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dagogirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 5/3/2010 6:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry I haven't been on here much lately. I've been dealing with so much. The car accident and all the bills that follow; my dog mauling my arm very badly; and the constant pain and misery from the RSDS. Not to mention, I just got fired from my job a couple weeks ago. I know it doesn't sound all that bad to most, but my life really sucks. I know it could probably be worse. Much worse. But, lately, I really feel so helpless and hopeless. I'm having really huge money problems, and with my boyfriend working the much needed overtime, I'm so lonely without my dog/best friend here with me. Everyday I wait for him to greet me at the door when I get home, and everyday I'm forced to realize that he's never going to greet me at the door ever again. I don't have children, so my 3 year old Neopolitan Mastiff, Dago, was all I had. (Besides my bf, Brian, who's never home to help me with anything but paying the bills.) I miss Dago so much. He was my whole world. We had him imported from Italy when he was 12 weeks old. He was a direct decendent from the pure-blooded breed of Molossus, which were ancient Roman war dogs. Unfortunately, because the bloodline was so pure, certain traits were needed to be bred into and out of him for him to be domesticated, and those were not taken into account. He was my best friend, but also a cold-blooded killer. He started to show signs of aggression, but we just chalked it up to him getting older and more protective and territorial. The first night we moved into our new house, he bit Brian. Not on purpose (at least we don't think it was on purpose.) It was our first night in the house, and as always, Dago and I were in bed before Brian. It was really dark, and as Brian slid the blanket Dago was sleeping on to make room for himself (Dago was 200lbs.), it startled him and he nipped him. When Dago realized that he had bitten "Daddy," he immediately laid down with his head down. Brian needed stitches and had to be off work for a week because he's a welder, and he needs the use of both of his hands to work. The aggression continued when Brian and I would argue and Brian would raise his voice, Dago would start barking and would make his way closer to Brian. Sometimes he would chase Brian right out the door, and he couldn't come back inside until he had completely calmed down. The night Dago bit me, something was terribly wrong with him. He had just snapped. My bf and Dago were on the couch and I was on the floor, and we were just petting him and giving him love. When I started to get up to go to bed, Dago grabbed my arm. He wouldn't let go. Brian started choking him and finally wrestled him to the floor and stepped on his neck, and he finally released my forearm. I calmly walked out into the foyer, and Brian followed me crying hysterically. I didn't even want to look at my arm. Brian tied a pair of jeans around my arm and called an ambulance because the car was in the shop from the car accident 3 days prior. I stayed with my parents after I left the hospital,and my mom drove Brian and Dago to the vet to have him put to sleep. My last memory of my best friend was him viciously attacking me. I have images every night when I lay down to try to sleep. It takes about an hour of re-living that and the several car accidents I've lived through until my mind is so tired of going through the tragedies, that I finally fall asleep. Aside from the RSDS, now I have to live with this pain in my left forearm. There is so much nerve damage, my doctor doesn't even want to talk about any plastic surgery for at least 6 to 12 months. This sucks. I miss my baby Bubbaloo (that was Dago's nickname.) My psychiatrist told me to get another dog, but I'm too scared to even walk by one. I love dogs. I still love Dago, even after what he did to me. The vet said he had a genetic chemical imbalance, and that as he grew older, it would worsen, and we would've had to put him down to protect ourselves and other people and animals. This sucks. Really sucks. I'm so lonely and I'm in so much physical and emotional pain. Oh, and I forgot to mention: I asked my doc about a patient assistance program for my pain meds, and he told me to give the info I had brought with me to the office staff when I checked out. Upon receiving the paperwork, I was told by the staff that, "We don't help with these programs for pain meds." That was the icing on top of the crappiest cake. Now I'm broke, unemployed, severely wounded and living with RSDS without any health insurance/care, and without any help. Or hope, for that matter. I just can't seem to catch a break. Everyday I wake up thinking,"Is today the day that my life will turn for the better? Maybe I'll win the lottery, and then I can afford all of the necessary treatments I need!" I joined a bible study to strengthen my faith, so I guess the rest is in God's hands. 

 Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome of the Left lower extremity


MsBunky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 5/3/2010 10:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dagogirl,

It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of icky stuff lately....and it's easy to see you are stressed to the max. I am so sorry about your dog....that must have been a heartbreaking decision to put him down because of his increasing agression. Even if it was the right thing to do, it's still very sad. No wonder you feel the way you feel right now.

I'm not from the states, so I don't know what kind of programs you have there, but if your doctor's office says they can't or won't help, is there another place you could call to try and get assistance for medications? Can you change doctors to find one who does help with these programs? Without treatment, you're just in a big Catch 22 and you're never going to be able to move ahead.

It sounds like your boyfriend is a big help financially, so that's one stress you don't need to worry about. Are you able to look for a job right now, or do you have to wait until your arm is better? Do you qualify for any kind of employment insurance from your last job?

I sure hope you start getting some things worked out in your life so you can move forward. Good luck with your arm, I really hope it heals properly. Take care of yourself and all the best to you

Hugs,
Pam
Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pelvic Pain, Femoralacetabular Impingement (CAM and Pincer), Reynauds, IBS, Interstitial Cystitis, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines, Severe Hot Flashes (both Surgical Menopause and medication related), plus physically unable to vomit due to the Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins with a lot of scar tissue...a joy when it comes to having to give blood or get an IV started

Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT

Medications: Oxycontin, Cesamet, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Flexeril and Clonidine plus Laxaday, Vitamin D and a Multi-Vitamin daily


bluejet2
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 5/3/2010 10:58 PM (GMT -7)   
 Hi Dagogirl:
 
I am so sorry for all you are going through right now, I can empathize to a degree.  I was in a very bad car accident 14 years ago that changed the entire course of my life and my families life.  I struggled with nightmares for a long time (still do on occasion).
 
I know what you are going through is worse because you had to put your dog down, but I had a dog that I was forced to give away because she attacked another dog (it was a territory thing), and that dog belonged to the people who manage the mobile home community I live in.
 
There are several people here on the forum that have limited or no health insurance and there had been some great information regarding how to get help from the pharmaceutical companies.  I believe PaLady is one that has done extensive research in this area and might have some advice on how to go about it.  I'm sure she'll be along soon.
 
I just wanted to let you know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. 
 
Hang in there,
Lorie

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/4/2010 2:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Dagogirl,
It's late and my brain is pretty fried but I'm obviously not asleep yet, so I'll try to respond. First, I'm so sorry for all you've gone through. Too many traumas. I'm not sure, but I think I may have posted to you about that before, about maybe seeing a therapist that can help with some of the trauma issues, as those definitely increase pain. There may be some agencies that can help you apply for and receive Medical Assistance to pay for some therapy sessions.

I use a lot of the prescription assistance programs, as I have no prescription insurance. In the CP101 thread at the top of the page there are several websites listed, but it requires some work on your part. The www.pparx.com (I think that's the one - partnership for prescription assistance) will link you to various pharmaceutical company programs if you type in the medication you're looking for. It's not hard, but for each medication there may be a different manufacturer, and their programs are each a little different. But my hunch is - and I don't know, but since your doctor didn't say he didn't help, my hunch is the staff doesn't want to or have the time to complete the forms for you. In a way, that's good because one of my doctor's screwed it up because he forgot to sign it.

You will have to read each pharmaceutical company's program for the medication, and follow their instructions. In some cases, all I had to do was attach a prescription, but for some medications, there was a section my doctor's office had to complete, and the medications have to be sent to the doctor's office. Now this does require extra work on the part of the doc's staff, but if you find a program for each medication you take, then I would suggest talking directly with your doctor about helping you. Tell him how desperate your situation is, and that this is the only way you can get your pain meds.

Now a lot of the programs aren't for generics, but there are also some great discount cards (I use the one from the rxcard site listed in CP101) and check for the lowest price. The website has a tool that helps you find the cheapest price in the area you live in. I get my percocet (generic) at Walmart and pay half the Walmart price when I use the discount card. So with generic meds you may be able to get them at a substantially reduced cost.

It takes some planning and work on your part, and if your doctor refuses to identify someone on his staff who will help you (if you can't talk with him directly, I'd write him a nice letter and ask specifically who in the office you should speak to about this - tell him what you were told), then I would try to find another doctor.

I hope this helps some.

PaLady

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 5/4/2010 2:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dagogirl,

Your post really touched my heart. I feel so for you in all that you have had to endure lately. It's quite obvious that you feel overwhelmed by your recent circumstances and emotionally tormented by having to have your beloved pet put to sleep. I have had to do that a couple of times, but never for an agression problem. My dog(s) were not going to make it anyway and they were suffering. None the less, I understand your feelings.

You did what you HAD to do. I'm just so sorry that you had to do it. Then the job......ugh.... and the money.....ugh.

When I was injured, my job did its absolute best to get rid of me. I couldn't believe it. I had been almost 20 years and I had won award after award, but the "company" had changed and I was then under the supervision of less than honorable people. My psch dr helped more than anything when he asked "did you really expect any different"? I shouldn't have....but I did. None the less, I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. We will be here for you and you can come cry with us and hopefully smile sometimes too.

All the best!
Retired Mom


flower123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 5/4/2010 3:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dagogirl,

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. I'm glad you are here at this forum. It has been such an amazing place of support for me. I just wanted to say "welcome" because this is the first post I've read from you. I have to go to work now...will write more later.

Hugs,

Flower

edt
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 773
   Posted 5/4/2010 6:09 AM (GMT -7)   

Dagogirl,

My heart goes out to you.....you have been through alot, don't give up!!!  You loved your doggy, no matter what , you are still grieving...its a torn emotion, should you hate Dago or love him as you did...give yourself time, the loss of a beloved pet no matter the circumstances HURTS!  You are in our thoughts and prayers!

Just know its nothing you did, stuff happens that we can't understand and we are left to pick up the pieces and go on......JOURNAL your feelings, it truly helps.  My 14 yr old Lab died in January in her sleep, even though I knew it was coming....it did not help the pain....I wrote and wrote my feelings every day, any minute I thought I was losing it and it HELPED!!! 

We are here for you!!

XXOO
Patti


dagogirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 5/4/2010 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, everyone, for all of your love, compassion, and understanding. I'm taking all of your advice, and am trying so hard to put the pieces back together. I really need you guys and gals right now. I don't have a support system at home, so I really don't have anyone to talk to. I really need and respect your wisdom. Thanks again for listening. I don't think I can get through this without you. I feel so blessed to have found this forum and all of you. By the way, my name is Kristy. I call myself "Dagogirl" because I'm Italian. lol I love the anticipation of reading all of your replies and responses. It means the world to me. You've been the light in darkest place of where my life has been. Thank you so much.
 Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome of the Left lower extremity


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Kristy,
Now that it's not the middle of the night I can see that I really forgot to mention how sorry I am about what happened to your dog - and your relationship with Dago. I'm a lover of pets, and have had to say good-bye to several, mostly due to old age but not always. Your situation adds the traumatic piece, though, and that's kind of what I meant in my post that you've had and are still experiencing so many traumas. I hope you're able to find some help dealing with this.

If you're not able to see a therapist right now, you might try using some excellent guided imagery CD's (or downloads, whatever you prefer) from
www.healthjourneys.com
and I don't have any financial connection with this site other than I know this woman (Belleruth Naparstek, LISW) is the best in the business from both my professional background and personally. I use her material all the time, and just gave many of my older cassette tapes to my cousin who's going through breast cancer and she said she never would be getting through it as well without these resources. There is a CD for post traumatic stress, which you're likely suffering from, but even a general relaxation one may help. Trauma is also very physical, not just emotional. The suggestion someone gave about journaling your feelings (here and also on your own) is also excellent as it helps to process them.

I know the anxiety and sense of being completely overwhelmed that comes with no money and no resources, and having to scrape to get by and having barely any health insurance (no Rx coverage). That alone is traumatic! So you're taking the right steps coming here, and use all the other resources you can get your hands on to help yourself through this. (from one Italian to another!)

((((((((((Kristy))))))))))

PaLady

kimber9807
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 492
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Kristy you are in my thought and prayers.
im dxed with  herniated discs,fibromylagia , scolosis,ddd,athritis, spinal stenosis , spinal blockage ,gerd,gastric ulcer (2008), pernicous anemia , folic acid anemia and gallbladder removal 3/23/10.
 
meds: Ambien, prilosec otc,  ibuprofren,Ultracet, folic acid , b12 injections, zyrtec and benadryl.
 
Just added : folic acid supplement  1 mg a day for the next year and also b12 injections increased to once a month. pernicous anemia and  Folic acid anemia.


bluejet2
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 5/4/2010 3:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kristy:

I have been thinking about you all day today and was wondering how you were doing. I'm so glad that you came to us here at HW during this tough time. It's amazing how much these posts can be like a life-line when we are at our lowest of lows.

I hope you are feeling a little better today knowing you have all of us by your side.

Lorie

skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 5/4/2010 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Dagogirl,

I am so sorry to hear about all the traumas that you have recently been through, especially the loss of your dog. In my line of work I have seen many dogs put down because they brutally attacked their owner or another animal, but it is never any easier on the owner. Many owners are more concerned about the well being of their animal than their own well being. Rest assured you did the right thing. Although some aggressive dogs can be rehabilitated, most, unfortunately, can never be trusted again. I can't imagine the emotional hurt you must feel from that breach of trust. I am closer to my animals than I am to most people & I know all too well how hard it is to lose your best friend.

Give it time, your heart will heal, although there will undoubtably always be a gap where your love for Dago once lived.

I wish you a full, speedy recovery.

hugs,
Skeye

dagogirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 5/6/2010 10:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, everyone. As I wipe away the tears from my face from reading your replies, cares and concerns, I'm having this feeling.... I think its a feeling of relief. No one has said such nice things to me since its happened. I mean, I've been told things like, "Oh, you're better off. You're lucky it wasn't your neck or your face..." or "Your arm looks really bad. Are you getting plastic surgery? That looks like it hurts...." or "What did you do to him that made him attack you?" It just doesn't seem to get any easier, answering the same questions over and over again and re-living it over and over again. Your words of encouragement have been the biggest blessing. Thank you, again.
Kristy
 Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome of the Left lower extremity


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 5/7/2010 3:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I just wanted to say, sorry about the loss of your pet, that can be very hard no matter what the circumstances...
like what Skeye wrote "give yourself time for you and your heart to heal..another dog right now does not sound like a good idea..
as your still hurting and grieving, but maybe when your ready another pet will come along, maybe not a dog...
Anyways, sometimes drug manufacturers offer rebate programs for getting low costs meds, look into that at your pharmacy...
wish I had magic words to says to help heal you, but...
you'll be in my thoughts...
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kristy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
so your italian, cool, the italians have good foods..........
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********


Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 5/7/2010 4:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kristy,
I'm so sorry to hear about your pup and all the pain you are suffering with what has happened. People can be so crule w/ out even knowing it. You found a realy great place coming top our forum. There are so many good people here who really get "it" and have been living w/ pain a long time. Becoming a member of our little family WILL help you more than you think! We are a real family here even if it sounds silly because most of us have never met! We all have so much in common here. Especially the fact that most of us have no one to talk to about our pain because other although our families and friends say "We know what your going through" they don't have a clue of how we suffer day in and day out!!!!!!!
I too am an animal lover. I had something very similar happen to me way back when I was in college a million years ago. I had a Doberman, Derik was my first dog> I named him after Derik & the Domimos ie: Eric Claptin & Duane Allman! My younger brother was having a party at my house and Derik was sleeping on the floor after meeting and playing w/ everyone at the party. A young girl maybe 17 or 18y/o laid on the floor next to him when someone else knocked on the outside door, he woke up violently and bit the girl on her face. Long story short, she sued me and the court made me put him to sleep. I was so hurt I would NOT get another dog for 30 years untill my Rose addoped us 5 years ago! But thats another story!!! Sorry to blab on about my pain but I do understand how much it hurts to lose your best friend!!!
Please stick around with us Kristy, you belong here w/ us!!!
Big hugz from a fellow Italliano!!
Pete
When I was young & stupid I broke almost every bone in my body and I'm paying a heavy price now but I'm still here and so glad to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men, both are in the Navy. I'm so proud! 


dagogirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 5/10/2010 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm really sorry to here about your dog, Derik. That's an awesome name, though. Its weird. The more I think and daydream about it, I think, "There had to be something I could've done to prevent this..... " I loved him sooooo much. I gave up my friends and family for him (everyone was terrified of him.) I changed my entire life to make sure he was cared for with the utmost amount of love and compassion, just for this reason. I wish I could go back in time and change everything......

 Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome of the Left lower extremity


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/10/2010 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Dagogirl,
Maybe doing some more reading about dog breeds and temperaments may help you see that it wasn't you. Or talking with an experienced dog trainer. Because this was probably your dog's temperament and you gave dago as good a life as he could have had for the time he had it. But it's also not fair to you to have to give up family and friends for a pet. If a pet can't be trained or at least managed safely, then there either needs to be more training, or the animal itself may just not be able to be trained. Either way, I know this is painful, but grieve for him, but if you allow yourself to feel guilty for the rest of your life it will hang over you like a dark cloud. You gave dago love and compassion, and he likely would not have had that in his life without you, but his temperament was beyond your ability to manage. You did nothing wrong!

I know this may just seem like empty words to you now, but I do know carrying this load on your shoulders forever will probably keep you from really loving another pet down the line.

Hugs,

PaLady

White Beard
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3610
   Posted 5/10/2010 3:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Kristy

It is never easy to have to have a pet put down, they really are a member of your family, they often become your your closest friend, I have had to do that just a couple of times in my life, about 20 or so years ago my dog Kneesa ( as in Princess Kneesa the Ewok) she was attacked by another bigger dog and she could not be saved. Honestly I had to take off work, for a few days,I was in the military too, but I was a mess, it is very hard sometimes for others to understand the loss that you feel. People use to tell me, she was only a dog, heck even my wife said that! Luckily my boss was a dog lover and she understood what it meant to me! It never gets any easier either, because you do become so attached to your furry friends! It has been two or so years ago now that I had to have my buddy Moggie put down because of old age, I held him in my arms as the Vet gave him the injection, I think it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do!..... Kristy be gentle with yourself, it is a loss that takes time to grieve. You did do the right thing, I know that knowing that does not fill the void that is in your heart, but you have family here that does understand, so you are not alone.

Peace be with YOU

White Beard

straydog
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13451
   Posted 5/10/2010 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Dagogirl it sounds like you just have an awful lot on your plate right now to deal with. The best you can do is take it one day at a time. Putting a pet down is one of the most heart breaking things I have ever had to do no matter what the reason is for doing so. I know you don't want to hear it but in time it will get better for you, it just takes time. Don't waste precious energy trying to second guess yourself on making the right decision or not, of course you did, no matter how hard it hurts. I miss my Jaker something fierce I had to have him put to sleep last Sept. because of cancer. Remember the fun times with Dago and relish those memories and be glad you were his owner and the one there to take care of him. I swore after Jake I was not getting close to any more dogs because its so hard, but we do have two and its hard not to get attached. They need someone to love them and take care of them. I still cry over my Jake believe me. Don't be so hard on yourself gal. Hugs,
 

crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & psoriasis and psoratic arthritis. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 17 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.


dagogirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 5/11/2010 12:25 AM (GMT -7)   
All of your constant love and compassionate words have been the only light in this very dark place where I've been for the past 2 months. Thank you. So much. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Every one of you have been such a great inspiration. Here I am, again, crying! Its like a broken faucet that I can't seem to turn off. I'm so sorry for all of your losses. I honestly think the reason why I can't seem to move forward is because I can't get the image out of my mind and my dreams. When my boyfriend took him to the vet, he had the opportunity of cuddling and hugging him for the last time. He got to remember Dago as our handsome, beautiful, loving companion. My last memory of him is so disturbing. I still haven't gotten to the anger phase, I suppose. I mean, should I be angry? My best friend and protector ultimately turned on me, mauled me, and severed the main tendon in my left forearm. I'm scarred for life with a large chunk missing, still have very limited use of my wrist and elbow, and now the doctor is telling me it may take a year to heal, or it may never heal. Ever. He said the nerve damage is so extensive that plastic surgery is out of the question for at least the next 6 months. I can't look at my arm without thinking about him and missing him. I'm not angry with him. At all. I just can't stand dealing with the physical pain of this and the RSD, combined with all of these unrecognizable emotions.
With my undying gratitude, thank you for listening and caring so much.
Kristy
 Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome of the Left lower extremity

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