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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 4/30/2009 10:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Goodmorning friends,Yesterday as I was trying to post this my computer went crazy. I lost internet access. As you can see, everything is fine now.  And you know what? I was almost in a panic. I needed to post. I needed to read posts. With everything going on in my corner of the world,it seems that being here with you all is about the only good thing I have going.  I got on the phone first thing this morning with technical support. I feel likeI am "losing it".
My doctor called in Lortab 10 yesterday. It has acturally helped much better than the percocet did. It really dosen't make alot of sense to me knowing that it was stronger. I guess my body was just used to percocet and it stopped working for me. I have felt a little physically better and for that I am glad. But emotionally, I am a wreck.
Tuesday evening all...broke loose at my house. My husband and my mother had a HUGE fight-not physical ofcourse just lots of screaming from both of them. My mom was livid and furious. I actually stood between them. I tried to break it up and get them both to calm down so we could talk things out like grown ups should. Husband seemed better when he got up that morning. He didn't work due to the guy he works with,his father was in the hosp. This is true. I checked it out. He picked up the kids,came home and was cleaning the house before starting to cook. I went to my room to rest and try to sleep a little after hugs and kisses with the kids. He threw away what he thought was a water bottle with the little packets you add and mix up-like I drink. However, it was my moms' with liquor she puts in her coffee. She lit into him. I heard it.And he went into my room and said I was going to have to do something about my mother. Then she flings my door open and it was on. He says she started it. She says he started it. I don't know who started it. All I know is it all happened so fast and got way out of control. She told him just what she thought. She told him how sorry and lowdown he is, I can't even remember what all was said now. My memory is mush right now. She got right in his face and let it all out. She was screaming. He was screaming. It was all bad. My mom left my house. My niece came and picked her up and she spent that night with her. My sister picked her up yesterday and she spent last night with her. She is going back to TN today. Her husband(my stepdad) is coming to pick her up.
Yesterday I was home alone for the first time since my surgery and it was a long miserable day. I spent the day mostly crying. This has completely and totally devastated me. My mom is my best friend. We are so close. I spoke with her only a few minutes last night and I could feel the distance between us. And is broke my heart into.
My children were here ofcourse when all this took place. I don't really think my 4 y/o daughter heard it. But is upset my son,badly. We just don't scream and holler here. After my mom left,I sat down with my son and we talked. He said "MiMi said it is all his(my husband's) fault. And asked who's fault was it? I told him that I really didn't know. I said that I feel it was both of their fault because when two adults act that way then it makes it both of their fault.
My mom loves me. I know this. And she has been here. She was upset about the situation. I completely understand that. She is angry,livid and just couldn't hold it in any longer. I know she hasn't ever really liked him and I understand why. I do respect that. My feelings about him aren't great either. We discussed all this at great length while she was here. She knows where I stand on it. When I recover if he doesn't do all the things he is suposed to do,then he will leave. I am prepared to make that decision if need be. And I will. I know I will not live the rest of my life like this. I am not allowing him to do these things. I am not turning my head the other way. There is nothing right about it from any stand point. But right now, I am going to have to wait until I recover and get back on my feet again. I can't drive the children to school/daycare and do all the things by myself. And there isn't anyone else who will.
Husband is doing right,for however long, I don't know. He is working and getting up right. He has been cleaning and cooking. He has been taking care of the children. He is sleeping at night. And he has been good to me since mom left. He has washed my hair and shaved my legs,even given me a washcloth bath-I can't bend over to get my lower legs ofcourse.And he is bringing me things and doing the things I ask of him. As of now, he is doing right. I realize that I shouldn't have to wonder how long this will last. It isn't a good feeling for me. My and my son's meds are safe.
All this extra stress is too much for me. I can't stand it. My mind will not let me rest. I am having muscle spasms all over my body. I have noticed that my buttocks are even constantly clinched. I can't relax them. It actually hurts. It doesn't matter if I am sitting,standing or lying. That won't stop. I hope that makes sense. I try to calm down and get control of myself. I just can't. I know this isn't good for me right now. I need to focus on feeling better and allowing my body to heal. I just simply can't. It's easier said than done.
I have my follow up appt. for tomorrow at 10:30. I haven't arranged for someone to take me,yet. Husband said he would, but he needs to work. I will call my aunt today. I am sure she will. I just hate to ask her because she has done so much for me already. She was with me the entire time at the hosp.
I know that again this was a long post. I needed to vent. I am so glad my computer is back up. I have missed you all. I wish you a good day with low pain levels.

White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3601
   Posted 4/30/2009 6:00 PM (GMT -6)   

Vent away we are here for you and we will listen! I am so sorry about your situation, I really do feel for you! You should not have to go through all that, especially right after surgery! But to be honest you should not have to go through that anytime! I hope for you and your kids only the best things! I have said a prayer for you hoping that your situation does get better!
Good Luck to You and only the Best

White Beard
  I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/30/2009 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Your situation would be tough even if you hadn't just had surgery, but to have to deal with all this on top of just having back surgery is really too much.

No wonder you're tense! Can you think of anything that can help you relax? Maybe having a friend come over and watch the kids while you lie down. Just having someone there you can trust - or maybe someone can gently rub some lotion on you arms and neck and tense places (being mindful of the surgery). Some relaxing music or guided imagery tapes (excellent resources at

I couldn't help wondering about your mother putting alcohol in her coffee. Is that true? It's one thing if it's for an evening beverage, but does she do this during the day? If so, no wonder you're feeling sandwhiched (literally) between her and your husband. But you know your husband's situation needs to be addressed, and at the very least you need to start building your support system of people now. That will help you in the long run.

I wish I could do more.



Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 4/30/2009 7:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh Anice, I really feel for you too. I agree with palady you need to start to ask for help from friends around you. Most people don't mind when you've just had surgery to care for your kids  or help with other small things. I know I've stepped in to mind kids when even vague friends have been stuck via a kids soccer team or school class. Try to find some form of relaxation even if its a warm hot water bottle and lovely music, you definately do not need extra stress
in your life right now. Visualise yourself in some fantastic relaxing setting and try and make your body let go. Deal with all husband and mother issues when you are well, how truely horrible for you. I'm thinking of you, golitho.

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 4/30/2009 9:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Anice:

I wonder if it might be a good idea to let your doctor know how much stress you have going on at home and maybe he could prescribe an anti-anxiety medication or an anti-depressant or both. I'm not trying to say that pills are the answer to your problems, but right now is just not the time for you to be shouldering all of this - it is going to slow down your healing, and one person can only take so much.

You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, and I send you many, many gentle hugz!


Becoming undone
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 4/30/2009 10:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow...the drama is definitely not good for the healing. I really suggest, as I did in an earlier post, talking to the social services at the hospital where you did your surgery...PaLady might know the better terminology. So you can get some aftercare help...
I hope you can get any help you need...even is you just want us to listen...
You are in my thoughts...
"The earth laughs in flowers"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 5/1/2009 3:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Than you once again for your caring and thoughtful support. It means more to me than you know. And yes there is way too much drama in my life right now. I do not need all of this on me. I am going to try to find ways to relax. I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders as we all feel from time to time when life just gets to rough. I do enjoy reading. I am going to try that this weekend and try to get lost in a book somewhere and keep my mind thinking good thoughts.

I talked to my sister for a long time last night. She told me that she is sorry all this has happened and that is makes her mad that they couldn't even try to get along for just a while longer so that I could have my mom helping me during the day. I can't change it. It happened and it is over. It just upsets me too keep living it. I definitely need to regroup and
pull myself together.

I have my doctor appt. this morning at 10:30 to have my staples removed. My sweet aunt is taking me. It will be nice to spend a little time with her. She is very loving and supportive of me,very positive,and makes me laugh alot. I need that for certain.

I feel like I have a knot around the upper part of my incision. It has been there several days. It seems to get worse if I am in the recliner,with a pillow behind my back. It somehow seems to get bigger and I get muscle spasms there. When I lie down,it gets better. I don't know what in the world it could be. I think it is a muscle. It feels swollen. I will ask the doctor today. My husband said he thinks it is just where my skin is with the staples. I'll find out later.

I also had a little fever last night just 100*. I don't understand that either. It isn't enough to get worried about. I am on levaquin because my wbc were up after surgery. I don't feel sick. I don't know what is going on with me!!!

I am looking forward to getting the staples out and taking a shower!!Never knew what a luxury that could be until you can't have one! Husband has been sweet by washing my hair and shaving my legs for me. I would love a nice,hot bubble bath. May be a little soon. I think I would have too much trouble getting out of the tub. I still hurt pretty bad. But atleast it is something good to look forward to.

I wish all of you a good day. I am wide awake and can't go back to sleep. I will catch up on the posts for awhile before getting ready for the dr.appt.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 5/1/2009 3:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry about all the typo's. I really can spell!lol

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 109
   Posted 5/1/2009 5:18 AM (GMT -6)   

There is no greater instinct to protect then a Mothers and it matters not how old that child is.

I see a Mother who has had to stand by and watch a husband steal meds from her child and Grandchild,not work and be lazy and leave the finiancial shortcomings to her when it isnt her responsibility even though she doesnt mind it still has to be frustrating to her to know her daughter and grandkids have no security if something should happen to her. She has been the one helping you take care of yourself and your child after surgery even though he is there and not working,doesnt mind this but still frustrating to know her child isnt secure in being able to depend on her husband.

Thinking as a Mother yourself and knowing your child was being treated this way by the person that is suppose to love and support them can you blame her or even expect her to stick around and watch more of it? Thinking again as a Mother can you not see her pain and hurt feelings knowing that after all you have done to help your child she still choses to cast her lot with the other side?

Thinking as a Mother I think I would be getting on the phone ASAP and trying to make my Mother if I still had her,know that I truly love and appreciate each little things she has done for me and my child and thank God or whomever she will be there to fight and protect me for many years to come.


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