Bad news on the home front

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Scarred_for_life
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/16/2009 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I have come to the conclusion when it rains it pours!!!!!!  I asm so worried about my step-dad and my sister that I can't even think straight.
 
Okay, so here is how this played out.  The other day my sis called and told me that my step-dad was in the hospital.  She didn't sound like it was urgent so I told her to keep me posted.  Well I get a call this morning that my step-dad is headed for surgery because they found an anyrusim (spelling) in his stomach and it is life threatening!  Now this alone would worry me but, my sister injured her back two years ago at work.  Screwed up her siatic nerve and has been in pain off and on for the last two years. 
 
I have told her and told her she needs to take it easy and listen to her back but, she reinjured it yesterday and had to be ambulanced to the hospital last night cause she couldn't move!  I cannot tell her how to live her life but I have been very outspoken about her back and if she does not watch it she will be in the same situation as I am!
 
What the heck am I to do?  How do I get it through her head that a siatic is nothing to mess with??
 
Uggg.....what a weekend!!!  Oh I forgot to mention that my back has been acting up and my pain level is sitting today at a 9!! ACK!
 
Hugsssss
 
Scarred
 
Sorry I just had to vent!
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


anice
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 8/16/2009 10:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Scarred, I am sorry all this is going on. An anuerysm can be very serious! I do hope they are able to get to it in time. Let us know how he is doing. Do you live in the same town?

I am sorry about your sister. She does need to be careful. The sciatic nerve is where I am having the pain from. Indeed, it is no walk in park. Is she under the care of pain management? I do hope so.

And then your pain... I hope you will be feeling better soon. A "9" is bad!!! Try to get some rest yourself and take it easy. Try the heating pad or a nice hot shower or bath. Keep us posted on how things are going. I do hope you will feel better after trying to relax some. You have alot going on. I am sending you a big soft hug.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Scarred))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Anice

Binki
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 8/16/2009 10:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Scarred,

Sounds like you are close to your sis and the last thing you want is for her to feel as bad as you do on a daily basis. I know what you mean. We want to be protective, but they will do what they will if healthy or not. You are doing great by being there for her and advising her, but you do need to think of yourself first. As for your stepdad with his anuerysm, they can be life threatening. It is great the hosp. found it and can take care it. I wish him and your sis get the best care possible and recovery is swift. You on the other hand, rest yourself...here are some HUGS. :-)
Lori  
 
Fibromyalgia, Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia, Gastritis
 
300mg Gabapentin, 50mg Pristiq, Vitamin D3, Vitamin E, Ultracet


Chutz
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 8/16/2009 8:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Scarred!

I too am so very sorry your family, and especially you, are going through this misery. (((HUGS))) I will say prayers that your stepfather comes through the surgery well and has a speedy recovery. You sound like you love your sister very dearly and also your dad. They must be very important in your life and it is obvious that what happens to them weighs heavy on your heart.

Your love for them makes me think of our children. We love them and never want them to get hurt or make foolish decisions. When they climb a tree we warned them about, fall and get hurt I think we hurt more than they do. As a teenager they give their heart and trust so easily and no matter how we warn them they will be hurt before they mature and find their soul mate in life. But we learn as they grow up that we can't always stop them from putting themselves in situations that cause them pain...physical or emotional.

From your description of your sister I see her as a child in your eyes. You know that she is going to cause herself more pain but won't listen to logic and take better care of herself. And all the while your heart is breaking. I think we all do this at times...I know I sure have. But one thing I've learned in my years of loving family and others...no matter how much I talk or plead or beg or wish, the only person who can change their behavior is them. I would guess at this point nothing you could say will change how your sister takes care of her back/pain. But in the mean time you are the one hurting more than she is...just like the child and parent.

Maybe this is a bit of tough love...but I mean it with the most respect... your worrying over her does nothing but make your pain worse, unfortunately. It doesn't change your sister whom you love, nor does it change her behavior. I still have to talk to myself when I get to fussing over things I can't control. All it does is add to our pain and anxiety level and nothing good comes of it.

My suggestion would be the same as above...please take care of you! Let your sister know you love her and suggest that she take better care of her health. But beyond that there isn't much you can do ... except love her. Your relationship will likely be better without her health issues between you two.

I hope this makes sense somewhere and as you look back you can see that I just demonstrated what I was trying to explain. I'm acting as the mother and you are the child. I'm trying to change your behavior so you won't have so much pain worrying about your sister. It's what love is all about and it's not easy to change.

Warm hugs,
Chutz
Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
~Robert Fulghum

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
(/|\)


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 8/16/2009 9:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutz

Will you be my guidance counselor? You are wise beyond your years! I think we are all lucky to have such wise, caring and compassionate people here on this forum, especially YOU!

Scarred with a post like that there is no reason to be sorry! Your step dad and your sister are very lucky indeed, to have you! I do hope that both of them are alright! I will keep you all my prayers!

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/16/2009 11:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry that you are having such stress put on you with your families health.
 
I to have siatic pain and it can get pretty intense at times. I just wish it would to away.
 
HARA

uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 8/17/2009 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
OMG! Scarred...my aunt has the same thing in her stomach and they want to "watch" it for three months.  She went in because they thought she had a blockage in her arteries in her legs...only they found the anurism....
 
I hope they both will be ok.
 
Me.

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning
Lantus 35 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen                                                                   

 


Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/17/2009 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your prayers, thoughts and great advice!! When the chips are down I can always count on you all to see through the fog for me and shine that light on the land mass that I need to make for. For this I am sooooo lucky!!!!!!

Okay, I do have an update on my step-dad. Got a text (never ever a dang phone call but I digress) from my sister that he is much better and they are going to watch it for the next few weeks to see if it will take care of itself on its own. He will go home tomorrow.

Chutz; WB is right, you are wise beyond your years!! Every word you said is soo dang close to the mark its scary! My sister is 6 years younger then me and it was drilled through my head over the years that me and my brother were to protect her. So I think that is what I am still doing, but she is an adult and is the only one who can care for herself. A few red flags flew up into my face as I listened again to her story and I have to wonder what is really going on with her. First off she hasn't seen a doctor outside of the ER for her pain. She refuses to make an appt. with a specialist and says that the siatic only bugs her every so often. Plus I have seen her drink with heavy medications and put on this act where she stares off into space and mom said she was like sleeping. What????

Sometimes I really think that she has problems with a few things. It's like she is wanting attention or is on some destructive path that I can't help her get off of. She is an achololic and has protested that a few dates have "slipped" something in her drink. Now you tell me.....red flags going up?

I love my sister, don't get me wrong but.......this destructive behavior that she is desplaying is really got to stop bothering me so much. I can;t live her life and I can't tell her what to do so why in the world am I so stressed?? She has to want to change her life I can't.

Anyway thanks for letting me vent all. You are each very special to me and I know I can count on each of you for honest ideas and thoughts. By the way......my pain is still at a 9 mainly because of the dang weather.....its raining cats and dogs here.

Hugssssssssssss

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13477
   Posted 8/17/2009 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Scarred so glad things are better with the s-dad. The situation with your Sis from what I remember you telling us before here, is she is her very own worst enemy in many ways but you already know there is not one thing you can do because of her denial of things. You are right hon, she is a grown woman & needs to act like one. You have given her the very best advice on back problems and she has chosen to ignore most of what you tell her-its her problem let her deal with it. I am way more concerned on how the stress of this whole scene is playing with you my friend.Its a tough road for you I know. Lots of hugs coming your way.
Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 8/17/2009 6:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Scarred,

I hope everything works out all right for your step-father & your sister! That's a scary situation. Just when you needed one more thing on your plate, right?!

hugs,
Skeye

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/17/2009 9:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred,
I have to echo Susie's post and of course the wise words of Chutz. Can't top those!

I do hope you take care of yourself!

Hugs,

PaLady

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/18/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Exactly! I hear many echos of its her problem which is sooooo true! I cannot live her life and whatever she decides to do is her own decision. As far as added stress.....not even close. I'm dealing with too much of my own things to think or deal with her problems. I've put my sister's problems on the back burner and am dealing with my own problems.

My psychistrist says that I need to let go....and this I am trying to do. Its been a horrible two days of pain and today I am angry......upset and bitter with the pain. I'm so sick of being sick that I'm ready to scream!! Sorry all one of those days...needed to vent a bit.

Cannot understand why with all the tools I have at my disposal (eg; meditation, distractions and the rest) that I cannot seem to bring the pain down to a tolerable level. So today I am in one of those moods and not even my hubby wants to be around me today.

Ah well......life is a box of chocolates right?? ha ha ha Anyway....off my soapbox.....love you all and I pray that your pain is tolerable today.

Hugsssssssssssssssss

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/18/2009 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred,
Ok, this will sound crazy but most of us therapists are to begin with :-) but try having a conversation with your pain. No, PaLady has not completely lost it - not completely but close! LOL - it is a technique you can use to help understand and see what you can learn from it.

Act like you're playing two characters in a play. Your pain is one character - with its own voice, etc. And your other character should be kind of like a neutral reporter doing an interview - asking very basic who, what, where, why questions, but in a detached way. Even take notes. It takes awhile to get the hang of doing this, and you may want to do it when no one's watching (or blame it on the crazy lady from the forum!), but it can at least give voice to your pain and help break it up a bit. Break up some of that stuck tension.

so -

Who are you? (You can even ask your pain's name)

What are you?

Where are you located? Where did you come from?

Why are you here? What purpose do you serve (if any)?

These are just SUGGESTED questions. You can make up your own. And you have to go back and forth between characters like you were playing two different ones on a play. It can help to sit in two different chairs. You may have two completely different body postures, etc.

Just try to calm when you "become" the reporter or interviewer, and do it as if you have no investment in it other than to write an article about it.

See what happens.

Just a thought from the crazy lady!

Hugs,

PaLady

Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/18/2009 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
OMG! PaLady that is so good. I'll have to have a conversation like that with my lower back because the pain there is throwing my gait off and it's making me mad.
 
HARA

Shanno
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 8/18/2009 10:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm going to give my Sacro's a good lecturing tonight lol

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/18/2009 11:08 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL! Shanno - careful about the lecturing. Sometimes that body part can actually tighten up in response to being ordered around. But having conversations with a body part is another version.

Crazy lady, over and out!

PaLady

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/19/2009 12:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I read this post PA and tried it and guess what???? I have pretty much given my lower back pain and leg pain two different voices. So now I am having a play with three people LOL. Now I'll walk around talking to myself and two other imaganery people and everyone will think I am nuts LOL. Not that I mind.....everyone thinks I'm crazy anyway ha ha ha. But it did work and I can honestly say that I now understand a little better.

My back pain's name is Cora.....why?? It just popped into my head for some reason. My leg pain shooting down both legs are Gretchen One and Gretchen Two--One is the left leg and Two is the right. The right (Gretchen Two) is quieter then that of Gretchen One (the left leg).

Anyway, thank you so much for the tip hun. It really worked well and I am so grateful to you for helping me and giving me such a great insight. Oh btw....Cora (back pain) is here because its a reminder that I have had three fusions and needs to vent now and then. She tells me that it's her way of telling me that I have gone to far and need to rest! I agree with her.

Now tell me I don't sound totally off my rocker LOL!!!!!!

Love

Scarred
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


Shanno
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 8/19/2009 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
I tried it to...

Turns out my Sacros aren't very nice people to be talking to but they got a stern lecture anyways lol

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/19/2009 5:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred,
That's great what you learned! That's how it can be useful, so that maybe you'll start to see it differently, and at least won't fight "Cora" so much!

Shanno- sounds like your Sacros are angry about something! Maybe you should ask why they're not very nice? ;-)

PaLady :-)

Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/19/2009 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred_for_life said...
I read this post PA and tried it and guess what???? I have pretty much given my lower back pain and leg pain two different voices. So now I am having a play with three people LOL. Now I'll walk around talking to myself and two other imaganery people and everyone will think I am nuts LOL. Not that I mind.....everyone thinks I'm crazy anyway ha ha ha. But it did work and I can honestly say that I now understand a little better.

My back pain's name is Cora.....why?? It just popped into my head for some reason. My leg pain shooting down both legs are Gretchen One and Gretchen Two--One is the left leg and Two is the right. The right (Gretchen Two) is quieter then that of Gretchen One (the left leg).

Anyway, thank you so much for the tip hun. It really worked well and I am so grateful to you for helping me and giving me such a great insight. Oh btw....Cora (back pain) is here because its a reminder that I have had three fusions and needs to vent now and then. She tells me that it's her way of telling me that I have gone to far and need to rest! I agree with her.

Now tell me I don't sound totally off my rocker LOL!!!!!!

Love

Scarred

Don't take me wrong but I just have to do this. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! turn MG! I had to have a good belly laugh dispite my back pain. yeah
HARA

Shanno
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 8/19/2009 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
****

I think they got jealous that my spine was fusing, so they decided to follow along...or maybe it was peer pressure. or just being 'spineless' ahahaahaha

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/19/2009 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Shanno....I think my legs are just jealous that they can't be one of my favorites! ha ha ha. I know we shouldn't show favoritism towards our friends......but I'd rather spend one day with my back pain then a week with my leg pain LOL.

Hara: There coming to take me away ha ha....there coming to take me away ha ha.....to the funny farm where life is happy all the time! There is my excuse LOL
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


Shanno
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 8/19/2009 7:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Time for more horrible puns....

Im just glad the rest of my joints have a bit of 'backbone' in the matter lol.

When they get to nasty I send in Mr Oxy, he must be quite a nasty fellow because they go very quiet when he's around haha

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/19/2009 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
ROFL!!

PaLady

Hara
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 900
   Posted 8/19/2009 8:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Scarred_for_life said...
Shanno....I think my legs are just jealous that they can't be one of my favorites! ha ha ha. I know we shouldn't show favoritism towards our friends......but I'd rather spend one day with my back pain then a week with my leg pain LOL.

Hara: There coming to take me away ha ha....there coming to take me away ha ha.....to the funny farm where life is happy all the time! There is my excuse LOL

Hey I will be right there with you especially if I started naming my body pains infront of my doctor that I have now. hehehehe
 
HARA
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