need to hold out long enough to get that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, SSI, lol

My family is awesome. I have no complaints about them at all. My husband was in the accident also and while his injuries weren't as severe they were bad enough. He just had a total knee in September and is doing remarkably well. I am so jealous of him,lol I have 3 kids, 24, 21 and 20. They have no problems helping out in whatever way that they can. In fact, the oldest had already moved out and was on his own but moved back home to help take care of me after the accident. Now he says he is never leaving,lol

You guys really helped me tonite. Thank you so much for that!
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:37 PM (GMT -7)   
We help eachother!

PaLady

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I know that. And I feel bad that I don't post here more. I just usually don't know what to say. I read how much more other people are going thru than I am and I feel like a great big baby for whining. I just can't find the right words to express how I feel for the other person. Everything I could say just seems inadequate.
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:50 PM (GMT -7)   
We don't take it that people come here to whine. We come and vent, cry, laugh, encourage, share and show support. There are times when we are encouragers and other times we need encouraged. Sounds like you have a great family. Don't underestimate them or how they feel. Again, thanks for posting tonight.  

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/24/2009 11:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I can honestly say that right now I feel emotionally better than I have in months. Maybe I just needed to get all of this out of me for a change instead of just holding it in so I don't put my family in any more stress than I already do. Again, Thank you both!
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 3/24/2009 11:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Stillrecovering,
It warms my heart (which helps me feel better) that I was able to help some. Please remember you don't have to have the right words to say to anyone here. Just a brief expression that you care will be enough. Or sometimes someone saying they understand, or they're listening. I know there are nights I need that, as others do. But you can also have a little fun some nights on our wacky threads and sometimes that helps as much or more.

I don't know what I'd do without my "family" here, even those who don't post often or not at all. Don't feel guilty about that.

Hugs,

PaLady

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 3/25/2009 12:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Still; I do know how you feel because sometimes I feel it too. But I have gotten to the point where I wanna fight and I can feel it in your posts that you do too. I want to tell you that you are not alone! Feel free to IM me or email me anytime if your feeling down. I am always online and usually trying to distract myself with little things, so don't be shy or feel your interrupting me cause your not :-)

I want to also give you a huge hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((Still))))))))))))))))))))))))))) just for being you and realizing that you are strong and you can fight.

Hugs

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/25/2009 5:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for that Scarred. I do appreciate the great words.

Sometimes I just get so tired of fighting. It seems like I have been fighting forever. When I get in these moods I just want to go somewhere and hide so I don't bother my family, but since I live on my couch, and I mean that literally, I can't exactly go anywhere so I tend to hold things in and I know that isn't good either. Thanks for the offer of IM, I'm sure I will take you up on it soon. Thanks.
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 3/25/2009 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
stillrecovering
When you feel like hiding and don't want to bother anyone, come here and post, we are all here to listen and support you! Like PALady said don't worry about having the right words, you will find the folks here are warm and compassionate, and understanding, there are some very good people here and I can't stress that enough! Anyway you are right it isn't good to hold things in, it can often just make things worse especially your CP. Do you have a counselor or clergy or someone you can talk with? If not that might be something worth trying to check into.
I wish you the Best

White Beard
 

I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on ful disalbility!

Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!)

Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks White Beard. I know how awesome the people are on here that's why I have been reading for so long. I do take comfort in the words that you all give to each other. I did have a church but I don't think they feel that women are as important as men are, and I'm not just imagining it either. Other family members have seen it the same way. I had always felt that they didn't put much stock into the women of the church other than what they could do for it. We were assigned a Deacon. He came over one day to see how we were doing. My sister-in-law was here. I said "Anita, this is James" He cut me off and proceeded to say " Hi, I am James. My wife, Jane, and I are his deacon" I just sat here with my mouth open. It was like I wasn't even in the room. I didn't say anything about it because I thought it was all in my head but after he left my husband and my SIL were livid about it. When my mother-in-law heard about it she was as shocked as I was. I have had 13 surgeries. The pastor has not been there for any of them and some of them were pretty serious. He was there for my husband when he had his total knee done though. Stayed all day long. So, no, I won't confide in the Clergy. Actually, I am having a very major crisis of faith and I don't think I would confide in him if those things hadn't happened. Can't afford counseling until I get the insurance thing going. I do take Elavil which usually helps me but sometimes I don't think there is anything out there that will help once I get in one fo these moods.

I really do appreciate the ability to be able to vent here. I'm sure my family gets tired of hearing me gripe,lol
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
My prayers go out to you!!!!!
 
If I had the powers to take everyones pain and stress away I would. I was raised with the views that everything will work its way out.  I don't know if I beleive it but its refreshing to think it wink
 
Laurie

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Laurie, thanks for that. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. And I feel like you do, if I could take the pain from everyone I would in a heartbeat. I hate to see people hurt like we all do. It really bothers me to know that as bad as I feel there is someone somewhere that has it worse than I do. I really hate to think that anyone has to suffer.
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Still; you are welcome! I only wish that I could do more. Unfortunately I too am camped out (literally) on my couch as well! That's where I sleep (haven't slept in my bed in months), eat and stay most of the day. With the exception of those rare days when I get in the mood to paint, sketch or write then I'm overjoyed to get out on the porch or deck and enjoy the fresh air. I believe I am becoming a recluse, kinda like that spider that hides in dark places LOL. I get tired of griping about my pain to my husband but he tells me that he knows when it is bad and I'm sure he does.

Anyway....hugs to you!

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
My husband and I had been married less than 5 months when we had our wreck. We have not been able to sleep together since then. I just can't get comfortable in our bed. We have tried everything that we can afford and none of it has worked. Once my disability kicks in and we get all that back money, after we get a bigger place to live, I am so getting one of those craftmatic beds. I am so tired of sleeping alone and I know he has to be too. And yeah, I have become a bonafide hermit,lol If people don't come here they don't get to see me,lol We have a very small close group of friends that will get together here once a month and I have a blast when they come over but other than that I don't care if I go out anywhere anymore. Not sure if that is part of depression or just part of being disabled. Eh, it's working so I won't mess with it,lol Hugs right back at you

Jules
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 3/25/2009 2:35 PM (GMT -7)   

stillrecovering

I have an adjustable bed got it two years ago, I had slept in a recliner in the living  room for over ten years, I can' lay flat, and I sleep in a Fowlers position,( Kind of a sitting reclining position) anyway the adjustable bed is fantastic, you want to change positions a little you just pess a button on the wireless remote and you can raise or lower the head or the foot of the bed! It is really nice! We got two of them (two single adjustable beds) they fit in a extra long king sleigh bed frame. Now I got both since the wife moved up stairs and the devorce is pending!

I am sorry about the way you have been treated by your church, I know some of them are like that, it just doesn't seem right to me, I will leave it at that.

It is easy to become isolated and hermit like when you have CP issues, I have done that also, but I am finding out the hard way that, that is not necessarily the best thing to do. Anyway I hope thing get better for you.

White Beard


 

I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on ful disalbility!

Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!)

Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 3/25/2009 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
stillrecovering,

Wow! I can't even begin to imagine how rough the last four & a half years have been for you! I'm so sorry for all that you have had to go through! And now with the possible MS... That is terrifying - unfortunately that I do know from experience. I've also been given a possible MS diagnosis, as I have all the eye symptoms of early MS. However, fortunately for me it is pretty unlikely, as I would be a very atypical case, as my brain MRI from January didn't show any lesions (although it did show large amounts of optic nerve inflammation), among other things. I'm still worried though, as several of the eye movement problems which are highly characteristic of MS & brain stem damage are new within the last several week & have been getting progressively worse since then, so I'm a little scared that something may have changed on the MRI, because something definitely had to have changed to cause all of these new symptoms out of the blue. Feel free to lean on us for support! And please do not feel bad that you have only been reading & not posting. I too did that for a long while before I began posting. Sometimes just reading others' words really helps! And please, please don't think that this world would be better off without you! You may feel very along & lost right now, but you contribute so much to those around you & I'm sure that you are very much loved by your family & friends. The world would not be the same without you, so keep hanging in there, keep fighting & hopefully your day will come soon & you will finally get some much deserved relief!

((((((((((((((((Stillrecovering))))))))))))))))))

Skeye

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/25/2009 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
White Beard, Sorry to hear about the divorce. I wish you the best in that. Yeah, that church is just not the right one for us. We'll find another one soon enough. Enough whining about that,lol We are looking into getting the two beds also. My husband has back issues also. I can't lay flat either and it takes 6 pillows between my back, hip and leg to get me even the slightest bit comfortable. Our bedroom isn't big enough for them so we have to wait until we get moved.

Skye, thanks for those awesome words. I won't lie to anyone, I think about the easy way out all the time but I am to much of a chicken to do it and I would never do anything to bring that kind of hurt on my hubby and kids. I know it would just devastate my oldest son. The first thing he always tells a new girlfriend is that he is a momma's boy and they will just have to deal with it,lol

Yeah, they found the optic nerve stuff when I had my last eye exam which was in January. I had had a significant vision change since August so I went in for a check up and he found that. I am not sure what the other optical symptoms are, I'm afraid if I read to much about it I will give it to myself,lol I have developed the speech problem though and that has my doctor really concerned about it. A visit to a Neuro will have to wait just like all the others. I swear once I get insurance I will spend the next two months just going to doctors,lol

I want everyone to know that I won't do anything to hurt myself. I do think it would be easier on me but I know it would be harder on my family and besides that I wasn't raised to be a quitter so the world is just stuck with me,lol I do appreciate all the concern more than you all will ever know!
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 3/26/2009 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Stillrecovering, I am so glad that you are finding new strength. This site is so wonderful. There are times that I read and want to post to encourage others but the suffering is too great for me to get the right words out. there are also times when the meds mess with my ability to communicate and I can't get the right words our. You have friends here. With the name Fatherjohn I get questioned once in awhile. I am sorry that you have had a negitive interaction with clergy. I have been a pastor for 27 years and I am always amazed at some of the things that people suffer at the hands of those who are supposed to help. Without being religious, I believe the church can be a wonderful resource for help, encouragement and hope. I don't want to judge others but it appears that some enter professions for the wrong reason. As being a member of "the clergy" I ask you for forgiveness from fellow clergy that have acted in ways that have brought hurt. I did a short stint as ahospital chaplain and was sickened by the number of the clergy that did not make hospital calls. I am probably going to far with this but since a life changing event my whole life is helping others and I don't base that help on gender, religion, race or any other obstacles that hinder. After all that you have gone through you should not have to deal with these issues. I wish the best for you and your husband.

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 3/26/2009 12:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I really appreciate that fatherjohn. And you dont have to ask for my forgiveness on their behalf. I have already done that. I found out the hard way that holding a grudge only hurts me more so I learned a long time ago to just let things go. I know that there is a reason for everything that I, and others, have gone through. We may never know what that reason is but it is there all the same. Thank you so very much for your wonderful words!
Motorcycle wreck 08/2004: 119 fx, 13 surgeries with more to go, including 5 bone grafts, 2 skin grafts, pelvic reconstruction x2. Right leg is 1.5" shorter than left. Have to wear knee brace for life and also AFO brace for drop foot. Nerve damage from hip down to toes, nerve pain in lower leg. Spinal fusion. Will be on crutches the rest of my life. Pain level never below 5 even on pain meds. Since August 2007 I have been diagnosed with chronic atelactesis, tachycardia, high blood pressure, borderline personality disorder, depression and Delayed sleep phase syndrome


Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 3/26/2009 3:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Still; I know what you are going through. Hubby bought us a Select Comfort bed and I did alright at first, but trying to find that perfect setting is difficult as it goes down five pounds at a time and I think it needs to be a little less then 35 but more then 30. 25 is way too low....30 is a little better but not enough for my support and 35 is a little to much. I sleep on the couch in the living room so that I won't disturb hubby when I'm up all hours of the night. Also its about the most comfortable spot I can find for my back. I hate that I cannot sleep with hubby and that my brand new bed is sitting there so empty. I want to sleep with hubby and cuddle to him but its a queen and with all the pillows I need to keep me comfortable its impossible to sleep. I usually end up on the edge of the bed cringing in pain!

Ok...I'll quit whining now.

Hugs

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P

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