Scared, Overwhelmed, Crying

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PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/7/2009 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, friends,
I had to go get a batch of kleenex before I could write this. Thank God I have you all to write to, because there's truly no one else who would understand the feelings, especially all coming at once.

I guess the reality is starting to hit me deeply...that in about 3 weeks my unemployment will end (the extended one) and at the end of June my COBRA will end. It has been painful to start applying for various government programs. I got a little bit from the home energy assistance program. And I thought that I would at least be eligible for Medicaid while I applied for SSD and waited for Medicare. WRONG. Each state is different with Medicaid (Frances2008 well knows!). I figured I would have pretty much NO income by the end of June when my COBRA ends, and that I could use the little bit in my 401k to live on while awaiting SSD. And believe me what's left in my 401k (I have had to borrow from it over the past few years and pay penalties) is only a few thousand. But PA's resource limit is $2,000, and they include even a 401k. Heck, what's in that 401k is barely into double digits (I mean way less than 20k) and it's all I've got. I am truly terrified to face not being with any health insurance. My cousin has been paying my COBRA for almost a year now, but she's stretched and can't keep it up. There's a "adult basic" insurance program in PA but there's a waiting list.

I know some of you have faced this before. Right now I just need shoulders to cry on, not solutions because really, there are none. There's only one possibility and that's to see if I can get the money from my 401k dispersed in monthly amounts AND not have the state consider the rest as a resource, but just the monthly amount as income.

But my head is so confused right now. All of this requires thinking. I haven't even done my taxes yet. Probably will file an extension but I didn't want to, plus they'll want my tax returns. It's just that I can't think right now!!! I feel so overwhelmed, just paying the bills has me spinning. I am so tired. And for most of this stuff there's no one else who can do most of it, ya know?

I'm scared. I'm alone. What kind of country are we living in here in the U.S.? I know I'm not alone falling through the cracks. I'll turn 60 before too long. There is so little to look forward to every day except this stack of overwhelming things that require a clear head to deal with.

I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I need to cry. I need some friends.

PaLady

Tony McGuire
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 483
   Posted 4/7/2009 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
You don't need new friends.

You just need to acknowledge the overwhelming batch of friends that you have.

And don't worry. You've given so much, just here, that yours is coming due. I think that there will be an overwhelming number of people posting to keep you company in the coming hours and days, if you still need and want it.

I'll be back to take over in an hour. Sorry, but just about anything but NCIS and I couldn't care a bit. You happen to hit my hour in a week of television.
As I said, tag team takeover in 60 minutes.

(Edit: add 'new')
Wife: Liz, the choice of a lifetime
Dogs: Koshka & Chomp

Post Edited (TonyMcGuire) : 4/7/2009 9:18:41 PM (GMT-6)


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/7/2009 6:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Tony,
Your post truly touched me. Thank you so much!

PaLady

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/7/2009 6:07 PM (GMT -7)   
PA,
I'm so upset about your sittuation I could scream! I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm your friend and I really wish I could do something more to help you. It's a sorry state of affairs that lets this kind of thing happen to a citizen of the richest country in the world. Well maybe we are not anymore, who knows? It's the gready idiots who got our country in such a mess that have you in tears now. It makes my stomac turn. I'm sorry and I'd better stop now before I get anymore political or my head might just explode from anger! PA, somehow things are going to be OK for you, you have to keep the faith. Please take care in knowing you have friends here who care about you.
Your Friend,
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Japan and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


ryand
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 639
   Posted 4/7/2009 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((PaLady)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

How I wish I could give you a real life hug right now, my friend! You've been there for so many of us in so many ways. I just hate that you are having to go through this right now. I seriously wish we should all build ourselves a condo somewhere... You shouldn't have to be struggling like this. None of us should.

Ry

Post Edited (ryand) : 4/7/2009 7:55:17 PM (GMT-6)


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I send so many hugs your way I will even blow millions of kisses into the wind hoping one makes it to you. If I lived anywhere near you I would be bringing over ice cream and chocolate chip cookies!!!!!

I will tell you I have never had to deal with no health insurance. I don't think I could deal with such a blow!!!!

Some people say god works in mysterious ways. I hope he allows you a solution.
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD


bluejet2
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
PALady:

I am truly sorry for your situation, it is not fair! and to have to face it all on your own must be really scarey. I, too, wish that I could give you a real hug, but since I can't, just close your eyes and imagine us all with our arms around you! Things will work out somehow, someway.

Lorie

anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
PALady,

I am sorry that you are faced with this situation. It is very overwhelming to say the very least. My heart goes out to you. You will get through this. I will pray for you. And I will keep you close in my thoughts. It is in our lowest times in life, when we don't know if we have the strength to get through it...you will be carried through.All of us are pulling for you.

Anice

anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
PALady,

I am sorry that you are faced with this situation. It is very overwhelming to say the very least. My heart goes out to you. You will get through this. I will pray for you. And I will keep you close in my thoughts. It is in our lowest times in life, when we don't know if we have the strength to get through it...you will be carried through.All of us are pulling for you.

Anice

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, so sorry to hear that the reality is setting in the way it is. The whole cycle that many face with SSD, Medicare, COBRA and insurance is enough to make any one want to cry. You have been there for so many when they needed a word of encouragement and you know the feeling that giving those words or hugs does not seem to be enough. People love to get those words but we want to do more. There is part of you that wants to help others way more than you can. I know the feeling because I read the posts when people are stressed, hurting financially limited and wish there was more I could do. Please know that there are many of us that would do so much more if we could but what we have right now is words, thoughts and prayers. You and I recently talked about the word blessing that I add to many of my posts. I certainly want you to be covered with such blessings. Being alone when going through these things also adds another dimension to the emotional pain that creeps in. Please know that your rambling is welcomed by many here on this forum and we are willing to listen to you and share what we can. You have given hope to many by simply writing words that are filled with care. Thank you for all you have done to help others.    

Lindaloo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Pa Lady,

You are one of the true strengths of this forum. You are always here to give excellent advice, to listen, to lend an ear and to reach out and touch us all in our hour of need. In this, your hour of need, know that I, among all the others, are here for you. Although there may not be anything materially we can offer, we can offer our hearts and shoulders for you to lean on at this time.

I believe in you and your strength and I know that you are going to get through this. I do and will continue to offer up good thoughts for you and positive energy sent your way to help you while you are down. Don't give up. Don't ever give up. When things get darkest, get on here and let us reach out to you and give you some warm gentle hugs.

I know how hard you have tried to go back to work and have been unable to do so. Not your fault even. It is not fair the situation that you are in at the moment. Please know that I care and I am not alone in caring about you.

Lindaloo
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.
 
Linda


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/7/2009 7:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't thank you all enough for your words. They mean more than I can say. They bring tears, but the good kind.

I will be leaning on you for awhile. Thank God you're here!

PaLady

Tony McGuire
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 483
   Posted 4/7/2009 8:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Lean as much as you need. When you don't believe we'll be there, suddenly we'll show up for you, as you have done and I'm sure will do for others.

Take a break. Keep on going.
The choice is yours and WE WILL RESPECT THAT.

Whether you call to talk or call to ask the call is yours to make. :-)
Wife: Liz, the choice of a lifetime
Dogs: Koshka & Chomp


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 4/7/2009 9:17 PM (GMT -7)   
PaLady,

Your situation isn't fair. I think down deep each of us feels it's no fair. Our lives
are messed up.

Now you have a challenge. I have heard your strength in your words and here on
the forum. Now might be the time to try to connect with people in your town.
Real people with real hugs. Real people who know how to pull you through. You
will be able to do it.

I think you're so very tired right now. Hurt. Angry. OMG, each of us wants to
change your situation. Maybe our thoughts and the healing energy we send your
way will do something.

I wish you a wonderful rest. One time when I felt a little like you do, a lady
said to me .... Tomorrow Is Another Day.

Take care.

Pamela

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 4/7/2009 10:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Palady, My good friend,

I can't even put into words how devastated I am for you. Seeing you struggle & knowing that I can't help is torturous. You've just been having such a hard time lately, and you don't deserve it! You don't deserve this pain, and you certainly don't deserve to lose your livelihood because of it. You're right, what has this country come to?

You deserve nothing but good. Like Lindaloo so beautifully said, you are the rock of this forum. We all depend on your wise voice. You have touched so many of us. You are always there when we need a friend, when we're scared & confused. You're always the first to welcome new comers. You give so much to us. You'll never know how much you've touched me! I wish that there was something more that I could give back to you, to help you out of this situation. But alas, I am helpless. But I can offer you my support. Prayers, positive energy, and big comforting hugs! Any time you need anything...I am here for you!

Skeye

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/7/2009 10:33 PM (GMT -7)   
My dearest friends,
I am speechless as I read your words. I can't thank you adequately right now - maybe never can I find "words", but know that you HAVE helped me by your loving thoughts and kindness. I am humbled by it, and maybe there will be enough positive energy coming from all of you to help in more ways that any of us know.

What's the song...You Lift Me Up.....

You do.

Thank you. I wish there was a "hug" icon!

PaLady

Jules22871
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 4/7/2009 10:36 PM (GMT -7)   
You know that I'm not very good with words. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going thru. I do understand and know how you feel. NOt having that insurance blanket to keep you covered is very scary. I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thirteen surgeries from motorcycle wreck. Reconstructed right pelvis, DJD left hip, trochanteric bursitis left hip, screws in knee, metal plates on right pelvis, spinal fusion to reattach right pelvis, metal plates right tibia and fibula, metal plates needs replaced on tibia, cannot walk without crutches, drop foot, nerve damage and pain, HTN, tachycardia, delayed sleep phase syndrome, PTSD, chronic atelactesis
Wonderful husband, 3 awesome children that are grown but still take care of me. Two dogs, Buddy- Cardigan Welsh Corgi/Borner Collie mic, Crash- Yorkie, 1 psychotic cat, Precious, 1 anti-social cat, Prissy.


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 4/7/2009 10:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I can't believe that I forgot to add: hugs!!!!!
(((((((((((((((((Palady))))))))))))))))))))

Skeye

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 4/7/2009 11:00 PM (GMT -7)   
PALady

My heart and soul goes out to you! There are no words that express how I feel about you and your situation! I feel so helpless and powerless, what can I do to help you?
I wish you only the best PALady and hope that things will improve for you!

White Beard
 

I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on ful disalbility!

Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!)

Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/7/2009 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
White Beard - you and Pete can win the lotto and build us all a condo complex where we could live together and take care of eachother! :-)

And sending all your warm, kind thoughts helps. It truly does.

Thank you!

PaLady

angel8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 4/8/2009 3:31 AM (GMT -7)   

PAlady I remember chatting with you often when I was here before and I remember the quiet strength you carried to this forum.

I too have been one of those that fell through the many cracks in our systems workings and even after almost 10 years on SSD I still do not qualify for most anything statewise.

There are so many that work the system and are good at it and the money that goes to those scammers each month make me ill when I cant get one dime of medicaid,pay out of pocket deductables for meds and office visits of over $200 amonth when drawing no more then $800 in SSD. I get little more then SSI folks but the do NOT have to count one dime as qualifying income to get food stamps,welfare,housing subsidies,food stamps,or any other state level assistance. My entire amount is counted and and disqualifies me from all programs with the exception of a few food stamps for me and my daughter.

I have been trying to research the new Presidents changes in the medicaid system and food stamp program and there have been changes but not real clear yet how that is going to help any of us crack dwellers!

I know that some of those changes were to the help those uninsured so I guess what I am asking is when was the last time you checked to see if you qulaified for medical assistance in your state? Also you may have more luck then I seeking the actual changes that took or will take place in the health care programs.

I also kept thinking when you were talking about your 401 and trying to get it down under the qualifying amount for public assistance that possibly finding a inurance company that you can pay for say a year premium? That would bring it down a significant amount and give you some kind of coverage for at least year and with that comes some peace of mind?

I cant recall if you have applied for SSD but this might be a good time to start the ball rolling since that is another hurdle for us that can take lots of time to get.

I am going to do some more research re the changes as soon as I can.

At this point all I can say is try to hang in there and not panic since it seems when we go there we accomplish anything else.

YOu have tons of friends here that are giving you loads of suuport and when everyone gets past the initial shock that this happens to someone undeserving I am sure they will start coming up with ways to guide you in the right direction.

Good luck to you.

 


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13478
   Posted 4/8/2009 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Pa, I am late or early depends on how you want to look at it since, its 5:52 am my time and I have been up all night.
 
I just can only say what everyone else has, that we all understand that horrible overwhelming feeling that you have in the pit of your stomach. Alot of us have already been there and done that many times over. It never gets easier each time either.
 
I know I had 401 where I worked, mine you had to wait until you were 57 1/2 before you could withdraw without any penalty, and of course anything withdrawn you get to pay tax on at the end of the year when they send you a 1099. They get you coming and going no matter what.
 
Yes, I can believe you don't qualify for Medicaid or any other state funded program. This does not surprise me one bit. I remember back yrs ago, I was divorced with 2 small kids, a dead beat that did not pay child support. I worked a fulltime job at the attys office and worked as a bartender 4 nights a week, put in 8 hrs at one job, pulled 8 hrs at the next. The only thing that was going for me was I was young and able to work those kind of hours. But, this put a roof over our heads & clothes on their back. I swallowed my pride and applied for food stamps only. I didn't need housing we had that, didn't need Medicaid, little help on groceries would have helped a lot. Took all my info in and was turned down because I made $1.00 too much a month. I don't think I have to tell you how that made me feel, I was already lower than a snakes belly. Well, lets put it this way, I forgot I was a suppose to be a lady that day but I really didn't care. I got very loud, I cannot even begin to repeat here the things that came out of my mouth. I truly think something in me snapped when that woman told me that, I lost it. I was escorted out of the welfare office by the police lol. I know this is off track wth your situation, but this is why I say I am not surprised you cannot get Medicaid, I got a big zero too. What is sad is that happened over 30 yrs ago, and apparently things have not changed, now whats wrong with this picture, can someone tell me. 
 
I really don't know about your area where you live or anything. We have a county hospital that offers care to local folks that have no insurance and this is a income based program. It does include prescriptions filled at the hospital pharmacy, we now have many clinics around town. Some folks get it all free and this has nothing to do with welfare. Does your city have such a hospital? Just a thouht and another thought is, I would call my local hospitals and ask if they offer a program for un-insured, unemployed seniors. Its just a shot in the dark from my end. Of course, I don't qualify for the county hospital because SSD pays me too much money a month,lol. darn these people get ya coming and going.
 
I do hope you can get yourself pulled together enough to get your application going for SSD. Its going to be time consuming but I just don't see whats left for you at this time. At least if you get the application in, that will get one monkey off of your back. Please don't wait any longer on this, I have talked to you before about the earnings and the quarters paid in. You sure don't need to lose any mone you may be entitled to, because of waiting to file. Since things have gotten so squirrely I would go ahead and file and get my medical records to them a little later. I would not use precious time waiting to get records from everyone before turning in my application.
 
Just know everyone here is pulling for you and have you on their prayers...Susie
 
 


mrsm123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 1228
   Posted 4/8/2009 5:26 AM (GMT -7)   
PA Lady,
I read your post and felt so inadequate in what to say to you, or how to make things less overwhelming for you. I feel your desperation and your hurt at finding yourself in this position. I feel horrible that you are there.
I don't know what the answers are, I wish that I did, but I know this much, you have and continue to give so much of yourself to this forum, to the people who come here every day, and those who have been here awhile.
There has to be some answer out there and hopefully, if we all keep looking, we will find it.
I wish you nothing but the best and hope and pray that things will work out for you and for everyone of us who find ourselves living with these nightmares of health insurance and living day to day with this world of health problems that we all live with.
I know that there is a short list of medical problems which the SSD approves almost immediately ( within 20 days), so you may want to look into those and see if your conditions are listed on their "short list."
I know that mine were and that's how I got approved so quickly.
Sandi
PLIF/TLIF Fusion w/Instrumentation L4-5 Spondololysthesis L4-5.Laminectomies L4-5, foraminal stenosis L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, herniations L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, central canal stenosis L3-4, L4-5 and L5-S1
POST OP CES 3/30-06
Neurogenic Bladder and Bowel, bilateral numbness legs and feet
Revision for failed Back surgery, pseudoarthrosis L4-5, hemilaminectomies L3-4, L4-5, L5-S1, bmp added to revision fusion, replaced two bent screws that were reversing out of vertebrae - August 2, 2007
On going back pain and neuropathic pain, failed back surgery, consult for scs, decided not to do that at this point.
Adhesive Arachnoiditis also......just what I didn't need..9/08- adding bilateral ulnar neuropathy with severe compression to the mix. They want me to see a surgeon for ulnar nerve surgery, but I'm not biting.
I've seen enough surgeons over the last few years.


uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 4/8/2009 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Hey PaLady,
I can't think that someone like you will have to worry for too long.  You are the one that is there for all of us..even though you have your own issues.  Like Tony said..something will happen that will be great for you..So, even though I can't tell you 'Not to worry'...please don't let it overwhelm you.
 
We need you here in our little group of dysfunctional Cper's...So, be positive, and we are all here for you..
 
Me.

 
We are all in the same boat...unfortunatley it seems like it's sinking...
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome
Hemi Lamenectomy/Spinal Fusion(Lumbar)
120 mg. Methadone daily /15 mg. Oxycodone as needed
Type 2Diabetes : (March 16, 2009)
Metformin 500 mg. twice daily
ME. (Rhonda)                                                                    

 


TroubleMaker
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 4/8/2009 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   

OMG ... I'm crying sitting here at my desk. LOL... Don't walk by now bossman LOL.  Pa, Every thing I've ever read from you has always, always came from your heart, you can really tell it.  I had to go with out insurance for 13 1/2 years, my job did not offer it when I started here (and then it wasnt as bad and was managable pain then).  Then in 2005 when it started up for me I was able to go the the "clinic" at our hospital and got on the clinic card for a while, but was kicked off in May of 2008.  But it got me through the surgery and we found out mostly what was wrong.  Please dont give up,  take a deep breath, feel all the hugs and smoochies being sent from here and you will get through it.  Call around to your local hospital and see if they have a program that might help til you can get on SSI, I know it might be a long shot but dont let them get you down.  Also, say strong on the social securtity, you might get turned down but keep going back.  My husband was turned down twice before we were able to get him on it.  Took me about 2 1/2 years to 3 years.  I know that sounds like a long time, but you can make it I have faith in you. 

Hugs and smoochies from Georgia!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trouble

 

PS.. Long shot here, but call your local Mayor, Senator, Gov. see if they can give you any advise on where you can go til the SSI starts. 


Pain pain go away and never darken my door step again :)
 
 

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