What do you do when someone tells you "it's all in your head?"

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skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/9/2009 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi friends,

I'm writing this with tears streaming down my face, so hopefully this all makes sense. I had a breakdown tonight. It happens periodically, when on the stress and pain, and lack of sleep piles on top of one another until I explode (or maybe implode is a better word). Tonight was one of those nights when everything caught up with me. I'm just terrified that no one is going to be able to help me and that there is no hope. I think, or rather I know, that this was all brought upon me because once again my eye has worsened. The pain is the same dreadful 7-8 that it has been for the last 2 & 1/2 years, but the functioning of that eye has once again taken a turn for the worse. For the last 4 or 5 days, I've been having an extremely hard time focusing my eye (moreso than usual) & my visual acuity has decreased. I should go back to see my doctor, but I pretty much know what he is going to say already, plus that would mean an extra 3 hours of driving, and I really don't think that I could do that in my present condition. I barely made it up here today.

Well, I was in a real bad state & I was scared of myself as well, because I was having thoughts coming into my head that were not mine... When this breakdown started, I was standing in front of my mirror working on my eyebrows with tweezers, and just for a moment, I looked at the sharp edge & thought of "how much better things would be without this stupid eye..." I don't know where, or who that thought came from, but it horrified me. So, I threw the tweezers down & grabbed the phone to call the one family member that I can trust & confide in, and who supports me without question, so I could get all of my fears and stressor out in the open. I usually receive compassion & support - I don't want sympathy, I just want to know that someone is there, listening and helping me get through these tough times. Today all I received was silence. And then he told me that the reason that he thinks that nothing has helped me & why I keep getting worse is because my pain, etc is all in my head. He said that I have some deep need for this pain & that he has always thought this, from the very beginning. Then he says that the fact that I forcefully deny this (and get even more upset at this suggestion) is proof of it, because if I didn't have a need for it, then I wouldn't get defensive. And then he has the nerve to tell me that he is not accusing me (because I can't control it). Like hell you're not accusing me! And then as further proof, he adds the fact that two of the doctors that I sought out to help who even came close to suggesting something like this, I fired (despite the fact that I have very strong reasoning for firing them, which I won't go into here, because that's another story in itself).

I am just so hurt. I thought that of all people, I could trust my father. He's always been there for me when no one else has. He's always supported me (and in fact reassured me that my initial fear - that everyone would think or did think that this whole thing was in my head - was not justified - I guess he was lying). I don't know who to trust anymore. I can't go to my mother. Her idea of support is telling me to "toughen up & just deal with it" (I'm sorry, but what the *&%^ do you think I'm doing? I try my hardest, I give I everything I've got. I DO THE BEST THAT I CAN.). He always understood the most. He said that the fact that this pain is in my head doesn't make it any less real, but how am I supposed to believe that? He is a doctor, too. I thought that he was different. I thought that he understood. Now I'm questioning what my other doctor's must think of me.

I know this thing isn't in my head. I have real physical symptoms. I can't fake the things that are going on with me, and why the hell would I want to put myself in severe pain every moment of every day AND take away my vision, along with many of the privileges that come with having sight. My heart just feel like it is broken. I don't know how I am supposed to respond. Every response I give just seems to fuel his fire even more. It's not like I haven't thought of this possibility before. It's not like I haven't talked with my therapist about it in detail. We both came to the conclusion that this was not in my head, whether something deep down in my subconscious or not.

How can you not be offended by someone that you love and respect telling you that there is nothing wrong with you & to just get over it already?

How are you supposed to deal with someone telling you that it's all in your head; that something deep down inside of you "needs" for you to be in pain?

How do you handle this? What am I supposed to do? I don't know who to trust anymore.

I just feel so alone. I've always felt alone, but now I feel empty too. It it wasn't for all of you, I don't think I'd have anyone.

Skeye

Sorry for the length of this.

Post Edited (skeye) : 6/9/2009 9:51:07 PM (GMT-6)


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 6/9/2009 9:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Skeye, My friend, I am torn up by what you just wrote. I know that you have made the comment before that your father was the one who gave you strength and even recently when you finished school you went home to see him. I can understand how it feels like part of you has been ripped out and there seems like there is no way to ease the pain. You do have people in your life that you can trust. But when the one whom you have leaned on for so long is removed, it feels like there is no one. I know your father is probably at a loss right now as well. Regardless of what has taken place, he is still your father and that is why it hurts so much. Hopefully, in time, you and your father can come together and forgive and allow healing in the relationship.

Those of us that have received encouragement and comfort from you are still here. We have not left or abandoned you. None of us can take the place of your father but we still care. Many of us have had that statement made to us and it has a sting to it. We even question ourselves sometimes. I am sure that there are some that fake pain or it is all in their hear, but I do not believe you are one of those people.

Right now, don't make any major decisions or even try to deal with the hurt with your father. First you must allow time for you to heal emotionally before doing that. It is not as easy as take two pills and call me in the morning. You have faced many trials and times of discouragement and you will get through this some way and at some time. Your father hopefully will also see how much he has hurt you and maybe there is something going on in his life. Give him a chance but it may take some time. Until then, we are here for you.  


edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 6/9/2009 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Dearest Skeye,

I am so sorry, you have had a rough time today!  Most important is you are NOT alone, we are all here for you!  I feel the pain and devastation over what your Father said to you today!  Could it be that he is frustrated because he doesn't know how to help you? 

I understand how you are feeling, so many times I've had the breakdown, anger over my situation, so overpowering that I've questioned why I'm here and what the purpose is of living this way!  Usually when this happens, sometime shortly after I hear a story or meet someone who is in worse shape than I am, snapping me back to reality.

I wish I could be there with you to give you a hug and my shoulder for you to cry on! I hope knowing that I and the rest of your FAMILY here, love and care so much about you Skeye that you can find the strength to pull through this.  You are ALWAYS there for us and we know that your pain is real and are here for you during this time!

I am sending you love, hugs, prayers and Guardian Angels to protect and help heal your broken heart!

Much Love and many Blessings,

Patti 


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 6/9/2009 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear, Dear, Skeye,
I wish I had more in me to post more tonight, but I couldn't top fatherjohn's words. I just want you to know you are not alone, but I know that must have been a blow and felt like a betrayal coming from your father. I know how you've spoken of him as your main support. I, too, wish I could be right there to comfort you.

I wish I had more words for you right now, but know you are in my thoughts. And your pain is not all in your head. The one thing that went through my mind is wondering if your father was feeling helpless, like I think a lot of doctors do when their training and skills still can't help someone. It's just a thought. But it doesn't justify him saying this to you.

I'm sending you all the hugs I can gather up from the universe!

(((((((((((Skeye)))))))))))

PaLady

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 6/9/2009 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   

Skeye

Back when I was in the military and I was in Alaska, and I was having severe pain in my Left arm and neck, it felt like when you hit your crazy bone, and it makes your hand an fingers burn like fire, and it hurts so bad, but for me, it just would not stop! And it was like that 24/7 and nobody could find out what was causing it! I was sent to an Army orthopedic surgeon, and he accused me of malingering, and said it was all in my head and I wanted the pain so I could get out of work. I was a Branch Chief of the A-10 Flight Simulator, and had 25 or so people working for me! If I wanted to get out of work I could just assign the work to somebody else! Anyway I was sent to a Psychiatrist I was mad as Hell about it, but just to prove that this Doctor was wrong and did not know what he was talking about, I made an appointment and went and under went all their testing, and afterwards I was told they did not believe that the problem was in my "head" but felt I had a genuine medical problem! Which in a couple of months it was found that I had a massive herniated disc at C6/7 with free floating fragments in my spinal canal! After that was discovered I had emerengcy surgery ( at a civilian hospital in Anchorage) The neurosurgeon said after the surgery he just could not understand why I wasn't a quadriplegic with all the damage that I had. And he further stated that any competent orthopedic surgeon should have caught this right away. When I told him that the Army Orhtopedic surgeon sent me to the Schrink, he was completely astounded at the incompetence of that Doctor! What you have posted, has angered me and brought back a flood of unpleasant memories!

Skeye I do understand your hurt and disappointment and especially since it was your father telling you this! Prove him wrong! Make an appointment with a psychiatrist, and go to him, if they want to do psych testing do it! You have absolutely nothing to lose, and everything to gain. If your father is right ( which I really don't believe he is) then you will get the proper treatment. If what I suspect is true, and he is wrong, then that will  just eliminate one area of possible debate!  It is a win, win situation for you! And it just might make the other Doctors look even harder into your problem! I know that you should not have to do that, I have been there and have done that! But honestly it is the only way you are going to remove that possibility! And your Fathers doubt  about you! I know I felt it was going to mark me as a Psych case, but it doesn't!  I personally think and feel it is just an easy way out for a Doctor to push somebody off as a Psych case! I know that is not what your Father is doing, but I don't think he is being objective with you either, he can't be, he has to have a bias, he's your father! And even with what he said he is thinking, please remember he is probably frustrated just like you are, and he wants to have an answer to your problem! I am sure that he Loves you very very much! and what he is saying although seemingly  betraying you, (HE IS NOT!!!)! he is just trying to find an answer to your problem!  I personally think he is wrong, but rmember I am seeing your situation out of my eyes, and filtered by my experiences. So I completely empathize with you!

So Skeye prove him wrong! See a Psychiatrist, jump through those hoops and get it out of the way, but also continue searching for answers to your problem. Don't give up or give in!

You have my support Skeye, I am sorry for your experience today,  and I do understand your frustration! Please do not lose trust in your Father, I am sure that he is really on your side, but remember whether he is a Doctor, your hero, your best friend and person you trust and confide in, he is your Father and he like you and me and everyone else, is only HUMAN! And being human we can make mistakes,  and even if it turns out he is right, I don't think he handled it right. But he still is human and he like all the rest of us can make mistakes! 

Skeye as a father of two daughters, and with my past experiences, you can't imagine how I feel for you!  Please give your father the benefit of the doubt! I do wish you all the best!

 My Heart goes out to you Skeye!

White Beard


  I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/9/2009 10:59 PM (GMT -7)   
fatherjohn, Patti, PA, & White Beard, thank you all so much for your posts. Your kind & gentle words made me cry. How I wish that we could all meet one day in person. You guys truly are family, and are the only ones who understand me! I feel so lucky and honored to have found such a wonderful group of people here. You never fail to pick me up when I am falling & support me along the way. CP really does show you who your true friends are. I've lost many, if not most of my "close" friends because of one thing or another related to my CP, but you all stand firm, unwavering. I want to write responses to each of you, but at the moment I need to make my way to bed. It's just about 2 am here, and I have to be up around 6 am, that is, if I am able to sleep. But I just wanted to say a quick thank you. Even though we've never met in person, I care for you all deeply, and I can feel the love and support that you are sending me! Bless you all, and everyone posting on HW! More tomorrow.

much love,
Skeye

Mystic_Duck
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 6/10/2009 3:20 AM (GMT -7)   
As for the " its all in your head" thing, i know how much that hurts. Ive ended up in the emergency room very late at night, screaming in pain, and they make u wait for 3 hours, screaming, and then when i finally got back to the room, he asked what was wrong, and my mom had to explain to him b/c i was out of it, she told him about the disease i hav and that it spikes, and that we end up there, and what we got in response was "THis is not an emergency. that is not the point of this department. you cannot come here for drugs. you do not have any pain, its all in your head. You are addicted to these drugs, and i will not be the one to give them to you. You need a long stay in the Psych ward to deal with your addiction." and he walked out of the room! It hurt unbelieveabley that when i was in desperate need of help and i go to a last resort, to be told i needed a stay in the psych ward? I was incredably angry and upset and hurt... this was before i got in to see my pain doctor, and when i finally did, i told him about this particular run in and the doc said, "I would have decked the guy in the face!"

Whenever i get that reaction now i think about my doctors who have been with me through this, and they not only know that the pain is real. If your pain doctor or another doctor is one that is compasionate and one you trust, i would talk to them about incidents like this, and ask them how to handle it and what to do. they might have a good awnser that could really help you and be something that is unique to you!

I know its probably one of the worst things you can hear, and especially when it comes to someone close to you, and sadly you cannot stop them from saying it; but i would think about all the people in your life, and all the people here, that know how it feels, have been there, and who know U, and know that UR pain is real. it mite sound kinda lame, but thats what helps me! ANd id take as much time as you need or want to recover from that- cuz i kno it does take time- but then, and ONLY when u r ready, i would talk to that person and tell him everything; tell him that thru this whole thing u really depended on and valued his support, and tell him how much it hurt when he said that, and ask him why he said that (lik if he truly believes it, doesnt know what to do, somebody planted the idea in his mind....) and i would talk about it with him. ANd unfortunately, i m new and do not know your whole background but talk about everything uve been thru since this started and ask him if he really thinks all of that was just wasted, and u went thru it just because you "need the pain."

Sorry it was such a long post and a little rambling... but i hope at least some of it helps.... at least u know ur not the only one this has happended to and your reaction is totally and 100% normal and justified! hope ur pain is relatively low and u start feeling better!

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 6/10/2009 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Awe Skeye, you know we care and luv you and I'm sending you the best of shoulder's to cry on
and you can have it for however long you need it...You also have lots and lots of soft hugz coming your way..
Sometimes the people we love and trust the most can let us down in our time of need, but you'll not get that type
of response here, so lean on me, pull up a chair and we'll just hang out and if you wanna cry we'll cry together
or maybe you could lye down and put a cold pack on your eye and I'd read to you,
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Skeye))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
lots of those soft hugz......
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


TroubleMaker
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 6/10/2009 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   

Skeye,

My father in law is a doctor, and the entire time I was hurting and even now...after surgery, he didnt think I was in pain.  I was just trying to get pain meds for my husband.  Long story and I wont bore ya, but I really really hate that your father said that too you.  Even if someone thinks that, they dont have to say it.  Ya know... I think he's totaly wrong and I've never met you.  I know that before the surgery I could hardly move with out screaming, and when Dad was there when the doctor looked at my MRI, I still think he was like hmmm couldnt be that bad.  I was almost in a wheel chair for the rest of my life.  But Dad is old school, no pain meds, and if you do get some its only for a short period of time.  Even though you never get out of pain.  Its just cause you are addicted or hubby is telling you to get meds.  I really hate that feeling. 

I'm passing you lots of hugs and I really hope you get to feeling better. 

Trouble

 


 
 


Becoming undone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 6/10/2009 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Skeye...My goodness..((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((skeye)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
"The earth laughs in flowers"

Post Edited (Becoming undone) : 6/12/2009 10:00:27 AM (GMT-6)


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 6/10/2009 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   

blush  

Dear Sky,

      I am new here. But...I wish I turn back the clock and make what he said go away. That had to have felt just awfull inside. Im so very very sorry you had to hear such things from soomeone so close to your soul. *warmes huggs*

 

wrong with you & to just get over it already?

**Now just wait a minute. There is nothing "wrong" with you. You are an increadibly strong and couragous individual. I dare anyone to stand as tall and endure the way you have. Now that being said I think we should come up with some funny zingers to tell back to folks (even fathers) who say this.

"Wrong with me? Your the one need a reality check.."

"Is the sky purple?.. I must be dreaming....for a second there you almost looked like a doctor.."

**Not that I would ever have to gumption to say things like that 8O(

How are you supposed to deal with someone telling you that it's all in your head; that something deep down inside of you "needs" for you to be in pain?

"Oh yea, sorry, just woke up with this sedistic need to TORTURE myself... "

How do you handle this? What am I supposed to do? I don't know who to trust anymore.

****Im not sure how anyone is supposed to "handle" this. I just wish more than anything ti was never said to you. You dont need to justify your pain to anyone, and shame on him for thinking you have an off switch. I encountered the same thing. I didnt handle it well, I withdrew... Only part that upset me the most is going through a terribly hard time, needing someone to tlak to.. and CANT becuase the folks that talk in the horrible way  take forever to "get over" their guilt.  shakehead   just wanna say "Hey, your turn to 'get over it'  can you hurry? I need your support!"

*huggs*

dani

 


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 6/10/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Skeye,
If you have the energy, go to the homepage of petfinder.com. This week they're featuring two little 'matching' black and white kitties who were adopted! That'll at least warm your heart!

PaLady

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 6/10/2009 11:54 AM (GMT -7)   
AWE, PAlady, they was so cute, the dynamic duo kitties on pet finder and warmed my heart, awe...
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 6/10/2009 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Skeye,
Oh honey, How many times have I just wished that I could reach into my back or leg and rip out the offending nerves....How many times have I wished that I could just become paralyzed so I wouldn't have to live with this pain.... Then of course I come to my senses...realize that things would only be worse in the long run....
 
But I tell you what!!! I hate it when people, whether it be relatives, friends, or strangers decide that they are experts and that all of my pain is in my head!!!!  That's when I want to rip out their offending appendages... Ha Ha
 
Stay strong...
 
Me.

 I hate Boats!!!!
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/15 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 5mg. 2X in the morning
                                                                    

 


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 6/10/2009 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
My Dear Skeye,
I so wish I had seen this post sooner. I feel as though someone has hurt my little Sister and it makes me very, very MAD! Something must be pushing your Dad over the edge for him to treat you the way he has. There must be something affecting his thinking, something that has pushed him beyond reason. From what you have told us about him, this sounds like a totally different person. I know that when I get very upset about something, I have said things to very close people like my wife that I REALLY didn't mean. I think it can happen to anyone. Maybe you caught him at a really bad time when he was trying to deal with something that you know nothing about. I don't know but I do know you and you are not crazy!!! You are one of the most cerebrial people here in our forum. I have to say that you are also one of the nicest, most compassionet, caring people I have ever had the privlage of knowing even though we have never met, I can feel it in your words! You have always been there for me when I'm in a crisis, Lord knows I've had my share!!! I don't know what else to say except my heart breaks for you. If you ever want to talk to someone who you can trust, call me or I'll call you! E-mail me and I'll send my ph#. Just let me know and I'll be there for you, it's the least I can do for you after all the times you've been there for me! I'm not some internet prowler or nut job, I promiss. I do have a good ear, all the girls at work say I do and always come to me to talk when they are upset. They are telling me not to leave every day now and I just tell them, I'm only a phone call away and I don't have a jellous wife, she knows how I am better than anyone! Anyway, it's just a thought, I feel so helpless and sad for you!!
Big Bro,
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections once a month. 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, Joseph is on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis headed for Hawai and Pete Jr. is on The Asault Ship USS Bataan "The Jaws of the Fleet" on their way to the Middle East w/ 2,000 Marines aboard. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/10/2009 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Mystic, Char, Trouble, Laurie, Dani, PA, Me, and Pete, I am so overwhelmed by your responses! You guys have me in tears again! You all are some of the most compassionate, caring people I know! In real life I'm lucky to find one or two people like you all (and I've found that most of those people who I thought were my friends have now abandoned me because of something or another, all related to my CP), but it seems that everyone is clustered here, on HW! There is so much that I want to say in response to all of your posts, but once again, I'm going to have to put that off for now. I don't have the energy, or the physical strength in my eye to respond to you all tonight after a combination of yesterday's events & today's lovely stomach bug. But please know that I am so very thankful to each & everyone of you for your kind replies!

PA - thanks for the kitten picture, they are adorable as always! I'm so glad that they were able to find a loving home. I don't know how anyone could turn away, or worse, abuse, something as sweet and innocent as those two kittens! Thanks for the smile! It brightened my day!

hugs,
Skeye

Oh, ps - Pete, I just had to respond to this right away. I know that you are not some crazy person out there on the internet, but that rather, you are a compassionate, caring man, and a true friend!

Post Edited (skeye) : 6/10/2009 5:34:13 PM (GMT-6)


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 6/10/2009 9:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Skeye I do hope you are doing better today! With my experience today I definitely thought about YOU! Hang in there Young Lady! You are really tough, and have been through so much for being so young! I really do feel bad for YOU! But keep your chin up, and try to keep a Positive attitude! Skeye since you posted this thread, I really do worry about you, not that I didn't before, I don't know if your a card player or not, but I think that you have be dealt some really bad cards in some really tough hands, lately!! But the card game isn't over! And we are all here to support you!
Good Luck to You!

White Beard

P.S. Look up Chutzies recent thread about posting pictures, at her hubby's site, I have some interesting pictures there, and some of my Daughters and my Granddaughter!
  I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/11/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay, I think I'm finally ready to respond to everyone... Here I go:

Fatherjohn -
Thank you for your words or wisdom & support. I do know that you & many others are here for me, through the good & the bad, and I am so thankful for that. I honestly don't know what I'd do, or where I'd be if I didn't have you guys supporting me & allowing me this outlet. I do know that my father believes that my pain is real & as a doctor he knows all to well, the frequency of people who have real, yet unexplained pain. I believe the reason that he thinks that my pain is "in my head," or maybe a better way to describe it is that it is unconsciously being "cause by myself" is because 1) no one can explain it, 2) we have found nothing that treats it (despite perhaps 20+ medications, & many more other forms of treatment), 3) (and this one is a real "biggie") my depression. I think the depression is really fueling his fire. But what he doesn't understand is that the depression is being caused BY the CP, not the other way around. I was perfectly happy (actually, probably one of the happiest times in my life) before my injury. I had just gotten through my first semester of college, which I loved. I had a lot more friends than I had had in the past. I had a social life, which was a new thing to me (due to my many years of competitive swimming) etc, etc, etc. I had struggled a bit with depression at the end of high school, but honestly, what teenager doesn't? I just think that he is reading the signs wrong. I've tried explaining this to him, but it is no use. I think I'll just give him a wide berth for now. I just can't talk to him anymore. I really wish that I was seeing my doc sooner than a month from now. I had been seeing him every 2 wks. We still talk every week via e-mail, but at the last appointment we had decided to go a month & a half btw. I might see if I can bump it up. He had offered not so long ago, when I was having a rough time, to make himself available to me if I just needed to talk. I think I might take him up on that offer.

Patti-
I know I'm not alone! You are always one of the first ones to help me out when I'm feeling down, or check up on me, and I thank you so much for that. You, and the others here, make me feel so loved! I know that you worry about me! I do think that what happened the other night is partly due to the frustration that my father (and my mother too) feel about my situation. I know that they are distraught because they don't know what to do to help me. I tell them that I don't want or need for them to do anything other than offer me love & support, but they still get angry, upset, frustrated, etc. I know that there are a lot of people out there (and here on HW) that are worse off than me, in many ways, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a little selfish, even though my heart breaks for everyone else too. I thank you so much for your love & support & guardian angles! I could certainly use them all! You & others here truly are like guardian angles to me!

Palady-
What can I say, you are always there for me when I need you! You don't need to say much at all. You are always so wise & caring. I can feel your love, hugs, and support from even hundreds of miles away! You have such a blessed soul! I just wish that you could have a body to match!
I know that everyone involved in my case is frustrated. Every time I see my ophthalmologist when something has worsened or changed, you can tell how frustrated he is. Often he even speaks of it. I think I'm his most difficult case ever, by far. I was one of his most difficult cases BEFORE any of this every happened, so now... He doesn't like to not have the answers. No one does. I'm sure my father feels the same way. He has been widely acclaimed as one of the best general practitioners & diagnosticians in my state (yes, I know I'm boasting a bit here, but I am really proud of him, although I'm very mad & upset with him at the moment), so he isn't accustomed to not having the answers either. I often think that I could be much more at peace with my situation if I just had some answers. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to fully accept this without knowing what, if anything, is the cause of all my pain & suffering.

Skeye

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/11/2009 5:59 PM (GMT -7)   
White Beard -
Thank you so much for your support, worrying, and kind words! I really respect you a lot!
Wow! I can't believe that that orthopedic surgeon blew you off so easily, come to find out that it was lucky that you didn't become a quad!! I do agree with you, that doctors use the psychological defense when they don't know the answer/don't care to spend the time & the energy to find the true answer to a tough case. I have seen a psychiatrist for a few months, although only for meds for depression (none of which have worked). I just fired him last week, though (which my father is also trying to use to prove his case). I didn't get along with this guy from day one. I won't go into all the details as to why, as I could write an entire book about how rude, arrogant, unprofessional, and what an ass this guy was. The last appointment was what really pushed me over the edge though. He had a fit when I told him that I was taking Chinese herbs, & rambled for 10 minutes (before I walked out) about how there was no scientific evidence & in the THOUSANDS of years that Chinese medicine has been use, that it has never been shown to help anyone! I'll let you decide whether those statements make sense or not... I am in the process of looking for a new psychiatrist now. I'll definitely be talking with my therapist about all of this tomorrow, though. Hopefully he can point me in the direction of what I need to do/who I need to see. I do know that my father is only human, but it just doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm sure I'll forgive him with time. I can't hold a grudge against someone that I am so close to for very long, but I'm not sure that I can really talk to him about this stuff every again. At least not in the same way, and not unless I get some more answers.

I guess it's about time for the Thursday night chat! More later.

Skeye

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 6/11/2009 9:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Skeye

I just hope things work out for YOU! Take Care of Your Self!

Wishing you only the BEST

White Beard
  I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 6/11/2009 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   

(((((((((((((((((((SKEYE)))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/12/2009 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh, White Beard,

I did look at your pictures last night. Your granddaughter is adorable, and your two daughters are beautiful & look like lovely ladies. You must be very proud! And I love your long beard - that must have taken a long time to grow! I just saw in another thread that you said that your beard would "make Santa proud," it sure would! Your username certainly fits you!

Skeye

ps - The deck that you hurt yourself making looks very nice, despite all the troubles it gave you!

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13466
   Posted 6/12/2009 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Skeye,

Wow, read your post. I am way, way behind on everything, computer problems no less. I am so sorry as to what happened with your father. But you know something, I saw my pain dr Monday for a pump refill and we were talking, she said you know these drs all think they they can heal everything and sometimes that is just not true. Your father sounds very old school and I am sure he is one that thinks he can heal them all. But, then on the flip side, he may be getting scared for you because no one so far has been quote "able to fix you". Its a possibility.

You have gone thru alot and it gets real old we all know that. Just do not give up. I think what WhiteBeard wrote was some excellent info. Perhaps you need to move up your appt with your dr and not wait so long to be seen.

Whatever you do, just do not let this sit and fester and get worse. You know everyone here is for you and always will be. You know the old saying, birds of a feather flock together, well here we are lol.

Take care, Susie

 



skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/13/2009 7:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Susie,

Thanks for the response! No worries about being behind on your reading, I am too! Actually, I'm still behind on all my responses to everyone who posted on this thread! My father is pretty "old school" in his ways, but I don't think that he thinks that he can cure/heal everything. He knows his limitations & this is one of them.
I really wish that I could move up my dr's appointment, or at least speak to him on the phone, but unfortunately he is out of the country for a couple weeks! sad I'm planning on calling him first thing when he is back in the office! Speaking with my therapist last night helped a little, as did going to the gym & running my frustrations out.

Skeye

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/13/2009 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mystic -
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience in the ER! That sounds just awful! I agree with your pain doc! Of course the ER is the place to go when you are having an episode of uncontrolled severe pain! People go to the ER because of the common cold, for goodness sake!
My pcp (who handles my pain management) is someone who I really want to talk to. I know that he believes me & thinks that something physiological is wrong, but I just feel like I need to talk to him after this (especially since he knows my father well, professionally). I was planning on calling him the day after this happened, but instead I spent the entire day puking. Not so much fun!
I do think that my father feels this way because he feels helpless. He thinks that because we can't find anything to explain all my pain & other symptoms, that there must be nothing physiological wrong. He believes that I have pain, but he just thinks that somehow, for some reason, I'm causing this pain out of some "need" for it. The unfortunate thing is that i don't feel like I can ever talk to him about my pain again, and he was my main supporter besides from my friends at HW! My pcp actually required that I choose someone as "my person" who I could talk to, safely. Well not anymore. He also said that he'd be happy to make time to see me/talk to me anytime I need to & that if I couldn't find someone who I felt comfortable confiding in, that I had to talk to him. I'm going to take him up on this offer as soon as he gets back!

Trouble -
Thanks for the support! I too wish he had kept his thoughts to himself. Pain is such a personal experience, I don't think I could tell that to anyone!

Undone -
Thanks for the hugs! They help! :-)

Dani-
Thanks for those wonderful compliments! I loved your commentary, it's so true! I know I'm going to have a hard time trusting him for a while. I've hardly said two words to him since I came home last night.

Me -
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has such thoughts. I know I could never do such a thing, but everyone once & a while, when I'm really hurting, the thought pops into my head. It's strange because I don't know where it comes from. It doesn't seem like my own thought.

Pete-
Awww, thanks so much for the wonderful compliments! They made my day! Fortunately I don't think I said anything that I'd regret to my father, I just kept saying (or more like sobbing) "Just stop! I cannot talk about this." I couldn't stand to listen anymore, as it hurt too much & he wouldn't accept my denial & in fact kept using my responses as more fuel! This isn't like him at all. Like a totally different person... And I may very well take you up on your offer in the future!

Skeye
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