Post Edited (skeye) : 6/9/2009 9:51:07 PM (GMT-6)
Skeye, My friend, I am torn up by what you just wrote. I know that you have made the comment before that your father was the one who gave you strength and even recently when you finished school you went home to see him. I can understand how it feels like part of you has been ripped out and there seems like there is no way to ease the pain. You do have people in your life that you can trust. But when the one whom you have leaned on for so long is removed, it feels like there is no one. I know your father is probably at a loss right now as well. Regardless of what has taken place, he is still your father and that is why it hurts so much. Hopefully, in time, you and your father can come together and forgive and allow healing in the relationship.
Those of us that have received encouragement and comfort from you are still here. We have not left or abandoned you. None of us can take the place of your father but we still care. Many of us have had that statement made to us and it has a sting to it. We even question ourselves sometimes. I am sure that there are some that fake pain or it is all in their hear, but I do not believe you are one of those people.
Right now, don't make any major decisions or even try to deal with the hurt with your father. First you must allow time for you to heal emotionally before doing that. It is not as easy as take two pills and call me in the morning. You have faced many trials and times of discouragement and you will get through this some way and at some time. Your father hopefully will also see how much he has hurt you and maybe there is something going on in his life. Give him a chance but it may take some time. Until then, we are here for you.
I am so sorry, you have had a rough time today! Most important is you are NOT alone, we are all here for you! I feel the pain and devastation over what your Father said to you today! Could it be that he is frustrated because he doesn't know how to help you?
I understand how you are feeling, so many times I've had the breakdown, anger over my situation, so overpowering that I've questioned why I'm here and what the purpose is of living this way! Usually when this happens, sometime shortly after I hear a story or meet someone who is in worse shape than I am, snapping me back to reality.
I wish I could be there with you to give you a hug and my shoulder for you to cry on! I hope knowing that I and the rest of your FAMILY here, love and care so much about you Skeye that you can find the strength to pull through this. You are ALWAYS there for us and we know that your pain is real and are here for you during this time!
I am sending you love, hugs, prayers and Guardian Angels to protect and help heal your broken heart!
Much Love and many Blessings,
Back when I was in the military and I was in Alaska, and I was having severe pain in my Left arm and neck, it felt like when you hit your crazy bone, and it makes your hand an fingers burn like fire, and it hurts so bad, but for me, it just would not stop! And it was like that 24/7 and nobody could find out what was causing it! I was sent to an Army orthopedic surgeon, and he accused me of malingering, and said it was all in my head and I wanted the pain so I could get out of work. I was a Branch Chief of the A-10 Flight Simulator, and had 25 or so people working for me! If I wanted to get out of work I could just assign the work to somebody else! Anyway I was sent to a Psychiatrist I was mad as Hell about it, but just to prove that this Doctor was wrong and did not know what he was talking about, I made an appointment and went and under went all their testing, and afterwards I was told they did not believe that the problem was in my "head" but felt I had a genuine medical problem! Which in a couple of months it was found that I had a massive herniated disc at C6/7 with free floating fragments in my spinal canal! After that was discovered I had emerengcy surgery ( at a civilian hospital in Anchorage) The neurosurgeon said after the surgery he just could not understand why I wasn't a quadriplegic with all the damage that I had. And he further stated that any competent orthopedic surgeon should have caught this right away. When I told him that the Army Orhtopedic surgeon sent me to the Schrink, he was completely astounded at the incompetence of that Doctor! What you have posted, has angered me and brought back a flood of unpleasant memories!
Skeye I do understand your hurt and disappointment and especially since it was your father telling you this! Prove him wrong! Make an appointment with a psychiatrist, and go to him, if they want to do psych testing do it! You have absolutely nothing to lose, and everything to gain. If your father is right ( which I really don't believe he is) then you will get the proper treatment. If what I suspect is true, and he is wrong, then that will just eliminate one area of possible debate! It is a win, win situation for you! And it just might make the other Doctors look even harder into your problem! I know that you should not have to do that, I have been there and have done that! But honestly it is the only way you are going to remove that possibility! And your Fathers doubt about you! I know I felt it was going to mark me as a Psych case, but it doesn't! I personally think and feel it is just an easy way out for a Doctor to push somebody off as a Psych case! I know that is not what your Father is doing, but I don't think he is being objective with you either, he can't be, he has to have a bias, he's your father! And even with what he said he is thinking, please remember he is probably frustrated just like you are, and he wants to have an answer to your problem! I am sure that he Loves you very very much! and what he is saying although seemingly betraying you, (HE IS NOT!!!)! he is just trying to find an answer to your problem! I personally think he is wrong, but rmember I am seeing your situation out of my eyes, and filtered by my experiences. So I completely empathize with you!
So Skeye prove him wrong! See a Psychiatrist, jump through those hoops and get it out of the way, but also continue searching for answers to your problem. Don't give up or give in!
You have my support Skeye, I am sorry for your experience today, and I do understand your frustration! Please do not lose trust in your Father, I am sure that he is really on your side, but remember whether he is a Doctor, your hero, your best friend and person you trust and confide in, he is your Father and he like you and me and everyone else, is only HUMAN! And being human we can make mistakes, and even if it turns out he is right, I don't think he handled it right. But he still is human and he like all the rest of us can make mistakes!
Skeye as a father of two daughters, and with my past experiences, you can't imagine how I feel for you! Please give your father the benefit of the doubt! I do wish you all the best!
My Heart goes out to you Skeye!
My father in law is a doctor, and the entire time I was hurting and even now...after surgery, he didnt think I was in pain. I was just trying to get pain meds for my husband. Long story and I wont bore ya, but I really really hate that your father said that too you. Even if someone thinks that, they dont have to say it. Ya know... I think he's totaly wrong and I've never met you. I know that before the surgery I could hardly move with out screaming, and when Dad was there when the doctor looked at my MRI, I still think he was like hmmm couldnt be that bad. I was almost in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. But Dad is old school, no pain meds, and if you do get some its only for a short period of time. Even though you never get out of pain. Its just cause you are addicted or hubby is telling you to get meds. I really hate that feeling.
I'm passing you lots of hugs and I really hope you get to feeling better.
Post Edited (Becoming undone) : 6/12/2009 10:00:27 AM (GMT-6)
I am new here. But...I wish I turn back the clock and make what he said go away. That had to have felt just awfull inside. Im so very very sorry you had to hear such things from soomeone so close to your soul. *warmes huggs*
wrong with you & to just get over it already?
**Now just wait a minute. There is nothing "wrong" with you. You are an increadibly strong and couragous individual. I dare anyone to stand as tall and endure the way you have. Now that being said I think we should come up with some funny zingers to tell back to folks (even fathers) who say this.
"Wrong with me? Your the one need a reality check.."
"Is the sky purple?.. I must be dreaming....for a second there you almost looked like a doctor.."
**Not that I would ever have to gumption to say things like that 8O(How are you supposed to deal with someone telling you that it's all in your head; that something deep down inside of you "needs" for you to be in pain?
"Oh yea, sorry, just woke up with this sedistic need to TORTURE myself... "How do you handle this? What am I supposed to do? I don't know who to trust anymore.
****Im not sure how anyone is supposed to "handle" this. I just wish more than anything ti was never said to you. You dont need to justify your pain to anyone, and shame on him for thinking you have an off switch. I encountered the same thing. I didnt handle it well, I withdrew... Only part that upset me the most is going through a terribly hard time, needing someone to tlak to.. and CANT becuase the folks that talk in the horrible way take forever to "get over" their guilt. just wanna say "Hey, your turn to 'get over it' can you hurry? I need your support!"
Oh honey, How many times have I just wished that I could reach into my back or leg and rip out the offending nerves....How many times have I wished that I could just become paralyzed so I wouldn't have to live with this pain.... Then of course I come to my senses...realize that things would only be worse in the long run....
But I tell you what!!! I hate it when people, whether it be relatives, friends, or strangers decide that they are experts and that all of my pain is in my head!!!! That's when I want to rip out their offending appendages... Ha Ha
I hate Boats!!!!
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/15 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 5mg. 2X in the morning
Post Edited (skeye) : 6/10/2009 5:34:13 PM (GMT-6)
Wow, read your post. I am way, way behind on everything, computer problems no less. I am so sorry as to what happened with your father. But you know something, I saw my pain dr Monday for a pump refill and we were talking, she said you know these drs all think they they can heal everything and sometimes that is just not true. Your father sounds very old school and I am sure he is one that thinks he can heal them all. But, then on the flip side, he may be getting scared for you because no one so far has been quote "able to fix you". Its a possibility.
You have gone thru alot and it gets real old we all know that. Just do not give up. I think what WhiteBeard wrote was some excellent info. Perhaps you need to move up your appt with your dr and not wait so long to be seen.
Whatever you do, just do not let this sit and fester and get worse. You know everyone here is for you and always will be. You know the old saying, birds of a feather flock together, well here we are lol.
Take care, Susie