Addict or Dependent, some don't care.

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fatherjohn
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 9/28/2009 12:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, my name is Fatherjohn and I feel new to the site. Been working way to much and it is not getting me anywhere. As I stated sometime earlier, I fired my wife (not realy, she took another job) as an assistant manager of a nice clothing store for the babyboomer age women. Finances at work are the tightest they have ever been and it all falls back on me. My superiors have made it clear that her taking another job was wrong and I did not get their permission. The next thing was they called me a drug addict and since we work with addicts I am not fit to lead them. They claim I have showed up "stoned" and "high" to meetings. I listened for 1 1/2 hours as they ripped me apart and I said very little. When I did, I kept my responses focused, non accusatory or defensive. They asked if took narcotics. I told them I did have a perscription for oxycodone but did not tell them the dosage or the amount perscribed. Nor did I tell them how often I take them. They have no idea what I put myself through when I am on the road for 20 plus hours and skip my meds. I have had three surgeries and took off 6 weeks for my fusion surgery but went back to work on the second week and taught classes from home. My last surgery, I took 2 days off including the day of surgery when the SCS was implanted. Still, did not take pain meds during work. They claim I was stoned and high all the time. They believe that anyone taking more than on regiment of a narcotic, is an addict.
 
We won't be taking a vacation this year as I just spent our vacation money on books for our students because the funds were not there. I work way more hours than is necessary so they will have a hard time fiiring me for not working. The funds are low but if they fire me for that they will have to justify why they are not firing others who have raised less funds. They are taking the matter under advisement as they believe anyone using these drugs is an addict and they can't have an addict working for a drug and alcohol recovery program as the director. I have the name of a Law Firm that handles discimination lawsuits even those based on preceived disability due to properly perscribed and taken narcotics. I am waiting for the next shoe to fall. They set a meeting for right after the first of the year. If they fire me before January 1, they have to give me a severance package as well as my pay for my unused vacation time. That could be as much as 4 weeks worth as I have had a histiry of turning my vacation time bac in and not taking it. It is a good thing stress does not affect CP. LOL
 
I know this is not as big as some of the things others are going through but between working the hours I do and the poor sleeping habits, It has been a difficult time especially the amount to road time I have had. We have orientation and book handout this week and then I and my extremely understanding wife are going to the coast for a few days. I think I will just try and relax and watch the rain and ocean with a few cups of good coffee.
 
 

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/28/2009 1:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
My jaw is still on the floor, although when you mentioned contacting an attorney in another post I had a hunch it was something along these lines. But the way you're being treated...it's appalling.

What do they mean by anyone taking more than the "regiment" of narcotics is an addict? Not taking meds as prescribed? Since they don't know what's prescribed, how could they know if you were following doctor's orders. They couldn't. What do you suspect is going on? I mean, how could they find anyone to replace you who would do all you do?

I am glad you are seeking the services of an attorney. What I truly hope is that you follow his/her advice, and it may be hard for you, because you are so used to putting everyone else first, especially the students. I hope, for example, that you use your vacation if you're going to lose it after Jan. 1.

The devil will likely be in the details, as usual. I don't know what their policies are on paper re: staff and use of prescribed medications. I do understand the issue you're facing, however. Interestingly just this past week I e-mailed a local organization about a part time job advertised with their dual diagnosis program. And then I thought about the conflict, knowing urine screens would be required, and I'd have to disclose things, and I'm not even sure I could work a part time job anyway.

I'm a bit puzzled by the uncaring way in which you were treated; is this typical, or is there something else going on here - like someone's relative they want to put into the job. I know I'm asking a lot of questions and you don't need to answer. I am VERY glad you and your wife are getting away for a few days - and please, please don't do any work for others on that trip. It is time to decide how to take care of yourself.

I and others here will be here to lean on.

As an afterthought I just wondered if it was the pain and sleep deprivation that was making you appear as if you were using - but one would think they would care enough to assess that in a thoughtful manner.

I will be thinking of you.

Hugs,

PaLady

LLPLUV
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1158
   Posted 9/28/2009 2:51 AM (GMT -7)   
All I can say is WOW!  For people who say they care and provide a service to the community they sure are uncompassionate!  Way to many things have turned to funding and politics.
 
All I can say is you will be in my prayers, in my thoughts and I will send wave upon wave of positive thoughts to you and your wife.
 
Keep us updated!!!  I know this program has so much of your heart and soul involved.....
 
Laurie
Kidney Diseases and Disorders
              Moderator
 
39 yr young female with,
Chronic Kidney Stones, PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease), Chronic Kidney Failure, Severe Hypertension, Urological RSD

Also CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and Sleep Apnea

Hopefully NO MORE........


Stella Marie
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 601
   Posted 9/28/2009 3:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I wish I could say this so shocking and because of the nature of your employment, they surely must have a better handle on this.  Nothing shocks me anymore.
Number one, "addiction" is a medical diagnosis not to be thrown around lightly.  Is anyone in this group qualified to may this type of diagnosis on observation alone.  It sounds like they are using situational behavior as a basis for their conclusion.  Do they have actual documentation?  Witnesses to this so called "stoned" behavior" willing to come forward?  Are they crediable and trained to make these statements?  Do they have access to your medical records?  If not, this is all water cooler hear say and mob mentality action.  These are serious charges.  What is stoned?  Two benedryl or other cold medications and I am half in the bag.  Any decongestant and I am falling over. 
 
 Where does it say in your employment contract that you can not be on medication approved by your physician.  Where does it say in your employment contract that they are also in control of  your wife's employment.
 
Have the ever drug tested you?  IF NOT, do you have a Judas in this group. Politics are politics no matter where you work.  Someone has uncovered a "potential" weakness in your armor and it trying to use it against you.
 
Can they provide a list of dates and times your were supposedly stoned?  Who witnessed and reported this action?  Was this person qualified to make this determination?  Was is reported at the time of the incident or remembered weeks later?  Were you drug tested?
 
If not, sounds like they have (excuse me) a sack of crap and someone out to get your position.  I always hate to do this but - get a pencil and paper and logically think of:
 
1.  who would benefit from your removal
2.  who have you crossed that might have a vendetta
3.  if they are in such financial straights, are you being used as the sacrificial lamb to cut costs or overhead.
 
Having dealt with human relations departments in the past, you can not dismissed someone for a psudo-medical diagnosis.  Someone is out to get you and now is the time to document the heck out of every odd conversation.  Remain cool and collect.  Discuss how to proceed with your attorney.  Until then, use caution with what you say around others.  You know what I am talking about......no headache so bad I could.... or I feel......  No personal comments only positive statements.
 
Good luck.
 
Keep us posted.

 

 

Stella Marie

Co-Forum Moderator for Chronic Pain

Rare neurodegenerative /movement disorder called “Multiple System Atrophy”.  Mobility issues,, neuropathic pain,  spasticity, central apnea, collagenous colitis, joint and body pain, swallowing and respitory  involvement,  Implants: intrathecal pump  & neurostimulator.  Extra features: O2 & wheelchair

 


bsjaguar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 9/28/2009 4:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to hear what you are going through. You commented that stress doesn't affect chronic pain but I tend to differ. Stress can make muscle spasms go crazy sometimes. Maybe it's just me though. They are fools for thinking of letting such a dedicated person go and I'm glad to hear you have a lawyer. Sounds like you may need one. Good Luck!!!
---Jag---
 
DDD, osteoarthritis, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 9/28/2009 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
FJ> My heart goes out to you my brother!!! What a mess! I wish I had some good advice for you but I think I'll leave that to your lawers. The injustice that falls on us CP'ers is nothing new so whats happening to you doesn't suprise me. But after all you have done for the "program" one would think they would be grateful instead of bitter about your sacrifices for them???????
Is there one person behind all of this or is it a group of them? It sounds like someone has it in for you> Stoned at work??? Give me a break! I can't imagine the pain this must cause you after all you have done for your job! I know that $$$ is always an issue but maybe it's time to follow your buddy Pete's lead and "Get out of Dodge!!" This kind of thing will wear on you more than your physical problems will! I'm sure you will do whats best for you and getting legal on them is a good start! My prayers are with you John.
Pete
PS> Call anytime if you need to talk!
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections once a month. 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, Joseph is serving on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis but is currently in advance radar school in Va. Bch. Va. and Pete Jr. is on The Asault Ship USS Bataan "The Jaws of the Fleet" somewhere in the Persian Gulf w/ 2,000 Marines aboard. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 


Jim1969
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/28/2009 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
In a sane world those who work with people who are addicted would be the first to know what an addiction really is and how it differs from a medical need and/or a physical dependence.

In the real world though it seems that many of these people just see addicts crawling out of the woodwork everywhere. Maybe it is these people who should not be involved if they are either so uneducated, stupid, or paranoid as to not see, know, or understand the differences.

I suppose you could always turn it around. Maybe someone who is "addicted" is the best person to lead because they truly know the ins and outs from personal experience.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.


edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 9/28/2009 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   

Fatherjohn,

Good grief, the abuse you endure and still forge forward amazes me!  How dare they question you, I just wonder if these people or person would jump out of bed to come to the aid of a student in need?  I think NOT!

Do what you need to do to protect yourself, document everything, might be good to flip on a recorder the next time the addict word is directed at you!

((((((((((((((((((Fatherjohn)))))))))))))))))

XXOO
Patti


uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 9/28/2009 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
Oh Fatherjohn...what can I say?  You are being treated unfairly by people who do not understand the true meaning of the word "Addict".  You of all people are farthest away from being an addict then anyone i have ever heard of.  How dare they put this on you after all the good work you do... Please don't take it to heart, we know the truth as do you.
 
I am so sorry that this is happening to you.... I am thinking of you and hope this all works out.
 
Me.

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1000 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning
Lantus 35 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen                                                                   

 


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13469
   Posted 9/28/2009 6:59 AM (GMT -7)   

FJ,

This does not surprise me as you have already been down this road at least once that I know of with them over this same scenario except the wife's job was not an issue then lol. I guess I missed it, but was your wife on their payroll too? I ask, because of their position on her taking a job. What difference does that make, its none of their business, as I understood you were their employee not her.

You know its almost like the higher ups are playing a very sadistic game with you. Every so often they like to come in and light a fire under you. In turn when they do this you just push yourself even more,  and they get you to prove to them one more time what more you are willing to sacrifice for them. Its a sick game. Its like they are determined to use you up and then eventually they will toss you aside. Thats called the corporate world. And its like a personal vendetta why would you want to stay there. Directors will come and go over the years there, that you know. There will always be another person for the young ones in the program to look up to, you are another number in the long list of employees.

You will not be young forever and soon your body will fail you because its worn out long before its time. Is that big corporate world worth that. Maybe its time you look at the price your family has paid for you to participate in this game. They have paid heavily.

You like the feeling that you are helping people and there are many, many ways out there to help people besides the drug & alcohol program you are working at. I am sure there are other  programs to work in. You will always have the higher ups breathing down your neck in the working world, but this is a sick place you are at now.

Maybe its time to do what Pete did. He is a much better off as a person for getting away from the hassle. Pete's tone in his posts is so much calmer thab what they use to be, it was all caused by someone else pulling his strings. But only you can decide how much you are willing to pay to play in the game.  I often wonder if a student isn't behind alot of this, they are the ones with you all the time.


Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 9/28/2009 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   

 

   Dear FJ,

     Good morning *warm huggs* I hope you are having a decent morning.  shakehead   *hugg*

     I simply cannot comprehend what you are going through. I wish I had more knowladge reguarding disibility rights. It all seems, so.... Like they have an alterior (sp?) motive of some kind?? Like your life is being made to fit into a catagory that only suites their needs? It is all so chaotic and confusing! Gosh, I wish more than anything that I could help somehow!!!! Do they have an consequences for their actions once this ficticious argument is found to be, well un-founded and frankly... preditory? Oh my goodnees, FJ! *WARM HUGGS*

     *huggs*

       dani


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood


Piercings
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 326
   Posted 9/28/2009 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
FJ

I know that we've never really talked much directly, but I'm sorry to hear that this is being handled the way that it is. Please keep in mind that these statements about you are unfounded. You know that as well as we do. Keep your self respect in tact as it's what will keep you 'okay' as you go through this process. And I think you did the smart thing in consulting legal advice.

The advice that you were given to document everything is one of the best pieces of advice that I think you could have been given. I've been the hiring manager and the firing manager and as the one that had to write up terminations, I know that they will be 'documenting' as well. If they're worth their salt at all as management they'll be trying to document as many of these 'incidents' as possible. Personally, I hope that they're not well trained and they're failing to do their job to be able to get a termination, and to boot - I hope that they're failing at it well enough to be a liability.

Keep your head up, you know that you're doing what's right by you and by your students to the best of your abilities. And that's all that anyone can ever ask of you. You have gone above and beyond what's expected and you have been of service to many people. But now it's time to take care of you.

Go enjoy the days at the coast and please heed the advice to use the time to take care of yourself and figure out how you want to approach this. You've already given yourself to this organization, now it's time to give yourself some of the same dedication. If you don't take care of yourself during this, you're probably not going to have anything to give others later.

I wish you the best, and just try to have some faith that things will always work out in the end. We all know how hard it is to let things run their course the way that they need to.
Curious people are interesting people...I wonder why that is.
~Bill Maher


skeye
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 9/28/2009 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, Fatherjohn!!! My heart breaks for you! You are such a kind, sweet, caring man. During the brief time I spent with you this summer, it was so evident that you are very passionate about your work & really care about the well being of your students. You give your heart, your soul, and your body to those students, and this is how you get repaid?! Despite all the pain that you are in you put forth 110% every day. You've given so many people a second chance. It is astonishing that the administration would question your abilities. You'd think that these people would know the difference between dependance & addiction considering the field you work in. I don't even know how they could make these accusations, you are so sharp & knowledgeable!

I know you don't discuss your pain management with your students (and rightly so), but is there any way that some of your students or former students could speak to the admin on your behalf? I'm sure most of your students admire you & could easily express their feelings about your performance without having to know the details of the situation. You have sacrificed so much for your students. I hate to see you manipulated in such a way just because your bosses are arrogant & close-minded! If there is anyone that knows the difference between addiction & dependance, it's you!

((((((((((((Fatherjohn))))))))))))).

As always, keeping you in my prayers,
Skeye

golitho
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 9/28/2009 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   

FJ, I'm so sorry this has come up again. Everyone else has offered such fabulous words of wisdom , I can only echo them. I agree it sounds politically based. Someone wants your job, but how they can overlook your obvious committment and overtime put into your position, is beyond me.

Best of luck with that lawyer, I hate the politics and backstabbing that goes on with nearly every organisation I've been involved in. There always seems to be someone more interested in infighting than getting the job done. Power hungry, small minded, I don't know but you could do with out the stress! Best wishes, golitho


opnwhl4
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4961
   Posted 9/28/2009 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
FJ-
I also can only say "WOW". I can't believe they would say this with all the time and effort I have read you do. My employer says we aren't allowed to come to work if we are taking any narcotics, Even with a prescription. I should get a written copy of this since I have only been verbally told this by supervisors. Anyway, I hope this gets cleared up quickly for you without too much fuss.

Take care,
Bill

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 9/28/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your comments. It will be hard to answer all the comments and questions but I will try and shed a little more light.
PAlady, there is something underneith the surface. I was hired by the a previous Corp. President and when he was not on good terms with the present Corp. President. I am a remenant of the previous leadership and thus I am not part of his team. He has brought his friends in to replace others he has fired. My work ethic makes it difficult to attack so he is looking for some reason. Yes, I have shown up to work after not sleeping as I have only used sick days when I was recovering from surgery. In all my sleepless nights, I have never failed to show up to work.
 
Laurie, yes I have invested and sacraficed much for this program. I would not change that. I have always lived by the idea that you chose your battles because you will wear out if everything you face is a battle to the end. This one I will fight. When In was injured as a lawenforcement officer the state told me I did not deserve benefits as I was not retired only disabled. I took them all the way to the Justice Department in Washington DC and won.
 
Stella, We are a faith based, non-medical model recovery services organization. There are no doctors, no licensed counselors etc so there is no one who can make a diagnosis of any kind. There is no proof of any kind. I have not been drug tested although I do test others on a regular basis. There is no clause in our policy manual that states a staff member cannot be on legally prescribed narcotics. In fact, our student manual allows me to give permission for students to be on narcotic medication in extreme circumstances. They have no authority to state where my wife can work, it is a power statement as he wants to have power over people. Sad
 
Jag, I am sorry, I was being sarcastic about stress not effecting CP. My wife can tell a difference in me right now due to the stress. I am glad that she is not having to watch me at work right now.  
 
Pete, I will give you a call later this week.
 
Jim, I came out of the world of adiction. I am very careful with medication. I have had doctors upset with me because I don't take the meds as often as I should. I don't like to play all the games. I am where I am because I care and want to help others get the chains of addiction unshakled. You are right.
 
Patti and Me, There is still work to be done so I will not be swayed from what I am doing. At this point, they will have to fire me to get me out. I won't go easily.
 
Susie, my wife was on my payroll not theirs. She came to work for me several years ago as she saw I was doing way to much. She is adjusting well to her new job and it has been good that we are not both under the same stress. Yes I have given thought to the cost I and the family have paid. Believe it or not, I have a classification after being injured 11 years ago as permanently and totally disabled. I wanted to go back to work after being injured but they refused to let me as I would have been a liability to the other officers. I was eligible to file for disability then but as I have proved, I could work. Now for other reasons, I am nolonger eligible for SSI or SSD. Long story. What else do I do at this point. I will have to look into that one seriously.
 
Dani, Piercings, CSTP, Golitho, Bill, As this is getting long, Thanks for your support. I will keep updating as things happen although I don't expect much right away.
 
Skeye, The real losers will be the students and I am not going to give up on them. There are many that would come to my defense. I know that there are also those that I have had to let go because they went back to using and their addiction. I have a feeling that there might be a complain that was aired at some time in the recent past but anyone that knows me I give more than enough chances. Regardless, I always document the reasons and I have been criticized by some for not sending people down the road sooner. i believe we have to give people every chance while still maintaining a standard.
 
Thanks all and I will not be in touch while away later this week. I hear the rain is coming in at the coast so I am looking forward to some long days by a fireplace, dozing and an occasional shopping trip with my wife and daughter.
 
 
   

Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2283
   Posted 9/28/2009 10:17 PM (GMT -7)   
John,
I am so sorry for all the trouble you are going through right now. ((hugs))

I say this with the gentlest possible tone... have you asked them what behaviors specifically they are attributing you you being "high" or "stoned"? My PCP once told me (when I kept getting misdiagnosed) that to a carpenter every problem needs a nail. Perhaps something (sleep deprivation maybe?) that they are seeing is legitimate, while their conclusion is way off base. Just a thought. I know when I'm missing sleep my emotions go crazy. My neuro says that half of depression cases and many anxiety cases are the result of sleep deprivation. I don't know you, so forgive me if you are wide-eyed & even mannered at all times. Just trying to be helpful. If it's just a matter of sleep deprivation, perhaps you could address that with the board & discuss your need for more sleep/shorter hours/help/lighter workload, whatever. Probably they won't go for that, but at least they'd have to fess up that they're getting rid of you b/c you can't do 4 people's jobs at once, rather than suspicion of substance use/abuse.

In any case, please do take care of yourself. I learned the hard way that practically killing myself for a job got me absolutely no where. I got more & more run down & in the end I lost both my job & my health (well, what little was left at that point). Maybe it's time to open your own clinic & set your own hours (and no, your new HW "board" would not approve of 18+ hour workdays! lol). You're practically running this place on your own anyways. I think you'd be good at something like that.

blessings,
Frances

BionicWoman
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 9/28/2009 11:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Those are the same people that don't understand the difference between an alcoholic being "dry" versus "sober." They need to go hang out with the OA people for a while, so they can learn about really living in recovery, when abstinence isn't an option.

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 9/29/2009 5:40 AM (GMT -7)   
FJ, I can't stop thinking about you and what these jerks are trying to pull on you! What you wrote last night explains alot though. In my salesman days our company was taken over or bought out by larger companies at least 7 times in my 15 years working for them. Each time the powers that be tried to clean house and put in their own new key people which was supposed to make things better, everytime, things got worse because usually the new people knew nothing about how things in the real world worked! Finally I was demoted to the point where I took my 401K and left! All the work I put into making that place a success was for nothing! No one cared one bit about how hard I worked or the extra time I put in. The ladder I had been climbing all those years was pulled out from under me. I became "just a number" and I felt so betraid by all of them. But I learned a big lesson back then. As much as it went against all I had believed in> You have to look out for #one first!!!
I'm so sorry to hear what this new guy is doing to you but I'm not at all suprised. In my last post I implied that you might do as I did and get out but now I understand and think you should fight these ******s to the end!! What they are doing is just so wrong!!!
I hope you and your family have a nice peaseful rest at the coast, you deserve it. Feel free to call me anytime, I usually always have my cell w/ me even when working & seating down in the new barn. If I don't answer just leave a message and I'll call you back.
Hang tough my Friend!!! You deserve better!!!
Your Brother,
Pete  
56 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy> new 2/6/09> 400mg injections once a month. 56 and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, Joseph is serving on the aircraft carrier USS John Stennis but is currently in advance radar school in Va. Bch. Va. and Pete Jr. is on The Asault Ship USS Bataan "The Jaws of the Fleet" somewhere in the Persian Gulf w/ 2,000 Marines aboard. I am one very proud (what they call me)> Big Pops! 


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13469
   Posted 9/29/2009 6:06 AM (GMT -7)   
I think Frances had a terrific idea, my gawd man, with your connections out there, why in the world are you not considering your own school? You are their backbone and always have been. Sure something for you to chew on. The one thing that stood out in your post was their words to you, "stoned" and "high". Not exactly the words I would expect out of those air heads. This is why I am thinking in the direction of some punk kid trying to set you up.

Yes, I do believe it is in your wife's best interest to get out away from you with your mess and work in a different atmosphere.

I have heard this term used by employers over the years and its kind of fitting for you; "use them up till they have nothing left to give." That is kind of the situation you have put yourself in with them. Thats their hope. But, there again, no job is worth your life, your family or your health. When I left one place of employment after 18 yrs of being there, I could have kicked myself for not leaving sooner. I thought I couldn't leave, little did I know. It was the very best thing I could have done for myself and my family when I left there. Oh, believe me, they were shocked 18 yr employees are unheard of in offices. Its not good to take your job that personal trust me, I can assure you, you are not that important to them. There is always someone that can come along and pick up the pieces. It may not be done as you would have done it, but in the end it gets done.
Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 9/29/2009 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again for the replies. I am weighing the advise carefully. Even my daughter came to me and asked why I continued to work under these conditions. I admit I care about these students. I care about what I do. It is more than a job to me and that might be part of the problem. It has become so much of me that I don't realize how absorbed I reallly am. I was talking to my son in Iraq who spent a year at the school with me as a student and he encouraged me to move on. I am glad he is in Iraq right now as he is pretty upset. He called me back and was in a better frame of mind. I guess my family is telling me the same thing that many of you are. I have sacrificed enough. I have struggled for 11 years since I was injured, 5 years building a church that grew and is still doing great. I left there to start this school and for 6 years I have worked with all I have and it is seen by our national organization as the top school. But it might be time for a change.
 
I am waiting for the attorney to get back to me and will wait until I hear from them. I am not sure I have enough in me to start a new school again as I am pretty used up right now. I have started several faith based ministries from scratch and it takes alot. I might just need some time off to think things through. I challenge my staff and students to consider what legacy they are leaving behind them. I need to take a look at that myself. Thanks.

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13469
   Posted 9/29/2009 6:16 PM (GMT -7)   
With all your wonderful intentions, your family has paid a mighty high price for this work of yours. This thing quit being a job years ago, I cannot put it in the right words so I will not attempt it. Maybe FJ its time to listen to the family, they have stepped aside and taken the back seat and back burner for many years in order for you to do your thing. Maybe its their turn to do their thing with you under decent conditions.

Used up is not a term a person uses in a normal working environment. By chance does this organization put people out in the neighborhoods selling products to raise money?
Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 9/29/2009 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
I am first glad to read of your words and plans to relax with your wife, although I know your mind will be abosrbed with this. Still, maybe absorbed in a different way that struggling - if you can understand what I mean. Perhaps allowing for your inner voice to come through is more of what I'm getting at.

I hope you don't take this wrong - you know it's not meant to hurt in any way - but it does sound like the attachment you have to your students has become somewhat unhealthly, perhaps even for them. It's out of balance, and I think you know that.

But I fully understand your need and desire to help others. Truly, I do. And I understand that being part of you, as I feel that deeply, too. It's why I struggle to cling to the little bit I have left, which is only a couple of hours a week right now.

You know there are always people out there for you to help. It just may be time to find a new setting. And I understand your not wanting to put the energy into starting from scratch. Doing that a couple of times in a lifetime is enough! :-) But you have valuable skills and expertise that I think are very marketable. One thing may be for you to meet with a good career consultant and see how you can market you! Perhaps to a D&A program, perhaps in a faith-based organization, perhaps in education....lots of possibilities. But somewhere that has boundaries so you can maintain your health and your life.

I will be sending peaceful energy your way.

((((((((((((Fatherjohn)))))))))))))

PaLady

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 9/29/2009 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Susie, I sent you an email answering your question. I am looking forward to some days away so I can think clearly. PAlady, it is difficult when you work in a residential program and are so close to the people you care about. This is not said in a way to justify anything. The lack of finances has caused me to be more involved than is reasonable as we are not able to hire the staff that is necessary. On one had that is my job but at the same time, if it rest solely on one person, it is dangerous. There is only so much time and energy one person can give and I know I am at that limit. I am sure that there is someplace for me besides where I am at now. This will be a good weekend to do some reflecting. 
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