I went to see th Doctor

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Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/17/2009 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I finally went to see my primary for my yearly physical I've been trying to get done since November. I had had a fasting blood test for him last week. As some of you may or may not know, I have not been sleeping since my wife left me again last weekend for the country where she lives. Back to my blood tests, he said my thyroid was OK because it was in the limmits but both my Sister and Mother who have thyroid problems told me that that might not matter, there still may be problems, espessially since I had mine removed. My bad colesterol went up 100 points and my good went down 45 points. My triglicerides were also way up from last year. I'm not at all suprised as I've been eating like crap ever since my wife left last May. I asked him if I could change my antidepression med, Effecssor to something else as it hardly seems to be working as I am in a constant state of depression and cry often. Then he grilled me on the reasons I am depressed and I broke down big time. The tears were flowing like rain and he said he wasn't aware things were so bad. He started asking me about suiside and I told him I could never do that to my kids but he kept on it. Then out of the blue, he said he wanted to commit me or Baker Act me for my own good. I told him I had no intention of killing myself but for some reason he didn't believe me! My appointment ran over an hour and my tears never stopped. He refused to change my to something from Effecsor because it might make things much worse if I had to taper off it before changing. I'm sitting at my desk at work, breaking the new company rules by writing this but I can't stop crying even here and now and I feel I have to tell someone. My Doc finally let me go but he wants me to go see a shrink right away and made me promiss him I'd call 911 if I felt like "You know what" I promissed him and have to go see him again next week. I did manage to get about four and a half hours of sleep last night and it helped a little. The biggest reason for all my depression which I don't like writing about did not call me last night to see how I made out. She knew I was having sleeping problems and probably didn't want to wake me but I haven't heard from her this A.M. either, not even a quick e-mail! I am terrified that she just doesn't love me anymore. I must stop writing now as the tears just went to a new level after writing that!
Thank God I have you folks to talk to! It seems like I don't have much else this week!
I need a Hug!
Your Friend,
Pete    
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Japan and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 4/17/2009 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete

I'm coming back to read you entire post AFTER I've had coffee. I got on
here this AM and couldn't get off.

You're compassionate to all of us and I just wanted you to know the rest
of the crew will be here soon ...

What country has your wife gone to? (That sounded strange, Pete) : )

Pamela

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/17/2009 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
No! she hasn't left the country, she went up to the country in N.W. Florida. I live in the subburbs in S.E. Florida. She is 250 miles away or 4+hours by car.
Thanks Pam!
Pete (struggling)
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Japan and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 4/17/2009 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Awww ((((((((((((((((((((Hugs for Pete)))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you're having to go through this Pete buddy. I wish that I could take away your pain with some magic hocus pocus but I can't. So I hug you tightly and hope that it is enough to help you through the pain. I know how hard it is to deal with the constant pain and lack of sleep and I wish that all of us CPers could just get two nights of really restful sleep.

Anyway....I'll pray for ya bud.

Hugs

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 4/17/2009 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Well Pete, You know that we are all here for you and I really don't think you are suicidal...Just upset... come back and talk when u can...

Me.
 
We are all in the same boat...unfortunatley it seems like it's sinking...
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome
Hemi Lamenectomy/Spinal Fusion(Lumbar)
60 mg. MS Contin 2Xdaily/15 mg. Oxycodone as needed
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin 850 mg. twice daily (so far)
ME. (Rhonda)                                                                    

 


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13473
   Posted 4/17/2009 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Awe Pete, I think its your body working against you, you are exhausted. when I get that exhausted I get weepy, can't help it. The weekend is coming up maybe you can just lay around and rest. I don't think your dr took that into consideration. Also, sometimes after surgery people tend to get down for a bit. Its normal.

You mentioned to White Beard the small incisions your dr did, alot of neurosurgeons here are doing a micro type surgery to avoid a large incision. I just think you have have found a golden boy for a dr.
Baby yourself over the weekend and rest....Susie


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/17/2009 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete,
I wish I could sit face to face with you right now, dear friend. I can't help but notice several references in your post to your wife's having left. You even said you haven't slept since she left to go back to the country place. I am glad your doctor didn't ignore the seriousness of your depression. Even though you may not intend to do anything (and I don't believe you do) you may be so depressed that you do something passive in the moment, or don't pay as close attention while driving, etc.

Please, PLEASE do not try to push yourself any further! You really need some time off, and I wish you'd take it on your own and not be hospitalized. Both your body and your mind are trying to tell you something, Pete. We care about you here. I think your wife cares about you or she wouldn't have come down to support you, but maybe it all gets too much for her, too, and she needs a bit of a break.

If you insist on working get your doctor to write that you can ONLY work a couple of hours a day. Now I know you don't want to do that. What are you waiting for? A complete collapse? Your boss has shown he doesn't care about you, just his business. I hope you read this while you're at home because you left early to avoid the traffic and sit outside or someplace relaxing. Call your wife and talk with her. I'd say go visit her but I'm not sure the drive is good for your neck.

Your doctor is also right about changing the effexor. There may be a bump as you switch from one anti-depressant to another, and sometimes these changes are best made as an inpatient, so a doctor can observe you, especially with all the other meds you're on.

Ok, enough of words. Here's a big, huge, hug for you!

(((((((((((((((((((((PETE)))))))))))))))))))))))

Sit, close your eyes, and feel how much you're cared about!!!!!

PaLady

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 4/17/2009 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete,
I am so sorry to hear about everything you are going through. Maybe give your wife a call. It sounds it would really help to talk with her. I don't know the reason why she hasn't called to check on you, but I can't imagine the reason would be any worse than all the horrible things you are imagining.

You're right to say that your doctor can't Baker Act you if you haven't said or done anything that suggests you are an IMMEDIATE threat to yourself or others. I had a PCP try to do that to me once. I went to the hospital & spoke with a MHW. She thought it was crazy that I was even sent to the ER b/c the only thing that was a problem was that I was having disturbing dreams & was afraid to sleep. She signed my release & send me on my way. As it turned out, it was just a severe reaction to my medication. Needless to say, after that I immediately went shopping for a new PCP.

I would very gently suggest, though, that maybe you could benefit from seeing a counselor or psychiatrist. Not b/c I think you would ever hurt yourself (I don't), but just to try to give you some support during these crazy times. My goodness: you've had major surgery, quit smoking, are on a ton of meds which along with the benefits can cause serious side effects, aren't sleeping, have a super stressful job, work for a crazy overly-demanding boss & are not able to see your wife or kids on a regular basis. Heck, I don't know anyone who wouldn't be depressed with all that going on. So I'm thinking that maybe seeing a counselor could help. Plus, PCP's will usually defer to the counselor's opinion on whether to try to commit someone or not & from my experience most counselors want to believe they can help you so they will do absolutely everything possible to keep you out of a hospital.

If needed, get your PM involved. Psych wards almost never let patients take pain medication during their stay. Obviously, that would be a huge set-back to your treatment. I know my PM has been helpful in the past in working with my PCP, GYN & counselor to find ways to treat out-patient using hormones, meds & therapy. I know you said your thyroid levels are going crazy which I personally have seen make a huge difference in mood, sleep & weight. They were dx'ing me with depression & feeding me all these horrible a/d's which just turned me into an anxious insomniac. I did lose some weight, but it was not worth it to go crazy from sleep deprivation just to lose 15 pounds. Give the hormones a chance to work. I know they made a huge difference for me & have to believe that if given the chance they will really help you as well.

Ok, last bit of advice. DO NOT change PCP's until you sort this out. That is the surest way to get committed. Sort it out first, then drop your crazy PCP. Who needs that kind of stress?!

hugs & prayers,
Wild Frances

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/17/2009 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Pete,
I just needed to add something. I see what you share with others about not only your past difficulties in life, but your challenges with your son, and want to say how much wisdom you have that you share with others. It is valuable wisdom, and I know you give others insights they wouldn't otherwise have.

Sometimes what's most important is that we've learned from our mistakes, not that we've made them. You have. And you use that to help others even when you're struggling.

I wanted you to know that.

(((((((((((Pete)))))))))))

PaLady

golitho
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 4/17/2009 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pete, you sound like you've had such a bad run the last few months. I agree with Francis you really need some love and support right now, you've obviously hit a big low, I'd also suggest seeing a psychologist. I know it's a big effort at first downloading yet again your whole story but they can be so supportive and have great relaxation techniques for dealing with stress. My heart goes out to you, regards golitho. 

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 4/17/2009 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Aw, Pete, I don't know what to say! It saddens me to see you so upset! I wish I could just give you a big hug! A virtual one will have to suffice. ((((((((((((((((((((Pete)))))))))))))))))))))). Better days are to come, my friend. But until then, we'll help get you through this!

Skeye

Piercings
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 326
   Posted 4/17/2009 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Pete,

I just want to say that you do have people out here that care. There's nothing more unsettling than having someone say that they're going to turn your world upside down for a while. Which is pretty much what your doc did there.

I don't post\respond much, but I do read a lot. You are one of the people that I pay attention to.

Do yourself a favor and breathe. I know that's an easier said than done thing, but it's something that needs to be done.

Is there any genuinely logical reason why your wife would suddenly not love you as much? I don't know if that fear was a legitimate fear or if it was just one of those fleeting irrational fears that gets stuck in our heads when we're sleep deprived and insane from the overload.

Take at least a few minutes and try to slow yourself down. I only say this because my own 'freak out' times like that are due to me allowing things to overwhelm me and they spin out of control. The only thing that ever saves me is logic. I make myself slow down to do a comparison of facts versus what I'm feeling.

Try - even if you don't succeed - to get some sort of rest. Start with a favorite stupid movie or something. Something that you will pay attention to so that you begin to focus elsewhere for a while. Give yourself a chance to step back from the thoughts and gain some perspective.

Hopefully you will be in a better spot by the time that you post again.

Btw... I'm posting this from my crackberry, so feel special since this is a lot to have written using a Pearl keypad. :-p

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 4/18/2009 12:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete, so very sorry you have to go through this alone, as it's never easy, why don't you call your wife?
Make or take that first step and call her, it might surpise her, as maybe she needs to know you care
about her...Sometimes we lose focus on those around us, Maybe call her and ask her out to dinner...
Hope things work out for ya...
((((((((((((((((Pete))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


bluejet2
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 4/18/2009 12:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pete:
 
I'm sorry you're feeling blue cry !  I know for me that insomnia compounds it so much too.
 
I often feel like I am nothing but a burden to my husband and children and I tell my husband that he would be so much better off if I was no longer here.  I know that many people, my PM included, would take that to mean that I was suicidal, but I don't feel that I am, I feel like I am just stating the facts.  When I try to express to my husband how bad I'm hurting, he doesn't say anything in return, and I often feel like he is angry with me.  I know in my heart that he is angry with the circumstances, and I think he's frustrated that he can't "fix" me.  I have told him many times that when I tell him I'm in a lot of pain, I am not looking for him to miraculously make it better, I'm just looking for some support to help me through, a hug would go a long way, but he just doesn't get it.
 
I also ask him repeatedly if he still loves me, and even after he says yes, I ask him if he is sure.  I feel like I am of very little use to him & my children, and because the rest of my family (my parents, my twin sister, grandmother, etc.) have abandoned me because they did not want to feel obligated to help me during my recovery period after surgery, I live in constant fear that even if he doesn't actually leave me, that he must want to. 
 
My husband has been by my side for every doctor's appt., every surgery, etc., and I truly believe that if there was some way that he could take the pain away from me and onto himself, he would do it in a second, and yet I still question his true feelings.
 
I am getting very sleepy, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. 
 
Take Care,
Lorie

uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 4/18/2009 7:26 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Pete,
I was just wondering what you're up to on this fine evening.... Me, just sitting here waiting to go to bed.  I know, I am boring.  But how are you?  I have been thinking about you and the situation with your wife leaving... I hope you are okay... please let us know..
 
Me/.

 
We are all in the same boat...unfortunatley it seems like it's sinking...
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome
Hemi Lamenectomy/Spinal Fusion(Lumbar)
60 mg. MS Contin 2Xdaily/15 mg. Oxycodone as needed
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin 1000mg. twice daily (so far)
ME. (Rhonda)                                                                    

 


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/18/2009 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh how good it is to have so many caring friends even if you are so far away reading my words on your lighted tube! Thanks Y'all so much for being there for me every time I call out for help! I'm sorry I haven't responded to this post in a while. I've been trying not to think about the things that got me so depressed but I just can't seem to keep them away. I was sitting here watching some tv on my computor since there is nothing on my reg. TV tonight. My favorite chanel>PBS has gone digital and I didn't get one of those gizmo's yet to convert my antena TV to receive it yet. I'm down to 4 mindless chanels now! I've been talking to my wife and she scheduled an appointment for a shrink/marrage councellor next Sat. down here were I am. She will come down for it on Fri. night after work. I guess thats moving in the right dirrection. We have been married for 28 years and I love her more than words can say! It's just that sometimes I don't feel like she feels the same. I hate to bring it up and what happened last Sat. night, the night before my son left that started me smoking again that kicked this whole eppisode off because it will make my wife look like a bad person and she is not! I'll just say that I got upset and was crying, I didn't want my son to see me like that so I left. I was very mad, my heart was breaking and I bought some smokes like a dunb *** and sat in my car outside of a bar and fired up! I've been smoking ever since. I'm sorry I let Y'all down, I'm a weak person as well as a crybaby. I can't tell you how bad & guilty I feel about it now. So I'm alone again on a Sat. night doing nothing but sitting here in this uncomfortable chair with my lower back spasing and crying out at me. When I feel like this nothing helps, not building rods or tying flys, nothing I enjoy. I just don't feel like doing anything. Writing to some of Y'all on the forum helped me today though. It makes me feel good to try and help others if I can. I actually drove around today town handing out one dollar bills to the homeless people that seem to be at every crossroad here in S.E Florida. I know a lot of them are just trying to get some beer money but my problems seem like nothing compared to someone who doesn't even know where they will sleep every night. I ended up at my Mom's place about 8 miles from me. She told me for the first time in years, my sister is coming down from N.J. to drive her and her cats back up there in a couple weeks for the summer. She said I missed too much work already and I need to let someone else take her this Spring. I love taking that trip with my Mom! We always have so much fun, yes, I'm a Momma's boy! We take the senic rout up through the Shenendowa Valley along the Blue Ridge Mts. It's so beutiful w/ all the wild flowers in bloom! I will really miss the trip this year! I told her I was going to go get her in the Fall to bring he back though! The Fall colors are spectacular on the trip back! Well kids, I need to pack it in. It's past my bedtime and I don't want to screw up my sleep schedule by staying up too late! I'm an early riser no matter what time I get to bed so I best git!
Sleep tight, have a pain free night and some sweet dreams my Familly, tomorrow is another day!
See all Y'all in the A.M.
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Thailand and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 


Tony McGuire
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 483
   Posted 4/18/2009 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Pete, good buddy.

Have you tried to contact your boys today? Are they available to phone, or out to sea, or...?

I appreciate your checking in on my last thread, and your words of wisdom.

Mine on this one, back at ya?

Well, I don't know your current wife, or the type of person. Does she want you to chase after her? That was part of the problem with my first wife. And silly me, I took her at her word when she said she wanted to be with that other guy I caught her in bed with.

Well, she twisted my head till it near unscrewed completely, me trying to understand her and she trying to make sure I didn't. Even her 2 kids came to me after the divorce and told me that they appreciated what I had tried to do for them as a family. I stayed with it for almost 2 years, and gave up finally.

And now the second wife. After 6 years, my opinion of her hasn't change one iota. She is EXACTLY the person she represented herself to be almost 8 years ago when we met over the Internet. No gall, no misrepresentation, judging but not judgmental, caring and sharing. Everything I could hope for and so much more. Through thick and thin of Diabetes, foot surgery, unable to find/hold a job, every kind of medical screwup you can think of, followed by surgeries (nothing to the degree of your ailments and particularly nothing like your neck surgery) and finally to complete inability to work or earn a dime. I'm a bit depressed myself, good buddy. At least maybe enough to understand where you are at, head wise.

Have you ever used chat? or want to? There is a version here that isn't great but is better than many.

Wanna meet there and text more directly? I believe up to 20 can be on at once. Let's meet at 10:10 tonight on the Chronic Pain Chat. Unless you would prefer not then just please let me know here.

What you say, Pete?

Who else wants to join us on this new adventure? It is free, and easy to use, easy to sign up. Once you sign up, you select the forum you want to connect to (Chronic Pain) and away we go. You get to see whoever is connected, and you can participate or just watch. Bit difference is that it is immediate messages back and forth between who is participating.

LET'S GO! 10:10PM TONIGHT!

OR NOT???
Wife: Liz, the choice of a lifetime
Dogs: Koshka Prayer & Chomp Prayer


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/18/2009 10:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Tony,
I just read this so it's too late for the chat. Most times, though, I'm not up for the chat feature and that's because of how slow my brain works anymore. Never take it personally!

Pete,

I'm so glad your wife is coming down and that you're going for counseling. Most couples hit bumps in the road, even those who seem to have gone through decades without problems. No one can see into another's marriage except the people directly involved. Health problems cause a lot of stress. Anyway, you're going in the right direction.

You don't need to tell us the details about the smoking, but don't give up on quitting - or beat yourself up for the slip. Like I told you before, nicotene is as potent as morphine. I tried many times before I finally quit. You went quite awhile, and you can do it again.

Oh, Skyway Drive! We used to drive that when I was a child and we went to Florida for vacations. That was before all the interestates were built. And during the winter sometimes I'd be so scared of being right on the edge of the road on that mountain sloap I'd duck down in the back seat! Yet when I went to California back in the 90's I loved driving along the Pacific HIghway! Your trip in the fall should be beautiful. I know you'll miss the trip up north, but maybe it will be better as your neck is healing. And maybe you can spend that time with your wife instead?

Just know we're here for you, Pete, like you have been for us!

PaLady

Tony McGuire
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 483
   Posted 4/18/2009 11:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, was on from immediately after posting the chat offer (9:40pm Mountain) until 12:20am Mountain.

Should have put the time in there so people would know when (what hour) I meant but no one asked.

Sorry eveyone missed everybody who checked in. Met some nice people who aren't normally on Chronic Pain, and one other CP regular.

Maybe next time.
Wife: Liz, the choice of a lifetime
Dogs: Koshka Prayer & Chomp Prayer


Pamela Neckpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1821
   Posted 4/19/2009 12:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete,

I've fought depression all my life. It comes. It goes.

I'm glad your doctor is watching you and helping you. Stay in touch with
him and US.

For every problem
under the sun
There is a solution,
or there is none
If there be one,
try and find it.
If there be none,
never mind it.

My husband said that one to me tonight, I swear!

I don't cry tears. It's a good release. I used to exercise really hard and
the sweat would pour off me like tears. All my hair would get wet like
I'd been swimming. Oh God, it helped soooo much. Swimming helped
too.

Eat right, sleep tight. You do for others, now do for you.

Talk to you tomorrow. I love to go to chat room. It's so quickquickquick and often
funny.

Pamela

Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 4/19/2009 1:30:31 AM (GMT-6)


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 4/19/2009 12:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Pete,
Just wanted to encourage you to cry or vent as much as you need to. That's what we're here for. You always listen to all of us & you say you like helping others. So let us be blessed by helping you when you need it. :)

Don't worry about the smoking. You will get there. Tomorrow is a new day & a new opportunity to set a goal. Maybe right now isn't the best time to try to quit. Perhaps you need to straighten things out with your family & work situation first. I don't know. Obviously, it could really benefit your health to quit smoking, but try to take things one at a time or else things get really overwhelming. Even though I'm sure you'll miss traveling with your mom, it would really be rough on your neck. Take it from me, trying to do too much too soon just brings on problems. I did that after my neck surgery & 6 months later I couldn't even function. I had caused permanent damage to my neck & ended up having to have additional surgeries to correct the problems. We're not sure exactly what all contributed to it, but my inflammation rate after 6 months was still as high as the day after surgery, meaning my tissues did not get a chance to heal. So my muscles atrophied. Other tissues atrophied & I lost a lot of the range of motion in my neck. I know it's frustrating to always feel like you're waiting to be well, but take it from me, it's better to be patient than to cause yourself irreversible damage.

Other than that, I wanted to share with you something that really helped me when I got super depressed & couldn't stop thinking about it. I would make a 3-column chart. In the first column I would list prayers/hopes for myself. In the second column I would list prayers/hopes for other people I know. In the third column, I would list things I was thankful for. I think you seem to be naturally pretty good at finding a balance between wanting a better life for yourself & being happy with the life you have, but maybe by setting up a structured activity to set aside time everyday to write out the good & bad it would help you stay on track. A lot of the counselors I saw would say to make 2 columns, 1 of goals & 1 of achievements, but I kinda modified it to work for me. I think gratitude has really been helpful to me -- even if it's small things like having running water, being able to buy a bit of food, or not seeing any mice running through my kitchen. If there's a way for you to modify the chart to work for you, go for it. We're all pulling for you here & are hopeful to one day hear that you are on the mend and able to do more of the things you enjoy. Hang in there & keep up posted!

peace & prayers,
frances

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/19/2009 5:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again for all your caring words and suggestions,
Tony, sorry man, I wrote in my last post I was going to bed! It was 9:44 your time but 11:44 mine and I was off to bed and didn't see your post! I didn't get to sleep until around 3:00 but slept until 7:00 with only two "up to pee times!" Not too bad. Maybe we can try the chat again sometime. I'm happy for you that you found the right women, she sounds great! My oldest son is in or somewhere near Thailand and I get e-mails from him once in a while. He called back on the 5th when my younger son was home. It was my wifes b-day. We all got to talk to him! My younger son is up in Norfolk, Va. I talk to him all the time while he's in port. They have been out to sea a lot lately getting certified for deployment in early May to the Middle East. Ever hear of a Tiger cruise? The Navy lets parrents come out on the ship for a day at sea to see what their kids do. The USS Bataan is having one on May 5th and we are trying to go! Pete Jr. really wants us to, we are very close to him, he's not one of those kids who is embarrases by his parrents being around, he never was! I'm going to do everything I can to go!
PA, thanks for the encouragement! Yes, we have been planning on going to councelling for a while. It's just hard when we live so far apart. After last Sat. night, my son Pete made us promiss we would go. He knew there were problems, kids are pretty sharp like that. He told me he and his brother have known for a while. He said we need to work out our problems because he knows we love each other. He's such a Great kid, I'm so proud of him!
Pam, your Husband is a wise man, did he make that up? Oh how I wish I didn't cry so often! At work, I'm a big tough intimidating guy to the younger guys there, it really sucks when I look like I'm crying or had been. Thats when the sunglasses come out. I always make up some sort of excuse but I'm always wondering if they believe me??? "There's No Crying in Construction!" I will call my Doc this week and tell him about the councelling thing. Thanks!
And Frances my Wild & Wise one! Thank You, I will try to behave myself. You have been there and I apreciate you advice so much! You are so right about taking one thing at a time. I feel so overwelmed right now w/ my marrage problems, my stressed out work, my smoking, diet and of course my neck and other assorted body problems! Your chart sounds like a good idea, I take for granted all the good things in my life when I'm stuck in one of these "Funks." I will try!
I hope I didn't leave anyone out! I must get something to eat now as it's almost time for my meds, can't take them on an empty stomac!
Love you guys!
Thanks again!
Pete
PS> maybe we can chat today sometime? Just remember I'm on Eastern time!
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Thailand and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 


edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 4/19/2009 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Pete,

I haven't felt like posting lately but want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!  You have had so much to deal with over the last months!

Hang in there buddy and listen to the great advice of all the people who love you!  We appreciate you and need you here on HW!

My gut says you really need to take some time away from work, if your job offered stress release, I would say keep at it.  BUT...your boss has no empathy for your pain situation and with your emotional stress right now, don't you think it would be best to take a Vacation or sick leave?  Believe me I worked when I shouldn't have worked (I did LOVE my work and boss though) and the damages done because of my pig headedness are why I am here in this situation today!  Don't make my mistakes...please take a break for you and your family.  Work on getting you fixed and then the rest will follow!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((PETE)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/19/2009 1:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Pete,
Patti has some good advice for you! Our lives are so easy to fix in hindsight, aren't they? I mean it is 20/20! LOL I know I'm stubborn in my ways, too. Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing to do!

One thing I had to chuckle is the sunglasses - I wouldn't worry about them, especially with the two neck braces on (one on your head!). Just let them think you've lost it completely, and they'll steer clear!! LOL

And in the meantime you can be chuckling!

PaLady

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/19/2009 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Girls! You're both right as usual! I haven't been on the putor today so I would like to catch up w/ everyone but I MUST go night night! I see there are a few nebies here. I welcomed one but didn't get to the others. I see that Y'all gave them a nice welcome though! I'll try tomorrow! I got a nastygram from my homeowners assoc. the other day, I hate them! They want my lawn green in 5 days! I think they must want me to paint it green because w/o resoding, it just ain't gonna happen! I spent the afternoon fixing my sprinkler system. We are in a bad drought! I was lying on the dead grass digging w/ my hands to find the burried sprinkler heads! I fixed almost all on the front lawn. It was one of those jobs I have been planning to do for the longest time but never felt up to it. It went well as I took my time and it wasn't too hot or cold. I got soaked testing them. The only bad part was the scurg of the south> those dam fire ants. I got into a nest! You northern folks don't know how lucky you are you don't have those nasty little buggers! I hate them! They aren't ants at all, they are South American ground wasps that sting you! Then you get this little white head thing that looks like a pimple but hurts like hell. A day or two later they start to itch and drive you crazy, so you scratch them like hell until they bleed and then they get infected if you don't put something on them right away! Then you scratch some more! Every year someone dies down here from being allergic to them, sometimes from only one or two stings. They are bee's after all! Anyway, I'm off to bed. I did a lot of thinking about taking off tomorrow but decided to go in. I know it will not be a popular descision here on H.W. but I'm going in. If the neck starts hurting, I'll go home, I promiss!
Big Hugz to all my girlfriend and man> ah> friends!
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Thailand and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 

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