Life is calming down

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fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/13/2009 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Greetings CP family and friends. It has been a long 2 weeks and it is starting to calm down some. As some know, my son was on his way to Iraq. He has a young lady friend and they thought about getting married before he left and decided to wait. After he left, she finds herself in a pregnant state. Dad not pleased, mom really not pleased. Son's girlfrined has medical problem and ends up in the ER. She loses the baby and they think she has cervicle cancer. Our son was not able to handle the issues being confinded to a base waiting to catch a flight tom Iraq. The Army notices he is not in the right mind and try counseling him. He wants dad's counsel. I was on the phone constantly for days. I had to stop class several times to take calls. The girlfriend has no insurance so them getting married could help as the Army would take care of the medical issues. The Drs decided it is not cancer but pre-cancer and tumors on the ovaries. Her family was not helping her so it was a mess. My son is now home for the weekend and then heads back to catch a flight overseas and onto Iraq. The young couple is doing better and realize that they need more time. The wedding will wait until he returns and we will see about medical costs and now have a young lady joining our family.  
 
This happened as several instructors took a week off for personal things and I had to step in to teach their classes. The other demands at work were getting to the point that I told my wife I quit the other night. The next morning I got up and told her that I still felt like quitting but did the right thing and went to work. No more about work. The stress has brought the Cp back to levels that are not enjoyable. There is no one to blame and life goes on. When they broke into my car they stole my cane as well as other things. That is pretty low. A mans cane! Now I drive around town looking for someone walking with a cane, wearing my sun glasses and trying to follow the GPS unit that used to be in the car. When I find the person, I will pick them up and take them to one of our drug rehab centers  where they probably belong. 
 
Anice, the saying stands as stated. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Just watch which end you start at. I hear elephant ears are good compared to the other end.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/13/2009 10:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
Wow! To say you have had a lot going on, well, I don't think there are any words to describe what you've had going on. I am glad you're back with us, and glad that at least some parts of the situation with your son and new family addition have calmed down. Sort of. I don't know whether to be sad about the miscarriage or to think it maybe was for the best. But I truly don't know how you deal with it all.

Taking your cane --- now unless they were disabled themselves, that is a bit much. Take the high tech stuff and move on. Wouldn't it be interesting to see someone walk into your program with it. At this point I'll believe anything.

I do not know how you stay functioning. Standing. With the pain and all the stress and all the work....don't you even get a little tired of eating elephant? Or at least move to the ears. I've had those. Not too bad. They crumble easily.

Welcome back. Welcome home. You've been missed.

((((((((((((fatherjohn)))))))))))))))

PaLady

golitho
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 8/13/2009 11:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Here was I imagining that you were having a lovely time farewelling your son, not going through a tornado of emotional issues and without the use of your trusty cane and GPS unit!!! Life can throw it all at you some times. I hope your son's girlfriend is ok, is she booked in for surgery? I hope they manage to get rid of the tumours without having to take both ovaries. Tough when you're so young... You are very good people to offer her such support.
Best wishes to you, golitho

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 8/13/2009 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, Fatherjohn, when you said you had lots going on, you weren't kidding.... I don't even know what to say, other than I really admire you being there for your son and being so supportive. I hope as things start calming down some, your pain levels will go down, too.

You've got lots of people here that have missed you, and are here for you...
Take care...
Tina
Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); MSIR (15mg/6x day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 8/14/2009 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Buddy, They say when it rains, it pours but in your case, it's a frikin-frakin monsoon! So sorry to hear all you've been going through.  I hope that young lady knows how lucky she is (w/ all her bad luck) to have found a caring family like yours! It sounds like she comes from one that isn't very understanding. I hope she will be OK but I know she couldn't be in better hands! I often think about you and how you manage to keep up w/ all the stress of your job managing the constant pain in your body. When does it finally become too much to handle? I hit my breaking point and cashed it in and my stress was nothing compared to yours!! You said you talked to your wife about quitting, I understand that feeling completely and pray that you make the right descision. You are like the Rocky Marciano of our family here, no matter how many times you get hit or how hard, you just refuse to go down! I just can't tell you how much I admire and respect you for that! I'm really glad they let your son get matters under control before he left, it would have been awful if he had to leave w/ all that weighing on his mind. So those jokers stole your cane? Lower than a rattlesnakes belly! I'd have been hellbent on finding the rascle who took it and giving then a hard lesson w/ the biz end of the cane! Thats the difference between me and you> you would want to help him and take him under your wing, I would want to beat some sense into him> like that would do any good??? 
Well friend, I hope you get some rest, you certanly deserve it. I'll write you more later dear friend.
Hang in there, prayers and manhugs comin atcha!!
Pete 
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections once a month. 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, Joseph is on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis back in Bremerton, Wa. after 8 mo. deployment! and Pete Jr. is on The Asault Ship USS Bataan "The Jaws of the Fleet" somewhere in the Persian Gulf w/ 2,000 Marines aboard. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 8/14/2009 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
FatherJohn,
I will hope things stay calm for you, but with school starting up again, it will be rough for yet a little while,
but I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...
Lots of soft hugz and peace...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((FatherJohn)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
   Dear Father John,
 
     Good morning *huggs* I am glad you stopped by! I had been wondering for quite sometime now how you were and what was going on.
 
     I am so sorry for your Daughter in laws illness (jumping the gun calling her DIL? is so tell me!) I had many cysts removed from my female organs while I was pregnant with my oldest daughter.  For some reason I had to wait until I was 4months along thou. I was so scared! But once they were removed and biopsied , etc. I never had to have the procedure done again. The coolest part was they made a small incision on the top of belly button and in just a few months time, no one even noticed. Gosh, bless her heart. She needs support! I am glad I do not know her parents, or id give em a commin up ins! *Harrumph* Your son must be worried sick!
 
      Stole you cane?! Thats just sick  mad   Ugh, that takes a special kind of stupid to do something that low.   nono
 
       Were you ever able to attain the extra funding for the school? You need an assistant now more than ever!
 
*huggs*
   dani
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
I'm sure you are already doing this, but thought I'd toss it out anyway. Now that this young lady is out and on her own (even though living with you) is she eligible for Medicaid? That would sure be a help.

I still don't know how you do it all.

More hugs...

PaLady

anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 8/14/2009 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
FatherJohn, Wow you and your family have really been through alot in the past couple weeks. That was so much to deal with all at once like that. But that is usually how it happens,isn't it? Thank you for sharing it with us. I know it is personal and all. But you know we all care and respect you very very much. You have been in our thoughts, that's for sure. I am sorry about your sons' girlfriend and about her losing the baby and now having medical problems... I am glad she has your son and your family to help her since her own family hasn't been there for her.

As things seem to settle a little, I do hope your pain level will lessen some. You have been under so much stress it is no wonder your pain has increased. Please try to take some time for yourself and do something for you. You have so much on your shoulders, you do need to do something to help relax and rejuvinate. Please do this for yourself. You are in helping profession. You listen to problems and deal with so much from your students. And you help all of us here on this forum with all our problems giving so much guidance and support. And then your own family problems...You deserve some down time of your own,FatherJohn.
Anice

bsjaguar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 8/14/2009 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
MMM!!! did you say something about elephant ears, I love elephant ears.

Sorry didn't want to make light of your situation, my sweet tooth tends to get the best of me sometimes.

You are a good man to help out your sons girlfriend. Sounds like she needs someone to lean on right now and to tell her it's gonna be alright. Do give yourself some quiet time too though. Cuddle up with your spouse in the evening and think of all the good things you have. That always makes me feel better.

I'm hoping the best for your son too. He is a very brave soul for doing what he does, you should both be proud!
---Jag---
 
DDD, osteoarthritis, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/14/2009 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Greetings, The hopefully daugther-in-law will have her own place. My son has given me power of attorney so I can act in his behalf in financial matters. The young lady works and my son will be helping her financially. She comes to our house to visit and she goes to church with us. I will be able to hopefully help both of them even during their long distant relationship.

PAlady, Medicaid is closed in Oregon (out of money) and the only ones accepted are children and the elderly (it is possible that pregnant womrn can as well). 

Jag, no problem, we need to keep a since of humor. My son will leave monday and fly to Irag on Tuesday. He says he is ready. He has been in a holding patern long enough.

Pete, I did not say that my first thought was to help the person if I caught them. Know what I mean?

Anice, I am trying to take part of today off. I went in the office this morning and have to head back in to do a couple things. Hopefully the phone will let up this afternoon. I am flying to Arizona again next weekend and will be taking my daughter with me. My wife decided she would stay home and work and send my daughter in her place to keep me out of trouble.

Dani & Golitho, she will be doing some follow-up and we will see what they are going to do. This was a blessing in a way as she might not have known for some time if all this did not happen.

Tina and Char, thanks for the thoughts and prayers. Our kids are very close to us as they have no gradparents, cousins or aunts and uncles that we are in touch with. Our parents are gone and my wife was an only child. My family is not close and there is little contact so we try and stay close to our kids, all three are over 18.

Thanks for all the concern and I know that as a CP family we support each other through all kinds of things. This place is a blessing.


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 8/14/2009 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi fatherjohn,

I'm glad to see you back! We missed you here! Wow! It sure sounds like you had quite a rough couple of weeks! It sounds like your future daughter-in-law is very lucky to have you & your family there! It must have been a very traumatic experience for everyone involved. It was very kind of you to open your home & your heart to this girl and be there for her & your son, especially since her parents weren't.
As for those crooks who stole your cane! That was just uncalled for. They were probably after the GPS, but to steal a cane! They were obviously very inconsiderate, but then again, how often do you find a considerate thief?
Enjoy your last few days with your son!

hugs,
Skeye

infinite
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey FatherJohn,
I certainly add my support to the others that have expressed so for the issues both physically and mentally you have had to endure these past few weeks! I have found, and I am sure you will see, that one of the best medicines is making a post to this board and then the rewards of what is replied. I would feel silly trying to name all or any of the contributors to my posts. Just know htat this is a caring community and our shoulders are here for you.

N8

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/15/2009 12:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
I just had to comment about Medicaid being closed - out of money - in Oregon. I'm not sure I've ever heard of that before. Wow. I do know that cash benefits are very tough to get, and they're pretty minimal anyway even with children. I guess I can understand, though, with states being so strapped for money, and they pay a fair share of the Medicaid costs, that this is probably happening in more states. Or certainly benefits are cut back; that has happened here.

It is just not right, IMHO, but I'd better button my lips as this isn't a place for politics. Still, on the side of simply being humane....

I'm glad you're going away with your daughter. I know you'll be working (when aren't you? LOL) but sometimes a change of scenery helps after all the stress you've had.

(((((((Fatherjohn))))))))

PaLady

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/15/2009 2:32 AM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, I believe we have one of the worst public health systems in the country. Medicaid has been closed for several years. Last year they added 1500 people and it was by lotery. Thousands plced application and they drew names. Since then it has been closed again. I tell my students that the best thing they can do is not get sick. I had one in the ER this week as he thought he had menengitis, thankfully it was not. He has had it 4 times in his life. That adds stress to overseeing a residential program. The hospital has worked well with us. I am able to submit a request explaining the school and the students income and they have wiped most major claims off.
 
N8, I still think of my son every time I see that, I find it hard to post sometimes as I am normally on the giving end and don't like to make things about me. It is humbling at times when people respond and are so generous, kind and compassionate.
 
Skeye, I would like to take the weekend off but I have to work at least part of tomorrow and Sunday. Until I can hire, I am the only salaried person so when someone reached their max hours, that means I get to pick up the slack. I have to travel to California in October to meet with possible donors who are interested in helping with finances. It is tight and our phones were shut off because funds were not there to pay the bill. No stress there. I just change the type of stress by moving from 1 location to another.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/15/2009 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
I am appalled at the Medicaid system in your state. And I doubt it's the only state, but I've never heard of such things. A lottery????? Talk about rationing care! You'd think at the very least the most medically needy ought to get it first, but still...going back to being humane....

Good time for your students to write letters. I'd better not go any further here. But if we don't do something I can see that happening in more and more states.

In PA. our Medicaid rules are crazier than I thought (you realize these things once you get in that boat of uninsured and have to start digging into the details, where the devil DOES reside!). We have a state sponsored program called Adult Basic which would be fine if it didn't have at least a 2 year waiting list. If you can wait, the premium is only $35. But in the meantime you CANNOT be on any other type of insurance, except to pay the full Adult Basic premium while you're waiting - and that's about $350/month. Yea, like people applying for this program have that kind of money.

Sorry to go off on this, but my mouth is still hanging open. I thought Oregon was more progressive. I sure was wrong!

PaLady

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/15/2009 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, not to get political but we protect owls and trees more than we do our people. We are hoping that as they build the new medical school here, that we will have access to a higher level of medical care in the community. They have started and are building part of it but not sure when it is to be finished. Hope you are having a good day. I have overdone it again and paying the price. Thats life and we just leran to live with it. If I win the lottery tonight, I will buy a place for people with CP to live and support each other. The only problem is I never buy a ticket so winning could be slim.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/15/2009 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   
You overdid it? smhair Wow, that sure doesn't sound like you! smilewinkgrin

Maybe we should buy lottery tickets as a group - you know, like some employees do? Then if we win we COULD build that place where we could all go and live, hire a great PM doc just for us, and give eachother all the TLC imaginable! yeah

Hugs,

PaLady

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 8/15/2009 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Sounds like a game of "musical stress!" smilewinkgrin Who wants to join in?

Skeye

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 8/16/2009 11:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I have to agree with you FatherJohn, as a society in general we care more about enviromental issues and animals, then
we do for our fellow man/person, it's so sad sometimes..If we could all get together and do just one good thing for someone
else, without having to be worried about the consquenceses (sp?)
But enough rambbling...
Hope your feeeling better this week FatherJohn and
as always, lots of soft hugz coming your ways...
pass some on to your wife too...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((FatherJohn)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


tmjpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2022
   Posted 8/16/2009 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hope you have a better week Fatherjohn. You sure have a lot on your plate!!!
Take care of yourself, because you are important.
Hugs
Suzane

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/17/2009 9:30 PM (GMT -7)   
PAlady, Char, Skeye and Suzane, It is crazy when you look at it as I made it through the weekend now I can head to work and try to get a break. It has been busy. if we are ever able to get a place for all us CPers, I volunteer to water the plastic plants. Thursday and Friday I volunteered crews to help at another center which meant I had to cover the center. Then On Saturday, we had 2 other things going on so I again had to cover. Sunday I finally spent time with my son (actually all three of my kids, wide and a son's girlfriend" all spent time together. It was good to just have a little time. My son left early this morning and catches a flight to Iraq on Wednesday. We just were notified that a person with connection to the National Guard had a  laptop stolen that contained 131,000 soldiers names, SS#, bank information, home addresses, etc. My son was one of the ones that had information on the computer. Now I am glad that I had my son give me power of attorney as I will have to make the calls and inquiries to make sure he does not get taken advantage of. I wonder if the person who stole the computer was using a cane, sunglasses and a GPS unit? I leave at the end of the week to head to Arizona. I will be there a week speaking at different centers we have. Life is never boring. Why does life always seem to hectic and fast? Blessings!

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/17/2009 10:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
Your life doesn't just "seem" to be hectic - it really is! It's not your imagination! LOL

I wonder if you tell people at all those presentations you give what your job is REALLY like??? :-)

BTW you can water the plastic plants. I will buy them. ;-)

PaLady
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