I am so sorry for what your are going through! I agree with Sandi!
If your daughter wants to step in, then she should. You son is very young and doesn't realize yet, what is truly happening here!
I will keep you and your family in my prayers!
This gave me goosebumps. I am sorry and you have my prayers for as long as you need them! My heart aches for all of you. I know those NICU nurses are giving him lots of nurturing and support. I worry more about you!! Make sure you are getting care for your hurts too!!! This is rough stuff and you deserve love and support to get through this.
The evil of drugs just amazes me. It seems that drugs and addiction can steal the soul. It is truly horriftying.
I see this crap every day...and it makes me sick!! It seems like this "girl" only wanted to get pregnant so she could go to the "clinic" for free, what a life to aspire to. The only advocate this child has is YOU...You may not be able to raise him, but you can sure make it possible for someone else too...If your daughter wants and can do it, then encourage it....I know you love your son, but come on...he knew what was going on, he still let her manipulate him into getting her pregnant...so, in my opinion, he doesn't need this child..or rather, he doesn't deserve this child in his life...at least not now. That woman, and I use the term loosley, should be locked up and sterilized!! And not even trying to get her 2 other kids back!!! Oh, don't get me started..
I feel for you, you didn't do anything to deserve this girl in your life...And your son needs to XX her out of his life...Maybe you should call DHS in your state and get this baby removed from her care even before she could take him home... I don't know. I know how easy it is for "us" to tell you what you should do, but it's not easy to do it...
We are here for you Angel, anytime you need us...
My prayers to your grandson, you , and your son...
I hate Boats!!!!
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/15 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night
I am so sorry about all of this....
I can only imagine that if the hospital is treating addiction in a newborn, that there must be some law that the hospital report it????
I have had two babies in NICU (tho for different reasons) and both were treated with love and respect. NICU is a HARD, horrible place to be, but it's best for your grandson right now. When he is moved to the step up unit, he will be able to be held/touched. Newborns are sooooo much stronger then we give them credit for! They are tiny, little fighters!
My babies were in NICU for 3wks and 4wks respectivly, and i spent 10 1/2 hr days there EVERY day, even on days i could not hold them. (tho they were not in isolation). I can tell you, that i did not have a problem bonding with my little ones once they came home.
Good luck, and i also wanted to say that despite all the problems, congratulation on your grandchild.....your family will make the right choices for him....
Post Edited By Moderator (Lindaloo) : 5/6/2009 9:15:50 PM (GMT-6)
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers.
1st let me say he is doing as well or better last night then they expected and his umbilical line was removed and he was started on p.o. phenobarb.
To answer a few of the questions that arose from the posts here, my son is now 18 so he is legally an adult.
She was not a heroin addict but addicted to pain meds of any kind and I think oxy was her drug of choice but it doesnt take these folks long to figure out that methadone gets them thru the w/ds when they cant find their drug of choice so she had been taking methadone as well as oxy when she could obtain it.
Her use was sporadic until she got pregnant and was automatically referred to the methadone clinic and like I said she wasnt exactly truthful with them as to how much she was taking on a regular basis. These guys are smart and know that the higher doses they claim to be on in the street gets them a higher starting and maint.dose via the clinic.
I see absolutely nothing in her entire 9 months of this pregnancy that convinces me she wants anything more for this baby then she did the other 2. She went immediately into detox at the hospital when she found out she was pregnant and she had already been told they wouldnt take her off methadone but start her on a maint.dose. From there she entered a 30 day program again attending the methadone clinic each day and after that she went to a home for unwed Mothers and they provided her with everything she needed her entire time there including taking her each morning to the methadone clinic and all appointments and expenses. She had a normal pregnancy and did really well.
She did not do what we thought she should be doing and that was trying to get ready for this baby. She has no home,no furniture,no prospects of a job of any kind,nothing short of what his family has gathered over the months for the baby. My thoughts were if they really wanted to take care of this baby together they would have been out here trying to find housing,jobs,gathering things they and the baby needed. Am I wrong here in this thinking?
Now he is here and what happens? She can either go back to the home for unwed mothers for 6 months or to family I guess but to me that isnt a solution,he needs and deserves his own home a place to grow up without having to be moved all the time.
CPS is involved since they took custody of her other kids and have been since she entered the detox,she isnt stupid by any menas and she knows how to work the system,she did what she had to do to insure they were off her back at the time. Now I dont know what happens,we are all walking on egg shells here to see what she does and what they do. Her parents got custody of her other 2 kids and I dont want him to end up there as I do NOT approve of them as parents,lets face it they had 2 daughters and both of them are addicts and have had all their children taken from them by CPS,if the did such a shoddy job raising their own how are they going to do with the grandkids? I know that may not be a fair appraisal but the Grandmothers been rumored to have a drinking problem and I did smell it on her at the hospital,since I dont drink at all I can usually smell it a mile away! The Grandfather is a step-parent to babies Mother and he lost his job a few months back and hasnt seem to be looking to hard to find another one. They live in a mobile home park that isnt the best of its kind here and has a very rough reputation.
I do want to point out here that this state pays kinship money to grandparents raising grandkids and it is more then welfare payments! To be honest I am not all sure that money isnt the motivator here as neither one of them is working and they are drawing full benefits on both of her other kids they have and now Kadan(my grandsons name) will mean another $500 payment as well as the foodstamps.
Now you might ask yourself how these folks end up being choosen to be the best bet for custody? I have asked but it seems Grandparents are the next best bet if parents of the child cant keep them.
Grandmother 2 here made a scene at the hospital when my Son signed the release to allow them to treat the baby with phenobarb for w/ds. She thought he would be better off fighting it without anymore meds. Even though he was visually uncomfortable and hurting.
I dont know what the answer to any of this is and it is weighing heavy on my sanity at this point. Yes I think she uses pregnancy as a way to get into methadone treatment and since all of these kids are being paid for by the state funds and being sustained on state funds by the tax payers money it enrages me that there isnt a law to stop them from having anymore. In saying that NO they did not tie her tubes or sterilize her in anyway so she is free to do this again.
The Father of the other 2 does not pay any child support nor does she and I certainly think the law should be after both of them to do so. I worked many years and would never deny a child the money to be taken care of by my tax money but it is situations like this that certainly enrage me and must others.
I can barely give my 11 year old the necessary things in life on SSD and I cant qualify for one dime of welfare for her and her Dad isnt paying child support either! Have they arrested him? No and he has missed the last 4 review dates in court. There is something very worng in our systems here that allow this kind of thing to happen and keep happening over and over. How many kids can she have and the tax payers take care of? I know several girls that have had more then her and CPS has removed all of those kids and they still have more.
Dont mean to rant here but where does it end? If they didnt make it so easy for these kinds of things to happen then maybe they wouldnt happen?
Thanks Danimal for sharing your insights and info that you have and I can only say to you to try to wean yourself down to the lowest possible dose before getting pregnant since it seems once there they feel weaning and any w/ds at all is more dangerous then the methadone to the unborn.
I am angry at my Son and he should have tried not to let himself be blinded by this person and he knew better for sure as we have always had a very open relationship when it came to talking about sex and the outcomes of those urges. He knew how she got pregnant and thats a given!
He has not done anything either to try to make a place in this world for his Son and I know he loves him now that he is here but once she went into detox and then the home he was not a close participant in the pregnancy so I think it was all sureal to him until he was born. He didnt get to go to Doc appointments with her,he wasnt there when his son started moving and kicking and he didnt follow his growth in the womb since she chose to shut us and him out of all that by taking care to insure she jumped thru CPS hoops for her own benefits.
I am hoping now that he is here and my Son realizes this is real and that if he doesnt protect his baby boy who will?
I hope she looses some of her dazzle in his eyes after watching his son suffer thru this. If he doesnt my daughter and I will do what we have to do to protect the baby even at the cost of alienating my Son. He is after all an Adult now! Lessons come hard but come they must.
Thank you all and I will keep you updated and as soon as they get his pic on the hospital web page I will post it for all to see. It is taking longer then normal since he is on NICU.
I am so grateful for all of the words of wisdom coming from here and the prayers and thoughts can never be too many.
I knew at a time such as this I was not going to be able to be rational and think straight,the anger was far too great and getting in the way.
He is holding his own steadily right now and eating good.
Me and baby won a victory yesterday. The NICU nurses were being extremely adamant over her breast feeding,they were almost to to the point of being forceful. She being Mom didnt seem like she wanted to but in the end turns out she did and was just telling us what we wanted to hear as always.
I had already discussed this with several different Nurses and voiced my concerns about him getting methadone still thru breast milk and they just shrugged me off like an idiot whom didnt know what I was talking about.
The Peds Doc came in yesterday during feeding time and my Son had evidently been listening to me even though I didnt think he had. He asked the Doc why the Nurses were forcing them to breast feed and and he got the little ditty over how much better it was for Kadan and I couldnt agree more but, she is still using alot of meds at the hospital including her regular dose of methadone, 2 perc 7.5mgs every 4 hours and believe me she is asking every 4 hours,and then there the baby is being loaded up with pheno-barb to fight off the worst of the w/ds.
The Peds Doc told my son after him inquiring about just that the benefits of breast feeding outweigh the little amounts of methadone she is on passing to him!! My son said what amount are we talking about here and the Doc said I encourage anyone on less then 40mgs a day to continue to breast feed. OMG! She is on 120mgs recall? When the Doc saw all of our stunned faces he asked why? How much are you on? Shouldnt he have known that by now after 4 days of treating him? When she told him 120mgs he yelled " No NO NO stop absolutely NO more breast milk!" He got the Nurse and told her the same and she looked at me with such a condescending look I almost went off! This is the same Nurse that was being nasty and forceful with all of us over breast feeding.
Why do things like this get missed? Why didnt those Nurses know and bring to the attention of the Doc? Why couldnt they have listened to my concerns? I realize I am just a lowly Grandmother but one who has spent 25 plus years in the medical field and raised 5 kids and a grandbaby for 5 years.
Now all they have accomplished this week was to load him up via the breast milk on methadone,oxycodone and the pheno-barb! It looks like now he has to stay at least until next Tuesday in Nicu and Mom is being released today.
I dont know how we are going to afford the travel money to go back and forth to the hospital to feed him every 4 hours as we live round trip 68 miles from there. I barely have been able to scrape up the money to leave my son with to eat while he has been up there this week and he wouldnt leave the hospital no matter what. Then here is another example of how this hospital failed to help this kid,someone another pateint told us yesterday that if we went to the Chaplan they would give him free meal cards to eat. Doesnt help now after I have spent money I didnt have and they are leaving today.
This isnt the state medical care center this is a supposedly best Baptist hospital in infant care in this state.
There is no way I can rent us a motel for the weekend and we dont know anyone there to stay with other then my alcoholic brother whom becomes very voilitale when drinking and no one not even me can stand to be around him.
My son will sleep in the car before he leaves his son there and not be there for every feeding. I have to say that he is standing by and fighting for his son now with everything he has in him but he is still very young and naive but I see changes him this week I wouldnt have guessed possible.
I just wish he had fought this earlier when she was doing all this lie telling and deceiving the clnics and Docs but I am glad he is seeing light in her now.
I will discuss all of this today with the hospital social worker and see what if any suggestions they may have. I do know my daughter is getting all her paperwork and stuff together and has spoke to an Attorney so she will be that far ahead in the game if and when she has to step up and fight for her nephews custody. Baby's Mom knows nothing of any of this as I think at this point it is probably better not to let her think we are even thinking along the terms of fighting her Mom or her for custody as she wont see it as anything other then a attack on her and her family.
I will be ready and I am thinking of only my Grandson in all if this and if feelings get hurt then it is just so.
I thank all of you again for your prayers and comforting words and especially the wisdom of those standing outside looking in,it is difficult to make the right choices when nothing but emotions are at stake.
Post Edited (PAlady) : 5/1/2009 12:51:19 PM (GMT-6)