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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 4/11/2009 4:29 PM (GMT -6)   
My husband and I had a long talk last  weekend. I have been meaning to write a post on it, but it has been a hectic week.
My husband, (although he has helped himself to my percocet at times) has been very sweet and loving since I have been dealing with all this pain. He kinda looked a little down in the dumps last Sat. and I asked him what was wrong. He said that he is worried about me. And he was upset because he said he can't make me happy anymore. He does alot of things for me to help me.  He also said that he and the kids can't do or say anything lately to make me happy. I tried to explain to him that no, I am not happy. I am in pain every minute of every day. That when my feet hit the floor in the mornings, I know what kind of day I am going to have.The pain is either the same as the day before or worse, but NEVER better. I told him that there isn't anything that he or the kids can do to "make me happy" and I told him that I am sorry if my fuse is a little short these days. I am trying hard but I really can't help it. I don't mean to take it out on him or the kids.
He wasn't trying to put the attention on himself or put me on a quilt trip. He was just bringing something to my attention because, I did ask what was wrong. I have changed from the person I used to be before the pain became my constant companion. I used to be a fairly happy person. Things get on my nerves that didn't used to bother me at all. It is amazing all the ways this pain can change a person. But it is hard to be "happy" when you hurt.
I am so sick of hurting. I would give almost anything to just have a day without pain. I am in a bad mood all the time now. I want to be left alone most of the time. It is a struggle to make myself get up in the morning and go to work. I know what the day is going to be like. I am just on edge all the time. My nerves are shot. I love my children with all my heart, but sometimes even just the sound of their voice gets all under my skin. The sound of the tv even bothers me.
I don't cook anymore. I couldn't tell you the last meal I cooked. We eat alot of whatever. I can't stand long enough to cook a meal for my family, especially after being on my feet all day at work. I don't do much cleaning anymore. It drives me up the wall to look at what has happened to my once clean and tidy house. I have even gotten behind on bill paying. I keep saying I'll do it in a minute, which doen't come.  We are behind on alot of bills right now. I don't know how much money is in the account, because I haven't done my checkbook in a while. I just know there isn't enough to pay everything.  I know I am depressed. There is no doubt what so ever about that. And I know why.
I am having surgery -laminectomy in 11 days. I hope for the best. I don't know what the outcome will be. It is hard to have hope...but I am trying. My mom will be here with us. I am glad for that. I can't do so many things I used to be able to do. And I don't like asking people, even my family, to do things for me. That is going to be hard for me too.
I am just in a bad place emotionally.  I am trying to keep it together. Yesterday I spent most of the day in the bed. I hurt so bad. I cried and slept. I take percocet,flexiril and elavil. It just doesn't help alot...
Sorry to ramble on so much. I just need to get all this out. Thank you for listening...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 639
   Posted 4/11/2009 4:55 PM (GMT -6)   

First: ((((((((((anice)))))))))))

I am sorry you are in this place. I'm sorry we all are. But I'm glad you've come here to HW to find support. I've not had a chance to welcome you yet, but I'm sure you've seen how caring and compassionate the people here are.

I want to encourage you to get some help for the struggle you are having right now. I think this post was a good first step, but I hear a lot behind what you've written too. I am not a doctor or even a medical professional in a related field. I'm not married either. So you can take this with a grain of salt. But a couple of things in your post stood out to me. First, clearly you love your husband, and you love your children too. Second, your husband has behaved badly (and maybe still does on occasion?) by stealing medicine that was prescribed to you, and I think that hurt you more deeply than you want to believe. It was practically the first thing you mentioned, which makes me think the wound is still very fresh but you are trying to convince yourself that it's over and done. (again - I'm no professional... just my thoughts here.)

Have you ever considered seeking counseling as a couple? Or if you see a neuropsychiatrist (as many of us CP'ers do), maybe you could ask if you could have some sessions together with your husband? As Chronic Pain sufferers, we have a real need for help in coping with the emotional effects of the pain... help grieving with the loss of our lives as we knew them before the Pain. It makes sense that your husband might need help with those same things. Maybe having an objective third party to speak to about these issues would help your husband know better how to help you - especially if it were a neuropsychiatrist (who specialize in CP).

All the best,

White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3602
   Posted 4/11/2009 5:11 PM (GMT -6)   
anice your are not rambling I woud dare say we have all been where you are at or maybe some still are, I know well the changes CP can make in you, I have lived it for many years, there was a post made about just this topic not all that long ago! I believe fatherjohn started the thread. What you have expressed here, has been expressed by many of us, I have often wondered if CP wasn't at least partly responsible for my marriage failing? But Please don't beat your self up about it, What are you suppose to do when your in extreme pain? Ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist? Just how do you do that? or can it even be done? For Gods sakes you are only human! And you are still working? So you are in pain and still working and you feel bad because you don't clean the house and pay all the bills and cook all the meals too? Are you suppose to be SUper Woman or something? heck your going to have surgery in a few days, they don't do that type of surgery for nothing you have something seriously wrong, and it causes you pain, what are you suppose to do? I don't understand? If your husband had your condition what do you think he would be like? Would he still be working and doing all the other stuff to? Wasn't he also taking your medications? I bet I could guess what he would be doing if he had your condition!

Anice you are not rambling and yes we are listening, I wish you only the best, and please take care of yourself, and be kind and gentle to yourself!

White Beard

  I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/11/2009 5:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Ryand has given you some excellent advice and White Beard has added to that. I think after your surgery getting some counseling from someone experienced with pain would be extremely helpful - for you and your husband. Plus, his stealing of your meds needs to be addressed, and you need some help with that.

But I also remember before my surgery how anxious I was getting, yet I didn't even realize it. Facing surgery is a scary thing; lots of unknowns. Plus you're thinking all about your family. It still sounds like a different anti-depressant might be helpful for you, and that could be started even before your surgery. Just something to discuss with your doctor.

In the meantime, we are here to listen. You are NOT rambling! That's a certainty! CP does change us and our lives. I'm still trying to figure out what my life is going to look like in the future. Thankfully, we don't have to do that alone. We have eachother!



Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13362
   Posted 4/11/2009 5:56 PM (GMT -6)   


Guess what, you have every right in the world right now not to be happy and not to up to snuff. Quit being so hard on yourself, you are after all only human. Oh, I know, husbands and kids think wives and mothers are these super human people that can do anything no matter what.

I am still surprised you are able to work with all of this going on around you. I don't remember what kind of work you do. One thing I can tell you, is pain can and will suck the life out of you. Given the fact that your body really isn't getting the rest it needs and something is wrong with it, no wonder you are miserable.

You said you are depressed, well pain and depression go hand in hand. You might consider getting something to help with the depression. You have a number of tings stacked up against you right now so you may needs a little help for while.

Now might be the time you make a "chore list" for each one of the kids and one for hubby. After surgery you are not going to be in any shape to be cleaning house, doing laundry and cooking. Just because you are having surgery does not mean an overnight quick fix to mom's health problems. Your family needs to understand this. They also need to know how important that it is that you recuperate and only do the things your dr says you can do right after your surgery. If you go home and start doing things too early you run the risk of messing up things from your surgery. 

It probably would help you to take a few days off of work before your surgery and try to rest up some. I guess what I am saying is you need to worry about you and what its going to take to get you back up on your feet.

Hugs, Susie                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/11/2009 6:01 PM (GMT -6)   
The post got long on my page again. I wish I could understand why this happens! Usually it's extending an unbroken line of text or symbols.


Anice - you didn't do anything! This is a quirk on some of our computers or with the site on occasion.

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