Do people ever give you looks when you leave early?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

flower123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 5/24/2009 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I often have to leave places early. For example: a wedding, a family dinner out, a family members house, a meeting, etc. I sometimes get that "look." Like either the person has no idea that I'm really in pain and they judge me thinking that I'm being rude and don't want to be social. I can't stand it. It really makes me feel bad about myself. Or, people don't understand why I can't do something. Oh boy, this is just something that really bothers me and I wanted to see if anyone else goes through it too. Most people are kind and understanding, but there are a few that just make me feel so GUilty!

Anyone else?

Flower cry

modelmaker
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 168
   Posted 5/24/2009 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Flower,
Yep, happens to me all the time. Fortunately, my wife is always telling people and the host that I have a spinal problem and having a rough time with pain. The honesty always works. I've not felt badly about leaving early anymore. I just treat it as the way it is. After a while, people who know me just accept it without explanation. They might say something like "it looks like you are in pain. I'm sorry you have to go but I understand." You can't let anybody get you down. It's not your fault you are in pain. THEY are the ones who have to learn to accept you as you are.

Hope this helps.

Modelmaker
Degenerative disc disease, 4 back surgeries, fused from L2-S1, instrumentation. Being treated for chronic pain. Oxycodone 30 mg. IR. Candidate for SCS in the future.


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 5/24/2009 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   
flower123

I am glad you brought this topic up! This is one that has has caused me grief for a long time! It is especially bad if your at a place where you can not sit down in a comfortable position, or and have any way of finding relief from your pain! This has always been a point of contention between my wife and I! Especially if we are at some doings at one of her relatives house. She is the type of person who wants to be the last person to leave, and I often am ready to leave allot earlier! If we are at something that is local there is not problem as we will each just take our own car and then I can leave when I want. But if we are at one of the "Outlaws" places ( which is usually 50 or 60 miles away from home then we just take one car and go together!) that often presents problems! When your in pain you do not feel like socializing, and I know some of my "outlaws" are more atune to pain problems than others, many of them just don't care, as is often the case with the wife! So after awhile I sometimes just don't go to some of the "doings!" and then I will hear about that! But it is no fun to be at an event and be really "hurting!" I have done that way to often! It comes to point that you just have to do what is right for you!

So Flowers you are not alone with your feelings about this topic! I know exactly how you feel! But you know other people can't see or feel our pain and discomfort, and if you are like most of of use you really don't like showing your misery to others, I know I don't! So I often try and mask my feelings about my pain!

I don't see an easy solution to it, it is just something we have to put up with as being part of having CP I guess! It does help if you have a spouse or partner or some body that recognizes your problems and cares and supports you with dealing with it!

Please try not to feel guility about needing to leave early, you definitely have a legit reason!
Good Luck to You!
White Beard
  I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


Lindaloo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 5/24/2009 8:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel. My oldest daughter lives one hour from me. Ibabysit her children every day while she works and she understands that I am in pain all the time. Still, there are times she makes me feel guilty when I tell her I need time off or I need her to come home on time or I can't go over her house on the weekend. She makes me feel guilty, like I just don't want to spend time with her, but sometimes, the pain just gets the best of me you know?? Oh well, it's really about me. They say no one can MAKE you feel guilty, it is rather about what you do than them doing something. I guess I need to work on it.

Have a great day all and God bless.

Lindaloo
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.
 
Linda


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 5/24/2009 8:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Flower, I get this at work all the time. Only my main supervisors know of my issues. Mondays I have injections done so I don't work monday I have my schedule changed to Tuesday thru friday in turn they work monday thru thursday. My hours can change and they don't understand which can get me to ugly looks and comments like "they must love you" smartmouthed. But I'm don't work to make friends. I used to have to work 12 hour shifts up until last week but its changed to 10 hour shifts (because of the need to have me there more days) but it helps me 12 hours is a killer with CP.

Family has just been told within the last 6 months about my CP. I on the other hand demand myself to be present at all times from beginning to end. Some reason after my mother died now everyone comes to me for everything. I do all the holidays, birthdays and weddings. Now my family tells me to sit down or go lay down.

But yes I think ALL OF US deal with issues of CP with family, friends and co-workers on a daily basis. The ugly stares I believe will NEVER go away.

Laurie
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD
Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea
Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/24/2009 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Flower,
I hope all our responses help you feel less alone in this area. I could add more but it would just be repeating what many people have already said.

I am one who tends to mask pain, and I can do it if I'm somewhere for a relatively short time. Then I start to get squirmy, standing, sitting, standing, sitting, looking at my watch to see when I can take my next dose, etc. For people who only see you every now and then, or only for brief times, they don't see the CP at all. And some of them I don't care to tell. But it is hard - I WANT to be a part of it all. To play with the family, laugh, get up and go outside and play whatever physical game they're playing, but I feel like a 90 year old woman who sits back in her rocker and just watches life.

You are not alone!

PaLady

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 5/24/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I am also very good at masking my pain. But it is incredibly exhausting. When I get back from class, even if it is just an hour break, I collapse. And a lot of times I'll "hide" during family parties because I feel so horrible & do not want to talk about it with my family. Just today we had a family party at our house, and after about an hour & a half, I left, went up to my room & just laid down (I actually feel asleep until some nasty thunder storms woke me up) because I couldn't handle being at the party & I really wasn't feeling well in general. I hardly ever go out with my friends because of my situation, and I definitely get looks & comments about that.

So, no, Flower, you are not the only one that has to do this!

Skeye

flower123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 5/25/2009 2:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow...thank you for all of the responses and encouragement. It's interesting, because it really happens with people that I don't see often. Some people are definitely more sensitive than others. But I sure do feel guilty I guess. I do want to spend time with people and do fun things...but as everyone here knows, the little trips out can be such a big struggle.

Thank you!
You're all so wonderful!

Flower

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 5/25/2009 3:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Flower, I hope you keep coming back. I wish I could say it gets better because most of the time it does not. But having these friends here on the forum makes dealing with the pain and all the effects of it and the medications easier as we walk through it together.

LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 5/25/2009 7:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn I SECOND that! I don't know what I'd do without all my friends on this forum. Maybe go insane...

Laurie
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD
Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea
Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 5:18 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,355 posts in 301,205 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151325 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, artgal234.
327 Guest(s), 9 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
CrohnsPanda, Albannach, dismissed, Teamchris, holo100, Huddie, snowboat, LiveJoy, RachelAvila


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer