Good morning friends, I wanted to share something with you. I went to counseling this morning. Last week I went but it was not for very long. It was pretty much an introduction and for her to tell me what she hopes this will bring to me and then to make another appt.
Today was the 1st talking one. It went pretty well and I will go back next week. And the good thing about that is it is on Monday. That is the day I have my doctor appt. and hope that he'll release me to go back to work. The way I see it is that if it doesn't go as I have planned, I'll be able to talk/cry about it that day with the counselor!!! For the past couple months, I have cried buckets that day and for several days after b/c of the disappointment of not being released. That will be a good day to go. Hopefully this time will be different and I'll be happy when I leave the doctors' office. But, we'll see.
Anyway the counselor was asking questiions and such. One of the ones she asked was who do I turn to for my support. I told her that it would be a chronic pain forum on the internet. I said that may sound strange to her that it wouldn't be someone in my family. She asked why or how it helps. I said that it is b/c the members understand and they are facing some of the same struggles, learning to live with the effects chronic pain has in our lives. She said she thinks that is good. Ofcourse I didn't give her the information about which forum this is and she didn't ask.
I enjoyed going today. It was nice to talk to someone about what is going on. She gave me the number of someone else to see about marriage counseling. I will check into that later. She said the services can be on a sliding scale. And since finances are bad right now, that is good. The main problem is ofcourse pain. And all the other things going on are symptoms. Those symptoms can all be addressed. But until the main one, my marriage problems are dealt with, I'll just be treating the symptoms. It makes sense to me. I know my husband and I have alot going on in our marriage. I don't believe he sees it the way I do. I will ask him to go with me to counseling when I am able to afford that, not too far off in the future. But I do plan to go see this man she is talking about. I realize now that I do have alot of issues to deal with personally and in my marriage. I am ready to start to deal with all of them one step at a time. I do love my husband. There is no question about that. And I know he loves me as well. That really isn't the issue/problem. But there are definitely things that need to be dealt with.
I am proud of myself for going today. I am starting to confront that there are problems. It wasn't that I didn't know that before, I guess I just didn't want to admit or face it completely. I am ready now. I want to be the best I can be. I want to heal. I know that physically I am most likelly as good as it's going to get. Now emotionally it can get alot better. And I want that most of all for myself and then ofcourse, for my family.
The physical pain is there. It is always there not changing very much at all. It remains the same the majority of the time. If I can help with the stress issue, it may change the physical pain somewhat. I know I am always hurting. And because of that and the stress level, I am always tensed. If the physical tension can somehow lessen then maybe the pain will ease up slightly. I know I will hurt. I don't expect that to go away. It would be wonderful if it would, but I have to be realistic. It isn't going anywhere atleast any time soon. I have pretty much excepted that is just going to be part of my life now. And I'll have to make the very best of it, as best as I can. She showed me some breathing techniques to relax that I will try to see if it helps. All in all, this sure can't hurt the situation, that is for certain.
I really am glad that I have all of you in my life. You have been right there every step of the way. That is what true friends are really like. And I was right when I said to the counselor that you all are my support system. You are. Thank you for being here for me. It has meant so much to me. So many things have happened to me for the last several months. And as I sit here and reflect on that, I don't know how I could have made it without all of you. I am so grateful and thankful for each and every one of you. I started this with the intention of letting you all know that I told the counselor that you have been my support system. And as always, I didn't mean for it to get this long...