Which Pain Takes Center Stage

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fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 9/14/2009 10:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been away for a short time and as some of you know that means overworking and paying a price. I have been meditating on pain and had to sit down and write myself a letter about pain. I won't bore you with all of it but here is the jest of my thoughts.
Physical pain comes and stays as long as it wants. It does not confine itself to one specific area but specializes in showing its ability to manefest itself in different places at the same time and varies its intensity at will. It seems to have a mind and will of its own. But that is physical pain. The doctors sometimes think or possible can identify the pain and its possible cure or more often a regiment of treatment which is to make it manageable. Otherwise they would be called pain unmanagement doctors and who would want to go there. The cure does not seem to come as easy as our hopes do as we seek a reprieve from it.
 
But the physical pain gives birth to other pain. Pain with memories from the past. Pain that attcaks the mind with a depth that has no bottom. This emotional pain or defined at times a depression and even anxiety, attacks with a ruthlessness that even overwhelms the physical pain at times. It never replaces the physical pain but joins with a vengence on its own. How about the pain of not being able to be the person you used to be. Or the pain of not being able to function in normal ways that used to be taken for granted. Even having pain rob you of the things that at one time held the power to give pleasure and satisfaction. Then there is the pain that comes from demolished hope as we start with a road map with many different lines in different directions but the more we travel the roads of hope, we find that the roads are often dead ends or circle drives that bring you back to the same place you started. There is pain over missed opportunities to be iwith the fullness life that are reserved for others not so consumed with pain.
 
We dream, meditate on, wish for, bargin for, hope for relief and a pardon from this life of pain that saturates more areas of our life as we go on. Then we are faced with the pain of not. Not getting any of the prizes that were supposed to be at the end of the hope and desire rainbow. The pot waiting at the end is filled with perscriptions, dr appointments, anothet therapy, a differnt doctor and more as we dig through the pot. The life of pain rises to more levels then we ever imagined. And if we think the pains of today are beyond imagination, wait until tomorrow, who knows what pain possibilities awate the next sunrise. Have you met your pains today?

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 9/14/2009 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
fatherjohn
 
That just about sums it all up doesn't it!  Pain robs us of so many things! Hopes and dreams, things that we wanted to do or accomplish in our lives, and couldn't and deep down we know that we never will be able to! And that in a very big, and real way, is the worst Pain of all!!! , and there is no pill or medication that will take that "hurt" away! I have met most of my pains, I think?  and there are some I am not ready to meet yet!
 
White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


Bandit07
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 9/15/2009 12:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn, you've put into words exactly how I feel about my pain, especially after a particularly difficult few days this weekend. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Bandit
Chronic pain left shoulder, neck and back
Neurological disturbances due to trapped nerves in neck
Depression
All because someone else couldn't keep their eyes on the road...
 

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/15/2009 1:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Fatherjohn...
As always you open a door filled with possible insights but not without a price tag. Your words and White Beard's hit so many nails on the head. I have to say I think the worst for me are the children of our physical pain. That which is born from it. The list is endless.

The pain of "not". There are too many "nots".

I am exhausted and overwhelmed from all the "nots". I would take just straight physical pain if only it could be stopped at the doorway, before spawning all its relatives.

PaLady

edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 9/15/2009 4:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Fatherjohn,

Once again you have opened our hearts and minds with your words! 

An emotional healer I went to several years back said some wise words to me, I didn't get what he meant then but I do now.....do not let pain become your identity, he told me don't take possession of the pain with words like MY pain, my cancer, my chemo, my any ailment.....

Interesting huh?

XXOO
Patti


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13469
   Posted 9/15/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Whew, when FJ gets into deep thought he gets there no doubt. Seems to bring it all full circle so to speak. WhiteBeard nailed it as well. I have already been where some are just beginning in the world of CP. I have to agree with Patti's faith healer, we cannot let pain become our identity. It took me a very long time to learn to live this life one day at a time. All I did before was just set myself up for huge disappointments. My scene is a little different than some here on the forum, I have several health issues that demand daily attention in addition to CP, so I have to pick & choose my battles carefully.
Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 9/15/2009 3:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow that was some intense soul searching...... But seems to be a great insight on pain.

Thank you for sharing

Laurie
Kidney Diseases and Disorders
              Moderator
 
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........


BigLucy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 413
   Posted 9/15/2009 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I TOTALLY hear you.

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 9/15/2009 5:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Patti,
That is wonderful wisdom you share. Mental anguish can be so wholly debilitating, but the glorious news is that we can actually do something about that pain. ;) We can learn to be realistic about our limitations & accept them, without letting our limitations define our being. I found myself just recently having to re-learn that lesson as I succumbed to feelings of utter hopelessness about my unemployment situation & what will happen when my COBRA insurance runs out (i.e., losing all hope of ever again finding work since without treatment pain takes over & I become bedridden). But I realized again that I can choose to live for today, to make healthy decisions today, to be grateful for what I have today & to trust the future to God (well, I sure can't handle it & everybody else has enough of their own problems, so it makes sense, I think).

It's always good to be reminded of the simplest truths. I find myself always trying to make things so much more complicated that they are and all that does is bring on more pain. ;) Leave it to me to make things even worse than they need be. lol

John,
Hope things are letting up a bit for you now & you can find a bit of rest. :)


wishing you all a sunshine-y day,
Frances

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 9/15/2009 7:37 PM (GMT -7)   
It has been good to get home from work today and read through the responses. What I wrote was from a heart that is weighed down with many things but if you know much about me, I don't let those weights hold me back. As Whitebeard stated we have met our pain but maybe there are more that we have yet to meet. Thanks PAlady, Bandit, Patti, Susie, Laurie, Biglucy and Frances for the kind words. Just after I wrote the post last night I had one of my previous students call me and cried for an hour about what is going on in her life. She stated that at times all that keeps her going is the example that she saw in me. I try very hard not to share the pain I am in with my students but some have learned to read me and know when it is more difficult than normal. (Some days normal pain is welcomed right)
 
Pain has not been nice lately and the number of nights that have interruptions are more numerous than desired. There are days I would like to personally cut the SCS unit out as it causes more pain than it handles. So far I would have to return to the same quackologist so I have decided I will keep looking. Maybe my schedule does not help. My wife who has worked with me for years has taken another job as funding at the school is critical. She is still wanting to volunteer as she knows that I will have to pick up the slack. On a very possitive side, my son gets to call me everyday from Bagdad, Iraq. He is doing great except that he is bored. Being bored might be difficult for him but his mom loves that part as it means he is not doing dangerous things. Blessings all. I see I need to get aquainted with many new members.     

edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 9/15/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Frances,

I have been where you are....keep taking it one second at a time!  I choose to and still choose to be positive no matter how bad it gets!   That doesn't mean I don't cry at times, but I do find the strength to believe that it will be okay!  I will tell you most times when I feel really really sorry for myself, I meet or see someone in much more pain then I am or in a Wheelchair and it takes my breath away and humbles me!  I then am very very grateful for all that I DO have!

Ahhh FJ you are always so giving how nice that your students present and past care so much about you as well!!

XXOO
Patti


3cats and a multipoo
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 9/16/2009 5:47 AM (GMT -7)   
FATHERJOHN, WOW.....Its great what you wrote, and it's all true...i am still struggling,
in denial, That this has happened...you are right, we miss so much...thank you for your message of HOPE. panheadvic, 3cats and a multipoo

3cats and a multipoo
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 9/16/2009 5:51 AM (GMT -7)   
turn  the pain just goes around and around....panheadvic

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 9/16/2009 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
So true 3cats..., We all go through phases and denial is part of it. It seems when we feel we have accepted this life we did not want, something new comes along to put us back at the start. I was talking to some students the other day and I told them when you feel like you are in hell, don't stop as it is not a good place to be. Keep moving. Blessings
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