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Screaming Eagle
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Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/15/2009 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
     Good Evening all! I hate to ask this here,.......but ever since my PCD has upped my med's, I have noticed a definite change in my sex drive. It's gone completely! I was taking #10 325mg x3,...now I'm on Oxycontin 30mg during working hrs, and Oxycontin 20mg during non working hrs, and still on the Percocet's as needed for BT up to x3 but no more than. I'm due to have L4 & L5 fused in February, and if all goes well, I will be able to get off all pain med's. If and when that happens, will my sex drive come back to what it was before? I can hear the teasing now from several of you that have gotten to know me rather well lately. Just be nice please! I can take a few jokes, so don't worry about that. And no, that isn't an invite to do so! :) and yes, a little back ground......I had a very active love life, even when I was on the percocet's, but as soon as I added Oxycontin to the mix....it killed it completely for me. If I didn't feel comfortable here, I never would have asked this of you. So fire away....and give me what you got! :)

Splashdancer
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Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 11/15/2009 8:32 PM (GMT -7)   
From what I understand, narcotics have an effect on testosterone levels. The higher the dose, and the longer the duration of use, the more impact on testosterone (lowering the levels of). Now, I am not a medical professional and I have never asked my own doctor, but I have heard this from other CP patients and I also remember reading it somewhere (sorry, can't remember where). A couple of men I know that have been on narcotics for a fairly long period of time, have complained of the very thing you are saying. I would assume that if this is correct, once you are off narcotics, your testosterone levels would eventually return to normal. But, like I said, I am no doctor. I would definitely ask your doc about this. Geez, is there no end to the crapola CP throws at us? smhair

Screaming Eagle
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Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/15/2009 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
       Splash, Thank You, for the information. I will see my PCD this next week for a checkup on the adjustment he made to my med's. I will ask him at that time. I'm hoping he will confirm what you have heard about this. It is a special part of a marriage, but not everything. My wife is a wonderful woman and understands what I'm going through. As long as we have each other, were happy, and there are so many other ways to enjoy the marriage. It has alarmed me, cause we have always had a healthy relationship in the bedroom....and I never had a problem while on the Percocet. I welcome any other comments by our members here, so don't be shy, and speak up please. Have a wonderful evening, and I hope tomorrow is a pain free day for all.

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/15/2009 9:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Screaming,
I'm not even going to joke with you about it. I think it's great you have a wonderful marriage; I'm a bit envious (not just of the physical intimacy, but the beautiful partnership you seem to have).

I'd ask your doctor, as Splash suggested, but I'd also see if there was any option. I don't know enough about it to have any specific suggestions - like maybe could you get testosterone injections, if that is what's causing it. Don't go through a lousy period just waiting for the surgery if maybe something could help.

Hopefully someone else on here knows more than I do about this!

Now Scram!

PaLady

Screaming Eagle
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Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/15/2009 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
     Oh....my Lady!.....I knew you would be along sooner or later! :) I guess, I will just have to wait and ask my PCD about it. However there is no needle, no matter how special it is, going to come within a mile of my little friend to tank up on testosterone! :)  I am, so grateful for the reduction in my lower back pain, and feel the trade off is worth it for right now. I just want to make sure that it is temporary, and I'm not doing something that will effect me/us for the rest of our lives, or until death due us part. My..Lady, have a wonderful evening, and get some rest.......so Scram! :)

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/15/2009 10:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Screaming,
You might be able to get it in the form of a pill. And I don't think the injections are given, um, at such a delicate site! LOL Pete (Pete'strips) had posted something about this in his recent thread. He may or may not see this, but you could try addressing a thread to him.

PaLady------> Scramming

Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 11/15/2009 10:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Eagle!

This is a very valid subject. We have discussed it from different perspectives before but it's good to talk about it again from your viewpoint. It's a mighty rotten trick that our body plays on us. If we do have to take narcotic pain medications we must bear the heartbreaking side effects of low or no sex drive. Plus, sex is one thing that can help ease pain. Doesn't seem fair, does it.

Pleasurable activities release endorphins in the brain and it's this chemical that helps relieve pain. I searched the internet and found some good information on Chronic Pain and pain medications. I'll post a few tidbits plus the links where I found them if anyone wants to do more reading. Also, since this is a family friendly site we do want to make sure that what is on your screen when you open up HealingWell is something you wouldn't mind your young ones reading. So, here's some of what I found...

This information upholds what PaLady was talking about. I would think it's worth asking your doc about.

from: /www.caremark.com/wps/portal/HEALTH_RESOURCES?topic=drugsex

"Opioids such as morphine or OxyContin (oxycodone) do more than just ease pain. As an unfortunate side effect, the drugs can also reduce the production of testosterone and other hormones that help drive sexual desire in both men and women.

The sexual side effects of opioids haven’t been thoroughly investigated, but preliminary studies paint a disappointing picture. As reported in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism, a study of 73 men and women receiving spinal infusions of opioids uncovered widespread sexual problems. Ninety-five percent of the men and 68 percent of the women reported a drop in sex drive, and all of the premenopausal women either developed irregular periods or stopped menstruating completely.

If you think opioids might be undermining your sex life, ask your doctor if it’s possible to get similar pain relief from non-opioid medications. Even if you don’t quit opioids completely, merely cutting back could help you regain your spark. Your doctor may be able to suggest other methods of pain relief such as massage or biofeedback that will make it easier for you to scale back on your opioids. If blood tests show that you’re low in testosterone, your doctor may want to prescribe testosterone shots or patches to help rekindle your sex drive. "


From another site I found this: www.livestrong.com/article/27108-endorphins-relieve-pain/

about Endorphins

"Endorphins are considered the body's natural "feel good" hormones and are similar, in structure, to opiates like morphine. As a matter of fact, the word "endorphin" is actually a mix of two words, endogenous and morphine, which together means morphine from within (the body). We release endorphins during stress and as a response to pain. We also release endorphins during pleasurable activities like sex and exercise--the well-known "runner's high" is a result of endorphins. Endorphins also trigger the reward system, and some people may release endorphins when performing activities like shopping or gambling. The endorphin rush they experience, during these activities, may result in addiction and addictive behavior. It is believed that endorphins also exist to help us override the pain response during fight-or-flight situations.

Endorphins and Pain

Endorphins block pain by sitting on the morphine receptors in the brain. When these receptors activate, they block the pain signals from the nociceptors. The effects of endorphins are only temporary and, if pain persists, endorphin levels will drop. This is because endorphins are only designed to get us through specific pain episodes until we can stop whatever is causing the pain. People with chronic pain may have high levels of endorphins in their blood but no longer respond to the stimulus. There are also those who produce fewer endorphins and have a lower pain threshold."


If you think this information would be helpful to others I'd be happy to put in in the Chronic Pain 101 post. Just let me know...
Chutzie
The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. — Alexander Chalmers

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
(/|\)
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


fatherjohn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 999
   Posted 11/16/2009 12:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Screaming, I can confirm that the narcotics do play a part in the interest and drive regarding sex. So does the depression and other issues that go along with CP. I would not blame it all on the narcotics. I have found that even the antidepresants and sleep medications also have an effect. I can also tell you that for some men on medications for CP are also able to use medications such as viagra to help. Even though for some of us in the past, it was a joking matter but now the jokes don't seem to be as receptive.
 
I also want to give a little advise. You are set to have a fusion surgery in February. You state that if all goes well... I had three levels fused a little less than 2 years ago. Since then I have had two more surgeries and as happens with some, they have been declared failed back surgeries. The fusion took and still remains but it did not take care of the nerve damage. I am not saying that yours will also fail. I do want you to know that fusion does not always take care of it all. Many who have gone through fusion surgeries still remain on meds of some kind afterwards. I know several men that fusion did the trick and they feel great.
 
I went into surgery with an optimistic attitude and it was very difficult afterwards. Many of us on this site have what has been determined to be failed back surgeries. If they worked well and took care of all the problems we probably would not be here. I hope and pray the best for you and I certainly will rejoice with you if all goes well. If not, we will still be here as we encourage each other. Blessings! 

bluejet2
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 11/16/2009 1:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Michael:

I thought that my husband had been prescribed testosterone at one time, so I just asked him, and he confirmed that it is a gel that you rub on your shoulder once a day. No needles at all, anywhere!

Please don't be afraid to ask any kind of questions. If it is related to Chronic Pain, someone here has or is experiencing the same problem, and may be uncomfortable bringing the subject up as well. Your braveness is going to help several people that are dealing with the same issue.

I experience the same problem when I take antidepressants.

Lorie

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 11/16/2009 3:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Michael,
Sorry I'm late in jumping in on your post! Yes. like PA stated, I've been on testosterone replacement theropy for around 3 years now. I had a radical prostatectomy back in 2003 at age 50 after having a needle biopsy confirmed prostate cancer.

Please don't feel uncomfortable talking about this subject here as it has a lot to do w/ CP & Depresssion like FJ said! I started out here at HW on the prostate cancer forum long before coming to CP! There we talked openly about all manor of male sexual problems. A lot here would be shocked at some of the things we talked about but that was the great part about our forum!!! Who else could you talk to about these things?

It was quite a Brothership of men (wives & partners too) just like we are a family here! Anyway getting back to TRT> Testosterone replacement theropy. I started developing signs of Hypogonadizm shortly after my surgery but had no idea what was wrong w/ me! Unfortunately it went on for three and a half years before one of my Drs finally gave me a blood test.

At that point I had been to a bunch of docs and was seeing a shrink. They all thought I was totally clinicly depressed and suisidal. No one knew what I was going through! I was litterally turning into some sort of unic as my Testosterone was at castration levels!

They say it's much like what women go through w/ metapause. Hot flashes> soaking wet come out of nowhere even in the cold. Crying spells in the most embarssing places> I worked in the construction field! Being so totally tired even after sleeping all night. Having no desire to do anything at all such as the things you love most in life!! An worst of all, my libido was completely gone! I couldn't care less about sex! The whole act didn't make any sence to me at the time! I didn't even turn my head when a hottie walked by like ALL guys do!!! So yes Girls>> I understand about metapause!!! My wife is in the midst of it and I know exactly how she feels!

Thank God my wife stood by me!!! I drove her half crazy w/ my crying, sleeping and whining!!! and my CP was so bad I couldn't walk and was on crotches!!! My boss laid me off, he was scared by the PC thing!!! So I was unempoyed, couldn't walk and hated sex!!! We didn't have sex for 3 1/2 years! And maybe worst of all for me selfishly thinking I was such a big manly man, my parts became atrofied and at the time, I didn't care!!! I lost a tremendous amount of size if you catch my drift! None of my drs told me about exersizing or the use of viagra theropy because my problem was undiognosed!!!

Finally after finding out the problem my doc said>> " I can't give you TRT because prostate cancer feeds on testosterone!!! That is the last defence in fighting late stage prostate cancer. Either chemically or physically castrating the patient!!!!! It stops the cancer from growing for a while untill it becomes no longer androgen dependent meaning it doesn't need testosterone to grow anymore! I ended up seeing a half dozen Urologists who refused me treatment and anothe half dozen Endocrinologist who did the same!

I finally found a compassonet Urologist speeking at an Us-Too meeting (Us Too is a support group fot men w/ P.C.) He told me if I would sign papers declaring him not legally responcible for giving me theropy, he would help me!

It was a quallity of life sittuation very similar to what we face here w/ our CP if you think about it! Using medications w/ side effects to better our lives!!!!!

So Michael, I'm sorry to bore you w/ the "all about me story" but I thought I should give you my background before any advice about TRT!!! First get a blood test!!! If you do have hypogonadizm> low testosterone, you have to make sure w/ out a doubt that you don't have any problems w/ your prostate before using TRT> No matter what the Doc tells you!!! He probably will sugest a PSA and the old crooked cold finger test for PC but beware if he doesn't!!!

I know now that long term narcotic use may have played a role in my problem but it was certainly kicked off from the tramma of my surgery!! I first started off w/ Androgel, a gel you rub on your chest shoulders and abdomen daily. I hated the stuff but it worked really great for a while!

I wasn't and still aren't my old self but am a whole lot better since starting TRT!!! Then I had to start using more and more of the gel just to keep myself at or slightly above 300. The lowest number on the acceptable range of "T" in your bloodstream. Men's acceptable range is between 300 - 1200 w/ some young men up to 1500~2000>> Young and crazy like I was long ago!!!

The gel wa getting rediculus! It smels like alcahol and my wife hated it! She was always blaming me for plunging her into a worse metapause from getting it on her by accident! I was so carefull w/ it but I was using sooooo much she might have been right!

I sure didn't want my wife to grow a better mustach than me so I talked to my Uro about shots! I started w/ one 300 mg shot a month. That has been good for the last year and a half but a recent blood test after 30 days showed my T level below 150 again!!! I knew it! I could feel the signs. So then I moved up here to the country and finally found a Uro and went last week for a 2 week over due shot!!!

I told him what was going on and he is going to have me tested in two weeks to see where I am. Then we will adjust from there. He didn't give me greaf about the TRT because I've been on it so long already and my PSA test is still ZERO!!! No Prostate Cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So far so good!!!

So as you can see, its been a long road w/ my testosterone issue. Like I said, if you are low there is nothing wrong w/ getting TRT except the PC thing>> Do you have any history of PC in your family??? Any prostate problems at all?? Are you over 40??? Please like I tell all men over 40>> Get Checked for Prostate Cancer!!! They say over 50 to get checked but go to our PC forum and tell that to the guys in their fourties who are dying of PC!!!!!!!!!

I will make sure my two boys get checked after 30 even if I'm not around> It's written in my will!!!! My Dad died at 51 of PC and it was the worst thing I ever experianced in my life!!! A horable way to go!

Good luck Micheal and let me know how you make out!!! I got up at 3:00am and have a SSD Dr. apt today> Geeze! I wish I could go back to sleep! Oh well, things could be much worse!!!

Hang Tough Old Boy!!!
Your Brother>>
>> Pete!!!
PS> If you are at all wondering about my sex life now after all that has happened? Well it certainly ain't what it used to be but my junk still works w/ viarga and although I still have mental issues w/ the size thing, my wife is the best! She assures me she is just glad to have me back again! We have been through a lot but somehow we're still together and things are good>> NO GREAT!!! God Bless America>> Yip EEE!!!! Yep, I'm still a little crazy!!

bsjaguar
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 974
   Posted 11/16/2009 4:26 AM (GMT -7)   
For you men out there. My husband has issues with gerds and he was having problems with getting nexium ok'd by his insurance company. While waiting he got an over the counter product to try to relieve the heartburn. Shortly after starting he started having problems. He was so depressed but I told him I thought something like this would happen over time not just overnight and it has to be something he was taking. Sure enough after checking on the internet I found out that that the active ingredient in this product could cause lose of libido. I can't remember the specific active ingredient name but it was something like ratintadine. Anyway if the active ingredient name ends in "dine" watch out. I talked to the pharmacist and he recommended another product without the "dine" word and within a few days he was back to normal.

I think that even as a woman that the pain meds I take have affected me also but I'm going through menopause so I can't really be sure which is the culprit.
---Jag---
 
DDD, osteoarthritis, fusion surgeries C-5/7 & L-4/5 both in 2006, torn meniscus left knee 2000 & 2002, buldging disc L-2/3


Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/16/2009 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   
     WOW!....tons of good replies here! I'm at work right now, but will post a detailed reply this evening for you all. I'm glad I posted the question. I'm not sure what to think at this point though. Chutz....I think it would be a good idea to post the links as you suggested, so do what ever you need to do, to get it there. I will be thinking on this all day today....and right now I'm just a bit shocked. as I never had this problem before. Pete, your story sounds just like me right now. I could care less about mixing it up in the bedroom, however, I do want to please my wife, and that bothers me the most. My head is just spinning right now, just can't believe this is going on with me.

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 11/16/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Screaming,

Im afraid I cannot add much that isnt already being said. But! I sure do hope you find a solution, and soon. Have a great evening and hopefully good night rest.

*huggs*
dani

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 11/16/2009 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I too am afraid the only thing I can add is this....."been there done that and still doing it....abstence is no fun when your married!!!!"
What doesn't kill us only makes us fight back harder! :P


Piercings
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 326
   Posted 11/16/2009 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Screaming....

It's not just the guys that suffer it. We as women sometimes do too. I'm one of those lucky ones that gets a lack of drive. If I want to have a special night I have to back off the meds to be able to get to the top of that mountain - if you know what I mean. I have very little drive anymore, and when we plan to have an evening in, I have to plan my meds otherwise it's a one sided affair. But because we have a decent relationship besides that, we still are close in other ways.

So don't feel that you're alone in all this. You're not. You've heard from others here and myself and we've all been through some form of it or another.
Curious people are interesting people...I wonder why that is.
~Bill Maher


privey
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 453
   Posted 11/16/2009 7:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Screaming,
I have to ditto Piercings statement. Antidepressants make you that way too. Sad but true.

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/16/2009 10:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Good evening all!.....Sorry, but I took a day off from HW......I'm just woke up from a nap, and wanted to respond to all of you here. Thank you sooo much for all of your replies here. My wife, has also joined in with me here, and has been reading, your replies.......I just love her!....she is a sweety! I'm not going to get off a good reply here tonight, but I promise I will do so tomorrow. I need the sleep, as it has been a rough day or so for me...........Well good night.......now all scram! ....you too PaLAdy! :)

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/16/2009 10:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I wanted to tell all of you, that my wife agrees with me that this is a really neat place to come to. I just love it here, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me/us I know that some of you members have been here for several yrs, and sometimes wonder if it is worth it at times.....let me assure you that it is!...way worth it to me, and many here looking for help......ok off to bed now, to refresh my battery's

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 11/16/2009 10:46 PM (GMT -7)   
!!!Hello Mrs. Eagle!!!!!

*warm huggs*
dani

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3610
   Posted 11/16/2009 11:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Screaming Eagle my friend I Thank-You from the bottom of my heart for making this post and for all the Great Fantastic Information that everyone has contributed! I have been very very hesitant about posting on this thread, this is a very sensitive topic for me, I do thank you for showing the courage to start this thread!

For a long time just the CP was the problem for me not the lack of desire or anything but with Pain becoming so intense that it would become impossible to attain completion. I had found most Doctors were very uncomfortable talking with me about it and was no help at all resolving it. And although I have always been very sensitive to to my wifes needs and making sure that they were always satisfied, it still caused major difficulities and problems in our marriage, especially when making love caused extreme pain and muscle spasms! It is not only uncomfortable for me having them, it definitely puts an end to it all really quickly if you know what I mean. But was not comfortable or pleasant for my spouse to see me that way either! I know or at least I think I know that this was a contributing factor in the demise of our marriage, as she had decided she did not want to cause me pain, and she said she hated to see me have those muscle spasms in my back, so her answer to the problem, ( since the Doctors had no answers) was not to be intimate or make love any more! Granted I know that there is much much, more to my separation and divorce, but this contributed allot to my filing, I can't begin to tell you how much I miss that closeness and intimacy, I think sex is a very gratifying and important part of marriage, and I think it helps bind the marriage and keep couples close, and together!!! And the lack of it can definitely contribute to couples drifting apart, at least I feel it did for us! And increasing the pain meds and the antispasmodics to help relieve the pain and spasms just compounds the problem by lowering the libido! I do wish more Doctors were more sensitive and concerned about this very touchy but yet very important part of the lives of us suffering with Chronic Pain. As it really does make me very very angry at the way I have been treated over the years by so many Doctors about this important subject!


White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--   DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in  Sep 2009,  C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


Boxerlover
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 274
   Posted 11/17/2009 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Screaming! As others have said, this is a big issue on both sides. I had to have an emergency total (ovaries and everything) hysterectomy at age 19. What was amazing to me was how quick my sex drive was gone, it was instantaneous. I was a virgin until I was 25 so it wasn't really a big issue at first, but as the years went by and I got married, it began to be a huge issue. Because my endometriosis was so severe, the docs advised me against going on HRT(hormone replacement therapy), and I listened to them. For many years I dealt with all the problems that women in menopause have to deal with.  For some reason, after being diagnosed with my auto-immune disease I decided to start HRT(this would have been in 2002). I have to be on a very small dose so the improvements are limited but they allow me to enjoy sex again on a small scale.

I, on my own, have no iniative. I will start intimacy for my husband's sake and once we get going, my body responds. Not like it did when I was intact, but enough that with a little work on my part and we can have a pretty normal sex life.  about a year ago my PCP wanted me to start anti-depressants. I had never taken any med like that before but decided to give it a try. I noticed no mood changes, but boy, it killed off what little sexual response I had left. I didn't realize how much the HRT was helping. Talk about nothing. No drive, no response, nothing.  I couldn't even pretend to be into it, it was horrible.  I went off of them immediately.

My PCP also wanted me off HRT and I tried that once and again lost every bit of interest. I told her it was not worth it. My husband deserves what little I can give him and even though HRT has it's problems, right now while we are still young enough to enjoy it, I am staying on it!

My biggest problem now is movement. I am in so much pain and trying to roll around and be frisky is not an option. Feeling like I am an 80 year old as I try and roll over certainly kills the mood!! I so hope your surgery will be successful and you will be able to return to your full glory!

Melissa


Just because you feel you might be in over your head, doesn't mean it has to be a disagreeable feeling. You may just live up to the moment.


Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/18/2009 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
 Hello to all, and Thank you soo much for the much thought out replies here. I'm going to go backwards here with the replies, so here goes.
Melissa: good to see you back from your trip and I hope you had a wonderful time. I too experienced the complete stopping of my sex drive, and noticed it right away. It was so shocking to me, as I thought I was never going to have a problem like this. It is hard to want to please your spouce, and yet have no real starting place, because its just not there mentally. Very weird to me!  I had to laugh about the movement you mentioned, cause I have the same problem now, all I can do is grunt and groan, as I try to move around, and I look like I'm in pain all the time. My wife has been such a champ about all of this.
 
White Beard: I think your post touched me the most, and I feel your pain. You are such a pillar of strength and wisdom here on the forum, and to see you melt with memorys of the past is heart breaking to me and I'm sure many others here as well. I think this is something that needs to be addressed here on the forums, and Chutz if your reading this, you certianlly have my blessing to post some kind of information reguarding this topic here. I think it would be best that the moderators make the decession where best to do this.  White Beard, I have no problem talking about this here, if it will help other members who are dealing with this. I can tell by the high number, that many have looked at this thread, so I'm a guessing it is somewhat of a problem, not talked about too often. I can't tell you how many times, I have cramped up in bed and my wife wanted to stop on my behalf, and I wanted to go on in her behalf.  I don't have all the answers, but I do have a very good relationship with my Dr, and I think early intervention that includes the spouce can do wonders for the marriage. Maybe I just got lucky with the wife that I have, I don't know, but there are other things in the marriage that can be enjoyed together. Sleep could be one of them! Dont see much fussing going on while we are shareing that! :)
 
Dani: I will take a hug from you anytime, and it was a pleasure to visit with you a week ago or so.
 
Privey: yep we do live in the same state! Had a great visit with you as well, and thank you for the well wishes.
 
Piercings: I too have already tried to back off my meds and plan a special night for me and the wifey. I had success with it, but think I need to talk to my Dr firs before I do too my expermenting with my pain meds.
 
 
shoot!.....let me post what I have here so far, and answer more of you in just a bit! :)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/18/2009 12:21 PM (GMT -7)   
  Pete: your reply was probably the one with the most detail, and you laid everything out in the open. That takes a lot of curage to do that, and I'm willing to bet that many here, announced or not, appreciated it greatly. I hope you have kept a copy of this, and quite frankly it needs to be posted every once in a while. It's that raw and that good! Thank you soo much for posting it.....really I doo appreciate it, and so will many others! I do, have a wonderful wife who supports me, and I think that can make a huge difference.
 
 
There were so many good replies out there on this, I just cant respond to them all. But please know that I appreciate the offort by all here. I really have not been myself as of late, since I have started the Oxycontin.
I will try to keep you all updated on this little problem that has appeared. Sorry if the responce from me was a little weak, but I'm just not myself latley, and I'm struggling.

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3610
   Posted 11/19/2009 12:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Screaming Eagle

This thread has brought out some very interesting and informative responses! Boxerlover(Melissa) post was so infuriating to me, just because of the callous way her Doctors were treating her. So many Doctors in all different specialities, don't seem to care or don't think that it is important, or just plain don't think we should be imtimate and having sex with our spouses or mates! I don't know maybe most Doctors are so busy that they don't have time to have intimate moments with their loved one, so maybe they don't think their patients should either! Honestly being an RN I have brought this up to many of the Doctors I have seen, and no one has ever taken it seriously and tried to help or address the problems I was having! One Doctor just one mind you ( a Neurologist) when I told her about the excruciating pain and muscle spasms I was getting and how it often interferred with our love life, all she said was : ( and I quote) " well I feel sorry for your wife!" I told her I did too and I try to address that but that is one of the reasons why I wanted help! She then got rather "huffy" with me and said that might be just one of the things that I would have adjust to! ( By the way I never went back to her) ( I haven't found many or any Neurologist that I thought was any good or worth anything!) Anyway that was ten years ago when I got the herniated dislk at T12! An then to read Melissa's experience, don't Doctors know that intimacy and sexual interaction is an important part being together? Doctors really should inform their patients about the unwelcome side affects of these medications and how to work around them, and also ways of dealing with Pain and having intimate relationships that can be sexually gratifing! I think that falls under the heading of providing their patients with TOTAL Care!
It is kind of a sore subject with me Screaming Eagle because this is the type of thing that affects us all, especially those of us here with Chronic Pain! I again Thank-You for introducing such and important toipic!

White Beard
Moderator Chronic Pain
 
I'm Retired USAF, went back to school and became an RN, and now am on full disalbility!--   DDD, With herniated Disk at T-12 and L4-5. C5-C6 ACDF in  Sep 2009,  C6-C7 ACDF in Mar 1985, Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Complex Sleep Apnea, and host of other things to spice up my life!(NOT!) Medications: Oxycontin, Percocet, Baclofen, Sulfasalazine, Metoprolol, Folic Acid, Supplemental O2 at 3lpm with VPAP Adapt SV


Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/19/2009 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
 Good morning White Beard! I have to agree with you all the way here. The longer I have CP, the more I realize that it affects many areas of our lives. I think many of the Doctors or nurses become insensitive to patients, because their surounded with them all the time. It's when, and only when, they themselves are afflicted with the same type of condition, that they stop and realize what your talking about. I dont think I myself, would have ever gotten what CP was, and may have brushed it off, untill I was diagnosed with it. My eyes were opened up, especially here on this forum. I have also been very lucky, that I have a wonderful PCD working with me. I will see him this next week, and I will ask him about all this. Of course, I will give you a unedited report to read! I can tell you, the more you educate your self, there is less of a chance that your PCD will pull the wool over your eyes. I think there are a lot of CP patients out there that have crossed this problem or will in the future, so I'm a hoping that you and Chutz, can get this posted somewhere on this CP forum. I just wanted to say also, that my wife is now reading quite a bit of this now here every night with me, and enjoys it very much, and has commented that, there are a lot of wonderful people here. I know I keep adding one last things here, but I did probably a very stupid thing latley. I took myself off all of my pain meds to see if my little friend would respond, and this may be way too early of a test....but we shook hands there other evening for the first time in many a day. Of course my wife was there and did most of the greeting! We had a good time, but I did suffer for it, and that is why I had to laugh at Melissa's comment about getting into position's while in pain. I moaned and groaned.....and it was ever so nice to get back on the med's! :) Have a great day White Beard and all of you today.

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 11/19/2009 7:20:51 AM (GMT-7)

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