Post Edited (Joie1) : 8/2/2009 3:46:47 PM (GMT-6)
Welcome!! I have to agree with PALady, please find someone that you can talk to about your thoughts and feelings.
It is a major life changing life sentence that all of us here face with Chronic Pain, the causes may not all be the same but the end results are pretty similar.
I know when I had to stop working 6 yrs. ago, the reality of my situation finally hit me. For 6 months, I got up in the morning for a few hours and then the rest of the day was spent in bed. I loved my job and although I worked in pain for 4 yrs before finally giving in and leaving, it gave me a purpose. Finding myself at home in severe pain, dependent on my husband for my survival, unable to do simple household chores, no longer could I go to the grocery store without help etc........I was so angry, bitter and RESENTFUL. Honestly, one day the lights came on and I said to myself, I can either live in pain and be miserable and alone (because I was driving everyone who loved me away) or I can be the best I can be and live life as best as I can! I chose to move forward. Was it easy HELL NO, but I took it second by second just like I do today. So many times when I thought I couldn't go on I would see or meet someone who was in worse condition then me, it made me Thankful that I wasn't as bad as that person. Do I cry and feel sorry for myself OF COURSE, some days are better then others, some days are worse but I am alive and I have family,friends and pets that I love and they are my purpose!
I have my wonderful HW family and they do understand and even if I don't post everyday, I read the posts everyday and there is always someones post that says some of what I am feeling. The replies are given with love and empathy and that always helps me get through!
You said you can't do anything you did 2 yrs ago except read, I love to read and it does help you escape reality for a while...so if you enjoy it then do it!!
You are in my thoughts and prayers!
In addition, pain management programs often include a behavioral goal setting componenet in which patients set weekly goals to work towards each week. ...."
Behavioral modification—use of behavioral methods to optimize patient responses to back pain and painful stimuli. Cognitive therapy involves teaching the patient to alleviate back pain by means of relaxation techniques, coping techniques, and other methods. Biofeedback involves the gradual alteration of neuromuscular signals for symptomatic improvement.
~Biofeedback was very cool. I loved my pain psychologist. They just understand pain better IMHO. We had realistic goals and I cannot imagine who "me" would be, had I not gotten her help. ... if that makes any sense. I'm sorry if im , like posting something you dont want to talk about. If so just tell me! I felt a little... weird, when one was first mentioned to me. I hope you feel a little bit better by the time you read this and I am so sorry you are having to deal with so much.
Post Edited (Joie1) : 8/4/2009 12:37:26 AM (GMT-6)
Good morning. It is good to hear from you again. I am sorry to hear things are getting hecktick in your life right now. I am glad, however, that you decided to stop by
Were you going to wait til wednesday to bring up the possibility of a referral to Pain Management Specialist? ... You medicine does is very low, but , I was thinking... That actually might be a blessing in disguise ... if you can get into a pain management clinic they will want a "clean slate" to start off with. I've noticed a "common groud" in the way the Specialist "start-up" with each patient they all seem to like take meds down to just what is needed before beginng their "treatment planns".
I'm not sure how the insurance will cover the pain management clinic or a psychologist/psychiatrist who deals with regular issues or pain issues.
No worries. They are part of the "pain management" programms. More often than not your treatment plann includes seeing one. The are valuable tools for not just you, but also your (Hopefully!!) new doctor to assess what types of treatment you would be comfortable with/ can do long term.
I've got a pretty amazing handle on my body and how I can sense things actually.
It hleped for me to have a defined "list" of the beginning bodily reactions to pain (which actually occur long before "holy cow! XXXXhurts) not just so I can beging treating it, but also that time to get to a phone to call for help. And I do not mean to sound pushy about that either, but I can tell your a head strong one and probably wouldnt ask for help unless you absolutly had to.... Gosh you need people around you that you can trust. Sure I cant just scoop you up bring you to New Mexico?
I'm not what a person would call "sensitive" in general
I think you are. I think you are beautiful and wonderfully intune with those around you. I also think that you deserve to be cared for with the same intesity that you care for others. I am angry that so many have kicked you when you were already down, that isnt okay.
I'm a pretty harsh person actually...
I think that time, and cruelity has made you "look" or "seem" harsh n the outside. But what I see is someone fighting with all they have to protect the core of who they are. I think it is time someone else helped you protect your core. You must be exhausted. *huggs*
got my soulmate but I can't bear him children, put him in debt, and now I'm losing my looks.
It is a good thing he fell in LOVE with your SOUL not your SHELL. I am sure you are as beaustiful in person as you are here online. Please, please, trust me when I say that in a few years when things settle down... Foster Care is PACKED! Children are being placed in homes only to be sent back to abusive parents or pawned off on family members.... YOU can make a differance. But, you ve gotta be more patient with yourself. Take care of you. That way you are ready and strong when it is time.
Even then, all I got was a good for nothing 2 year associates degree (and I got that later then I should've).
!!If you push yourself that hard, we need to send you in to politics!! Weve got some lazy folks on capitol hill! Go get them into shape! I can hear it now! "This should have been done YESTERDAY!!!"
Adoption'd be nice but I think most agencies have issues with anyone whose suffered depression and now with this...this...fibromyalgia...the possibility that I couldn't pick a child up if I was having a flare...might and should count against me.
Nope. When you sit down and truly are able to look in to this option, you will see just how much of a Blessing you coulld be to a boy or girl. many of us have young children.
Lately, its like I pay off one, and five show up that need immediate payment.
Once I taped change to bills for 4 month. with a note "this is all I can pay right now, I am sorry." I hate how all of us are in financial trouble due to MEDICAL bills!
"...of course we are still friends after the bill arrives...."
people out there who probably need it more then we do
*huggs* Nope, please do think that way. We have all work long hard years and sometimes we need help. *huggs*
You remind me alot of the poem Maya Angelou wrote called "Still I Rise"
"..You may trod me in the very dirtBut still, like dust, I'll rise...."
It is a beautiful poem. Al her work is really. In any case, ill stopp chatting your eyes off! I do hope today is a little better for you!!
I'm so sorry for all you are going through!
You made me laugh when you said "I'm having half of a nervous breakdown today" or something along those lines!!! Can I use that? I want to tell my DH I'm having half of a nervous breakdown and when I feel better I'll have the rest of it.
I know all about the anger, depression, crying, feeling worthless and useless, regrets, longings, dreams dying, losing desire to do anything but feeling awful for not doing anything. For me, the only thing that gets me through is Prayer. Is it ok if I pray for you?