My heart goes out to you.....you have been through alot, don't give up!!! You loved your doggy, no matter what , you are still grieving...its a torn emotion, should you hate Dago or love him as you did...give yourself time, the loss of a beloved pet no matter the circumstances HURTS! You are in our thoughts and prayers!
Just know its nothing you did, stuff happens that we can't understand and we are left to pick up the pieces and go on......JOURNAL your feelings, it truly helps. My 14 yr old Lab died in January in her sleep, even though I knew it was coming....it did not help the pain....I wrote and wrote my feelings every day, any minute I thought I was losing it and it HELPED!!!
We are here for you!!