We Are Stronger Than We Think

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fatherjohn
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 11/6/2009 11:30 PM (GMT -7)   
It happens and it happens to all of us. We get frusrtared, upset, mad, confused, angry, tired, depressed, and a myriad of other emotions. We know that many days just seem to be a continuation of the last. At times a brief reprieve from the constant and demading attention of th pain but we know that what will return has become all to familiar for us. There are times we hate the thought of going to bed because even if we do sleep, we fear that tomorrow will be the same or yet even worse then the day we just endured. 
 
We dream of and seek a change in the vicious cycle that seems to have no end. It's like going to the mailbox with the knowledge that we already know what will be there but we open it just hoping there will be a wonderful surprise, and yes we get the same bills that we knew were going to be there. Why did we go to the mail box anyway?
 
I say this to show you that we who have been selected by life to endure the lasting and cripling nature of Chronic Pain always hold out a ray of hope. Even if it be small. Even if it is not spoken of or acknowledged. We hold a small secured ray of hope that allows us to face yet another day. We think of ourselves as weak but this shows me that we are anchored with strength. It is not the strength that very often shows brightly on the outside but it is just as real. We might get up in the morning and we might even get up slowly but we still do it even though the chances of it being radically different from today is about as great as our chances of winning the lottery. Tell me that is not strength. Tell me that is not courage. Tell me that does not speak of perseverence.  
 
We might not accomplish massive undertakings but we still will get up and face it. Go ahead, when you get up tomorrow and look at the day and say, "I'm here and I am not going down easy." Look at your pain and say you did your best to take me out yesterday and you did not win. I am here again ready to face you and I plan to face you again tomorrow.   

Post Edited (fatherjohn) : 11/6/2009 11:34:06 PM (GMT-7)


straydog
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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13451
   Posted 11/6/2009 11:46 PM (GMT -7)   
WOW FJ you nailed it. I have said all along people with CP are some the strongest people around. Not just anyone can live a day like someone that suffers with CP. The ups & downs, the disappointments is enough to nearly break anyone's spirit. I know many tmes I have felt weak & dejected dealing with crohns disease, looking for that majic drug that brings remission, 7 yrs later I am still looking. Waiting on the next medication to help with the pain better than the last one. Its very much like a runaway roller coaster at times, I never did like riding those things.
Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 11/6/2009 11:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Susie, I am going to make sure this is one of the first things  look at in the morning.

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3609
   Posted 11/7/2009 12:15 AM (GMT -7)   
fatherjohn
What a strong uplifting and insightful Post you have started! Thank-You fatherjophn !! You are right people with CP do have strength, courage, and perseverance!!! And the one thing that gives this to us and continues to maintain us, no matter how small it is, is like you mentioned HOPE, we all have it and cling to it and often that is the only thing that sustains us! And may we never lose it!

White Beard
 
P.S. Not to Hi jack your thread or anything fatherjohn, but I heard from  ( anice ) today, she still hasn't got her computer fixed yet, but she asked me to telll all of you that she misses everyone one here at the forum allot! And she thinks about all of us, and she does hope to be back soon! And she wishes us all well!


Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--   DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in  Sep 2009,  C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV

Post Edited (White Beard) : 11/7/2009 12:34:08 AM (GMT-7)


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 11/7/2009 12:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks WB and let anice know that we miss her and will be happy when she can join us again.

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 11/7/2009 12:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn... I've always loved to read your posts as you have so much wisdom and food for thought. Thank you for such an uplifting post... It's funny how things will come along at just the time you need it. Tonight was one of those nights that I needed to read a post like yours. The hard thing for me is that I think of so many here on the board and people I know that live with chronic pain/illnesses as very brave and courageous... so why is it that I don't view myself that way? Is it because we are the hardest on ourselves? I don't know....just my late-night musings!!

But I like your suggestion of facing the morning with determination and saying that the pain will not win. I will try that tomorrow! Thanks again...

--Tina
Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); Dilaudid (8mg/3x day); Actiq (1200 mcgs/1x per day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation


edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 11/7/2009 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   

Fatherjohn,

You've done it again...you have a way with words that really makes us think!  

Tina, its easy for us to be empathetic, caring, loving to others because thats our nature.  We are nurturers, caregivers and the people that others have come to depend on for words of wisdom, encouragement and LOVE.  In life that is the role we chose......so now along comes an illness, injury, accident or emotional trauma that causes us to be in need of the very things we have given to everyone in our path.  We don't fit that role very well, although, we profess to need it.  We beat ourselves up for not being able to conquer this thing this CP that has come to take away our control.  We start to question ourselves...why can't I beat this?  Whats wrong with me?  Why did this happen to me?  Our family and friends feel the same, they don't know how to handle US always the strong one, suddenly on our knees in a situation where we are in need!  These people we love with everything we have are suddenly in our roles (as caregiver), they aren't us so they don't know how to offer what we truly need!  They aren't like us they care but they don't know how to nurture, care or be empathetic with the intensity that we do.  We are our own worst enemies.....in my opinion we don't view ourselves as brave and courageous because we just do what we do because we are who we are!!!!!!!

Look at how we support each other here, we always have a word and a hug and lots of genuine love for each other....NO ONE unless they live in CP can truly grasp what we live each day and so we have each other to remind us how brave and courageous we are!!  AND WE CERTAINLY ARE!

Have you noticed that on the days you think you just can't make it through the day, you meet someone or hear of someone whose situation is much worse then yours?  It amazes me, it happens to me alot and it humbles me and I am grateful for who I am even in this situation.

Hope this makes sense, I think I lost the point I was trying to make but I'm going with it looking forward to more words of wisdom from my HW family!!

XXOO
Patti

 


Gretchen1
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3459
   Posted 11/7/2009 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
This is very beautiful.  I printed this and I have posted it on my bathroom mirror.  THANK YOU.
Gretchen  ~  diagnosed with MS July 2006
 
I have no lesions on my soul and so I will live with no limits.


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 11/7/2009 9:14 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
     I'm crying. Thank you oh so very much. I needed this.
 
*huggs*
   dani

 

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

 

 


Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/7/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Father, Thank you for the wise words here! Excellent advice, and description of our daily battle with CP. We all can relate to it, and nothing is vague or hard to understand about what you wrote. We are strong without knowing it. Thank you for the reminder! :)

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/7/2009 1:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Fatherjohn,
It's good to have you back. I think you'll know what I mean by that. You started so many of these posts before, but then as you yourself became overwhelmed understandably couldn't post as often.

I'm having a hard time with this issue today personally, though, as I don't feel strong at all. Am feeling kind of sick (hope it's not the flu!) on top of the nearly constant feeling of being overwhelmed. I used to be strong. I can't seem to find that part of me right now. Lost in the woods somewhere.

PaLady

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/7/2009 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
PaLady, I feel for you and hear your pain. I have also felt like that, especially on a downward cycle. I think one of the things that I liked about you when I first met you, was your strength. But, we are human, and have our limits to how much we can take, especially when we are hammered on a constant basis. Its's hard to catch our mental breath under such pressure. Im convinced that our pain is a combination of physical and mental pain. Hang in there, rest up and look forward to a fresh start tomorrow.....! I will give you a scram break, and just tell you that I love you! :)

fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 11/7/2009 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
After getting up this morning I reread this post and was determined that I was going to relax today and not have work or pain rob me of my joy. My wife is having to work today but I have planned an nice dinner for her, our daughter and son and his gfriend.
 
As I have read the posts, I see that I am not the only one that needs to be reminded that even though pain is a major part of our life, there is hope and we all need to be reminded of that. It is so easy to fall into life as normal which is less that we want. I determined I was going to do something I wanted to do today (making a nice dinner for my family) to enjoy living. To each of you that read this post, thank you for allowing me to share a word of encouragement to you. Have a blessed day and weekend.
 
 

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 11/7/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Beautiful post fatherjohn!

Skeye

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 11/7/2009 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Patti.... Thank you for your words...they brought tears to my eyes. I absolutely "get" what you are saying, and agree with you wholeheartedly. But, I still battle the guilt at times...even though I KNOW there's nothing I can do to control all of these things. Anyway, I printed out this thread to read - and reread on one of those days!!

PaLady...I feel for you, too... I'm lost in that same woods, right along with you. I used to be lots of things, too! Trying to accept and love the "new me"...but it's tough at times... Hang in there.

Fatherjohn, thanks again for starting this thread....and for the encouragement.

--Tina
Pain Issues: Neck/back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands, arms, feet; I also have POTS/dysautonomia; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Addison's Disease; Central Sleep Apnea; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin (480mg daily); Dilaudid (8mg/3x day); Actiq (1200 mcgs/1x per day); Soma (3x day); Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan; Effexor and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/7/2009 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok, Mom, can we find eachother, hold hands, and find our way out - of at least this patch of woods? It helps not to be alone!

Fatherjohn - I am not at all wanting to bring this post "down". Mostly just staying honest, but maybe a question I might ask is about finding that hope when one feels overwhelmed, and has difficulty "catching our mental breath" (loved that phrase, Screaming). I am not giving up, that's for sure! And lean on the hope of others when I can't find my own. Is that ok with everyone?

Patti - I was struck by your comments about how we often tend to be the strong ones. I think that's been one of my inner difficulties - accepting I'm not always, nor can I be, as strong as I once was. It's also an "outer" battle in that others just assume I'm strong and can make it through and don't need much help.

I'm rambling. Fatherjohn, I apologize for weaving in the wrong direction. Mom & I are working our way back!

PaLady

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3609
   Posted 11/7/2009 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
PALady
That is one of the draw backs to just having the written word in a post, we can only see your words of wisdom and strength and support! We can not see the grimace of pain on your face nor the tears in welling up in your eyes when you are hurting. Nor the lines and wrinkles of worry that I know you must have, due to your situation! The look of bewilderment and uncertainty that I sense you keep just under the surface! I know that you have all these things and much more. But yet fore the most part the words you write to give others encouragement and hope, hide and mask your true true feelings. Every once in a while such as your post above hints of your real self appear. Your needs are as great or greater than allot of us here, I need not say any more ...

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--   DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in  Sep 2009,  C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13451
   Posted 11/8/2009 4:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Patti your post hit home in so many ways, you just cannot begin to imagine.
 
I went to a friend's 70th birthday party today and he had a wonderful party. This guy is one of my two best friends, his wife is the other. These are the two that have hauled me around to the drs, sit in the hospitals with me. They were there to hold me up thru the deaths of my parents, ups & downs of raising two kids. They have been thru it all, they are not really friends they are my family. They are a very vital part of my life.
 
I was so excited about going but dreading it at the very same time. Why? I was embarrassed for one thing. I had so many emotions hit me before going to this party, everything from anger to guilt to a whole lot in between. I was going to be seeing people that has not seen me in the past 7 yrs and had no clue what all had taken place in in my life. Many had heard thru the grapevine of things but thats about it. I didn't want these people seeing me walking around with an oxygen tank strapped on, walking with cane a little bent over, I felt like somehow it was my fault to be in this shape, only I don't know what I did to get to this point. I almost did not go but knew in my heart that it was something that I really needed to do.
 
Has anyone else ever had this happen to them? I was totally unprepared for it when it hit me.
Straydog/Susie
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & decreased circulation in both legs. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 16 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 11/8/2009 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh Susie,

I was knocked off my feet, after the fusion surgery I expected to be back to work and fixed in 6 weeks!  I had no idea what was to come!  I fought it, tried to be strong, put on a happy face and BAM I couldn't pretend anymore!  So I'm thinking that most if not all of us have had that moment.

I am sending lots of LOVE and BIG GIANT HUGS to all of my HW Family! 

((((((((((((((Fatherjohn, PALADY, Whitebeard, Straydog, Dani, Tina, Skeye, Gretchen, ALL))))))))))))))))

Fatherjohn, did you follow through on your day yesterday with no interruption from the workplace?

Just one more comment, regarding that we are the strong ones.....like PALady says everyone assumes we will make it through!  I can only speak for me but it is an inner battle for me as well, sometimes I just want to cry to someone with no judgements or advice, I want to feel the understanding, concern and love.  Most of my family is uncomfortable in this role because its me that is always there for them when they need exactly that!   Its a gift, sad to say that we are the ones that are dealt the toughest deck of cards throughout our lives!  You know the saying "we are never given more than we can handle".  Hard to believe isn't it??

XXOO

Patti


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 11/8/2009 8:28 AM (GMT -7)   
FatherJohn this is a good thread, but everyday is hard for me..I'm just wish I could be as strong as you on this

Maybe someday..but for now you've given me something to think about...My kitties help me, cause without them I

don't think I could get up....

hugz
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((FatherJohn)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
sorry, I was put on a new med to help with my allergies and I thru it up, it cost 25.00, which migh not
sound like much, but if the pharmacy had given me the brand name, I could've tried to get my money back from
the maker and so 25.00 less for Christmas this year, bummer.....and yet another medicine for me to try...
(folks) sorry I hyjacked FatherJohns thread, please reply to his posts)
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 11/8/2009 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Patti, yes I followed through. I was called last night about a problem at the center as we had a large amount of rain and I told them that they would have to take care of it. Today is a study day as I teach several classes tomorrow but I am staying home. I have also put together more resume packets that will be sent out tomorrow.
 
PAlady, Patti, Char Mom and others, I agree with you that we sometimes don't feel strong. We struggle and even come up way short of where we want to be. At times it seems like there is more than we can handle. Its not that we can't find the light at the end of the tunnel, we can't even find the tunnel. There are days we don't want to even get out of bed and other times we don't want to go to bed. There are some days that life stinks. There have been days that we did not think we would live and then days when we were afraid we would. We have all had what we feel is our share of those days, maybe even a little more than our share, but if we look back, we made it. We might not have looked very good or felt good but we did make it. When we are in one of those tough days, it is good to know we have made it in the past and even more wonderful to have others around us (HW Family) that can enourage us and even cry with us a we inch our way through. Anyway, have a blessed day. 

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 11/8/2009 11:35 PM (GMT -7)   
FJ, You got a " hole in one" w/ this post! You "Da Man"!!! Been south w/o a computer for a couple days at the other house and Mom's Condo> long story, will try to post later today! It was GREAT talking to you last week! Should do it more often!
Your Little Big Bro!
Pete

nurse2
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 229
   Posted 11/18/2009 3:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Father John,
Your script was beautiful. It was as if you looked into my soul and understood me. Thank you for your writings that give us the strength to take another step forward in our pain wrecked lives. You are an inspiration to all of us.
Nurse2
Degenerative disc disease,osteoarthritis, status post 4 cervical spinal surgeries with plate insertions and fusion, Lupus, Sjogren's Disease, Fibromyalgia, chronic heacaches and chronic pain.
 
Find blessings in every day!
 


babycakes-
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 11/18/2009 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
FJ thankyou. You definitly are 'da man'
i too am going to print this and read it when im tired of coping &struggling.
Im proud of who i am, pain and all i think you all should be too.
XOXO

~ Love Always; Erinxo

Loin Pain Haematuria Syndrome  - A Painful & Rare Kidney Disease .
 
 ^-^
Finish Each Day & Be Done With It. You Have Done What You Could. You've Tried Your Best. 
Tomorrows A New Day; Begin It With A Smile
 

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