Wednesday Koffee Klatch Time ~~

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Chutz
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 2/23/2010 11:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Since we're in the middle of the week, let's tackle a tough question today. Give this some thought...What does it mean to you to allow another person to fully love you? I'm not going to do my usual chat on the topic because I think we all might interpret this one quite differently. Think about it and share your thoughts... I'll post later on.

Have fun!
Chutz

smilewinkgrin
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

(\_/)
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(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


Retired Mom
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 2/24/2010 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
This is a really thought provoking question. I guess I'll never truly know the answer because I'm so OCPD that I can't really ever let go.

The movie "The Notebook" was on the other night and I have to admit that the couple depicted in that movie displayed what I would consider to be full and complete love.

The love of a child is a different thing entirely and I believe that the love of a child is one of the greatest gifts we can ever know. I guess that means that I can allow my daughter to fully love me and see all of the good with the bad (without fear of loosing her love). I would gladly give my life for her so I guess I do allow her to fully love me.

I look forward to the other answers. This should be an interesting topic.
DDD, CPS, TLIF L5-S1 2009 (failed), FIBRO, MINEYER'S (SP?), MIGRAINES, GERD, NISSEN FUNDOPLICATION (failed), GAD, DEPRESSION, EXTREME ANXIETY DISORDER, OCD, PSTD, CHRONIC MUSCLE SPASMS, HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE DEFICIENCY, VITAMIN D DEFICIENCY and much, much more...


Stac/Catz4
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 2/24/2010 7:41 AM (GMT -7)   
It took me many years to open my heart wide enough to allow anyone to love me for me, just who I am. Then I met this extraordinary man who looked at me with complete love in his eyes. I was almost afraid until I realized the truth of who HE is. Being loved by my husband is nothing short of a miracle. People walk by this astonishing human every day and are unaware they have just been in the presence of pure kindness with no measure. And that is the truth of who we are together.

Cat
DXed-Syringomyelia C-1 to T-1, Hypothyroidism, Diabetes Type II, Adhesive Capsulitis "aka" Frozen Shoulder, IBS, Panic Disorder, ICC (Interstitial Cystitis), Fibromyalgia, Migraines, Bipolar Disorder, Chronic Muscle Spasms
Too many meds to name/Too many allergic reactions/sensitivities to too many drugs to name. Meds for Panic Disorder, Pain, Bipolar, IBS, Hypothroidism, Diabetes, Insomnia and then some.
 
 


MsBunky
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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 2/24/2010 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Interesting question. What does it mean to you to allow another person to fully love you?

For me, it means being vulnerable, and allowing someone into the hidden places of my heart. It means trusting that I am not going to be hurt by this person, and that they will guard my heart with their every ounce of strength. It means sharing my secrets and being open and honest and expecting the same. It means allowing someone else to help me, and realizing it's because they want to, not because I'm incompetent.

It means recognizing that pain is a part of my life and this other person will not walk away from me during hard times and struggles and anguish. It means knowing that I will stay beside this person in their struggles and hard times and anguish. It means we are in it together, for the long run - leaving is not an option.

It means accepting my own flaws and foibles and knowing that I am still special to someone else, whether despite of or because of those unique things that make me, me.

And finally, it means the world to me to have a special someone, who is and does all of these things. That someone is my husband Ray, the most treasured relationship I have on this earth.

Pam
Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pelvic Pain, FAI, Reynauds, IBS, Interstitial Cystitis, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines, Severe Hot Flashes (Surgical Menopause and drug related), plus physically unable to vomit due to Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins...a joy for blood work or IV's)
Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT
Medications: Oxycontin, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Nortriptyline
Other: Vitamin D, Multi-Vitamin


IsThereAnEnd?
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 2/24/2010 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow - great question! What a fantastic way to start off ~

For me, allowing someone to fully love me is: Simply put - letting me be ME. I also think your heart needs to be open and receptive. Love is an amazing thing when it goes right.....it can enrich your life, your soul as well as your heart. Life is short, don't let it pass you by without love in it.

I would also like to mention the love of my life, my DH ~ he is an amazing man who knows and accepts my CP for what it is and supports me 110%. He is the BEST!
Cardiomyopathy, Celiac Disease, High Blood Pressure, 2 Fusions @ L4, L5, S1, 2 Fusions @ C7 & C8, Implantible bone growth stimulator cervically, and soon to have Neurostimulation Therapy to treat lumbar, Chronic Pain Sufferer for 8 years, take several meds daily to survive! Looking for a miracle I think ~


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 2/24/2010 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Awww...you guys have wonderfully sweet answers.

I'm in the same frame of mind on this one. If you aren't able to open up and share your inner soul then love will be quite illusive. For me I was hurt the first time around and became very untrusting since I'd been lied to and cheated on. So, I was not willing to trust men again. But there was this friend of the family who was just that...a friend and I knew he wasn't going to hurt me. We ended up spending time together and became best friends which has led to a 16 year marriage so far.

As far as non-spouse type love... I also think trust is a key issue. You have to be willing to trust which means you must be willing to be hurt again. Hopefully over the years we've all learned a few things along the way. Where children are concerned, their heart are so pure what's not to love???

This isn't an easy topic but even if you don't feel compelled to answer I do hope it has given you something thought provoking and heart warming to think about. My favorite author and lecturer on the topic of love is Leo Buscaglia. If any of you have ever heard him speak or read any of his writings you will totally understand. He's passed on now but he's left quite a legacy for us all to open up and not be afraid to love.

One of my favorite quotes of his is "I always say that the greatest lovers of the world have a lot of love scars all over. But that's okay because it doesn't make them any tougher; they stay vulnerable. They learn and they move forward. It's better to be hurt and alive than to be wandering the earth suspicious and dead."

"One cannot give what he does not possess. Too give love you must possess love."

We all have scars but I think it's better to live with scars than to live a very dead existence.
Chutz
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

(\_/)
(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 2/24/2010 8:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that the hurt is worth it because you have opened yourself up and been completely volnerable. That is hard to do. Many of us keep our guard up and that makes you bitter after a while. Plus I always (almost always) have felt I would rather be a little naive and get hurt than be untrusting and paranoid. Which is what I have experienced before, which made me very jealous and I was miserable. I had a right to be, but that is besides the point. I was not happy.

I am happy now. I have a wonderful husband who I can be completely honest with. He has stood behind me through out the whole time of my fibromyalgia. He never thought of me as lazy as some husbands do. He knows that I love to work and that I would if I could. In fact as I was working this summer and fall (for the first time in seven years) he kept wanting me to quit. He was worried that it would be too much for me. But I loved it, just can't do it in the cold of winter with my fibromyalgia.

I am rambling aren't I? I think to be able to accept complete honest to goodness love, we have to be open to it. open our hearts and open our minds. We have to also be able to accept the other person for who they are. As they accept us for who we are. We know that neither one is perfect, and there will be squabbles. There will be hardships, but you stick together no matter what. Life isn't easy for anybody, that is the truth. So love can be hard, but it can be...

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 2/24/2010 9:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, Karen...

That's extremely well put and very moving! Ramble on any time!...lol

I agree totally that we must accept each other as they are and not with intentions of changing someone. That never works. If the other person changes it's because they choose to for all kinds of reasons, but setting out to change someone is asking for a miserable life.

I came from a very peaceful family and never once did I see or hear my parents raise their voices at each other or get angry...ever! So when I set out on my own I honestly thought that married people never argued or disagreed. Boy was I in for a shock! Years later dad told me that he really made a mistake raising us that way. Don't get me wrong...mom and dad weren't fighters. They adored each other until the last one breathed their last breath. But he said that he and mom should have had a few good fights in front of us just so we knew that married life wasn't a fairytale. I agree to a degree on that one.

OK, now I'm the one rambling...
Chutz
"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

(\_/)
(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

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