~Healthcare Plans

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
31 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2 
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/21/2009 3:58 PM (GMT -7)   
F.A.Q about your Healthcare Plans and Doctor

Since I just joined a HMO,  how difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered.

These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But, fortunately,  there is a doctor who is in the plan accepting new patients.  And...he has an office just four hours away.

I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?
You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.

What does HMO stand for?
This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
No. Only those you need.

What are pre-existing conditions?
This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
Of course, as long as they don't require any treatment.

What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick.

What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.

Will health care be any different in the next century?
No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 7/21/2009 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
This is way to funny
Kidney Diseases and Disorders
              Moderator
 
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/21/2009 4:32 PM (GMT -7)   
 

Q: How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
A: You are fine. How am I?

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.

 

 


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 7/22/2009 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani, You are too much!!! I wish I had read that yesterday. You made me laugh!!! Ok, so when are you moving in? I have a full time job offer!!!! Seriously, you have an amazing sense of humor. Maybe you should consider writing- a book of humor for chronic pain sufferers. You are too good.
Anice

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 7/22/2009 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani, was that you I just saw in the forest.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/29/2009 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   
 
smilewinkgrin  

Three men died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the first man who he was. "My name is Dr. Jones. I pioneered and developed the techniques for open heart surgery. Because of my work on earth, thousands of people all around the world have lived longer, healthier lives. Surely there is a place for me in heaven."

"Yes," Peter said, "come on in."

The second man approached and said, "St. Peter, my name is Dr. Smith. I pioneered and developed techniques for premature babies. Today there are thousands of children in the world whose lives were saved at birth because of my work. Surely there is a place for me in heaven."

"Yes, come on in," said Peter.

St. Peter asked the third man who he was. "My name is Mr. Johnson. I originated and developed the idea for HMOs. Because of my ideas on managed care and the efficiencies I developed, billions of dollars have been saved in the health care industry. Surely there is a place for me in heaven."

"Yes," said Peter, "come on in. But you can only stay three days."

devil  


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 7/29/2009 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani, I have to disagree with you on this little story. Without going into religious things I know that the part about Mr. Johnson is not correct. It would have been an outpaient procedure. lol

Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 7/29/2009 4:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Man I'm enjoying reading this.

Still...that's what my PPO feels like now. They changed it from copay to deductible. So...I pay twice as much and my husband still pays about 200 out of each of his checks since its through his work. Still and all better then HMO. Those scare me silly.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Crohns Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa
Fibromyalgia Dx'd: July 21, 2009
Lyrica
Hydrocodone
Prenatal Vitamin
Allergy meds


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 7/29/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn - and then the outpatient stay has to continue to get reauthorized over and over again. If there's no improvement, your benefits end and you gotta go back home, or maybe in Mr. Johnson's case, someplace very, very warm! ;-)

PaLady

LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 7/30/2009 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
To funny... Dani got anymore?????
Kidney Diseases and Disorders
              Moderator
 
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/30/2009 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
 
The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn.

" Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.

" Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."
 
devil  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 7/30/2009 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
The police then arrived and arrested the patient for starting the fire across the street. the patient tried to explain that they could not have done it as they were in surgery. The police would not be fooled. They were told by the people at the HMO that patients cannot be trusted.

Wait there is news from the labratory. A failed unrine test.

Post Edited (fatherjohn) : 7/30/2009 7:40:01 PM (GMT-6)


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/4/2009 3:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Five Doctors Duck Hunting

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physcian, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist.

After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!!
The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

 

devil  


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/8/2009 10:42 PM (GMT -7)   
 
rolleyes  
I can't find the cause of your pain
 
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
 
smhair  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/8/2009 10:59 PM (GMT -7)   
 

shakehead

An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."

The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."

So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much? They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"

The doctor nodded, "It's alright, now that we have your sinus' cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!"

smilewinkgrin



TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/11/2009 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   

smilewinkgrin  

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman -- already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
 
turn  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/11/2009 11:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

devil  


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/20/2009 9:18 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Chronic Laziness
 
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me?"

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/20/2009 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   

 

Tooth Pull

A man and a wife enter a dentist's office. The wife says," I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or novacaine because I am in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You are a brave woman." says the Dentist, " which tooth is it?"

The wife turns to her husband and says," open your mouth and show the Dentist which tooth it is, dear."

smhair


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/20/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   

 

     "...Women complain about pre menstral syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

~~Roseanne

devil  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/22/2009 6:15 PM (GMT -7)   
An Irish Mental Institution

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave.

This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike.

They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files.

The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning. When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor.

"Patty you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go.

Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin.

Patty nodded and the doctor began to question him.

The first question was this. "Patty if I was to poke out one of your eyes what would happen?"

"I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought.

"What would happen if I poked out the other eye?"

"I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that he had just gotten his freedom.

The doctor then sent him outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, he told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were.

The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" <

"I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.

This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking.

"Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?"

"I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."

 

smilewinkgrin  


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/22/2009 6:16 PM (GMT -7)   
A Brief History Of Medicine

A short history of medicine:

I have an earache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

             rolleyes rolleyes rolleyes rolleyes rolleyes


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


sjkly
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2113
   Posted 8/22/2009 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
A cartoon in my rhuematologists offic.

"We are running a little behind so, I would like each of you to ask yourself 'Am I really that sick or would I just be wasting the doctor's valuable time?'"




This from my rhuemy who always returns phone calls herself the same day.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 9/5/2009 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
   Feel free to start your own "humor" thread or post here smilewinkgrin
 
 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/5/2009 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani,
Maybe you should change the title of the thread (you can do that using the edit feature). It's kind of a serious title, although I don't think you mean this thread to be serious!

PaLady
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
31 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2 
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, December 05, 2016 1:43 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,866 posts in 301,064 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151217 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, antknight.
203 Guest(s), 2 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
holo100, YiyiBoo


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer