my parents are kicking me out if I don't go to rehab....

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AngMichelle
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Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 6/4/2009 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
yes, I made a really bad mistake while going through withdraws but i don't understand why i can't just continue my outpatient counciling. I'll even go to meetings, but i do not want to go to a residential place, other than I do want to move out of the house.
I would move but I just  can't financially. I'm on disability which is nothing and will not cover a months rent.
I didn't choose this dependency on pain pills. Its just i always have pain.
DX-Migraines:PCOS(should have seen this list before!!)

On Jan 17th I had a very traumatic situation ending in a colostomy. Wait on reversal date. Not doing to well.
Meds: Prevacid, Lexapro, Xanex, some pain meds.

May God give you a reason to smile today, an extra reason to laugh, and bring joy to your soul.


anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 6/4/2009 11:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't know enough about the situation to offer you any advice. But I think maybe you should sit down with your parents and honestly discuss the situation with them. open communication is always good. Hopefully, you can all come to some sort of compromise and get things worked out. Sorry I wasn't much help. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out well for you.
Anice

AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 6/4/2009 11:34 AM (GMT -7)   
what I did was get my Moms Hydro's filled without her knowing. i was in withdraws, in so much pain, and had nothing to take.
It kind of scarrs me that I would do such a thing to pills, but i don't know if I an adiict or dependant
 
Migraines, Ovarian Cyst, repeat and multiple jaw dislocations, depression/anxiety, PTSD, and the list goes on
On Jan 17th I had a very traumatic situation ending in a colostomy. had the reversal which put me through months of hell, but better now
Meds: Celexa, Klonopin,Zanaflex, some pain meds.

May God give you a reason to smile today, an extra reason to laugh, and bring joy to your soul.


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 6/4/2009 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi AngMichelle!

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it must be awful for you. It sounds like you are someone who would never even consider taking mom's or anyone elses pills ... but it happened. Withdrawal is awful and it turned you into someone you didn't know, an inner you that wanted the pain to quit and needed the pills. Sweet Ang...that is a sign of addiction. It's not your fault! It's how your system is wired. You tried for all you're worth and the need for the medicine took over. You are a very sweet lady inside and this is torturing you. But there is a way out.

In patient treatment is more than just locking you up. You have a chance to start over again, to get help with your pain and find out how your own body needs the pills. There is so much more to treatment that just taking the pills away. I know you don't want to hear this but I think you should go. It will show your parents that you are serious and likely restore the trust that was broken between you and your mom. I'm guessing living with your parents is tense. This would end that and give you your life back. The AngMichelle that you know is inside of you will be able to be in charge again and you will also get help with the pain.

I'm not a doctor but this is my experience with teenagers talking. It would take a short time out of your life and make the rest of it so much better.

Hugs,
Chutzie
Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis and a few other side dishes.
***************
Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."
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PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 6/4/2009 12:38 PM (GMT -7)   
AngMichelle,
I'm glad that Chutzie responded. Her words are much softer than mine would be today, as I sit here in pain. But she is right. It even scares you that you could have done such a thing, and that's a healthy fear because you could easily have ended up in jail. And where I have to bite my tongue hard here is that this is what makes it so much more difficult for the rest of us to get pain treatment.

What you did wasn't what a regular CPP does. Please use this as an opportunity, like Chutz said. You can get your life back on track, and if you have pain issues, a specialized doctor called an Addictionologist can help you figure out how you will need to manage it to avoid heading down a path of addiction. If you don't take the step now, what will be the next thing that might happen? You don't want it to be jail - or worse, death or serious injury. And those things do happen.

inpatient treatment is a chance to put your life together in a new way. I hope you take the opportunity.

PaLady

Morgoth
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 177
   Posted 6/4/2009 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutzie and PaLady know what they're talking about. Pain Meds are only a temporary solution or a lifelong stop-gap solution. They will never, ever take away all pain. Unless you get help, you'll know nothing but misery the rest of your life. I suppose a lot of your problems (depression, anxiety, etc.) result from the fact that you don't feel comfortable with your current lifestyle. ANd you know it's not the pain, it's the fear of living without pain meds, the knowledge you turned into something you are not. These are the demons haunting you. Confront them, you into therapy. Sorry to tell you, but you got an addiction problem, that needs to be taken care off by specialist, so that means "In Patient Care". Why not cintinue Out Patient Care you ask? Simple answer: you tried and failed. It's not going to be easier next time you try Out Patient Care. Let the pro's take care charge; after all, if you have a crushed leg, you'll have no trouble in letting the pro's do their job would you? ANd you'd have no problem of remaining in the hospital for a while right? ANd revalidation afterwards? This is basically the same thing. You're ill and you need treatment, as simple as that. I know it may seem unbelievable at this point, but there is a life without pain meds. There is also a life with managed pain meds and even a life with pain. Just a question of habit. You'll feel better physically as soon as yu get this over with and we'll still be here for you. We'll always be here. Now talk to your parents and get yourself some treatment.
To stand and be still at the Birkenhead Drill is a mighty bullet to shew.


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 6/4/2009 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
AngMichelle, residential recovery services or treatment is not always what people want but often what is needed. I won't disclose much but I am the director of such a program and deal with people in your situation all the time. I actually run a college program for people who have completed our residential program. They can stay with us for up to 2 years. At the point that you are at, you think about what you will be giving up and the freedom you will lose. When people are faced with the problems of misusing drugs, they have already lost freedom as they are prisoners of substances. It is great to hear my students talk about not wanting to commit to a residential program but after going through, they find out it was the best decision they ever made as the rest of their life is lived from a different perspective. I have lived through addiction myself and the results of how I hurt my family and the pride I had to fight as I admitted I had a problem. It was not until I almost killed someone that I finally realized that my life was out of control. I know that this is about me but I have dealt with hundreds that were going down the same path. There is no better time to get help than the present. I don't know that much about you but I hope you will openly look at the options and realize that even your parents want what is best for you. What do you really have to lose? 

AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 6/4/2009 9:18 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for all the replies.
I'm now on the search. I looked at one place, even talked to someone and it was going to be 13000!!! I cannnot afford that and I"m afraid to end up in a state hospital.
Anyone know of a good place, preferable Christian that I could go to with out paying thousands of bucks?
 
Migraines, Ovarian Cyst, repeat and multiple jaw dislocations, depression/anxiety, PTSD, and the list goes on
On Jan 17th I had a very traumatic situation ending in a colostomy. had the reversal which put me through months of hell, but better now
Meds: Celexa, Klonopin,Zanaflex, some pain meds.

May God give you a reason to smile today, an extra reason to laugh, and bring joy to your soul.


hep93
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 6/4/2009 9:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Fatherjohn is right.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  (And FJ I believe I know you from another board.)

What you've done is commit an illegal act to obtain drugs.  If your mom wanted to, she could press charges against you.  That would be a federal offense!  You are acting from the mind set of an addict.  I was addicted to everything from heroin to alcohol.  Inpatient treatment followed by 18 mos. of outpatient 8-hour a day treatment for drugs, and later AA for alcohol addiction saved my life.  With close to 23 years of sobriety, I am nothng but grateful for the treatment I received, though I fought it at first.

Good luck, my dear, and may God keep you safely in his care.

ETA:  Do you have health insurance?  If so, see what it will cover.  If not, what did your parents have in mind?  Could they help you with the financial aspect?  You might try calling Narcotics Anonymous tomorrow and ask if they know of an inpatient program that charges on a sliding scale.

hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
 
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Post Edited (hep93) : 6/4/2009 10:32:42 PM (GMT-6)


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 6/4/2009 9:56 PM (GMT -7)   
AngMichelle, I do know of a Christian program that allows people in regardless of their ability to pay. There are certain requirements but they have a wonderful program. I am willing to send you information. I believe you can get my email from my profile if not let me know and I will make it available.

AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 6/5/2009 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn, I couldn't find your email, mine is angmbishop@yahoo.com if you could send me that information. thanks

I want everyone to know that I know what I did was wrong and I'm trying to get help.
 
Migraines, Ovarian Cyst, repeat and multiple jaw dislocations, depression/anxiety, PTSD, and the list goes on
On Jan 17th I had a very traumatic situation ending in a colostomy. had the reversal which put me through months of hell, but better now
Meds: Celexa, Klonopin,Zanaflex, some pain meds.

May God give you a reason to smile today, an extra reason to laugh, and bring joy to your soul.


AngMichelle
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 932
   Posted 6/5/2009 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn, I couldn't find your email, mine is angmbishop@yahoo.com if you could send me that information. thanks

I want everyone to know that I know what I did was wrong and I'm trying to get help.
 
Migraines, Ovarian Cyst, repeat and multiple jaw dislocations, depression/anxiety, PTSD, and the list goes on
On Jan 17th I had a very traumatic situation ending in a colostomy. had the reversal which put me through months of hell, but better now
Meds: Celexa, Klonopin,Zanaflex, some pain meds.

May God give you a reason to smile today, an extra reason to laugh, and bring joy to your soul.


anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 6/5/2009 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   
AngMichelle, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and your situation. I really don't have anything to add to what advice you have already been given. You must move forward with your life now. What has happened cannot be undone. It is in the past now. And it can't be changed. I imagine that you will have to give your mom a heartfelt apology if you haven't already done so.I know she is hurt and you will have to work on rebuilding her trust, as I am sure you already know. Something good can come out of this. Allow yourself to get help with your addiction problem. Help is available in many forms. And I do agree with the others, that inpatient programs will most likely be the way to go. I do understand you don't want to do that type. It will however prove to your mom and yourself that you admit there is a problem and that you want to go all the way to do what you have to do to get better. Don't beat yourself up over this anymore. I do believe you are sorry for what you have done. I think you will be okay. I am proud of you for taking the first step. You can recover from this. You can overcome this. Tell yourself that over and over. You will make it!! Good luck to you,my friend. And keep us posted on what you decide to do, if you choose to do so.
Anice

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 6/5/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Angmichelle, I sent you an email with information. Please check us out and I will be more than happy to answer any questions that you have. We are not the only recovery services rehab program there is. Let me know what else I can for you. First off, know that there are people who care. I have been very careful not to post the name of the organization that I work for as I don't want anyone to think I am using this forum for any other purpose but seeking encouragement and connecting with people that have a common life issue of chronic pain. Blessings!

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 6/5/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
hep93, I am not sure whic board that would be but I would like to talk further and see where it was. I have my email posted to my profile and would love to follow up with you. Blessings! 

Hello~Kitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 610
   Posted 6/5/2009 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, if you have so much pain, have you looked into Suboxone treament??? I got on it to withdrawal comfortable off of all narcotics, and found that it is wonderful for pain, so now my doctor and I are using it for a few years to help with my severe pain. I actually find it to work better then any narcotic I've ever used before, and it works so fast and for a very long time (37 hours), and it blocks other narcotics so it makes it hard to relapse, and it's formulated to prevent tolerence and abuse. And the makers of Suboxone now have a program where they have perfessionals helping you out with treatment for the first few months for free. It's a very expensive med, but the makers of Subs have a program o get htem for free if you have no insurance, or insurance that wont cover it. If you go to the Suboxone websight, they have a thing where you ype in your zipcode and they give you a list of doctors, or you can go the NAABT websight and they have a thing you fill out and the doctors will contact you. But this is just a thought if your suffering from pain, and most detox centers use suboxone to help detox cause they have such great results with it, the chance of relapsing is alot smaller then other methods. Well anyways, good luck. I'm working to advocate for methadone and/or Suboxone treatment centers in my area as their is none, and we are having many people overdose on pain meds and more who are addicted , some who I know personally, so I have been talking to doctors from my church (we have quite a few) and they're advertising it to their partnerst as most have not heard about suboxone, but I have just started, and so far it seems to be going well, but I will not stop til we get some help around where I live, I refuse to sit back and watch people around me not be able to get help that they deserve.

-hellokitty


 

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PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 6/5/2009 3:26 PM (GMT -7)   
AngMichellle,
It's good to see you reaching out for help. And it's really great you're able to connect with fatherjohn and get some info. from him.

HelloKitty's post is important, too, as medications like methadone and suboxone can serve a number of purposes - including helping with pain as well as addiction.

Keep taking one step at a time in the right direction!

PaLady

sandy4512
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 6/5/2009 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello AngMichelle
When I was receiving treatment for my addiction I went to a day rehab. This meant that I had to be there early every morning and stay there for 12 hours whilst receiving treatment with others like me. Each night we were sent home. Is this type of service available? It seems as though it may be the most suitable option for your needs and wants.
It would prove to your mum that you were serious about your medication problem and she could see that you were making a concerted effort. This is the part that you probably don't want to hear but I feel that I would be doing you a dis-service if I didn't - unless you have reached rock bottom - and I think faking your mum's script was rock bottom for you - the treatment will not work. It does not matter how much other people want you to change. You have to want to change. I am proud of you for wanting to sort this problem out and I can understand where your problem came from - a fear of pain made you try and pre-empt flare ups and eventually , without you realising it your tolerance had built up and you needed more and more medication to treat the pain. It is so easy to do and it is a real blessing that you've realised the problem now and want to do something about it before it's too late.
I don't know if your mum stays at home or even if you work but once you've had your hospital treatment would it be possible for your mum to keep your medication and give it to you whenever it was needed by you? That way she could keep a track of the amount of medication you are taking and if necessary, the two of you could re-visit your Doctor together and have your medication changed or the dosage increased if the painkilling effect wasn't working or it wore off too quickly. Having her included in this process should hopefully build bridges.
I wish you lots of luck finding the right programme for you. If you need to talk one-to-one about how you feel when you are going through treatment please feel free to e-mail me. Take care.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2280
   Posted 6/6/2009 8:14 PM (GMT -7)   
AngMichelle,

I think you've already gotten a lot of great advice about getting into an inpatient treatment program.
I hope you are able to get something to handle both the pain & the withdrawal, but in case you can't work that out right away, I wanted to share with you that when I was going through withdrawal, my PM wrote me for Catapres patches & they were not very expensive. I even got the larger sizes & cut them in halves or quarters to make it even cheaper (my PM authorized this). It will NOT help at all with the addiction issues that you have, only the physical symptoms. I don't have any personal experience, but as I understand it you would still really want to have pain meds, but at least the physical withdrawal symptoms would be either significantly reduced or eliminated altogether (nausea, sweating, racing heart, creepy crawly feeling, insomnia, runny nose, watery eyes, etc.). It will not fix everything, but maybe that would at least make things a little bit less miserable for you while you're working on the other issues.

take care,
frances
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