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LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok this is so off topic of this forum but I have to vent somewhere.
 
Its about my 70 yr old father.  Alittle history.  My mother died about 6 years ago from heart failure.  He hardly worked as I was growing up, spent time in prison and was always a pain in the butt.  I had a middle class upbringing. My mother was an RN for the state correctional system.
 
Now that shes gone he has been with either my sister or I.  Staying with us expecting us to take care of him.  He makes 1600.00 a month on social security which is most of my mothers death benefits to him.  He can't stay with my sister any longer because she won't take him in ever again.  One morning she woke up and he had a strange woman in his bedroom.
 
So he stays with me when hes not disappeared for one reason or another.  He also goes to a PM doctor and get 150 30 mg morphine a month.  Plus he was scamming the VA and getting 120 lortabs a month.  The VA found out and cut him off.  His PM doctor is shifty.  He has no staff and is only is the states 2 weeks a month.  Doesn't require any pain diaries or procedures just adjusts medication whenever you say ouch.  My dad didn't have a referell to him my dad told him he bought his pain meds off the street.
 
My dad had a girlfriend who was 29,  yes she is an addict, ********** and uses my dad for his money and meds. 
 
He spend easter here.  During this time he found out I have a fatal disease.  Now he says hes got HIV.  Hes one of those people who have to up you any chance they have.  Well he's telling my children this (teenagers).  Now they are already trying to deal with my illness and he comes along and does this.  During the time he was here he sold more of his meds.  Had money but told my sister he had none, she felt sorry for him and bought him groceries.
 
Now hes been beat up 3x now for his medication.
 
Heres the problem.  He ran out of his meds.  Now hes wanting mine!!!!!! He tells me I will give you some of mine when  I can fill them on Monday.  I don't want his meds I want mine.  I'm on a contract they can count and drug test me!  He doesn't care.  What kind of father is that??
 
I know most of you would say have him committed.  If I have to I will.  I am just so wore out dealing with my own life its hard to have the strength to deal with his also.
 
He called my husband 30 minutes ago saying he wants to be picked up.  He lives 70 miles away.  My husband said NO we have 3 ball games tonight.  He then called my sister told her to leave work to get him and he would pay her lost wages.  She said no she just took him back out there yesterday.  My dad was so mad at her he said he's hitchhike and he hung up.
 
My question is?????  Why didn't he even ask me if he could move back in????  So now he's just going to show up sometime this evening and if I talk to him about it he'll just throw a 4 yr old temper tantrum in front of my whole family.
 
Sorry for the long post I'm just so MADDDDDDDD and Frustrated!!!!!!
 
Laurie
 
I did some editing to remove a few statements I believe everyone can get the sum of what I deal with.  What I removed was details on how terrible of a father he really is.
 
 


Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Post Edited (LLPLUV) : 4/17/2009 1:45:43 PM (GMT-6)


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13473
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Your children do not need to be around this man-do not let him back in your home-call the polece on him if he shows up at your home. Sorry not probably what you wanted to hear. You need to keep yourself and your family safe. This man is no good for you or anyone else for that matter-you pretty much have stated that yourself. Too risky business. I know its family, but sounds like your sis did the right thing. Having him committed is not as easy as you think, especially if he does not agree to going. He is of the age and can go in a place and turn around and walk back out. Does he give you money to live there. Where is he living now thats 70 miles away-tell him to stay there. Why does he think you will sell him some of your meds? Has he lost his mind? Susie


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
My kids have learned just to ignore grandpa its like having a senile old man around. I know what I should do but doing is another thing. I can have him committed he has given us power of attorney for if he ends up in jail again. I know it so sad.... Hes just plain ole selfish and childish. He gives us NO MONEY. He says 1600.00 isn't enough to live on. He's always broke. He is living on his girlfriends property in a trailer and pays her 500.00 a month. Not bad it included everything, internet, satillite TV, breakfast and dinner and a bunch of other stuff.

He doesn't want to buy my meds he just wants me to hand them over willingly. Now I have to take extra precautions when he gets here in a few hours. He knows how to pick the lock on the lock box so I guess I have to have them in my pocket.

He thinks his new girlfriend is to old for him!!!!
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Laurie,
I have to strongly agree with straydog here. There is only one answer to the question about him getting any of your med, and it's NO. And also think what you're exposing your children to; he is likely bringing drugs into the house, and that's probably where his money is going.

You aren't doing yourself or your family or your father any favors by keeping this going. He may be eligible for an inpatient drug & alcohol program. Much of what he's doing is illegal, and we can't keep discussing that on this forum.

I feel for you, as I know it's not an easy decision. Call the police and/or a drug & alcohol program and have a plan before your father arrives at your doorstep. If you let him in, you let in everything that goes with him.

Getting some support for yourself through a program like Al-Anon or Narc-anon would be useful, as these are for family members. They have online components.

I hope for your sake you break the chain for yourself now.

((((((((((Laurie)))))))))))

PaLady

LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry I didn't realize I couldnt post this.... Once again I'm sorry if we can just have the thread removed. I was just venting at times things feel alitte impossible and unbelieveable to deal with.

Maybe Chutz can just remove this.
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I just emailed Chutz
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Laurie,
No, I didn't mean you can't vent! I guess I don't even know where the line is myself anymore. There is a rule about discussion of illegal activity, but I don't think some venting is a problem.

I guess I'm just sensitive to this issue for a variety of reasons. I don't want to hurt you!

I don't think you need to delete or edit your post - please don't. But if it went on and people got into discussions about some of the topics...well, I guess that's up to the admin and the moderators where to draw the line.

If you're trying to get some help and support for yourself it's fine.

I'm all screwed up today myself.

PaLady

LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady I understand where you are coming from no hurt feelings here.  I also watched the thread that was removed and new that opinions got alittle sharp. 
 
I know I can vent here there are many good people to lean on.  I just have so many issues I deal with on a daily basis and I try to smile through them all.  My father just floors me.  He should be the father not the child.
 
My husband has already called and he is going to take care of it.  He thinks I have enough on my plate right now and is highly upset that my father is adding unnessesary stress.
 
I just realized what you were saying and felt it is something that can cause a series of heated statements.  Just didnt see it at the time.
 
So no hurtness from this end of the country  yeah
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD


uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 4/17/2009 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
LL, Oh, do you have your hands full!!! I hope nyour husband really takes care of this. You don't need it. I hope you are okay...We are here if you need us..

Me.
 
We are all in the same boat...unfortunatley it seems like it's sinking...
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome
Hemi Lamenectomy/Spinal Fusion(Lumbar)
60 mg. MS Contin 2Xdaily/15 mg. Oxycodone as needed
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin 1000mg. twice daily (so far)
ME. (Rhonda)                                                                    

 


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/17/2009 2:58 PM (GMT -7)   
LL,
Three cheers for your husband! yeah yeah yeah

You sure do have enough on your plate. i'm so glad you vented - please don't stop doing that!

PaLady

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/17/2009 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
LL, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, it's not fair at all! Like the others said, you have to draw a line in the dirt and keep to it! I'm glad your husband is taking care of the problem tonight but problems like this usually don't just stop after one confrentation. What I mean is , if he is as baked as you say, he might not even remember what is said to him tonight about staying away tonight. He will probably just try again like nothing ever happened. I spent a lot of time in drug abuse support groups because of my son who was a user several years ago. They have a term for people like you and I was back then> Enabler. He does what he dose because you let him even to the point of the unthinkable>> asking you for your meds!! He believes it's his God given right to live with you any time he pleases and take or use your personal property because he is your father. He doesn't act like a father or grandfather therefore he does not deserve to be treated like one. He absolutely doesn't deserve the privliges of a father or grandfather. You have to make it perfectly clear that you don't want him at your home and why and then stick to it!!!!! He will take advantage of you as long as you let him. I know it's a terably sad sittuation. The hardest thing I ever did was to tell my son how I love more than anything in the world, that he could no longer live in my house! I couldn't enable him to hurt my family anymore and if that ment he had to live on the streets and even kill himself, that was what had to happen. Any support group you go to will tell you the same thing. It took me a long time to "get it" when I first started the meetings, I couldn't believe people coul even think about throwing their kids out of the house but the longer I went, I knew they were right. It didn't make it any easier but it was the right thing to do. I was very lucky with the outcome, some are not. Good luck and I pray that you do the right thing! Your family must come first!!!
Good luck,
Your friend,
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections every 2weeks . 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis in port in Japan and the other on a Gator Freighter USS Bataan stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa! 


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13473
   Posted 4/17/2009 3:35 PM (GMT -7)   
The most important person is you LL, let your husband handle this and support his decision. The old boy I needs to stay put where he is at. You owe the man nothing. I have 2 grown children and my theory is they did not ask to be brought into this world and they owe me nothing. Your health is more important than him. He is not as senile as you think, he is quite capable of manipulating you and your sis till she stopped it.

LL, remember the supplement I put my older golden retriever on several weeks ago, you should see him now. He runs, he walks very fast, its a hoot, watching him. I think the poor little guy forgot how to run, its been that long. Well, when he runs he reminds me of the Flintstones driving their cars feet powered lol. He actually ran upstairs today, this stuff works and is harmless and cheap. When you get a chance pick up some for your 4 legged pal at a PetsMart or place like that.

If you know where he is illegally getting his drugs, I do wish you would turn the place in to the police. That means if kids walk in with cash they can obtain dangerous drugs....Susie


Boxerlover
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 274
   Posted 4/17/2009 6:20 PM (GMT -7)   

LL, I'm glad your husband is going to take care of this, but please do not let him around you and your family.  Not only is he a problem, but he could let others know about your meds and you definately don't want that. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this on top of everything else and I hope your husband can deal with your father and you can focus on taking care of you!

Melissa


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 4/17/2009 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
LLPLUV
 
You know my father was an alcoholic, but had been on the wagon for a number of years,  anyway a couple years after my mother died, I retired from the Air Force, I invited my father to my retirement ceremony and dinner. When he came he brought this floozy with him and he was drinking again.  He made a real fool of himself at my retirement dinner, and I was really embarrassed. His girlfriend was also a drunk and they both smoked like chimneys.  I don't allow smoking in my house, well his girl friend lit up in our house anyway and I told her to go outside and smoke or leave, she went outside and finnished her cig, and they then left the next day.
A few days later, I then wrote my father a letter, and told him how rude I thought he was bringing his girlfriend with him to my retirement celebration without asking! I also told him if he was going to drink then he was not welcome to my home any more! These words I also wrote to him " when your in Rome you do as the Romans do" My house is "Rome"  and my wife and my kid and I are the "Romans" and we do not smoke, and we do not drink all the time and get drunk! and we do not bring un invited guest into our home! I would not violate your rules when I visit you, I don't expect you to violate my rules when you come and see me! LLPLUV my father would not even talk to me for close to a year after that! But that letter should have been written many many many years earlier! You know in this post of yours reminded me of what I went through! We are adult children of an  abusive childhood, and you need to learn like I did that it is OK to stand up for yourself against your father! You are an adult now just like I was and am. I know how hard it was for me to do what I did, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me! My father finally did come around, I was invited to his wedding! Yes he married that floozy, and make no mistake about it, she was a floozy! She drank like a fish! When the few times they did come down and visited they stayed in motel 10 mile away! (Thank God!) Anyway, our relationship was nolonger abusive father and submissive son! It was two adults, one still an alcoholic and the other well I have my problems I guess, but I was nolonger his submissive son whom he could manipulate all the time! LLPLUV maybe you also need to confront your father, and let him know that you are also an adult and he can nolonger manipulate  you and treat you like a child! Believe me LLPLUV you will feel so much better about yourself once you do! Please don't take anything I have said as criticism toward you, it is not, I have been where you are at and I know how tough it can be! But it is time for you to be the adult now, and be his equal, and not his child!
LLPLUV I wish you all the best!
Good Luck to You
White Beard
  I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/17/2009 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone. This is what has happened so far tonight.

He called my sister 5x and she wouldn't budge on going out to get him. He became angry and hung up on her 2x. My husband has now put his foot down. He WILL NOT come to our house until certain rules are in place and will be followed without any arguement! 1st rule is no selling his medications, 2nd he will pay rent, 3rd he will not come to our house until the trailer hes in burns down, he gets evicted or an earthquake sucks it up.

I have always stood up to my father. All through my life I was the one who butted heads with him. When my mother was alive I would bring it into the open about how he treated her at times. He always says I have a big mouth. I even started the battle that put him in prison. But since I got sick I have lost alot of energy in some battles. I pick and chose my battles, my health was my first choice. He moved in on me like a VIPER knowing I wasn't fighting him any longer. During the time he spend in prison they found out he was a textbook Sociopath? spelling Hes self centered, will only do things if he receives pleasure wether its money or physical with no remorse on how he attains it. He refuses medications and munipulates everyone and anyone around him.

Like I stated earlier my husband is LIVID! He called him and wouldn't tell me the details other than saying he took care of it. If I know my father he will refuse to call for 6 months trying to guilt us. Won't work old man!!!!!

I really really can't thank you enough for all your advice. Everyone is always so wonderful on this forum.

Straydog I forgot what the supplement you have your dog on. My husband read it and wants to know. Its his dog so he would run 100 miles to get it for Elmer...lol

Its late now just sat through 6 hours of baseball and I hurt I will post more tomorrow.
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/17/2009 9:53 PM (GMT -7)   
LLPLUV,
I'm so glad to read what's happened! Kudos to you and your husband!

I can certainly understand losing the energy to deal with this situation, and you shouldn't need it. What I mean by that is that it shouldn't be on your plate to deal with.

I know it would be hard if your father gets evicted (or that earthquake or fire do occur - and with his lifestyle you never know) but I hope you never let him live with you no matter what the rules. If he is a sociopath he wiil not respect any rules and that's not going to change. That's what's called a character disorder and it's a deep-seated, longstanding personality issue that's not cured. Matter of fact it's debatable that there is any real treatment for a sociopath. I know that sounds pessimistic, but it's sad but true. Keep him at a good distance. He isn't capable of learning or obeying rules.

I'm just so glad your hubby is handling it and that you went to watch baseball (hope it was fun even though it hurt).

((((((((((((Laurie))))))))))))

You go girl!

PaLady

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 4/18/2009 12:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow LLPLUV, I'm glad your husband stood up for y'all, big woohoo and
don't let it bother you if your father calls or not, he needs to be away from you right now.
Take this time to take care of yourself and your husband and children as thats all that matters for now.
Lots and lots of soft hugz
(((((((((((((Laurie)))))))))))))))))))))
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angel8
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 4/18/2009 4:24 AM (GMT -7)   

I think you already know the answers to what you have to do as you so stated in your post,have him commited!

Those drugs he is diverting to the street can end up in the hands of children, who do you think is going to jail when his 29 year old GF ods on his meds?

There is a hotline to report Docs that might be shady and they will get investigated and you DONT have to give them your name.

He sounds a little more then manipultive here and using you or your sister is a lifelong trip it appears just like it looks he did your Mom.

As an adult child of a parent who is NOT all there anylonger you and your sister can be held accountable in the terms of neglect for aging and demented parents and it sounds like he is on the fast track to being just that. If you know he is endangering himself and others and you dont do something or report it to someone how liable can you be? It would be up to a judge and jury but I dont think you want to take those kinds of chances with your kids lives do you.

Do what you already know you should and start calling someone come Monday morning and at least it will be on record that you were concerned he was going to harm himself or others and clears you in this mess.

Sorry if this is blunt but it looks as if you and your entire family has more on their plate then they need and this is one you can certainly shove off fast. You need to be worrying about you and dealing with your illness and spending quality time with your family not dealing with a aging parent who doesnt appear to have given you much more then a headache his entire life!


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/18/2009 7:46 AM (GMT -7)   
PAlady you are right about the character disorder.  Meds will not help, therapy of any kind woule be a waste and he will Never change.  I believe that is way I husband has came up with these rules and requirements.  For he knows my father will not meet one of them.
 
The games were great, long but great they won both games.  Hes 15 so the games are alot more competetive.  My husband also helps coach my 7 yr old nephews he had a game at 8:30 but my sons weren't done till 10:30 last night.  So we missed that one.
 
Charteux I believe thats what my hubby told him lastnight to stay away for awhile.  My dad will pout and think we are all against him.  Thats ok though I understand thats just how his mental illness interpets this situation.
 
Angel8 First thing Monday morning I will call and turn his doctor in.  The more I hear about this doctor the stranger he is.  My sister took him to his appt last saturday, they had to wait for the doctor to get there to open his door.  They walked into the office and it was over before it started.  Just wrote the script and set the next months appt up.  I had to jump through hoops to get my PM doctor??!!..    Having him committed is a very difficult situation.  With his mental disorder people can look at him and think he is NORMAL.  His excuses and the way he explains himself sort of make sense if you didn't know the man.  He is the master of manipulation and can pull the wool over most people and specialists eyes.  It took years of seeing a prison therapist to come to his diagnoises.  I have the original report from the doctor from prison.  Its old but I have kept it for 25 years to prove to myself that hes insane.  But my sister and I spend a few hours yesterday talking about this very subject.  Its very complex.  My sister is in my same position she has MS, stress agravates her illness.  We are the only two remaining in this family.  We figured we could both bare an equal amount of stress and my husband can take the blunt part of it.
 
I hope everyone realizes that I take no offense to anything anyone says.  Everyone is due their opinion and I might not take some of the advice but most I will.  I'm the type of person like my mother was I love everyone.  I'm just so happy their are people out there that I can talk too....
 
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD


Tony McGuire
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 483
   Posted 4/18/2009 10:34 AM (GMT -7)   
LLPLUV: And talk all you want. If we're not there at the time, we'll be by in short order.

Bless you for the work you have done and are doing here on the forum. You may receive some good from the group of people here, but I can tell you that I, for one, look forward to reading your posts - every one of them.

Glad you are on your way to getting your father resolved. I'm sure glad I never had to deal with that particular issue; I think you did an A+ job in taking care of it.

Hope to see you around a LOT more.
Wife: Liz, the choice of a lifetime
Dogs: Koshka Prayer & Chomp Prayer


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/18/2009 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
LL,
I'm glad it sounds like you talked to your sister. I hope you can lean on eachother a bit as you circle the wagons around both your lives to keep your father from hurting you or your families.

Sociopaths are superb manipulators. A lot of people think they all act 'crazy' but there are many very successful people who are sociopaths because they can make it seem as if they are doing wonderful things to help others, but what's in the back of their mind is how it's going to help them get something they want. You're right the diagnosis is not arrived at lightly, but I am glad they caught it for you in prison, and that you have that report. Character disorders aren't your standard mental illness like depress and anxiety and such, and sociopaths by definition do not care about the rest of the world - especially the rules. They will only obey them to get what they want, or to keep themselves out of trouble. It seems like you understand at least some if not all of this, but remember your father could appear to change his behavior and agree to your rules and make it very convincing, all to his own ends. And this is all without any drugs or alcohol! Add that to the mix and you have a volcano ready to erupt.

I'm not saying to hate him, but you have to have compassion for him at a distance or he'll destroy your life. It is so, so sad.

I don't know if you ever saw the HBO series the Sopranos. Tony Soprano's character was a sociopath. His therapist was naive and tried for many years to change him, and finally realized at the end that not only was therapy not helping him, but it was helping him learn new ways to achieve his horrible goals. Sometimes there's not much left to do but either hope these individuals are committed somewhere - a prison, a mental hospital, etc. (and be sure you show those records to any new treatment facilities, police, etc.) or that they disappear from your life. I know you need to grieve not having a real father, and your children not having a grandfather that can be a healthy part of their lives, but there's not much choice.

We're here for you!

PaLady
Oh, and that so-called doctor. I would be surprised if this is someone who's really licensed, although maybe just hasn't been caught yet. Could be someone who's very good at stealing some physician's identity or creating an identity complete with DEA numbers. You and the rest of us know something's amiss here.

Post Edited (PAlady) : 4/18/2009 3:20:07 PM (GMT-6)


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 4/18/2009 2:34 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady you are so RIGHT on the head!  Some people never really understand socialpaths.  I sure do I've lived with one my whole life.  I am well aware of what they are capable of.  I have always been a type A personality.  2 years of phyc classes in college trying to understand personality disorders.
 
Yes my father can convince a rock hes out to help them.  He seems to do many good things for people, but I have always known if I sit back and look at the situation I will see what he will gain from it in the end.  When my mother died I attained the paperwork in a file.  My mother keep all my letter to her from when I was in foster care as a child and she kept all his phyc paperwork.  The only thing I didn't retrieve was the letters.  He threw them out.  (within 24 hours of her passing) She seemed to keep all these things to hold them over his head as a soul paperweight I could call it.  She was a wonderful woman and thought she could fix anyone and everything.
 
My father is not an addict.  He doesn't take his meds he uses them for his gain.  Mainly to keep his girlfriend under his control. He doesn't drink and he thinks he knows all.  The arrogance is astonding within this man.
 
The reason I have some compassion for the man is kinda hard to explain.  First of all he's my father even all his flaws hes still my father.  I learned at a young age that I'm a better person at heart and soul if I can forgive another person.  Not forget but forgive its also so much more healthier for me.  He didn't chose to have this personality disorder and he really doesn't believe he has it.  Hes clueless that the way he thinks and acts is wrong.  I also know he does love his family but differently then the norm.  In his own way. 
 
PAlady yes I grieve at times for the lose of my father.  There was a thread not to long ago about what three things describe you.  It lead me into talking about my father in law.  Even though he only liked me the last 3 months of his life.  But it was the only time I had a father figure and then grieved for his passing from cancer.
 
 


Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Post Edited (LLPLUV) : 4/18/2009 3:37:27 PM (GMT-6)


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/18/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((((Laurie))))))))))))))))))

PaLady

mom9mom
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 4/20/2009 1:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Laurie I am so glad that your husband took care of your Dad.I can understand how you can still feel compassion for the man because he is your father even if he doesn't deserve it but you are sick and no matter what you need to take care of yourself.At this time you need to do what is best for you.Having your father there would be just to much stress for you that would only make you more sick.My sister has a kidney diseases and had to have a transplant.Her family is selfish and do not put her first.I see how sick she gets when she is stressed.Please do not let your father do the same thing to you.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.


nurse2
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 229
   Posted 4/20/2009 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
LLPLUV,
I'm sorry to hear that things are in such a mess for you. This is certainly the last thing that you need in your life right now. Family members can just about kill you on a good day. I've been married to my husband for 22 yrs. and my mother-in-law still hates me. She has some serious issues herself and is one of the most miserable people on the planet. I pray that things get easier for you and your family. Take care of YOU and YOUR family. Let ole Dad take care of himself which he is obviously able to do.
You've been a good daughter so don't feel bad about putting your foot down when he is trying to rob you of your meds and such.
Take care.
Nurse2
Degenerative disc disease,osteoarthritis, status post 4 cervical spinal surgeries with plate insertions and fusion, Lupus, Sjogren's Disease, Fibromyalgia, chronic heacaches and chronic pain.

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