Support for White Beard

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PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/14/2009 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear CP family,

One of our moderators, I believe, is being a little too shy about asking for some support, so I thought I'd start a thread for him to give him a nudge. wink

White Beard is going through some personal struggles and a huge adjustment in his life, on top of, of course, CP and everything else. I will leave it to him to share any details (some are on the thread he started for me), but I wanted to create a "space" to make it easier for him to share, and for us to offer a collective shoulder!

Ok, White Beard, group hug coming!

(((((((((((WhiteBeard)))))))))))

Now at least be willing to share how you're feeling, even if you don't want to talk about the details of the situation, ok? yeah

PaLady

LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 8/14/2009 10:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok Whitebeard.... You came here I believe to support others as some of us do. But deep down you have struggles like the rest of us. Then you became a moderator like myself and then it kinds feels strange to post about how we feel unless it could help another.

So guess what PAlady is so right. You need to vent some yourself. We all realize that you are going through a HUGE change in lifestyle right now. It can be hard on any person and harder on one with CP with health issues. So here is your space... USE IT!! We want to help you through this time in your life...

Laurie

So spill the beans
Kidney Diseases and Disorders
              Moderator
 
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 8/14/2009 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok I just ran over to the other thread and read that your are taking Celexa now.  I have taken this medication for over two years now.  I love it.  I'm on 40 mg.  I can't really tell its working when I take it everyday but boy oh boy if I run out and get lazy about picking up a new script I can feel it.  My tears will flow some without it and my pain is sharper.  I never have side effects other than alittle bit of weight gain.  I don't even get a tired feeling from it.
Kidney Diseases and Disorders
              Moderator
 
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........ I think I have it all


anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 8/14/2009 11:08 AM (GMT -7)   
PaLady, I am so glad you started this for WhiteBeard. We all know that he wouldn't have done it for himself!!!! He is always one of the main ones to be there and support us in our time. Yet he won't reach out and ask for the support he needs. Well this way he is going to get it anyway!!! LOL

WhiteBeard, We are all thinking about you. You are such a huge part of our family here. I know you are going through alot in your life right now, dealing with personal problems, the saling of the house and then the chronic pain you are faced with. That is alot on your plate,my friend. You are very special to me and all the others here. We are here for you to lend our ears, our hearts, our shoulders,our love and our support every step of the way.
Anice

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 8/14/2009 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   
WhiteBeard,
I've been thinking of you with hopes that the house of yours has been getting some looks and possible
offers...If not then just give it a little time...Sure hope your health is doing good and that your getting low
pain days....Keep us posted when you can...ya know we care...
Lots and lots of soft hugz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WhiteBeard)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thoughts and Prayers are with you.....(take our hands and lean on us) wink
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


Draka
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 256
   Posted 8/14/2009 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you are going through some difficult times WhiteBeard... I don't really know what to say or how I could offer any advice.... just know people care :)
Lisa


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 8/14/2009 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
WB old friend,
You sure do have some good friends here that care dearly about you. You are a good person who is always helping others and you sure do deserve the support. I'd like to throw my hat in too. This is your open floor to vent all you want! If I was in your shoes I'd be a basket case!
My prayers are with you and I'm sending a big "BEAR" Man hug your way!
Your friend,
Pete
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections once a month. 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, Joseph is on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis back in Bremerton, Wa. after 8 mo. deployment! and Pete Jr. is on The Asault Ship USS Bataan "The Jaws of the Fleet" somewhere in the Persian Gulf w/ 2,000 Marines aboard. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 


Gretchen1
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3459
   Posted 8/14/2009 3:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey WB,
 
I hope you are feeling the love being sent your way.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  You are a special member of this board and we all want to support you in any way possible.  Please hang in there and find a way to find some peace. 
 
Love ya big!
Gretchen  ~  diagnosed with MS July 2006
 
I have no lesions on my soul and so I will live with no limits.


Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 8/14/2009 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi WhiteBeard...

I've been reading your posts on the other thread.... I'm sorry you've had some struggles lately... You always seem to know exactly what to say in your posts; forgive me today for not being able to put my thoughts into words!! But, please know YOU are in my thoughts and prayers...

Tina
Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); MSIR (15mg/6x day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/14/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
   Dear White Beard,
    
     GooOOOoood Evening *huggs!* I do hope you are some what relaxed when you read this  :-)   You have such a solid constant presence here. You are part of what draws so many people to Healing Well. Please know if there is anyway atall that any of us could help, please dont hesitate to tell us!
 
*huggs!*
   dani
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 8/14/2009 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi White Beard,

I haven't posted much in the past few days, but I've been thinking about you! I hope you are doing alright! (((((((((((White Beard)))))))))))))).

Skeye

golitho
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Thinking of you too WB. I think we all need a big group hug at the moment. But here's sending one your way. I hope everything works out and your own stresses have some time out reading all these fabulously caring posts. We all support you White Beard, you're very special to us, golitho

infinite
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I am thinking of you to my friend. I really appreciate it as a new person here when topics are created for certain members, it tells me their opinions are valued and their presence is missed. It also means, at least to me, that it is possible htat this person is going through a rough time, and that makes me concerned about them. I hope you are well and that you are having some low pain days.

Your friend,

N8

anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:53 PM (GMT -7)   
WhiteBeard, I am still thinking about you and will continue to do so. Please let us know how you are doing. We are missing you, my friend.
((((((((((((((((((((((WhiteBeard))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Anice

cbear
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/15/2009 8:25 PM (GMT -7)   
WHITE BEARD,i just wanted you to know that i am thinking of you and you r n my prayers. whayever you r going through, you r obviously a strong person. hold onto that as u need it now. you have been so kind and thoughtfull to me. i wanted you to know how much i appreciate that. let others help you now as much as possible. take care. and lol.

edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 8/16/2009 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi WhiteBeard,

I haven't been posting much lately but reading posts everyday!  When I read your post on PA's page I just had to send my thoughts and prayers your way!  You will get through this and I hope knowing we are all here with our support and love helps keep you positive and hopeful!  We are here for you!!

(((((((((((((((((((((WhiteBeard)))))))))))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti


tmjpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2022
   Posted 8/16/2009 11:40 AM (GMT -7)   
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through these trying times in your life. It will get better!!! Hugs.
 
Suzane

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/16/2009 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
White Beard,
I'm a little concerned because you haven't posted here. I hope I didn't offend you by starting this thread! If so, please tell me - I can take it! smilewinkgrin

I hope you're doing ok!

Hugs,

PaLady

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 8/16/2009 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
WhiteBeard!
I ditto PALady's feelings, miss ya friend! Hope your doing okay
and please know your being missed!
Lots of soft hugz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((WhiteBeard)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 8/16/2009 6:14 PM (GMT -7)   

To PALady and all my dear family here at this CP Forum

Your Love and caring compassion brings tears to my eyes! It has been a rough few days or weeks for me! As you all know I am going through a divorce, I was hoping an praying that it would be on a at least civil if not friendly basis. I guess I am abit naive about these type of things! This is all new to me,  I have been married over 34 years, and this was not something I wanted, to do, I filed for the divorce, and at the advice of my lawyer I file on the grounds of mental cruelty. And I filed back in late January.  My  wife and I still remained in the same house, she moved up stairs, ( neither one of us I thought could afford to move out and maintain two residences, I know I could not!) During that time we split all the bills and payments we had. And since I know she would get up to  half my military retirement, in the divorce, ( that is cut and dried and I have no say about it) I voluntarily was giving her that each month. ( She has a full time job,  and her own medical coverage, I have my military retirement and VA disability and my SSD, and I get a small monthy amount from a private disability insurance. I also have medicare and Tricare for medical) Anyway my income is fixed and of course she has a good secure job with many chances of advancement. In June she got a place of her own in town ( we have a house at a small private lake association out in the country, although we are not right on the water) Cost are allot higher out here, even the electricity, as it is from a rural co-op, and the association fees and dues and all that. Well now that she has moved into town she does not feel that she should have to pay for any of the fees or up keep of the house. We always shared in doing everything I would mow the grass using the rider mower, and she would do all the hand mowing and trimming and edging, as I can not do that. The same with the house work, I would vacuum and dust and she would do the scrubbing of the floors in the kitchen and bathroom, I can't do that type of thing. She would work everyday, and I used to get up and make her, her lunch that she could take to work with her, I would also have supper ready for us when she came home, ( I am a pretty good cook, if I may honk my horn a bit!) and I would have the wash all done, although she would often have to help fold the cloths, as I have a hard time leaning forward to do that! When she moved out ( and she moved out on my birthday and it was ugly as I had previously posted) she said she would still help maintain the outside  and do the yard work. And she would pay her half of the mortgage,  and the joint loans and the association  dues.  Then she sends me a E-mail saying and I quote: "I will not be available to help with the lawn"  she wrote nothig else, no explanation or anything, and then  a few days later she tells me  that she does not feel she should have to pay any thing on the mortage or anything on the house! Even though she is co-owner and  and will get half of everything when the house sells. She claims I could of been the one to move out, but how could I do that? How could I pay for another place to live and still pay my share on our house and everything? She on the other hand did not even descuss with me that she was planning on moving out or anything!  Just a few days before she moved, she let me know. (Well sure I now know I could have moved out if I was going to do it the way she did!)  The first of July I quit giving her half of my retirement. My Lawyer said he could not understand why I was even doing that? Well it was because I care, and I thought it was the right thing to do! I have always, just wanted to do the right thing! When dividing up our stuff, I again have been to my regret maybe to generous, and she has taken advantage of it,  and that hurts!  I know that it is my own fault  when it come to that but I have never been in a position such as this,  and as I said I do not want to be enemies with her! Honestly I just could nolonger stand living in our marriage the way it has been!  I tried to save our marriage and gave her every opportunity to also try and she would not!

Anyway, this past Friday we went ot court for the first time,  I was sworn in and my Lawyer asked me a serries of questions, to establish the grounds for the divorce, afterward my wifes lawyer had to opportunity to ask me questions,  as did the judge, they both declined to ask anything. It was very nerve racking as this was a first for me, I have never even had jury duty before and I had never been in a court room. Afterwards my lawyer and I  and my wife and her lawyer, met together in a side office to try and get everything ironed out. My lawyer is to  send her lawyer another proposal, and if they don't accept then we will contest it all and try and even get alimony from her.  I am sure it won't happen but if they won't be reasonable then what else can we do? I have and continue to be, more than gererous, and  I am the one that is losing, and I did not do anything wrong! That really does eat at me, and it Hurts!  Anyway later on that evening my wife unexpectedly came over with her friend and right out in the back yard started yelling at me and saying I perjured myself in court and how I should be ashamed of myself and she really made a scene. I asked her how and what I did  that was perjury and she did not answer me! I finally had to ask  her to leave, then both her and her friend,( her friend is her boss and she also lives out here at the lake) they both started in on me, saying she did not have to leave because she was half owner of the house!  This has really upset me, and I have slept little since this happened, and I talked to my lawyer about it, asking if I should get an order of protection or something? He is going to talk to her lawyer about about getting her under control!. I never did find out what she wanted or maybe that was all she wanted just to vent and harrass me? She is the one that left, and she is the one that would not go to counseling or do anything to save the marriage! As I said once before I should have done this ten years ago. I definitely had the opportunity and yet I let it slip by hoping that things would change and our marriage could be saved. What a fool I was! and I can't tell you how much I regret it. And with all this going on, I continue th have increased problems with my back and neck, I have an appointment with a neurosureon the first of September. and even though I don't want to have surgery, I do hope that something can be done.! As I do worry that  this will get worse, and I am having allot of problems with my left arm and my neck.

I hate to sound like I am whinning, and this whole thing is very stressfull to me, I am not use to being alone ( physically) I mean my wife and I were like very distant room mates, and when she moved up stairs it was like there was no change in our relationship, she said she was uncomfortable being there since I had filed for the divorce! But for me, there honestly has been no  change, this is the way it has been for many years, and other than when she moved up stairs,  and we were physically separated at night as in different rooms, there was little else different!  Before that  time we had a big king bed ( actually two single adjustable beds in king sleigh bed frame) I sleep in a fowlers position, ( sitting up) and she doesn't. So there was no real difference there we were apart physically and emotionally!  You know we had to put our dog down, in early 2008, moggie he was my buddy but it was for the best as he was really old and in pain. Anyway after that she did not want another dog or pet, and I relented, so now I don't even have a pet to keep me company. As I said I don't mean to sond like I am whinning, I am sorry if it comes off that way!

 PALady and all the rest of my family here, I truely do thank you for your over whelming support and all your posts.  PALady I am not upset with you starting this thread, I am glad you did! I can't begin to tell you how much this all means to me! I do wish I could tell you,  and explain to you more, about all this,  but I  just can't!  I might have said to much already.  This is such a big thing in my life right now, I have told my counselor that this woman that I have spent the last 30 some years with, I do not know her any more!! I know allot of this ( or at least I think,  allot of it) has been caused by my chronic pain issues. Or at least I think it was a trigger for some of it! 

Anyway I don't want to come off like I am feeling sorry for myself, there are so many of you that have it so much worse than I do! And I really do feel for you and wish that I could help you!

 
You are all very special to me, You are Family to me!

Thank -You ALL!

White Beard



Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV

Post Edited (White Beard) : 8/16/2009 7:40:58 PM (GMT-6)


edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 8/16/2009 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   

WhiteBeard,

My heart goes out to you!  Things will get better with time, its a big adjustment going from married to alone in some respects.  I was married before and initially I felt like you are describing. once the divorce is final.....from all you've posted it will be a BIG relief and weight off of you.  Hang in there!

Till then we are here to listen and help in anyway we can.

XXOO
Patti

 


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 8/16/2009 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank-You Patti

I guess I just feel so over whelmed by it all sometimes, Thank You for your support it does mean allot to me!

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 8/16/2009 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
WhiteBeard, As I read your post I had tears streaming down my face. I think and care alot about you. And I hate to see you hurting like this...I do wish there was something I can say that will help you to feel better atleast a little. You are in a trmendous amount of pain. And all of it is completely understandable...Afterall, you were married to her for 34 years. Ofcourse it is going to hurt. This is a huge life change for you. And it is normal for you to feel lonely. WhiteBeard, you may be physically lonely. But know that you are never alone. All of your family here is right there with you. I mean that. You know, it may be nice for you to consider getting a pet. Think about it. A cat or a dog. I know it would be something to take care of. But the good side of that is animals are wonderful companions. They love you unconditionally. They don't stay mad at you. It might be something to consider. I think it is a great idea. Do you like to read? Personally I love reading. I would rather read than watch tv. Maybe that would be something you enjoy. And I love coming here. I have spent hours and hours here just reading posts. And you can go way back too. It is something I enjoy doing.

Please post and let us know when you need help. You are so well thought of by all of us. We are all here for you. Thank you for posting. I know you are posting personal things. And I know that is hard to do. But I do hope that it helps some to release all these emotions and get them out some... I know it helps me. Take care of yourself. And please let us hear from you. I worried about you being gone so much. I will be thinking about you and remembering you in my prayers.
Anice

Gretchen1
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3459
   Posted 8/16/2009 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Thank you so much for posting and letting us know what is going on.  Please know you are loved and cared for very much.
Gretchen  ~  diagnosed with MS July 2006
 
I have no lesions on my soul and so I will live with no limits.


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 8/16/2009 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((White Beard))))))))) I wish that there was some way that I could make this all easier for you! As Gretchen said, all care about you very much!!! You are in my thoughts & prayers as well!

Like Anice mentioned, you may want to look into getting a pet. I know that this is probably not the best time, with everything that you have going on & trying to sell the house, but they really do provide the best unconditional love. There are certainly plenty of animals out there looking for homes who'd love to keep you company!

hugs,
Skeye
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