I'm sorry your hubby snapped at you. You need to tell him all that you just said about him in you posting. That was so sweet. If I had any suggestions I would give them to you. I have a 17 year old that is helping when I ask him to, but me and him have to do laundry together because we have to walk down 16 stairs, across a parking lot and around a corner and into the laundryroom. Then plug my clothes in the washers and walk back across the parking lot and up 16 stairs. Now that's hard and I can only do that 1 to 4 times. I wish I could slide down the rail like the little kids do...LOL
Good Morning Flower,
You will find that alot of us here UNDERSTAND what you are going through! I have been where you are, I am unable to do alot of house chores, most of the things I used to do without blinking an eye and am on SSD. Lets just say that CP changes your life and relationships! Many months back there was a post started about that very subject! Many heartfelt overwhelmingly sad emotions were shared there and it helped me a great deal to finally release my feelings to this safe group of friends and family at HW.
There responses gave me the courage to speak to my husband and share things I have held in for 9 years. A few years back when I thought our marriage was ending we had a heart to heart where my husband revealed the most hurtful comment which was "you went from 40 to 80 overnight" I was devastated by those words! Thus began a journey of pretending things were fine, I no longer complained of pain and bitterness that was eating me alive. After posting I found the courage to tell my husband that I could no longer live like this, that CP was stressful enough, that I did not need to live with someone who looked at me with disdain and barely spoke to me. I told him as soon as I could find an apartment that would accept big dogs I was leaving. That I would rather live on welfare then live like this.....I also told him that he needed to get back to his WHY, why he fell in love with me, WHY he married me, that I had not changed but his perception of me had. It was a turning point for us, he revealed to me that what bothers him most is he can't fix me. I told him it isn't his job to fix me but to support me, help me and understand I beat myself up enough over my situation, all I need is his love and understanding!
My PMD told me that Housecleaning is a tax deductible medical expense and gave me a prescription (my acccountant also verified that it is). When we are financially able I have someone come and clean, my husband now vacumns and mops between her visits which are once a month. He is a Real Estate Appraiser and business is very slow so during this time he is also doing wash, cooking and other assorted chores he has NEVER helped with until we had our talk. I also now ask my grown children to help me Grocery Shop etc. I never asked before because to admit I couldn't do something would admit that I was Handicapped. STUPID when I look back. What I have found now is that everyone wants to do something to help and if I ask, its done with love and my kids and friends feel happy that I do ask.
I hope this makes sense!! I would say having someone come (even though we really can't afford it) to do the heavy deep cleaning is the best thing I have done.....share your feelings with your husband let him know how you feel and especially how you feel having to ask for help!! I do chores but not all at once, does it bother me yes but its just the way it is!
I tell my husband I appreciate what he did not matter how small and Thank you everyday....from doing this I notice he does more and more without me asking! I no longer feel responsible for his silence or bad days (I did this all the time before). When he snaps I ask right then and there if he's okay...funny that it never has to do with anything I said or did, before I always felt responsible for his moods.
Sorry for the long rambling reply but I've been where you are.....!
Post Edited (BionicWoman) : 8/12/2009 9:01:01 AM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (Piercings) : 8/12/2009 4:43:32 PM (GMT-6)
That's the way it should be, the kids helping around the house. My son cleans the litter box now and re-fills it on occation I do the re-filling. My son will only do the dirty dishes if he has dish gloves to wear. hehehehe I love it. Those are two things I don't have to do, because I already have enough to do as it is.