Of course you will get responses to your post because we care about you!! This may sound crazy, but when I reached the bottom I started to pray. Its time for you to turn your problems over to the man above and his helpers that just wait for us to ask! I understand my beliefs are not everyone elses, but speaking from experience, you do get answers and help in ways you never expected.
In the meantime, I'll send some extra hugs, love, prayers and warm wishes aimed directly at you!
Pete, where do I start. You have been so supportive to me and to others. Who else would call me Father Saint John. I have realized that the same feeling you are going through is not unique to any of us. Of course we come to this forum for support even when we do stupid things. Just because we do stupid things does not make us stupid or a bad person (not original). We just want to live our lives and have some semblance of what we think is normal. I think you just wrote something to me about the job situation and financial issues and how we don't want our CP to define either of those areas but it does.
I am not sure what you said in the counselors office and it does not matter as that was personal between you and your wife. I would think that was the place you should have been real as that is the purpose of counseling. Even when we feel hurt, lonely, angry, abandoned, misunderstood, worthless, too needy and the list could go on, we need to be able to express those emotions. As you well know, I just went through a season of writing posts and then deleting them as I questioned my motive and the appropriateness of what I had to say. You are in the right place to express what you need to. Of course we are going to question our motives. We get so mixed up inside because of the way our life seems to be put in a blender and everything gets mixed together and we can't seem to separate any of it. Remember we are not doctors or professional counselors but sometimes we are greater than that as we just share with each other on a level that they can't. Today you need the support, tomorrow or even today it could be me or someone else. We are here for each other and yes part of it is selfish as we want someone to listen. That is why we are here.
I am rambling Pete but what you need to accept, just like me, our lives are in the process of change and we don't have the control we want. That is painful and confusing. Take a deep breath and spend time with you mother and you will have time to deal with the other issues later. We care just like you care. Blessings buddy.
Hey Pete, I sent you an email. Call me. I need to talk to you, my friend. You were there for me two and a half years ago and I'm here for you now. I offer no solutions, but a shoulder and understanding and hope and a sharing of tears. I am crying as I write this as I was then. You are a worthy guy and I am going to kick your backside if you keep beating up on yourself. I am sorry that you and Pete's Co-Pilot are not doing well. Do you still have that Ducati 900SS?
Man I realy don't know you, but you have commented on my posts a few times! I kinda know what you are going threw! My life is a mess to! i have no life, my back is getting worse all the time! The meds aren't working, and as this moment, I don't have a doctor! I am on Fentanyl patch's and will be out in a few days, I talked to my drugest friend, and he said I was going to go threw withdraw and pretty bad! And after 7 years of being in pain for all that time I don't think I can take the with draws! I used to be scared of nothing, and as the word and the attroneys and the court and then my like long Doctor dropped me for something that wasn't my fault, he did it so he thought he would get out of going to trail Ha ha! i am scared to death, and it has my mind so messed up, I can't gey out of bed!
Hang in there Pete, I know you are tuffer than me!
Post Edited By Moderator (Lindaloo) : 5/13/2009 8:37:40 PM (GMT-6)
Post Edited By Moderator (Lindaloo) : 5/13/2009 8:38:59 PM (GMT-6)
I hope you are doing a little better today! I havn't been out of the house for a week! It's a long story, but I will try to make it short as I can! The forst time I got hurt Oct.2002, after a lot of test, and one real pain full one, one surgeon said I need tri fusion, everyone knows you can't do that, after 2 years of battling W.C. My Attroney talked me into settling foe peanuts and left my back open. I worked everyday except the day after I got hurt and when I would go out of town for tests,I made my Doctors appointments after work.for the next 4 years my back got worse everyday, but I did my job! The Supertendant changed W.C. companies! Mid July of 2006 I got 3 marker board to hang on the wall, the heavest was 439 lbs, and I had a 14 year old boy who weight was 98lbs, we would get a old one down, and a new one up, then the rest of the week I would lay on a mechanics creeper laying down and painting the base boards for the rest of the week, took 3 weeks we got them hung. On Dec 18, 2006 I was taking a small bag of trash to the dumpster! I feel down, when I got feelong back in my right leg, I put the trash up, and went inside and told the secratery that I had to go to the doctor and get a shot, he took me of work for good! 1 1/2 years go buy and my doctor makes me a appointment with a pain specailist, 2 days before I go, W.C. Stops its. 90 days to get a court date, after the court date, 3 days later, I get my Court Order telling My Doctor to make the appointment. 3 weeks goes by and I havn't hurd anything, my wife is gripping at me to call over there and find out what was going on. So I called, I as the lady that does the scheduling, what was the problem, she told me that I was to make the appointment, I told her that wasn't what the court order said, then she said I was on top of the stack (3 weeks) so i ask here what was it, was she going to, or was I going, I was mad now no back words but I can get read ruff and loud, she went to crying, and I ask her to give the phone to the head nurse, in 30 mins. I had my appointment. The next day, I got a register letter from the Doctor(who I thought was my friend , we had hunted and fish for over 20 years toghter) telling me he would no longer see me! I had a appointment in 8 days so he had to see me then, I told him that I couldn't just get a Doctor, it had to go threw court! I am on Fentanly patches, so he she's me after hours and rights my scripts, i go to court and get 3 doctors to pick from, 2 are W.C. Doctors and one I don't know, so i pick him, he turns me down, because he doesn't take cases allready going. So at this point I don't have a Doctor, I will be out of meds in a few days! i don't have the money to pay a ER Doc, and the patches are $200.00 a month and I will have to pay for them my self because the Er Doc's are not approved by W.C.
So I am lost, with no where to go! The patches state right on the package don't just stop taking, can and has caused death! No one seems to care, but my wife and I! I am so tried of not having a life being in pain all the time, I guess what ever happens happens!
There isn't anything I can do, and my attroney doesn't seem to be to worried!
Thanks for your consern Pete!!
You get better if you can!