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Chutz
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 11/29/2009 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I see everyone was in great hands while I was gone. Looks like I best leave more often!...lol We did relax and had a few days of quiet, except for the roar of the surf just over the dunes and the rain pounding on the roof. I love that sound when I'm out camping in the trailer. Ahhh, that's true Washington weather.

I'm posting this a bit early for Monday but I'm falling asleep and need to get this posted before I face plant on the puter. Key marks on my face aren't very sashionable.

Today I was thinking about traditions we have had at the holidays and was discussing with hubby on the drive home. What would happen if I changed a couple of them? I am considering, seriously, changing a couple of traditions that will save a good chunk of money. I did talk it over with hubby and he has no preferences except his ears perked up when I told him about how much we would save. This year I think most everyone is spending less, changing buying habits or just doing without the extras.

Could you change a holiday Tradition? Is it worth the extra expense? What IS the one tradition you are thinking about right now?

Chutz
The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. — Alexander Chalmers

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
(/|\)
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

Post Edited (Chutz) : 11/30/2009 10:03:16 AM (GMT-7)


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/29/2009 10:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, I am being forced to change a tradition. For as long as I can remember my cousin has had everyone to her house on Christmas Day, but they are going out of town this year. So is her daughter (who is my goddaughter). There's another part of the extended family I can go to, but we usually have sort of a part 2 of Christmas there on the day after Christmas, because people from out of town can come that way, but still have had Christmas at home.

At any rate, this is the first year my cousin won't be having Christmas an I'm not really sure what I'll be doing! I've also had to change traditions about how much I spend on gifts, who I buy for, etc. in recent years due to finances. It's tough being a single person in a large family, because I used to buy for everyone's children, plus some of the adults I was closer to. Now I only buy for a few. The family cut that back a few years ago.

So I'm trying to envision my options for Christmas, especially if the weather is bad! That's alway a variable here!

PaLady

White Beard
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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3610
   Posted 11/29/2009 11:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Well my Christmas is definitely going to be different this year anyway. My daughter and her husband and granddaughter are suppose to come for Christmas Eve, We will have the traditional grilled out steaks by candle light for supper Christmas Eve, I don't know if they are staying the night or not, every since the the Divorce thing started last January they have not! The last time they were here they spent the night at there moms in town! My youngest daughter talks to me but she is not happy about any of this! So I don't know if they are staying the night or not! If not then I guess we will have our gifts and stocking later on Christmas Eve, I don't know how that is going to play out! I know they are going with their mom up to their GrandMothers and cousins for Christmas Day! personally I like going to midnight mass at 10 PM Christmas Eve! ( that is when our parish has their Christmas mass) I don't know if she plans on doing that or not! At any rate
my Christmas will be less this year for obvious reasons!

Chutzie I am glad you had a nice ThanksGiving Holiday! and I enjoyed filling in for you,

But I am really Happy you are BACK!

White Beard

auntkay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1199
   Posted 11/30/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
We have decided to change our family tradition this year also. My mom has always had her 6 children and our children and now our children's children you can see how large this has become. We always cooked enough to feed our family and would take it to moms. This Christmas dinner will be different .My mom will be 80 on her next birthday and this has become way to much for her to handle. My dad is becomming quite a handful as his mind is slipping and is more work for mom. So she wants to down size the dinner part and only have her children and our spouses for dinner.Everyone else to arrive later in the day for desserts and opening gifts. Some of my children are unhappy about the changes,but i agree with my mom it's way to much for her and things need to change. One of my daughters feels that i should start a new tradition and start having Christmas dinner at my house. I would love shocked to be able to do this but i work full time and i'm in cp with a few other health problems. It would really stress me out because i only have Christmas day off work and i already have to go over to my inlaws on Christmas eve. This wouldn't leave me much time to prepare dinner for everyone and i'm feeling terrible and guilty like i'm not a good grandmother and can't carry on as my mom did. I'm up for any suggestions!!!!! I guess we all have to except changes and do the best we can. sad

Post Edited (auntkay) : 11/30/2009 10:01:03 AM (GMT-7)


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kay!!

I must agree with your mom that it is way too much for her to handle. Even if everyone brings the food and 'does all the work' we all know there is still a lot to be done physically. Your mom is amazing to be able to keep up at her age. I can see why your daughter is not happy though. It would be hard when part of the people go for supper and others don't. I would be uncomfortable.

I don't think you need the burden either BUT...since your daughter wants a holiday with the entire family there, why doesn't SHE do it? It's time that the younger generation take on the traditions and keep them going.

Just a thought,
Chutz
The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. — Alexander Chalmers

(\o/)Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
(/|\)
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
    Good Morning auntkay!  Man oh man!.....I hate it when family members can not see the pain we are going through...my sister came up from OK yesterday...and made the comment that I seemed normal to her!....when they think that way...it just makes me mad as all get out! Wouldn't it be great to be able to give them a little pill that last for about a week and lets them feel excatly what you are feeling? Wahooo!....all the crap would be taken care of right then and there.....! I agree with you, and comend your effort to take the load off of your mother. I have no idea of your age, but can get a rough estimate with the age of your comment about your mothers age...so I can safley assume that your daughter...is quite capable of pitching in. I think you ought to sit her down and explain what this suggestion all entails...and ask her for the majority of the help since it is her idea.  We as parents can only give so much...and most of the time we give our all! The little ones need to do what I call is stepping up to tha plate...and lend a helping hand....and in your case...they need to lend just a little more than just a helping hand. I don't mean to over step my bounds here...but right now this is a very sensitive subject to me. I love everyone of the members here and am protective of them. sorry for the blood boiling miss spellings. Auntkay...I feel prett rough in my mind right now...so sorry for the blow here. Have a wonderful day...and take care now. Wow!....what did I just say here! :)....littley goofy man that I am! :)
 
Your friend, Michael

privey
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 453
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:56 AM (GMT -7)   
This Christmas seems to be the season of change for many of us. about 5-6 years ago my oldest daughter decided that it was time she start some Christmas traditions of her own and started hosting Christmas at her home. That was a wonderful idea and with all of the family pitching in it made a nice day for all. This past year about June she decided that after 18 years of marriage she wasn't happy and is getting a divorce. Wowza I knew she wasn't a happy camper but never invisioned a divorce but I do want her to her to be happy, she is 38 and her spouse was 51, and they have a near 17 year old daughter. We love him as our own but in fairness her he hasn't done anything to keep young and knew he had a wife that was nearly 12 years younger. But we need to be fair to everyone also he didn't see it coming either he knew she wasn't happy but I don't think he ever invisioned a divorce either kept living the way he had been and hoped it would go away.

So now what happens to the holidays!!! Thanksgiving was already a challenge!!! Christmas --- she hasn't mentioned if she would be hosting it or not and it is time to make a committment one way or the other. I did the Thanksgiving meal one which about did me in and I'm pooped. Our other daughter makes plans for Christmas Eve with her husbands family but Christmas is with her family, she has two kiddos age 5 and 2 1/2 mos so to me the little ones deserve the focus and her home isn't large enough to host all of us and she works as an RN in a busy PACU and won't have time to prepare. Our oldest is a teacher and will be out of school before the holiday and lives in my mother's house and mother is in an assisted living facility with her spouse and she has the room at mother's house. The important thing is that we will all be together for the day and who cares who has to do what so.....we still don't know who is doing what. Most of the gifts are purchased, the day to make candy has been scheduled, and as long as we have something to eat who cares what it is as long as we eat it together. My nearly ex-son-in-law--- what will he do???? I'm hoping he will go to his families this year as I did for Thanksgiving but he didn't and I didn't have him here and felt aweful when I found out he was home alone. I also can't turn my back on my daughter and granddaughter on this special day. What's a mom to do??? They could push feelings aside and do it for the granddaughter but it seems she has a boyfriend so......... that wouldn't work so well either.

Our family traditions have gotten lost in the shuffle and I really don't know what to do but I'm ready and willing to take suggestions??? Anyone have an idea or maybe you have been through it and know what works best? I know I have some time but I'm also the kind that likes things set before they happen so I have time to prepare physically and mentally. HELP!!!

Rambling?? Yes I'm good at it sorry... just a little upset even though I know that everything will be fine and will work out okay. I guess I needed to vent a bit as I got started and the fingers just went wild.

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/30/2009 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   
......Oh shoot!....lets just all meet somewhere, maybe a lakeside cabin!....bring a side dish....and just love and laugh till the dawn! What a wonderful fantasy...it would be! :)  Me, White Beard, fatherjohn, and pete....well all the men...cant remember who all they are at this time... will do the grilling....steaks, rack of lamb, turkey, cedarplank salomon...what ever you desire!...the ladies can make all the trimmings....mashed potatos and gravy....deserts and all! ....and we can only have a Christmas card excahnge! no...material gifts! ....bring the cats and dogs...grand children for bragging rights....and White Beard can play Santa for us too! Straydog and PaLady can check to make sure we all take our meds like were supposed to. Oh....someone just slap me here!...and wake me up! :)

privey
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 453
   Posted 11/30/2009 11:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Screaming that sounds wonderful. My hubby would come too and he loves to show off at the grill so you'd have his help. That would be absolutely wonderful. I don't want to slap you or wake you up cuz it sounds like fun!!!

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13451
   Posted 11/30/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Jeesh, I am way ahead of you guys. I started making changes to the family traditions several years ago. I had the entire holiday season at my house, starting at Thanksgiving and ending New years Eve. It wore me out as I was working and it just became too much for one person.
 
Both of my children are married and I told them it was time for them to start their holidays traditions and start their own set of memories. I thanked them for allowing me to have them with me for so long, but I was stepping down as the master of ceremonies in holidays department. Do you now they were excited and had been wanting to do exactly this, only they did not want to hurt my feelings. We do a Texas style dinner at Christmas, brisket, potato salad, baked beans and as many desserts and munchies we can muster, lol. That is one day I am not interested in spending the day in the kitchen. The kids swap off having the dinner at each other's house each year. I bring the potato salad & baked beans, son-in-law has mastered smoking a mean brisket. He has a large smoker on a trailer that he and my husband built. Sometimes we even throw a couple chickens on it and a ham to go along with the brisket.
 
We scaled back the spending many years ago as well.  Its just less stress for everyone. The point of it is all of being together. As it is none of us really need anything, so we buy a little something for each of the big kids. Now, the little kids, they are not included in the scale back, that's my greatest enjoyment shopping for the two kids.
 
Aunt Kay let me assure you, it is time for a change indeedy in your tradition. By no means should you feel guilty, heck I made my changes before I got sick, I just worked all the time and it just wore me out too much. Too the point I was not enjoying the holidays at all. When it gets like that its time for a change. You are not letting anyone down-stop beating yourself up. When our children get grown and have their own families, they need to start their traditions and let the parents have a break. The daughter that is having a little snit over this needs to be the one hosting the family this year. I totally agree with you about your Mom''s situation, like I said, tell this daughter it would be very nice for her to take over this year.
 
 


[color=blue>

<FONT>crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & psoriasis and psoratic arthritis. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 17 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 11/30/2009 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
   yeh...thats right...just what Straydog said!.....go for it! :) If they don't get it....you just tell them your gonna sick the Straydog on them! :)

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 11/30/2009 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Screaming - love the idea! And the cedarplank salmon!!!!! I'm first in line!!!

My goddaughter took over Thanksgiving for the first time this year and she loved it. But I'm sad because their change to Christmas - traveling to visit others - means I don't get to see them. But I'll figure something out.

Just a little thought to pass on....a few years ago someone in our large extended family decided there would be no more gifts for adults, only kids (in the extended family). That happened to have been about the one and only year I shopped early and had already bought gifts - which I still gave away. But it didn't hit me until Christmas that year that as a single female, living alone, with no children, that meant that I wouldn't receive even the small gifts we adults used to exchange. So if you have any single adults in your family or circle of friends who aren't getting gifts from anyone, remember that even a very, very , VERY small gift bought at the dollar store can mean a lot. So do cards and pictures of kids!

I don't know if this "fit" here, but wanted to share. My goddaughter, her beautiful self, I think caught on that year and scrambled to give me a little something even though they are all hugely busy with their two young children and buying gifts for their parents, etc. She is really a sweetie. I will miss seeing her this year!

PaLady
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