Post Edited (White Beard) : 4/30/2009 10:39:18 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 4/30/2009 10:02:41 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (White Beard) : 4/30/2009 10:35:55 PM (GMT-6)
Ponder this though: No matter how old Children get, they want their parents together! Its sad but true, you will take the brunt for awhile because it was you who filed for divorce.
Time will heal the shock...when your daughter sees that this is for the best for you and your wife, she WILL come around!
You don't have to give the reasons to your daughter, maybe leave her a message (if she won't talk to you) that this decision was not easy for you and let her know you love her! She may not respond now, but she will remember later down the road what you said!
One of my best friends parents divorced (the kids were in their early 30's) and their was alot of anger directed at her Dad (he filed). It took a long time but the adult children did come around...bottom line, she and her siblings world was flipped when the one thing that was always there, Mom and Dad...... was not anymore!
I feel so bad that this is happening, just felt the need to say that people react differently (and not the way we think they should) when they are devastated!(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WhiteBeard))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Post Edited (White Beard) : 5/1/2009 8:11:30 PM (GMT-6)
I feel safe in speaking for everyone, we feel the same way about you!!! I just had a conversation with my husband about my friends on Healing Well. We are so lucky to have found each other and the continual support we give each other is AMAZING. No one relates too or supports me like all of you here!
Thank you WhiteBeard for all you do for me! Fast forward a few months...your life WILL be different and this will all be behind you.... hold onto that thought, it will keep you going!
Post Edited (Pamela Neckpain) : 5/2/2009 2:32:59 PM (GMT-6)
Its been awhile since I have been on the forum. have some health issues going on still. But, thats not what I want to talk about.
I think what you did with the digital frame for the wake was magnificent. Even tho you are going thru some terrible personal times you took out the time to put that together. I want you to know that many, many people enjoyed your work and I do hope it got around that you were the one that contributed that to the wake. My hat is off to you for such a caring gesture.
No matter what you do or don't do, your ex-wife to be will never be happy with anything you do. That is a given. But that is also her problem not yours. I will say, do not allow this woman to use you as a whipping board. Had she done many things right during her tenure with you she might not be getting herself divorced from you. Take anything she says with a grain of salt. Try not to feel guilty because you were the one that filed, and I do hear some guilt sneaking in. Remember no matter what the circumstances there is always a "bad guy" in a divorce situation.
I fully understand you not wanting to go around the outlaws and I think you did right thing by staying away. He had been in the hospital and was just home, no, you did not need to be there the day he got home from the hospital. Maybe some of the ex-wife's to be tirade was a little guilt of her own spilling over in perhaps she could have done a little more for her Dad. It sounds to me like you pretty much did it all single handed. Above all if she ever attacks you again on this subject, please, please stop her and tell her if she needs to rant to someone go see her brother and rant to him-then show her to the door. By rights she really should have moved her belongings from the house. She does not need to be "appearing" at the door because she needs some more items from the house. Her things need to be removed from the home-you can force her to do this you know. What she pulled on you is considered spousal abuse.
Now for the oldest daughter. I know all about coming from a split home, I was 4 yrs old. Yes, as children we do want our parents together but sometimes that just does not happen. Yes, your daughter is hurt but she will get over this. She is not a young kid going thru this and do not let this get you on a guilt trip. She is the one that has chosen to handle things this way, but she is a little too old to be acting like this too in my opinion. You can bet she would not stay in an unhappy marriage, so easy how some people can throw rocks at others. She is not entitled to know why you filed for a divorce, that is none of her business. That is strictly between you and the other one. In time she should come around, but if you feel too much time has gone by, may I suggest you write your daughter a letter and let her know how much her actions towards you have hurt you too. Also, let her know that regardless of what happened leading to a divorce it had no bearing on your love for her as your daughter. Since there was the two week visit with her mom, we can only imagine things that may have been discussed and said between the two of them. That may be a factor too. I doubt very seriously your ex to be sat there and said she did any wrong things in the marriage-so read between the lines a little there.
So very glad to hear that you had a visit with the youngest. Its amazing how those little grand children can make us feel, huh? I have a now 4 yr old grand son and I cannot tell you the joy he brings into my life. As I say he is my glue that keeps me together. Is there any real reason or something holding you back that could prevent you from moving closer to where the youngest daughter lives? Of course, I understand changing drs and so on is not much fun. But, you know if may well be worth something to think about. You really would do and feel much better if you had a family member closer. I would at least consider it and maybe investigate the dr scene in her area. Just a thought.
I agree whole heartily in what FJ had to say and he was right on the mark as usual lol. I just think that you are a very kind and considerate man. I know from experience being the "bad guy" sometimes our vision of ourselves can become a little tarnished. Don't go there and please don't do that. As a human being you deserve respect, happiness, compassion and many good things life can offer, don't forget that. Just because you were the one that filed does not make you any less of a person. Keep that head up you deserve to. Susie
Post Edited (White Beard) : 5/2/2009 9:10:11 PM (GMT-6)