Feeling like less then worthless....

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uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 9/18/2009 4:50 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Hello...I don't know how to start.  Okay, Even though I take Methadone and Oxycodone among other meds for other conditions, I feel so low lately... I mean LOW.  I haven't felt this bad in a long time.  Not only feeling low but have no energy....none at all.  I know, it sounds like depression.  But since I was told I was Bipolar I don't have the depressive moods.... I have the manic ones...I haven't even had those.
 
I don't want to do anything.  Usually when I take the methadone it gives me energy....not now. It feels like I'm not even taking it.  And that scares me.  What if it's not working anymore?  I already tried Morphine and that was a downer... I don't want to get out of bed, if my back and knee didn't hurt so bad I would stay in bed all the time.  But I can't.... I don't even want to go shopping....and that's not me at all....
 
I have been having issues with my "so-called, maybe ex-boyfriend" recently....I haven't talked to him since Saturday.... we were supposed to go out on Saturday....when he asked me what I wanted to do I said "I don't care" then he said "what can you afford".... HUH?  He hasn't had a real job in about a year and I understand he doesn't have moolah,but come on....I haven't worked in like 8 years!!!!  Why did he have to say that?  Then, we were supposed to hook up about 4:00 that day and I didn't hear from him by 5 pm so I left and went out on my own...and before that he was supposed to go to Buzzfest (concert with 6 bands outside) which I bought the tickets already....then the day before the concert he bailed... He has done that before with a trip to the casino...which I also paid for....
 
And of course I have issues with the son....but he is doing soooooo much better now... and issues with my mother...me and son live with her in her brand new house....we live upstairs....but I hate her holding the money card over my head.... She pays for everything... I get foodstamps (378.00) and I have insurance for me and son...so I contribute what I can.... My car is junk...it won't start and the tranny is out.  I need a new one but she says NO...
 
Can't work, Boyfriend sux, mom is a control freak, what else?  Oh yes, I have many health issues including the CP which controls my life... If I'm not thinking about the pain I'm thinking about the pain meds.... OMG!!!
 
Sorry, I haven't ranted in a while... I don't know what to do....I am at the end of my rope and I am tired of acting like everything's peachy keen.... I need help....
 
Me.

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning
Lantus 35 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen                                                                   

 


couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14414
   Posted 9/18/2009 5:01 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sometimes we just need a shoulder to cry on. (offering shoulder) There, There.
You don't deserve him. I'm sorry you have to depend on Mom. That stinks. I think you should get more food stamps from the Gov. $378 is not enough to feed two.

Now, I have a question. Have you ever had your thyroid checked? That can cause depression and lack of energy.

(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Joy

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2280
   Posted 9/18/2009 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Joy. that was my prob. then i started on Synthroid. it helped with all sorts of things -- depression, joint pain, sleeping, weight changes, etc., etc., etc.

Prob. not a bad plan to at least get it checked. it's a simple blood test.

uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 9/18/2009 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
No, I haven't in a long time. But would it hit me this fast? I feel so low, nothing interests me...not even TV...hell, the TV is getting on my nerves right now...I feel like I could crawl out of my skin...but what? I don't know....

Thanks for replying....it helps.

Me.
I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning
Lantus 35 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen                                                                   

 


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13455
   Posted 9/18/2009 5:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Me,

I am sorry you are having such a hard time rightnow. I wish I knew what to tell you that would perk you up.

I am very glad to hear your son is doing so much better. I remember you were having quite a time there for a while. That is one good point you have in your life right now is that he is doing well.

You stated you are not sure if the Methadone is working or not. Well, if its not working I would think your pain would be off the scale so, it must be doing something right?

Next statement may offend you and thats not the intention but I am a mother. You seem to be the one paying out the dough for you and the boyfriend. Well, ok, his job siutation may not be good, but are you not living on a limited income too? Your situation is a far cry from his, it sounds like you would probably would have more money if you got rid of him.  you deserve someone that is good to you, not someone taking you for your money.

If your Mother is aware of this situation it may not set well with her. What is the money card your Mom is holding over your head? Can you get SSD for yourself and son?

Maybe its time to live out on your own who knows. Its always hard when two families live together. I would not be too critical if she is letting you live there rent free honey, there is a downside to it.

Sending you a big hug.


Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14414
   Posted 9/18/2009 5:21 PM (GMT -7)   
My thyroid problems hit me suddenly. One day I felt fine, the next day I was so blue I couldn't stand it and didn't know why.
Make sure the doc does a full blood panel for thyroid troubles. Sometimes you can be right on the edge of it and still need treatment.

Joy

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 9/18/2009 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   

 

   Dear Me,

     Good evening. I do hope you are able to find atleast a little rest tonight... Though I fear you will not.  shakehead  

     My heart aches when I read your post. I am so terribly sorry that everything seems to be a viscious cycle right now. Though I know nothing and little of your relationship with your BF, I do hope you two will be able to sit and talk about your future planns together. Not just going out for an evening, but life planns. I was very sad and pushing my husband away one day last week... I went to my computer and there was the most heart warming email from him. I wont go into to much, but, perhaps, if communication is not working via telephone... maybe a letter or email would might be a good way to communicate your feelings and needs? Perhaps, it will be an outlet for him too?

     I am so very glad your son is doing better! Just in time for Halloween fun! We have a pumpkin patch out here and if the little ones can carry it, they can keep it! Do you have any pumpkin farms out there where you live?
 
      here I go chatting your eyes off. I am sorry I cannot be of much help, but you are in my heart and thoughts *warm huggs*
 
   *huggs*
      dani
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


EMTJenn
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 9/19/2009 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Gentle hugs to ya, and I hope you get to feeling better soon.

EMT Jenn
Medical Problems:   
-Chondromalacia Patellafoemoral Syndrome/Bone spurs   both kneecaps/Lateral Compression Syndrome/Arthritis starting in knees 
-Vascular Migraines 
-Major Depressive Disorder/Anxiety/PTSD-My main problem I can't get a handle
-Fibro                                  
-Endometroisis/Adhesions Stage 4-Better after my total hysterectomy
-ADD since childhood, treated with meds when in school, just started back on  meds
                                 
Meds: Pristiq(depression) Ambien (sleep) Vyvanse (ADD) Clonozepam PRN (anxiety) Lyrica (Fibro) Stadol NS and Midrin (Migraines)           
OTC-Womens One A Day Vitamin  Glucosamine/Chondroitin and tons of Emu Cream for knees
                                  
I lost my mother to suicide in 2003, my father to cancer in 2007 and my grandmother recently...I have not been right since my mothers suicide, mentally speaking.  I am trained to save lives, and I could not save her......
 
 


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13455
   Posted 9/19/2009 8:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Rhonda I hope you feel better today gal. If the sun is out this morning try to get out and get some sunshine going to charge your batteries. We have had nothing but rain for over a week. I am getting ready to take a cup of coffee and head out to my back porch and get some sunshine, always helps my mood. Hugs.
Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 9/19/2009 11:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope your feeling better soon. Try meeting with your BF to see if he'd be willing to sit down and talk with you and if not then dump the slob...
seems like he's using you to get what he wants...I agree with the others in getting your thyroid checked, maybe start on some vitamins like
vit D and omega 3, sure hope your feeling better soon..
hugz
lots and lots of hugz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((ME)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc, Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's and Ocular Migraines

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


pinklover
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/19/2009 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi !
Sorry to hear you are feeling so crummy. As an RN I have a couple of thoughts. You do sound depressed (who wouldn't be with all you are dealing with). You said you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Even though you have not had the depression moods up to this point (just the mania) doesn't mean that your illness can't change. You may very well be suffering from both now. I also wonder if you have developed a tolerance to your pain medication so you don't have the energy after taking them that you once had. You didn't say how long you have been on these meds. That happened to me. After my dose was increased I had the same energy level as I had prior to the increase. And needless to say my mood greatly improved. As far as the boyfriend.......sorry but I have to be brutally honest. Sounds like a MAJOR loser to me. Sounds like he really takes advantage of your kindness. Reminds me of the saying "Being with the wrong man is a thousand times more lonely that being with no man". I have to remind myself of this too much. Hope you find the answers you are looking for. I am sorry for your suffering. Take care. :)
[code]

Post Edited (debbieferk) : 9/19/2009 9:33:52 PM (GMT-6)


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3610
   Posted 9/20/2009 9:52 PM (GMT -7)   
debbieferk

Hi I see you are new Welcome to Healling Well Chronic Pain Forum! If I may I would like to suggest that you start a new thread and introduce yourself and share with us what ever you feel comfortable with sharing. What brought you here, what type of pain your having or what ever you would like to say! Anyway I think you will find we have some really great people here that really do care about others,! Actuallly I think you will find that there are allot of nurses like yourself here! It seems allot of us have bad backs and spines, and are suffering from chronic pain! Anyway again I want to give you a warm Welcome to the forum!

I do hope you stay around an join our family here!

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--Degenerative Disc (affecting mostly the thorasic disc but all levels involved), C6/7 laminectomy/diskectomy& fusion, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


pinklover
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/21/2009 8:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi White Beard,
Thanks so much for the warm welcome. Thank you also for the good advice. However, since I am new to this perhaps you can explain to me the meaning of starting a new thread and the proper way to introduce myself. The reason I came to this site is to find people to talk to that understand what I am going through regarding chronic pain. Since I have no insurance I have no way of getting adequate care at this time. I feel as though I am alive but definitely NOT living!! Growing very tired of this and I have no doubt you all can relate. I also hope to perhaps be of help to others as I am a nurse. Thanks again for the warm welcome and giving me a venue for me to vent without feeling as though I am imposing on others. Take care!
debbieferk

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/21/2009 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Debbieferk,
I also want to welcome you. To start a new "thread" basically means a new topic. You'll see that at the top of the section before all the titles of posts start. It will say "new topic" and if you click on that you can give a title to your post (like the titles you see listed) which can be anything from an introduction or, if you have a question or a topic you want to get comments or information about, you can title it that way. Then you post in the larger box, just like you do here, and below that there are some options. You can just click on "submit", but you can also have a notice sent to you whenever you get a response by also checking that box.

Hopefully this helps a bit. BTW I'm also without insurance. Fun, eh? My COBRA ended in June, and we did have a thread on some links for prescription assistance and it is already helping me. I'll try to "bump" it up to the first page.

Since this is uniquely me's thread, I won't say anymore here.

Rhonda - how are you doing?

Hugs,

PaLady

pinklover
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/21/2009 8:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Pat and Hi again to white beard,
Just thought I'd let you know that I changed my user name to pinklover. I live in a very small rural community and my previous user name was too close to my real name. So, for obvious reasons I changed it. Thanks for the warm welcome PaLady. And thanks much for the additional advice. Everyone on this site seems so kind and caring. So glad to have found this.
Now let's hope I changed my user name correctly. I am sooooo computer illiterate!!!!
My best to all!! Take care!!
pinklover

pinklover
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/21/2009 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   
I DID IT!!!! YEAH!!!!

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/21/2009 9:11 PM (GMT -7)   
WooHoo. pinklover! Now start a thread and you're really on your way. It's not hard at all!

PaLady

uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 9/22/2009 8:15 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Hey everybody...today I am feeling better but only because I am getting a new car in the morning....I have been driving this crappy old Cavalier, that won't start, has transmission problems, and a long list of other troubles for about 5 years...Now, finally, after griping about it for a long time...my mom (who pays the bills) is getting me a 2003 Land Rover SUV!!! My tage are up for renewal this month and she asked me if I wanted to look at cars today....So, we went and I found this SUV and fell in love.  So, we are off to the bank in the am, then to the dealer to buy my car....  I know, I know...I am 42 years old so why bam I getting excited about a  used SUV?  I have never had a nice vehicle....ever...so I am very happy..
 
But, as far as feeling down...still feeling down.  I am sweating so bad and there really isn't a reason.  Right now, I am just sitting in the LR and I am sweating like I've been running a marathon...oh well.
 
Maybe things will get better.  The BF is still a jerk...but I don't consider him my BF...not anymore.  I don't know what he thinks.
He is still acting the same...I just hate that he thinks he knows everything...NOT... Oh well, that's for another time.
 
Gotta get some sleep, gotta get up early to get my new vehicle...
 
Me. yeah   THanks to everyone for caring...Everytime I have a problem you are always there for me...Thanks

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning
Lantus 35 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen                                                                   

 


Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 9/23/2009 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Me...

I'm excited about your new SUV...I bet you can't wait to get it tomorrow. I'm happy for you! yeah

AND, I hope you feel better... I really do.

--Tina
Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); Dilaudid (8mg/3x day); Actiq (1200 mcgs/1x per day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation


uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 9/23/2009 6:00 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Thanks, I cannot wait and I only have a few more hours to go....
 
Rhonda

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning
Lantus 35 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen                                                                   

 


golitho
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 9/23/2009 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Rhonda, I've been away so missed this post, sorry that you're feeling blue. I hope the new car lifts your spirits, nothing like the smell of a new car! I think with CP we push our bodies so much that sometimes we get down just from pure tiredness. So I hope you feel much better today, it probably can't hurt to get your blood checked, so many inbalances can make us tired. Hormone levels too... we're such a complicated lot. But I really hope you're feeling a bit brighter and just wanted to send you my best wishes, golitho

uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 9/24/2009 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Yep, having CP kinda defines us unfortunatley...we try not to let it but it always creeps up on us.. The "new"car is actually a 2003 Land Rover Freelander S...it's an SUV and I do love it.... tongue yeah It's my birthday, gotta a new car....not really my b-day...
 
I don't know why I feel so bad...I hate it...really hate it.  It destroys me every day...I think I'm feling better then BAM!!! Even the new car isn't getting through the fog of depression...
 
Maybe when I go to the PM Doc on Wed. he can help me...i think the Oxycodone isn't helping anymore for the BT pain....I even get really bad headaches now...isn't Oxycodone supposed to get rid of headaches?
 
Anyway, here i sit...in a fog of depression with no way out of it...what do I do now?  Isn't knowing what's wrong supposed to make it easier to get out of it?
 
Me;>

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning
Lantus 35 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen                                                                   

 


golitho
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 9/24/2009 2:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh me, I know when I've been depressed its been really hard to get out of the mind set. I ended up getting anti depressants, councelling and aqua therapy. I lasted on the anti d's 2 weeks, they made me feel manic, couldn't sleep...I lasted councelling 3 sessions, decided I didn't need it but the therapy was brilliant. I guess I'm trying to say sometimes you have to reach out for help and simply in the act of reaching out it's enough to get you over the speed bump. I really feel for you, talk to your doctor, talk to your friends, being depressed is so awful. I wish I could come and sit with you for a while, have you been having enough "me" time. You sound as if you're in need of a really good pamper session. Please keep posting and let us know how you're going, golitho
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