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Neverendingstory
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/26/2010 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I found ya'll by accident and desperation but after reading several posts I thought that this was the place for me.  I'd already been a mild chronic pain sufferer for 24 years, then last Sept. I rolled my truck and a 30' trailer while moving to TX to be with my kids & grandkids after they were transferred here. Now I'm mostly titanium, both shoulders, back fused half way up, pelvis shattered and pieced back together, legs broken off but bolted back on, the list is endless and worst of all, I remember every second of that wreck, every roll, every break, everything until I was on the chopper. Woke up in a trauma unit and heard the docs saying just to pump blood into me until my family could gather to say good by. Then they saw I could hear and out I went again. After 2 week I didn't die so they started the surgeies. After half a million bucks I'm left with a wreccked body, tremendous pain, and am just starting to walk, even drive a little,though the pain keeps me close to home and I don't get out often. I was very active before. bred, rode, trained horses, had a million interests and never sad or bored.  Now I'm always crying, so sad, and I scream a lot for no reason really - maybe anger and frustration.  I'm mostly confined to bed, too weak to do more than totter around with a walker, and finally, finally, just moved into my house in TX. But it's far from my family and my kids just had a new baby so they are busy. So I'm alone, weak, sad, and trying to take care of my horses and gradually put my house together. I just unpack a couple of boxes a day. The place is wrecked. But I used to love being alone and now I hate it. I'm scared and I hate and mistrust all Docs but am on so many pain meds I have to go see them. I hate everything about myself now, and I feel like my life is over - just one long wait until I get to die and end this pain.  That's my story, but I'm glad I found this group. I read so many things that were echos of what I'm dealing with I felt a small flicker of hope: someone else understands, is where I am, and yet you are trying to find a way  to build a life somehow. I want to know how. How does one build a life when pain rules, and u are alone? I'm here to learn and maybe find something to keep me going.
 
Neverendingstory

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 4/26/2010 8:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Geeze N.E.S. you really have been through the ringer! I'm sorry this awful pain is always there, what do the doc's say about it? Do they have you maxed out on pain meds? So many of the good folks here are suffering w/ pain constantly and are so remakably nice and caring even though the pain never stops! We are not doctors here so we can't give out any sdvice about treatments but we can relate to you what has and hasn't worked for us. If you deside to stick around and become one of our family, you'll find more friends here who understand what it's like to have C.P. Thats for sure!!! As you already know, people who are well just don't get it! Even docter a lot of times just don't understand what it's like when the pain NEVER leaves! We do and thats why we get along so well here! I'm really glad you found us and hope you stick around for some others to greet you!
Your new C/P friend,
Pete

edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 4/26/2010 8:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi NES:

Welcome to our Family.....I am so sorry to hear your story, you have been through so much.  No wonder you feel as you do, you have had  major trauma.  Being aware of all that was happening around you and hearing the comments made by the Dr.'s has probably left alot of emotional scars.  Did you at some point let them know you heard their comments?

Most of us here have had to adjust to a different lifestyle following injuries, surgeries etc.   Going from being active, working full time and loving it....to SSD and CP changed my life drastically.   I have not been through anything near your experience, my heart goes out to you!

Have you met with your family and told them how you are feeling?  Do you have a PMD? 

Just know that we are here with our support and hugs!

Patti


Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 4/26/2010 10:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey NES (I can definitely relate to that screen name) :)...

Welcome. Glad you found your way here... but, wow, just reading your story was intense... I cannot imagine what it's been like living through it... Shoot, I admire you for just doing the things you are doing... and reaching out to others here... I think you'll find a good support system here... I really do. All of our experiences may greatly vary... but there's the one common bond of knowing what it's like to wake up each day, dealing with chronic pain. While I don't claim to have any where near the things you are dealing with... I do know - as do many here - what it is like to have to start a "new life"... as a completely "new" person...

I wish I had more advice on "how" to do that for you... but I think you've done the very first thing... which is to reach out to others that understand... By sharing your experiences, you'll hear back from others and what they've been through and such. Somehow, that encouragement - just in itself - has been enough to guide me through many days when I've just wanted to give up. I've made some wonderful, hopefully "life-long" friends here... and it's that type of support that really helps.

There's so much more, I know... and it's not just that "simple". I get it, definitely. The advice I just give myself... is to take things one day at a time... sometimes one hour at a time!! I used to be a neurotic, organized, "planning for the future" kind of person :) Now, I don't know where tomorrow is even going to bring me... so it's really trying to just survive each day.

Anyway, I'm rambling on... but I'm glad you are here.... and hope to get to know you more...
--Tina
Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 4/26/2010 10:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Neverendingstory!

And welcome to the family! Your sure do qualify for the Chronic Pain forum! I'm sorry your life turned upside down, it must be miserable. BUT...there is life with pain, believe it or not. And we are all examples of it. If we can keep pushing on then you can too. Here, take my hand (extending hand) and we'll travel down this road together. Sounds like you sure could use friends who understand and who will be there for you any time you need...well, that's what you've found here.

Since you have been in the agriculture industry for years raising horses and now have limitations, there's a program that might be able to help you out. It's called the Agrability Project. They help people who have suffered injuries or who are disabled find adaptive ways to keep active on their farms. Here's the link if you want to check them out. http://www.agrabilityproject.org/purpose.cfm

As I'm posting this it's mighty late and way past my bed time...lol.. so I'll check in tomorrow and see how you're doing...OK? So keep in touch and let us all know how you are doing. You're part of the family now.

Warm hugs,
Chutz
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein

(\_/)
(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 4/27/2010 1:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Neverendingstory,
I want to add my welcome to the chronic pain forum, but I am so sad for all you've been and are still going through. Trauma on so many, many levels. But as others have said reaching out to share with us is a great first step.

I think we are all trying to "build a life somehow" despite pain. You put that beautifully. I wish there was a "how to" manual, and there certainly are things we can do, but it's not an easy or short process.

One thing I wondered was whether you have thought of seeing a pain psychologist to help with all the trauma you've been through on the emotional level. Remembering all you do is nothing to minimize, but a good trauma therapist can help with at least some of the emotions, and a good pain therapist can help teach some skills that help all of us manage. We have to put as many tools in our tool kit as possible. I'm not saying your pain is all in your head - please don't think that! But the emotional pain can make everything else worse, that's for sure. There is so much grieving I know I'm still doing for the life I wanted but won't have. I haven't yet found what my future life might look like - at least not in a positive light. But like you I hang on to the hope there's a way to put some of the pieces together in a new way. Not anything we would have chosen, but better than living where we're at now.

Again, welcome!

PaLady

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 4/27/2010 4:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello NES,
 
My heart goes out to you in your pain.  I wish there was some miracle statement or a pill that would fix it, but pretty much everyone here understands where you are emotionally.  Chronic Pain suffers have a great deal of stress/anxiety/depression because we suffer the grief of what we once were........happy, whole, genereally employed people.  You will see many of us celebrate smaller milestones now, but they are milestones and you can certainly join our group and celebrate with us.
 
I used to think that a phychiatrist/psychologis (pain or otherwise) was a waste of time and I was WRONG.  I absolutely LOVE my Dr.  You've probably (like many of us) had Dr's tell you that you are depressed....well no joke....wouldn't they be if they had their whole lives changed in a flash?  The psych dr understands this change in your life and can help.  I can't take antidepressants at all, but I can HONESTLY say that I am much better on the psych path than I was a year ago.  Acceptance is importance and they can really help.
 
Please don't think I am pushing you to go to yet another Dr.  I'm not.  It's just a suggestion that helped me.  We here all understand that Dr's are not always honest people.  Neither, however, are members of other professions.  There are good and bad and we will support you until you can find the right ones for you.
 
Each of us here is very different.  We have different personalities, different interests, and different life experiences.  We are bonded, however, by our chronic pain and can understand and support others like us without judgement and without regard to how or why you hurt.
 
We will be there for you....day or night!
 
Welcome aboard! smilewinkgrin
Retired Mom


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 4/27/2010 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I beleved like retiredmom that pain management psychologist was not for me, all psycho babble en all,
but then I found my current doc and he treatment me pretty good..gotta say it helps...
What part of Texas are you in, I'm in Pearland, TX just South of Houston...nice to meet another Texan..
Others will be by with better advise and help...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((NeverEndingStory)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hugz
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 4/27/2010 7:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello NES! WOW! This is one of the worst trauma stories I have ever read here! We certainly welcome you here for sure! This forum is packed full of the most wonderful members you will ever want to meet.

You have already received several excellent suggestions, so I will just echo them back to you. I do think maybe the psychiatrist/psychologist might be a good place for you to start though.

I cannot imagine going through your type of trauma. It makes me hurt just to read about it.

As was already posted, we will be here for you day or night, as were open 24/7 here.

Lets hope that just talking to some of the members here will help somewhat you. I realize that life is very hard for you, but the fact that you have reached out to us here,
tells me that life is not over for you. We will travel down that road of worry, pain, being afraid, anger and frustration with you.

SE
DDD (Degenerative Disk Disease) S1-L4-L5, Heart Attack 2002, Angioplasty to clear blocked Artery and to implant Stent. Six Epidurals, Disocgram, Melanoma Cancer 07, Lumbar Fusion March of 2010, Four cortisone injections Tendinitis in Elbow.


CrazyDaze
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/27/2010 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Neverendingstory,

I am also new here, these folks here are good people that will give you hopefully some of what you are looking for. I know you have been through a lot, I sure hope you find peace of mind. I know the pain will not always be the thing to go away, but it will be nice to have people around you who understand the pain. I have a bunch to learn from these kind people here and hope to learn it. Most of them have been in pain many more years than I. So maybe we can learn from them how to cope with our daily living skills of feeling alone and also where to turn and the things they have tried. I am sure if you hang out here we will all learn together and find the solace that most of us look for.

Thanks for stopping by, I am glad you found this forum I know I am glad I found it. I just enjoy reading the posts here especially their chats and and such. They have become a close bunch here. I hope to one day be one of the people here with Veteran beside my name, that would mean I have learned much about how to handle my daily living with pain.

You hang in there I know you already have.

Oh hello everyone!! I have been gone a few days =)

CrazyDaze *Smiles*

Neverendingstory
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/27/2010 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Pete,
I guess I'm here because ya"ll do understand and are living it day to day. I didn't realize there could be a positive, supportive group around. The Docs say at least another year before I am as "normal" as I'm going to be. I don't know what that means exactly but time already goes so slowly as I'm sure everyone here knows. I am just trying to learn to deal with all the changes in my life and figure out how to start to live again.  I can't wait to get off the meds, though they are necessary to keep the pain in control they mess with my mind.  That too is going to take a  year, or maybe never according to the docs. But they don't really know and they don't know me. I've worked really hard and am about 2 months ahead of schedule on rehab, what I can do and strength level. I had to be here to see my grand daughter born and that drove me to push pt and my body further toward being able to move out on my own again. I'd like to help if I can, find ways to deal with everyday life, and listen to others who understand what I'm going through. This group all has similar issues and you have all already helped me by previous posts. Not being alone is huge. And Docs, they have thier place but until you've been here, there is no way you can understand the daily fight.
 
Neverendingstory

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 4/27/2010 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear NES , I also welcome you to the HW family , you are most welcome .I relate to some of your story , the feeling hopeless and alone part .At 53 I had never had a serious health problem and suddenly my hip started to hurt , its progressed to where I was in constant pain needed a cane then a walker to walk , couldn't shop or wash clothes for myself and was cut off from family who lived far away except for a brother who worked and had his own life .I was depressed and suicidal and hopeless .I finally came to a point where i chose life over suicide and used the computer to start to reach out , I found this forum and other services that helped .There are hot lines you can call if you just need to talk to someone , the goverment will provide a home attendant to assist you in every day tasks you need help with .Are there any hobbies like painting or meditation you like ? You can take classes to learn them just to get out and be with people , don't isolate under any circumstances , that will increase your deporession . I see a pain therapist to help me deal with the emotional aspect of having constant pain .,You can still have a fullffilling life , I promise you you can .Don't try to have the same life you had , accept that it will be different but can still be fullfilling and worth living  .Best of luck to you and keep writing in , you'll make friends here you'll treasure forever , I have and you can to !!!

HIV+ , Need hip replacement , have a cellulitus like condition on leg that is stubborn , using anti-biotics to try to get rid of but its stubborn .Started eating completley healthy juicing every day , no sugar , taking vitiamins and anti-oxidents , virigin coconut oil ,only veggies and fruits mostly , no red meat .feel better.Meds:viracept truvada,indothemicin. Pain from hip and leg use cane or rolator to walk .                                                                                                                 


momtofourangels
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2261
   Posted 4/27/2010 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear NES

Welcome to the chronic pain forum. You sure have been thru a lot of trauma. I think the pain psychologist would be very helpful for you. I'm really sorry that your world has been turned upside down. My heart goes out to you. You have found a great bunch of people here on this forum. They are wonderful. (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Loretta
Dx:  ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, hypothyroidism, typeII diabetes, asthma, allergies, high blood pressure, polycystic ovary syndrome, PTSD, depression, anxiety


straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13473
   Posted 4/27/2010 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi NES, I too would like to welcome you to Healing Well's chronic pain forum. I am glad you found us and I hope you will find what you are needing here. Like yourself, everyone here has a story to tell. Its amazing how many of us are out there and  I often wonder about the ones that have not found a place to visit and talk to others that understand what they are going thru. Your accident sounds horrible to say the least.  My brother had a bad accident 5-6 yrs ago, he was pronounced dead the scene and the paramedics managed to bring him back, although we were told he would never come out of the coma he did, he beat every odd he was given. Like you he had more surgeries than one can possibly think a person can, just trying to survive. He is still getting back bits and pieces of his memory. I cannot imagine what you are dealing with since you do remember the accident quite vividly too. I imagine you are dealing with a lot of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
 
You are really one strong person to have survived the accident, 2 months ahead of your PT progress, you have will and determination, otherwise you would not be where you are now. Something I learned a long time ago, CP is not for the weak. A person must be very strong to live with the issues of what a true chronic pain patient goes through on a daily basis. I admire your strength, even though you may think it is not much, you have come a long way in a short amount of time. I know your drs are saying a good year to recover, it may be longer than that, each day that passes you are getting stronger. Everyone is different in how they heal.
 
As for trying to get your new home in order you are wise to unpack a few boxes a day. You cannot afford to overdue or over extend yourself because that comes with a high price. Don't be so hard on yourself, you have done a great deal considering. I still get discouraged at times because I am so slow compared to what I use to be like. Its hard accepting ourselves as we are now. I have days that I am mad because I don't like who I have become or what I can't do that is  part of CP. Its like riding a roller coaster sometimes and you want to scream for them to stop and let you off. I don't know if you have talked with your drs about depression or not, but depression and CP go hand in hand. Being put on an antidepressant was one the smartest things that I could have ever done. There are many different ones available, its finding the one that works the best for you.
 
None of us here likes to having to take pain medication and we all wish we could just wake up one day and say the pain is gone and I no longer need these medications. But, for many of us it is always going to be a part of our every day life in order to have some quality life.  If this is how I am going to have some quality life then so be it. I would rather be on top of the pain than it be on top of me.   
 
Please keep posting and let us know how you are coming along.                          
 
 
 

crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & psoriasis and psoratic arthritis. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 17 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3611
   Posted 4/28/2010 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   
NES

I would also like to extend my Welcome to you, to Healing Well Chronic Pain Forum! I must say, you are a Survivor! You sure have been through allot! Your in good company here, allot of us, have not been through anything close to what you have, but we all have had our own incounter with that life changing, sinsiter beast call Chronic Pain. We can all relate, in one way or the other, on what you are going through and experiencing! YOU are not ALONE! Like the saying goes "Misery loves Company!" well you have lots an lots of company here! Just knowing that there are others here on this forum, that can relate to what you are feeling and experiencing is often a huge help, just in its self! We all seem to just help each other here, and for me, this forum has in a big way, became my family! Or I have become part of the CP family! How ever you want to look at it, I do hope that you will stick around and that we can hopefully be of help to you, and that you also can help others that are here on the CP forum! Like a family we help each other!

Welcome to our CP family!

White Beard

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 4/28/2010 8:38 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
     Dear Never,
 
      Good evening. My name is Dani. It is very nice to meet you. I see you have met the other wonderful members of Healing Well, so I hope you find it just as relaxing and enjoyable as the rest of us do!
 
     I am terribly sorry for my tardiness in welcoming you. It has been busy to no end here! My beautiful little bees having kept me on my toes to say the least!
 
     After reading your introduction the first thing I wanted to say was that I am so glad you were able to survive and more so, that you are obviously a very strong willed individual. You ve worked very hard and it shows. I have no doubt that anything you put your mind and heart to.. you conquer.
 
     If you have time, Thursday evening is "chronic pain chat night", perhaps you can join us? Every Thursday Chutz posts a reminder with directions on how to join the chat server.
 
     It was very nice to meet you. I am very glad you found us. I look forward to getting to know you better as time goes by. Try to find a few moments to rest if you can. Stay strong!
 
*hugg*
  dani

 

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood

 

 


uniquelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1037
   Posted 5/1/2010 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Neverendingstory,
As I read your post I found myself hurting more and more...just thinking about the pain you must feel, the depression, anxiety....I couldn't write back until now.  I am so sorry that your life feels so hopeless.  You have been through so much in a short time, it's no wonder you feel this way.  But, it will get better.  Your body will take a long long time to start to heal properly...and your mind will take time as well.  Being in pain is the worst...but being alone to deal with it is even worse...I am so glad you found us...we are all nuts, ha ha, but we understand more then anybody else what you are going through.  I have not been in a horrific accident, but I have been through enough with my back pain that I know a little of how you feel.  I really don't have anyone in my family to talk to about it...and it makes it even mnore painful to go it alone.  You need to talk to someone....anyone who understands.  It's a good thing you came here.  There are a lot of people here that can help you...just talk to us.  Anytime, day or night, there is usually someone here.  If not then email me...it's on my profile....
 
I'll be here if you need me....we all are.
 
Me. (Rhonda)

I have been a spectator for so long..Now it's time to participate.......
 
Post Lamenectomy Syndrome, Spinal Stenosis, DDD....
1999 Hemi Lamenectomy/2005 Spinal Fusion(L4-S1)
Methadone 120 mg. a day/  30 mg. Oxycodone as needed(up to 4 x a day)
High Blood Pressure: Lisinopril HCTZ 10 mg. daily
Type 2 Diabetes: (March 16, 2009)
Metformin HCL ER 1700 mg. at night..Glipizide 10mg. 2X in the morning and bedtime
Lantus 50 units at bedtime with Solostar Pen
Byetta 5 mcg. 2X daily                                                                   

 

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