worried about husband

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cbear
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/16/2009 2:27 AM (GMT -7)   
my usually sweet, good natured, playful husband has gone. in his place im left with a cold, unpleasant, withdrawn shell of his normal self. i know the pressure hes under. he has a business, and has to take care of me. is it fair? certainly not! but neither is the fact that i have so many illnesses to deal with. i feel so sorry for him sometimes, but i feel sorry sometimes for me.he just doesnt "get it". we all know that noone else understands like those of us who have felt it. i just cant belive how much hes changed. i dont know if its me or the job. its probably both. i know he needs time to himself. so i bought him a set of golf clubs about 2 yrs. ago. i encourage him to play as much as possible. if he has to stay late or has to take a client to supper, i say its fine and to have at the suppers.ive been trying to do more of the work at home. i dont know what else to do n. he used to b so sweet to me.now he makes snide remakes and little digs about my weight. i have gained slot of weight over the last few yrs. he doesnt compliment me anymore unless i ask 1st.i dont know what to do. he njust seems so angry all of the time. this is not the man i married, but im also not the wife he married. i think he feel like it was bait and switch. i used to b thin ,petite and pretty. if anyone have any thoughts on this matter please let me know. i have 2 drs. appts. this week and i need him to go to both with me . hes my 'Witness" to what transpires. also to help me remember what transpires. thanks to those of you who care enoght to listen.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/16/2009 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   

 

     Dear Cbear,

     Good morning *huggs* I hope you are sleeping in today. It looks like you were up late confused

     I remember when I was told there was no way my body would be the same ever again. That despite their best efforts they did not know why. I was devistated. My husband? Denial. Big time denial. This is how the conversation went a YEAR later.

"Is she ever gonna feel better?" He asks my spine specialist

"She has a structural problem and we do not know the casue. She is as comfortable as possible." says Dr.

*he cries*

     A YEAR later? Did not just take a full year to come to terms with my illness?!?! After therapy?!?! A year of injections and doctor visits, and tests! And it took him a YEAR to land on Earth?!?!?!?!

     So... did you know pain psychologists arnt just for us, but our family members too? It is true. well worth bring your spouse to. Once you can both comfortably talk about your illness and all the ways it has impacted your lives together.. You can then begin small goals together. My husband and I also inergrate parts of marriage counseling in to our lives. So things like Policy of Join Agreement, love bank concept, and hobbie sharing are some of the important core values of our marriage.

     My husband is not the man I married at all. Not even close. But in the end we both grew not just as individuals but as a core couple unit aswell. I now, really really enjoy the man he has become. Though I think I would have traded my soul to see "spark of life" behind his eyes, once again, during that very very long year. Who knew? I was angry inside and he was angry inside and we both needed each other so badly and didnt know how to get back to "home".  All we needed was a few tools and some encouragement.

      I am so sorry this is happening to you. And at a time when, frankly, you need support! *huggs* You can look or talk or be anyway you want here with us anytime of day! We care. We understand. You are a vibrant beautiful soul that trys so hard to shine even in the darkest times. You must have so much on your plate! And here you are @ 3am worried about hubby's feelings! If only you could see just how caring and kind you truly are! *warm huggs*

       *warm huggs*

             dani


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

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