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Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 8/2/2009 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
How many of us have to experience at least 5 times or so...serious anger/depression? When I'm depressed...I'm angry. Violently angry. I want to kill things and shred things and ruin things. 'Cause life's eventually going to ruin them for me. Mostly I'm angry at the stupid pain that never goes away. I know I'm supposed to get used to it...but it's frickin' debilitating. I can't stand to stand up...feels like a shoved a nail into my instep...and the pain slides right up my leg to my hip. Hands do it too. So when I grasp something to rise...it feels like I grabbed a nail in the palm...then right up my arm the pain goes. Not to mention what my upper back and upper hips feel like all the time.

I'm not anywhere as bad off as some of you and I'm angry as hell. Why do rheumatologists and GI's not realize how painful Crohns and now, fibromyalgia are? I get that the medical industry (yeah...it's a frickin' industry where money counts) is trying to keep from creating drug dependency. I do understand that. I watched my bipolar aunt go through awful drug addiction and she eventually died...an accidental overdose. She'd forgotten that she'd already taken those medicines and it killed her. When she recovered from her pain killer addiction. So, I fear the same situation. Yet...I could kill animals or...hell, dunno...bang my head against walls for the pain to stop.

I don't do ERs anymore. I go in...they pretend like I should know how to deal with it by now. I've learned how to deal with the Crohns pain. I get the backaches whenever I eat...from my shortened intestines moving or whatever. I don't understand how I'm going o learn how to live with this awful new illness. I know I gotta accept it and all that crap. But they could be wrong. They were wrong years ago when they checked me 3 times for Crohns and it wasn't that.

Still and all...I'm just so angry. It's like all I can feel, emotionally...when I'm not feeling somewhat despondent. I'm depressed...I know that. I don't want to go out. I don't want to be near people. I hate hearing my husband hug me and then ask if he hurt me when I groan. How do you all live like this? Constantly hurting...don't you all want to break things and make those idiot doctors see you? Don't you all take test after test and how do you survive them? I'm going to make an appointment this week to see my PCP and ask to be sent to a pain management clinic. The worse my stress is, the worse the pain seems to get. Yeah yeah...fibromyalgia. Still, when you're trying to find a home in about a month...your stress is raised through the roof. Plus bad credit from hospital bills we haven't managed to pay anything on, add in the amount of my medicine as it is, having to pay 63 bucks every time I see the PCP...and the stress isn't getting better. My bro wants me cleaning the house before he sells it. My husband wants me finding apartments...anything. We're going to go to the FAMILY and whathaveyou place. Tell them our situation, see if they can help. So...yeah...stress...pain...anger...at the system. Lots and lots and lots of anger...and stress...and my Crohns is acting up something awful now too. I think I'm losing weight and eating/drinking only Ensure and water and tea and gatorade can only infuriate me more.

How do you live like this? How am I going to learn to live with this? I'm angry and I've posted similarly on a different area...but this is what I'm asking.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Allergies and Asthma my whole life
Depression after surgeries and illness of 2003.
Crohns Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa
Fibromyalgia Dx'd: July 21, 2009
Lyrica
Hydrocodone
Prenatal Vitamin
Allergy meds


infinite
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 8/2/2009 2:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Joie1,

I can certainly understand and sympathize with how you are feeling. What dosage of Lyrica are you taking? I do not see any type of anti-depressant listed. I am on Wellbutrin, and while I am not sure how effective it is I am not sure I want to be without it right now either. I do not have the same areas of pain as you, but I sure know the anger part. I don't feel it stems from the actual pain itself either, but the ho hum approach many in the medical field have does add to the frustration.

I also understand the stress that is caused by having to keep others at arms length. My youngest is very affectionate, yet I have to remind him to be careful and not squeeze or lean against my right side - kinda hard for a child to remember those things. The physical pain pales in comparison to the emotional hurt you see in the other person when they realize they have caused you pain.

I hope you can get some relief through a pain management dr. It would seem to me that if you are not at the high end of the Lyrica dosage then ask for that to be bumped up and also, if not on one already, see if an anti-depressant can help. Take care, keep posting your concerns here, cause I know I have found that letting your emotions roll through your fingers here brings many responses from great people that understand.

N8

Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 8/2/2009 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah...I know...gonna express myself plenty on the dr. appt. See what he thinks of it all. LOL...imagine he's gonna be a bit shocked. I'm on 200 mgs. Lyrica a day. It does its job. I can feel it take effect even...like a numbing sent down my nervous system. It also seems to make my Crohns act up...or its the anxiety/stress/blah blah whine of it all. LOL. I'm not digesting a lot of my meds though. I dunno. I'm going to ask to see a pain management clinic or some such...after I explain that the meds I'm on...aren't working...or at least aren't working enough. I had to call in to work on Saturday and that makes me so angry. Money lost cause I couldn't stand on my feet for longer then ten minutes.

Thanks for answering. I keep being told to take deep breathes and relax. I'll relax when we can go bankrupt and are living in our place. My husband understands. He never gets on my case. And I feel bad that I can't stand to do anything. Even sitting here hurts quite a bit. My butt area, my back, my thighs. I can sit cross-legged in a chair too since I'm really small. My mom gives me crap about being addicted to pain meds. What I wouldn't give for her to live a day inside my body. She'd never make it. She's been giving me crap about sleeping too much and what have you. Yeah, I know I'm prob. in a bit of a depression. I can work on a bunch of it myself. I've been to shrinks before. I know how to handle it. I'm not cutting and when I start getting suicidal thoughts, I distract myself and consider worse case scenarios. All the mental blocks I developed with a shrink before. Still, when actually typing was hurting...like I was hitting the keys and there were nails attached...hell. All I was was angry. Still angry. LOL, my last shrink said I had PTSD and that I never let myself deal with all the stuff I've been through. Drs...tests...people ignoring my pain...never listening...but when I lost too much weight they listened and suddenly I had fifty tests...all of which hurt.

I dunno. I was on prozac in the hospital (after I'd been in and out and had two surgeries in two months). It worked. Either that or all the phentanyl on patient prescribed pain button. But it did work. I'd take off the NG tube for an hour after taking the prozac...so it could get into my system. Meh...just angry at idiot drs and exorbitant fees.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Allergies and Asthma my whole life
Depression after surgeries and illness of 2003.
Crohns Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa
Fibromyalgia Dx'd: July 21, 2009
Lyrica
Hydrocodone
Prenatal Vitamin
Allergy meds

Post Edited (Joie1) : 8/2/2009 3:46:47 PM (GMT-6)


kttn251977
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 8/2/2009 2:56 PM (GMT -7)   
i understand your anger. i am only 32 and i can't even work. i can't do house chores. i pretty much sit in bed or on the couch all day. i have my days where i am angry with the world. but when i get that way i remind myself it can always be worse. i could have cancer or something to that effect. i hate the stigma when i go to the ER, i ALWAYS get questioned about my medications and now that i have my pain pump it has made things even worse. and i got the thing so i could take less pills and things would be easier. ha ha. luckily my PCP understands it and has no qualms about prescribing me IV pain meds when i am in the hospital. i get diverticulitis a lot, along with the chronic back pain. so i understand what its like to have stomach problems and have to watch every single thing you eat. though i am scheduled at the end of the month to go and see about surgery because i have had enough of the diverticulitis. painful. and every attack i am in the hospital for a week at a time. so i hear ya when you talk about wanting to break things and be so angry. i too have fibro and understand how it can not only hurt but its almost annoying. i am on lyrica and cymbalta (cymbalta helps a lot with fibro) and is an anti-depressant. don't be ashamed about talking to your dr about getting on something for depression, chronic pain and depression run hand in hand. i don't know if you have considered a psychologist? i have an appointment coming up soon for my first visit. i get depressed easily and my body aches from the tension. i know i need not only someone to talk to but someone to prescribe me something strong to help me combat this illness and to help me sleep. i am lucky to sleep 3 hours in 2 days, no lie.
so hang in there, you are definitely not alone in your feelings. we are always here when you need to vent. sometimes a good cry helps me along with some pudding or ice cream! if you ever need to talk feel free to email me privately.
RX's: Pain  Pump (morphine & baclofen on next round); Oxycontin 80mg 2x's daily; Dilaudid 8 mgs 4x day; Zanaflex 4mg 3x's daily; Lyrica 100mg 3x's daily (pain & fibro.); Phenergan 25mg (as needed/nausea); Reglan 10 mg. (30 minutes before meal/nausea); Cymbalta 60mg 2x's daily (pain from fibro); Lorazepam 1mg (bedtime); Bentyl 25 mg 2xs daily; Prilosec 30mg. & Senokot (as needed).
"The most critical choice you'll ever make is the one you make about what you're going to do with this. The past is over. The future hasn't happened yet. The only time is now."
- Dr. Phil


Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 8/2/2009 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Too true. Can't take cymbalta though. I've heard its like aspirin. Which Crohnies shouldn't take. I'm not doing anything to make them cut me open again for cryin' out loud. LOL...if I have a 5th surgery...I'm tradin' this body in for a new and improved model! LOL. That's my lil joke to folks. Plus...besides intestine...I figure they can only take a kidney. Or the rest of my reproductive system. And I'm not ready to part with any of that. LOL. The Crohns is mostly controlled. I get constant backaches almost immediately after I eat. I can understand a lot about diverticulitis. My aunt has it and a second aunt just got it (after cancer treatments for both of them). I'm of the opinion that chemo can cause digestive issues such as those for sure (aunts not related by blood but marriage with two different types of cancer). Meh...its sort of why I still smoke. I can sit there and forget that any of this has ever happened to me when I'm smoking a ciggie and reading a book. Pretend for ten minutes that I was like I was two years ago...in college with a loaded course schedule. I made it then through the worst stress (believe me...learning to catalogue in a library is complicated stuff) possible. I suppose there's the anger. I can't do anything I did two years ago except read.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Allergies and Asthma my whole life
Depression after surgeries and illness of 2003.
Crohns Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa
Fibromyalgia Dx'd: July 21, 2009
Lyrica
Hydrocodone
Prenatal Vitamin
Allergy meds


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/2/2009 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Joie1,
I am so sorry for all you have been through in your young life. I hope you don't take offense at what I'm about to say, but I do think you need to be seeing a pain psychologist to help you make some peace with all of this (and I know it's not easy, I'm not there yet myself).

But the violent anger you're feeling I think is an indication of more than just the adjustment to the pain. Definitely you need to at minimum talk to your doctor about an anti-depressant. You also mention bipolar in your family, and there can be a genetic aspect to that. While depression can cause irritability, bipolar can cause more of the extremes like you're describing. You mention cutting. And also a possible PTSD diagnosis. I'm not trying to give you medical advice here. That's not what we're here for, but I do have some professional background in these areas and would just say that getting help for these conditions will make it more possible for you to figure out how you're going to manage your life without the sense of deeply violent anger. I am not saying that all of your problems are psychological. PLEASE don't hear that from my response. Only that there are some indicators to me that the psychological piece is making it all worse for you, and that may be easier to treat than some of your physical problems, which you may have to learn to live with - like most everyone here.

I hope you don't take offense at this. I do wish you nothing but the best, and hope you can find the right person to help you sort this out.

PaLady

edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 8/2/2009 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Joie1,

Welcome!!  I have to agree with PALady, please find someone that you can talk to about your thoughts and feelings.

It is a major life changing life sentence that all of us here face with Chronic Pain, the causes may not all be the same but the end results are pretty similar.

I know when I had to stop working 6 yrs. ago, the reality of my situation finally hit me.  For 6 months, I got up in the morning for a few hours and then the rest of the day was spent in bed.  I loved my job and although I worked in pain for 4 yrs before finally giving in and leaving, it gave me a purpose.  Finding myself at home in severe pain, dependent on my husband for my survival, unable to do simple household chores, no longer could I go to the grocery store without help etc........I was so angry, bitter and RESENTFUL.   Honestly, one day the lights came on and I said to myself, I can either live in pain and be miserable and alone (because I was driving everyone who loved me away) or I can be the best I can be and live life as best as I can!  I chose to move forward.  Was it easy HELL NO, but I took it second by second just like I do today.  So many times when I thought I couldn't go on I would see or meet someone who was in worse condition then me, it made me Thankful that I wasn't as bad as that person.  Do I cry and feel sorry for myself OF COURSE, some days are better then others, some days are worse but I am alive and I have family,friends and pets that I love and they are my purpose!

I have my wonderful HW family and they do understand and even if I don't post everyday, I read the posts everyday and there is always someones post that says some of what I am feeling.  The replies are given with love and empathy and that always helps me get through!

You said you can't do anything you did 2 yrs ago except read,  I love to read and it does help you escape reality for a while...so if you enjoy it then do it!! 

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

XXOO
Patti


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/2/2009 8:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Joie, I am not sure that I have posted to you in the past. There is one thing that is common to all of us on this forum besides pain. We all know that part and the effects that pain can have on use personally. We all know the frustration, resentment and anger that creeps in and then seems to take over. We have all battled that at different levels but yet the same battle. We have all experienced the loss that pain and what has caused us has robbed us of as we look back and see who and what we used to be and do. We struggle some days more than others. most of us can't remember the last day that we went without pain.
 
As I started out, I said there was one thing that we all have in common besides the pain and what comes with it. That other thing that we have in common is when we read and listen to others that are experiencing difficult and trying days, we know what it is like, and we would change that for others in a heartbeat if we could. I read how my friends here have a tough day and if there was anyway I could relieve tham of it I would. Many times all we can do is be here as a listening ear (or eye as we read) and share even a small word of encouragement or voice of comfort and support.
 
I can tell by thr words you share that you are at one of those most difficult spots where there does not seem to be any answers. I want to encourage you that enduring through these times allows us to find days or parts of a day when life seems to be worth all the rest. We look for the small victories and positive steps, chosing to focus on them instead of all the rest. At times it seems to call on more than we have to make it through. How I do it will be different than someone else. That is why we meet here and encourage each other as hopefully you will find a little here and a little there to help you keep going. If I could change this all for you, believe me I would not hesitate nor would I hesitate to help others here as well. Instead, we are all here together helping lift each other up. Blessings!

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/2/2009 8:43 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
    Dear Joie1,
 
      Good evening. It is nice to see you again. I did read all of your posts. *huggs*
 
     I saw a pain psychologist for a very long time. ~~>
 
".....One particular psychological treatment approach that has been found to be highly effective in helping patients to reduce pain, disability and distress is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT for pain management is tailored to the individual needs of the patient but may include:
  • Relaxation Training
  • Cognitive Restructuring
  • Stress and Anger Management
  • Sleep Hygiene
  • Activity Pacing

In addition, pain management programs often include a behavioral goal setting componenet in which patients set weekly goals to work towards each week. ...."

(http://www.healthpsychology.net/Pain_Management.htm)

Behavioral modification—use of behavioral methods to optimize patient responses to back pain and painful stimuli. Cognitive therapy involves teaching the patient to alleviate back pain by means of relaxation techniques, coping techniques, and other methods. Biofeedback involves the gradual alteration of neuromuscular signals for symptomatic improvement.

(www.wikipedia.com)

~Biofeedback was very cool. I loved my pain psychologist. They just understand pain better IMHO. We had realistic goals and I cannot imagine who "me" would be, had I not gotten her help. ... if that makes any sense. I'm sorry if im , like posting something you dont want to talk about. If so just tell me! I felt a little... weird, when one was first mentioned to me. I hope you feel a little bit better by the time you read this and I am so sorry you are having to deal with so much.

*huggs*

dani


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 8/2/2009 9:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn

Thanks for what you wrote...and how you worded everything. I found it VERY encouraging. I really liked how you wrote..."enduring through these times allows us to find days or parts of a day when life seems to be worth all the rest." So very true.

I know you were posting to Joie, but I wanted you to know that you helped me, too!

--Tina
Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); MSIR (15mg/6x day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation


Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 8/3/2009 11:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you to everyone.

Appointment is set this Wednesday. Filled my script for pain meds and either my doctor changed the dose without alerting me or yet again, the pharmacy messed up. They did mess up once before...they changed 3 a day to 2 a day. I called my doctor's office and they called the pharmacy. Today, it read 1 a day. Fun fun. I get to call first thing tomorrow and wait all day for a reply back on the answer or I can just go in on Wednesday and show him the script (I don't like taking pain medication out of the house). Meanwhile, I'm wondering...if he did change it, does he not understand? Which I don't think is the real honest truth. This guy's known me since I was a young kid, and helps most of my aunts/uncles here where I live.

Now, off that. Thanks for all the advise. I'm not sure how the insurance will cover the pain management clinic or a psychologist/psychiatrist who deals with regular issues or pain issues. I've got a pretty amazing handle on my body and how I can sense things actually. I've had shrinks before. When I was cutting...I was seeing a shrink about three years ago or so...and it was maybe two years after spending a summer in two hospitals, enduring 3 "major" surgeries and a lot of the shrink work then covered flashbacks of painful procedures and the demoralizing and...dehumanizing moments of being in a hospital. The cutting...I wasn't on any antidepressants and was trying to deal with all the well...horrifying stuff any type of hospital stay can cause. I'm not what a person would call "sensitive" in general.

I'm a pretty harsh person actually...at least I am when it comes to situations where people can change things. I'm a big believer in changing bad situations if you're in one. I suppose that's what makes me so angry. I'm also a believer in karma/fate...whathaveyou. That what you put into the world/universe will come back to you. So, in a sense, I feel as though I'm being punished and yet, I don't quite understand what truly evil things I've done to deserve this. I thought having Crohns was payment enough for whatever I've done wrong in my life...maybe a challenge to live a different life. Add in what I owe in monetary terms, then losing my ability to bear children (yes, technically if I had 20K I could IVF but honestly, don't think its gonna happen), and plenty of other awful things I've endured...I thought okay, karmic/fate price is settled. It just feels like I'm losing my dreams day by day and the only one that I actually got was in my husband. I got my soulmate but I can't bear him children, put him in debt, and now I'm losing my looks. Poor guy. :-P I never dreamt of much. Always wanted a job I could "stand" or at least suffer through positively, have the love of my life, own a car, own a home, and the biggest of the dreams was a houseful of children. Children I could raise to look at the world similarly to the way I always saw it and try to work toward making a better world by being truly good people. I never had bigger aspirations. Sure sure, college, whatever. Even then, all I got was a good for nothing 2 year associates degree (and I got that later then I should've).

I see in my future; bankruptcy...my credit's at 520, my husbands' at 515. How are we going to ever buy a car? I always wanted a brand new car...every car I've ever had wasn't actually "mine" and was given to me "used" after several family members and strangers had broken it into something that worked "enough". I have this degree and it doesn't matter since all I got as a job was a substitute for the salaried employees (which drives me nuts since I know more of the technical aspects then they usually do). I wonder how I'll ever EVER get an apartment since most places where I live need at least credit of 650...so how can I even consider a home. Adoption'd be nice but I think most agencies have issues with anyone whose suffered depression and now with this...this...fibromyalgia...the possibility that I couldn't pick a child up if I was having a flare...might and should count against me. Whatever happened to the ideal of being a good person and having good come back to you? I've been in debt since I was 17...it carried over three months to when I was an adult for hospital bills that should've been covered by my parents' insurances. Lately, its like I pay off one, and five show up that need immediate payment. All the subs at my work are being knocked back to 40 hours a MONTH. I haven't considered other work or a second part time job because I physically...honestly...know I couldn't do it. I put in for a job outside what I went to college for and they haven't gotten back to me. It'd be a gift from the gods/fate/whatever but I'm scared of even that since its a fulltime position.

After my dr. appt on Wed., we're planning on going to the family and social services to see what we can do. Neither myself or my husband are big on getting government aid since we both know there are many people out there who probably need it more then we do and we don't want to use money that could starve others. At the same time, I honestly want to quit working and spend time dealing with this new disease and the resulting depression and whatever that's going to come with it. Still and all, I can keep working and deal with it. Plus, our government system wouldn't have much aid for me...I've only had four documented jobs, two were temporary/seasonal work. My SSI letters even tell me I couldn't qualify LOL. I've never worked full-time since when I wasn't sick and/or recovering, I was in college and interning (unpaid of course).

So yeah...I know I've got issues...and dealing with them is hard. I spend time outside even in the heat of this summer and try to find beauty in things even though in about a month I won't have this view anymore (as I said, we're about to be homeless). I want to be out there living with my husband and dependent on no one and nothing. Paying our bills, out of debt, just being contributing members of society...and I honestly don't know how I'm going to keep working. I've always worked through the pay at any job and I called in on Saturday. I couldn't stand to actually stand for longer then four minutes. Pain in my feet. Been destressing the past few days and trying to keep that going but the pain hasn't relented. Had half a nervous breakdown yesterday where I cried for hours. Yeah...guilt at putting my husband through this...he's a truly wonderful person and should have children. Kids literally flock to the guy. He deserves better then this. We're relatively young at 28. We've been together for 9 years and so far...we've only lived a year on our own where we didn't have to sponge off our relatives...and I HATE that. Ahhh...well...I'm grouching now. Going to make a list for the doctor's visit...and stop b****ing and get on with things.

Still and all, thank you for the suggestions. I've been on prozac before and might consider it. I've got to be careful of certain anti-depressants that would work for both the anger/depression and the pain of the fibro since I've also got Crohns. A lot of those suckers screw with the bleeding issues of a Crohnie. Plus, of course facing all the change-ups of medications til its just right. Just never again tramadol. yeeesh...stuff kept me in the bathroom most of the day with D and V and of course wonderful migraines. Yipppeee. Man...I miss the days of taking a couple aspirin when my head hurt...can't really do that now so I have to do tons of other stuff for the constant headaches I've got going down. Thanks for the kind words and thoughts. I'm sending them all right back to you all here as well.
27/f/CD. 4 CD related surgeries: 2 resections, 2 JP drains, 3 NG tubes, many absesses (including the one my most recent surgery scraped off my ovary) and fistulas.
Have lost in these surgeries: appendix, 8 in. intestine, R fallopian tube, gallbladder, 10 in. intestine
Allergies and Asthma my whole life
Depression after surgeries and illness of 2003.
Crohns Dx'd: February 2008.
Pentasa
Fibromyalgia Dx'd: July 21, 2009
Lyrica
Hydrocodone
Prenatal Vitamin
Allergy meds

Post Edited (Joie1) : 8/4/2009 12:37:26 AM (GMT-6)


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/4/2009 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   

 

 

   Dear Joie1,

     Good morning. It is good to hear from you again. I am sorry to hear things are getting hecktick in your life right now. I am glad, however, that you decided to stop by smilewinkgrin

     Were you going to wait til wednesday to bring up the possibility of a referral to Pain Management Specialist? ... You medicine does is very low, but , I was thinking... That actually might be a blessing in disguise ... if you can get into a pain management clinic they will want a "clean slate" to start off with. I've noticed a "common groud" in the way the Specialist "start-up" with each patient they all seem to like take meds down to just what is needed before beginng their "treatment planns". :-)

      I'm not sure how the insurance will cover the pain management clinic or a psychologist/psychiatrist who deals with regular issues or pain issues.

     No worries. They are part of the "pain management" programms. More often than not your treatment plann includes seeing one. The are valuable tools for not just you, but also your (Hopefully!!) new doctor to assess what types of treatment you would be comfortable with/ can do long term.

     I've got a pretty amazing handle on my body and how I can sense things actually.

     It hleped for me to have a defined "list" of the beginning bodily reactions to pain (which actually occur long before "holy cow! XXXXhurts) not just so I can beging treating it,  but also that time to get to a phone to call for help. And I do not mean to sound pushy about that either, but I can tell your a head strong one and probably wouldnt ask for help unless you absolutly had to.... Gosh you need people around you that you can trust. Sure I cant just scoop you up bring you to New Mexico?

      I'm not what a person would call "sensitive" in general

     I think you are. I think you are beautiful and wonderfully intune with those around you. I also think that you deserve to be cared for with the same intesity that you care for others. I am angry that so many have kicked you when you were already down, that isnt okay.

     I'm a pretty harsh person actually...

     I think that time, and cruelity has made you "look" or "seem" harsh n the outside. But what I see is someone fighting with all they have to protect the core of who they are. I think it is time someone else helped you protect your core. You must be exhausted. *huggs*

      got my soulmate but I can't bear him children, put him in debt, and now I'm losing my looks.

       It is a good thing he fell in LOVE with your SOUL not your SHELL. I am sure you are as beaustiful in person as you are here online. Please, please, trust me when I say that in a few years when things settle down... Foster Care is PACKED! Children are being placed in homes only to be sent back to abusive parents or pawned off on family members.... YOU can make a differance. But, you ve gotta be more patient with yourself. Take care of you. That way you are ready and strong when it is time.

       Even then, all I got was a good for nothing 2 year associates degree (and I got that later then I should've).

     !!If you push yourself that hard, we need to send you in to politics!! Weve got some lazy folks on capitol hill! Go get them into shape! I can hear it now! "This should have been done YESTERDAY!!!"    smilewinkgrin  

        Adoption'd be nice but I think most agencies have issues with anyone whose suffered depression and now with this...this...fibromyalgia...the possibility that I couldn't pick a child up if I was having a flare...might and should count against me.

       Nope. When you sit down and truly are able to look in to this option, you will see just how much of a Blessing you coulld be to a boy or girl. many of us have young children.

     Lately, its like I pay off one, and five show up that need immediate payment.

     Once I taped change to bills for 4 month. with a note "this is all I can pay right now, I am sorry."  smhair   I hate how all of us are in financial trouble due to MEDICAL bills! smhair

"...of course we are still friends after the bill arrives...."   rolleyes  

        people out there who probably need it more then we do

     *huggs* Nope, please do think that way. We have all work long hard years and sometimes we need help. *huggs*

     You remind me alot of the poem Maya Angelou wrote called "Still I Rise"

"..You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise...."

       It is a beautiful poem. Al her work is really. In any case, ill stopp chatting your eyes off! I do hope today is a little better for you!!

*warm huggs*

     dani

     


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Piercings
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 326
   Posted 8/5/2009 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Joie,
I know I don't post a lot and haven't ever posted to you directly. I totally understand and agree. My own credit scores are in the toilet for the same reasons. And I'm in a firm believer in taking actions to improve my situation. If I don't take an active step in changing a bad situation, then I don't feel that I'm entitled to gripe about it. I'm a put up or shut up kind of person.

Since the advent of online payments and decentralization of most "big businesses" people don't pay in cash for things anymore, and with all the postal thefts people don't want to send money or checks through the mail either. Your quote below made me realize something....
"I'm also a believer in karma/fate...whathaveyou. That what you put into the world/universe will come back to you. So, in a sense, I feel as though I'm being punished and yet, I don't quite understand what truly evil things I've done to deserve this."

It's not that you've done anything evil or bad. It's that just you're refilling or replenishing a pre-paid Karma card.

Hopefully that brought you a grin - or at least a smirk.

painsince91
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 8/13/2009 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry for all you are going through!

You made me laugh when you said "I'm having half of a nervous breakdown today" or something along those lines!!! Can I use that?  I want to tell my DH I'm having half of a nervous breakdown and when I feel better I'll have the rest of it.

I know all about the anger, depression, crying, feeling worthless and useless,  regrets, longings, dreams dying, losing desire to do anything but feeling awful for not doing anything.  For me, the only thing that gets me through is Prayer. Is it ok if I pray for you?

Pain

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