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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 8/27/2009 11:39 PM (GMT -6)   
One thing I'm pretty sure of....we all enjoy friends otherwise we wouldn't stick around here. And I think by now the idea that internet friends can't be 'real friends' has been proved wrong. Some friends are around for a long time in our lives and others only a short while...and that's fine. But when you start up a friendship with someone, what qualities does that friend need to have? I mean no one is perfect so we certainly can't expect a friend to be perfect but we all have things that important in friendships. What is important to you?

For me I thing there are only a couple of things I find very important in a friend and at the top of the list is Honesty! I spent too many years with an ex who was a self confessed compulsive liar. I won't go into detail because this is a happy place. tongue And the other thing I think is important in friendship is compassion. Compassion for others, for animals, for children and the elderly. Just all around caring is very important in my life.

What qualities do you find important in your friends?
Play fair. Don't hit people. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
~Robert Fulghum

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 8/28/2009 12:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I totally agree with HONESTY being the top of the list for what I look for in a friend. I am not anal about honesty and I will forgive the occasional little lie and will give people a chance to come clean and explain but I have no real use to a chronic liar.

The only other thing that really comes to mind is that I like to see people who live by the old rule of treating others like they want to be treated.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.

White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3601
   Posted 8/28/2009 12:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Well I have posted about the Golden Rule before, I believe in it and for the most part I try and live my life by it! I highly prize Honesty and integrity, and I agree with you Chutz Compassion, and for some reason I find that, that is extremely difficult for some people! I do hate it when someone "puts up a front" and tries to be someone they are not! Phonies I guess is the word I have no use for them!

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 8/28/2009 1:48 AM (GMT -6)   
This may sound strange but I spend so much time with my students they are my friends. Honesty, integrity, compassion, loyalty, caring etc are all wonderful and we need crash courses these days positive charachter qualities. I have come to expect the lie at times, manipulation will raise it ugly head, moments of selfishness and the lack of compassion will also emerge. But what I expect out of a friend is someone who will accept me when I have lapses of these character qualities as well as receiving my acceptance when they fall short. I believe that at times people will let me down but if they will allow growth to come in the weaker areas of their character qualities, I can extend friendship and it can grow.
I had a student who messed up 2 weeks before they were graduate. I did not allow them to graduate. This was difficult as they had invited family to come in from out of state who had already purchased air line tickets. I gave her the option of graduating in 6 months if she would receive instruction, allow a level of accountability in her life. She was upset, he family was upset but six months later she came back and was able to graduate. She stated that because  I not only made her wait but I walked through the six months with her , encouraging her and giving her wahtever I could. She stated that graduation meant so much more to her as I did not lower my standard but allowed her to raise her level which she probably would not have done if she would have been allowed to graduate on her original date. She calls now to share how great things are and she is a friend. She can't wait until I travel to where she lives so she can introduce me to her husband and their baby.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 8/28/2009 2:57 AM (GMT -6)   

For me, the big thing is respect. Respect for me, for themselves, and for others. Of course honesty is all part of that as well. If someone is disrespectful (and I'm not talking about just holding doors open or things like that, but how they relate to people, how they treat them on a daily basis, that sort of thing) then I'm just not interested.

And on a lighter note, a sense of humour! I love to laugh with my friends and I think it's one of the best 'medicines' you can get ...

Chronic pain left shoulder, neck and back
Neurological disturbances due to trapped nerves in neck
All because someone else couldn't keep their eyes on the road...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 8/28/2009 3:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Hmm, what qualities do I find important in a friend?? To be real - can't stand "fakers". Honesty - but it's ok to tell me that I look fine when I really look like I've been sleeping under a bridge for 6 weeks shocked . A sense of humor - I can have a pretty dry and twisted sense of humor and I love to laugh smilewinkgrin ! open-minded - nothing extreme, but I believe in acceptance and tolerance. And last, but not least, compassion - gotta care about the other guy :-) !

Post Edited (Splashdancer) : 8/28/2009 2:51:48 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/28/2009 2:58 PM (GMT -6)   
When I was younger I think honesty would have topped the list. Now I still think it's important, but like fatherjohn says I know I've slipped up in that department at times and so I don't expect perfection - although I do expect when someone says they're sorry there is a clear intention to not repeat the offense. And that becomes observable in their behavior. Now after a lot of years under my belt, I would add humility, both for myself and my friend. Because if you think you're always right, well, I don't want to be around that kind of arrogance.

Somehow compassion seems to encompass it all if you break it down and really see how it plays out in a person's words and deeds. So if I had to rank them that would be #1. I like a sense of humor, but not the sarcastic kind that's hurtful to another or to other groups (obviously, not compassionate in my book!). open-mindedness and tolerance, to me, also can be related to compassion.

And a gentleness of spirit. I tend to be a sensitive soul when it all breaks down. A belief that peace and non-violence are the ways to grow our world.

Is my list long enough yet? LOL

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