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Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/21/2009 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
My heart is so tired.
My soul is exhausted.
My body is barely surviving.
My mind gave up logic & reason long ago.
How did it come to this?
I DONT WANT TO BE AFRAID ANYMORE!

smhair

Afraid of my own body?
 

cry

     This is no time to be a chicken! I cant! Yet, ...deep within my heart I want more than anything to runaway and never ever look back. I still dream that the damage will stop. The bones will stop crumbling. The want is almost too strong & over whelming. To want something so much! When will it ever slow down? ...stop...  !!I have got to Tuffin up!! Gosh, I  feel ever so weak & spent.

*deep breaths*

*warm huggs*

    dani


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/21/2009 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((Dani))))))))))

You may feel weak and spent (I sure can relate) but you definitely aren't weak. But we've only got so much gas in us each day. I guess like our cars sometimes we just run out.

I wish I could do something more. I do understand all you are feeling - truly.

The best I think I can say is you are not alone.

(((((((((Dani)))))))))

PaLady

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/21/2009 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani, it sounds like you need those bumble bees to show their mom how special she is. We see our weaknesses from our view point but others around us don't see us that way. I'll bet your little ones see a very strong and caring mom inspite of the pain (physical and emotiona0l, as well as the drain that the pain puts on us. Blessings!

infinite
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 8/21/2009 9:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani,
I hope this finds you stronger, and back to your vibrant, positive self!  To see you in pain and hurting emotionally, reaching out to us, your friends, surely mkes me wish there was a magic wand one could wave to make it all go away.  Your humor and encouragement has helped me and no doubt countless others through dark days, and I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better. 
 
I am glad you put your emotions into words and shared them with the community.  God knows that always helps.  We are here.  I have my email and IM address here, as do many others - please feel free to ping me if you need to chat with an understanding soul!
 
Take care of you my friend,
 
N8

anice
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 536
   Posted 8/21/2009 10:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani, Your post was quiet profound and wonderfully written and expressed. I wish I had an answer for you. But just know that we are all here for you. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. It is very understandable.

You are NOT a chicken by any means at all. We all have times when we start to feel weak and defeated by our condition and by the pain. It is like it is sucking the life right out of us. But you are strong, much more than you realize. You are intitled to feel this way. It is perfectly understandable. You will get through this. Just remember it is one day at a time, one step at a time. And like FatherJohn said, think about your beautiful little bumble bees. They sure don't see you as weak. Personally, when I get in low places, it is my children who are often the ones that will pull me back up once again, over and over. And your family here all think the world of you!!! With your wonderful sense of humor and attitude you are like a breath of fresh air. You hang in there, my friend. You are going to make it!!! I just know it.

I do thank you for sharing this with us. I do hear your pain in your post. And I really feel for you. There is one thing we can never get enough of in life and that is hugs. So here is another one for you.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Dani))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Please let us know how you are doing. And remember that you are not alone.

Anice

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3610
   Posted 8/22/2009 12:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Dani
I share in your thoughts feelings and emotions, I think we all do! I can only tell you that you are not alone!  You have family here that appreciate every word you have written!  And feel and understand the meaning behind every word you wrote! Hopefully knowing that we are all here to help and support you will help give you the Strength and Peace you seek!
 
White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


bsjaguar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 8/22/2009 3:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Dani, is your family in any kind of counseling? Sometimes it helps for the kids to see a counselor too to help them understand what mom is going through and how they can help her feel better. I had a terminal client in home health with 3 kids under age 6 and the whole family went for counseling. It seemed to help them. Maybe you can sit outside and let the sun shine on you today, it always makes me feel better.
---Jag---
 
DDD, osteoarthritis, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/22/2009 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   

 

     Only 2 days to go. Gosh it is gonna be a very long week. I wish I wasnt so scared! Last night, I was trying to read and I thought well shoot? What is the worst that could happen?

~~>"You are still progressing." <~~~~

     But, it isnt anything I havnt heard before for nearly 2yrs now.  It isnt anything new. I just want so much for the crumbling to stop confused   I am so glad I met all of you. It is easier to break down and cry, get it all out with you guys. You all just know, some how.

     WHAT was I thinking schedualing so many "day procedure" all in the same week? There I was busy about my life, thinking *Oh this will get it done as quickly as possible. Just in time for Literacy Week*  Remind to never ever schedual so much in the same week ever again. Please, just come right over to my house and kick me in the kaboose! Say, "No! Stop that! What are you NEW?"

*warm Huggs*

     dani

Oh! *HUGGS!* Jag! No worries! My family and I finished group counseling and Cognitive behavioral therapy back in Feburary.  :-)    *huggs*


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/22/2009 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Dani,
Sometimes I think we just want to get all the appointments over with! I know I kind of think well, my week is going to be "tainted" by one or two appointments already, might as well get it all done, have a lousy week, and then not have any appointments the following week.

Problem is it doens't always work out that way, does it! :-)

Hugs and more hugs,

PaLady

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 8/22/2009 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
(((((((((Dani))))))))). I wish I couldn't relate to your words, but I can all too well. Just try to stay focused on the positive aspects of these procedures; the end result.

hugs,
Skeye

tysmyboo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 921
   Posted 8/22/2009 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Your heart is beautiful
Your soul is amazing
Your mind is powerful...

It is wonderful to know that our 2nd family is here for us all! I am around if you want to vent, cuss, scream or cry...I am sending prayers and hugs your way.
Sara-Migraine/Headache Forum Moderator
Battling headpain for 17 years.
DX: occipital neuralgia-radiofrequency nerve ablation every 6mo
 
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Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/23/2009 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
       Gosh I wish I were stronger right now. Argh! This isnt the time to turn in to mush! cry
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood

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