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jj from Canada
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/6/2009 7:37 PM (GMT -6)   

Interesting word in the eyes of a chronic pain sufferer,

 Whose hopes evaporated in a flash. In a second, just as much time it took for my doctors to say those dreaded words,

“There is NO more treatments at this time”, (in other words, this is IT!)

Oh yes lets not forget the -GOOD LUCK!


For a very long time Hope did not, could not exist I could not see a future, especially with me in it. My business, my family, my medicated broken body/ and mind forced me through the motion, time past, some how life went on. At this point in my life, Hope was just a four letter word.


As time went on, and life became harder and harder to justify, It might have had some thing to do with the amount of medication I was consuming, and at the end of the day;  I still felt like crap.

I was loosing my ability to think straight, my decision making was compromised.  You pretty much know how my mental state was. My physical situation was also deteriateing faster then I had time to adapt. Which I might add, I was a pro at.

Then to make things worst; I broke my right leg and was bed ridden for 5 months.

(I was self employed, trying to support a young family at the time)

My life crash and burn around me and there was nothing I could do. My independents was gone, my dignity was gone I felt I was a burden to everybody around me.

I was the one every body depended on, not the other way around.

I felt helpless, frustrated, and extremely angry. I wanted to be left alone, I disassociated my self form reality, and everybody around me, I gave up.


The day my life changed,


That day; I don’t recall anything special that happened. I remember being miserable like usual, not wanting anybody around me. My daughter on the other hand was/is, a very persistent individual, she insisted on talking to me and like usual got her way. As she came through the door, in to the room, were I was calling home, I saw her eyes, they were wide open, a smile from ear to ear. She was clutching a sheet of paper which she was so proud of, and insistent that I look at. It was her grade and most importantly the teachers comment on how well she did on this project. We worked on this project together; she told me that with out my help she would have never figured it out, so she felt that I deserved some of the credit. As we sat and talked I realized how much of an impact I had on her life as well as the rest of the family. Just being there was important, she my rat daughter gave me the kick in the realities I needed.

It was that glee, that smile from ear to ear that put hope back in to my life.

I learned; there is always Hope, sometimes you just got to look harder

White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3602
   Posted 4/6/2009 9:31 PM (GMT -6)   
jj from Canada

You have spoken well! I am glad that that you have found that HOPE! Don't ever let it go! Because sometimes that is all there is left and it will have to be enough to sustain you, at least for a while! But in your case it sounds like, that along with Hope you have also come to realize that you have your family right there with you giving you support! You are indeed a very fortunate individual!

Good Luck to You!
White Beard

I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on ful disalbility!

Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!)

Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9607
   Posted 4/6/2009 10:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh my gosh,
With tears in my eye's this is wonderful to hear something positive!
I sure hope that this day will always be with you and Thank you, thank you
for sharing....
lots and lots of soft HUGZ
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd, Enlarged Pituitary Gland
******** "We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world" from Helen Keller *********


Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 4/6/2009 10:07 PM (GMT -6)   
JJ, Your post really touched my heart. You have really been through alot. It really touched my heart. I wish there was something that I could say to you that would help. But I think your daughter has already helped you much more than I could. Our children don't see us the way we see ourselves. They depend and love with such a beautiful,innocent love. Her love and her beautiful little smile was her gift to you-your hope.

It is hard to have hope at times,especially when you have a body that is not what it once was. Pain can change your world completely, in ways those who aren't suffering can't comprehend. But, you must grasp that hope and hold on tight. In the hard times remember your little girl and that beautiful day that her smile brought you back.

Your post was extremely heart-felt and you expressed yourself so well. Maybe you can use that talent to help yourself. I used to write in a journal. I found it helped me. It could help to get all your thoughts out and on paper. That in itself was a help to me. It might be something you could consider for yourself.

Your family is there for you. And we are hear to support you, too. You are not alone.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13366
   Posted 4/6/2009 11:05 PM (GMT -6)   
JJ I would like to thank you for sharing this post with us here on the forum.That was the most heart felt, gut wrenching post that I think I have ever read and what an ending on that post. As Anice said, children do not see us as we see ourselves, how true that is, your daughter proved that. I do hope at some point your health does improve. There is that possibility and hope. As White Beard put, never give up hope.

I do hope you will hang out with us here on the forum. Coming here allows us to do just what you did, speak out to people who understand, not everyone does, but on here we are all in the same boat together.


Ms Kitty
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 4/6/2009 11:35 PM (GMT -6)   

Several months aftr my amputation my daughter gave me a T-shirt with "Don't Eer Give Up" on it.  After hat I decided I had two choices:

1. sit in my recliner and sulk

2. get off my a** and do something productiv e. So I signed up for the ACA convention and took the classes to be a Peer Visitor and Started a support group. I like that much better than sitting in my recliner.

Ms Kitty

Severe diabetic neuropathy, 3 stents, arthritis, R/BK amputee
Duragesic pain patches, Vicodin ES, Elevil, insulin and lots of other meds

jj from Canada
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/9/2009 1:07 PM (GMT -6)   

Thank you all

Keep smiling


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/9/2009 2:30 PM (GMT -6)   
this is one of the best posts I have read to date!!!!!

Thank you for sharing

Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2022
   Posted 4/9/2009 6:55 PM (GMT -6)   

How beautiful!!

Thanks for sharing!!!

Where are you in canada? I am in Ottawa.

jj from Canada
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/9/2009 11:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Im in Montreal

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2022
   Posted 4/10/2009 2:08 AM (GMT -6)   
JJ-wow you are so close to me. I am being followed by a tmj specialist in Longueuil and will be going to the Montreal hospital on Wed to see a pain specialist/orofacial dr. to see if he can help with my chronic pain. I have constant severe temporal headaches. You are the first canadian I meet on this board. Welcome.
Sure hope you get to feeling better soon as well as all my chronic pain friends!!

jj from Canada
New Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 4/17/2009 7:27 AM (GMT -6)   
I met some one the other day who for all intense and purposes

should be full of despare, she had a lot of physical challanges, yet all she could talk about was her feauture. Just being in her presence gave me hope.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 4/20/2009 3:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Just have to tell you how much I loved your post.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 4/20/2009 4:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks JJ, lifted my mood just to read your post, such a wonderful gift to share with us all. Nothing more beautiful than a child's smile.  

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 4/20/2009 4:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for reminding me that with each new sunrise comes the promise of hope.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 4/20/2009 8:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I hope you get better, its hard being sick as a kid, my illness started when I was 13, I am 27 now. Feel better!!!
thanks, Dusti

Diagnosed with colonic inertia at 13 years old, had my colon removed.
Diagnosed with rectal inertia at 16 years old, had my rectum removed and had a jpouch made.
Diagnosed with small bowel inertia at 18 years old, and got an ileostomy wich I still have. I am 27 now.
If you want to know more, just ask me!
"Don't worry about failure, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try"

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 4/20/2009 11:17 PM (GMT -6)   
"Out of the mouths of Babes" - I often feel like such a burden to my family, and this made me realize that I do still have something to contribute to their lives! Thank you so much for posting this!

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