well, i finally had enough harassment from my docs office lady over my bill. i had been making $75-100 a month and only had $400 to go, and she was not giving the doc my refill requests. I could see if i hadnt been paying my bill but she was literally crazy. So i need to find a new doc and i have a lead in seattle to get me started. i live in MT, but i really dont trust the docs here. The pay isnt that great so we dont get the best of the best here.
I also finally heard from my lawyer after 6 months of him not returning my phone calls. I realize now that he is not a quality lawyer and maybe i am lucky that i found that out now. In order to sue the doc who put the epidural needle in my spine 26? times in one area and 5-7 in another, I need someone who knows what they are doing. But it is such a complicated case i didnt know if i could find another lawyer...then last week i think i did! My acupuncurist referred me to a lawyer who was so awesome, so intelligent and compassionate and so good at what he does. I think he could see that I just need some help, and with a little help I plan on doing big things with my life. I guess you could say we connected on some level. I find out next week if he will take the case for sure.
I also started watching my 3 month old nephew this week. I havent "worked" in 3 years, since I had my son. But I have watched my son and neices and nephews on and off...and it is really hard at times. How pathetic that holding or feeding a 9 pound baby a few times a day drove me to tears by the end of the day...I could not believe it. I don't know what I will do yet, if the pain continues to be at this level than i wont be able to continue. The thing is, he had open heart surgery at 2 weeks old and we almost lost him. So being able to hold him and look into his little eyes is so much more of a blessing than it already is with any child. It will be very tough for me to admit to my sister and brother in law that I cant do it, but knowing myself, i will do it until i absolutely cant. Also upping my meds a little bit earlier in the am, i usually wait to take them til later so maybe i can stop the pain somewhat... Also i use a very strong blend of essential oils a few times a day and my EMS machine and a heating pad and neurontin cream..so if i can just figure out the best regimen to work with what i have to do every day..i just hope it works out for a while at least.
Other than that, life is good! I am pushing the limits being on the computer this late, but i just needed to "talk." Sorry this is kind of a boring post, but it is what it is, my life!! I would ask anyone who reads this, do you push yourself through the pain some days when you know someone depends on you? Especially children...? I do it a lot, and I dont know if this will make my condition worsen. Also, i am curious as to how long you have had your chronic pain? My injury anniversary is Dec of 07, so its almost 2 1/2 years. I feel like that isnt that long but at the same time, it isnt what i expected 2 years ago. I think i kept thinking that it would get better, so up until now i really havent tried too many treatments. Not to mention, a lot of the options include injections in the back, and i swore id never let anyone near my back with a needle again. Wel, that was two years ago and i am now at the point where i will try anything but surgery.
Ok thanks for reading/listening. as led zeppelin said, "ramble on...nows the time the time is now, sing my song...." and thats what im doing i guess! ; )
TMJ, migraines, i dont know what ailment causing my chronic back pain is...im still trying to find out. but i had 25+epidural attmpts and have had chronic back pain ever since. maybe arachnoiditis or CRPS...but i cant say for sure. meds, i have a cabinet full but cant bring myself to take many of them and they dont work anyways so i stick with hydrocodone, neurontin cream and tizanidine.also, med mj for headaches, as it is legal in MT.