Having a hard time.....

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 5/4/2010 12:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone.  Hope you are having a LPD.  I  don't know where to start, it's been awhile and I am sorry for that.  It seems like just reading the posts takes so long and I have a hard time using the keyboard,heck it will probly take me a few hours to do this one.  As you all know I have several strokes and forever waiting to see if Medicaid will pay for the biggee I'm still careying inside my head,waiting for that to blow.  Its like a timebomb and I never know when or if it will be the one the kills me.  I have been having trouble with falling and Jaysons getting tired of picking me up off the floor.  I dont blame him sometimes its a nightly thing.  Specially in the bathroom.  I seem to fall there alot.  I have to wait forever for me to go potty,its a long story but while I m there I am so exhausted that a dooze off and then I hit the wall and then the floor.  Really though I am surprized that the clot in my head hasnt been jared loose or I havnt bee nso bad that I have gone to the hospital.  I probly shoud have a few times but really what are they going to do with bunch of pulled muscles and a few lumps on my head?
Now I have big splits on all the fingers from gardening and washing my hands with the cold days we are still having.  My hands split easy since I got diabetes and they take awhile to heal and then I am having problems with my big toes being ingown since the nails are narrowing at the tips and they hurt so much.  All swollen so I cant hardly ware shoes and then you have all the bruising from the falls I am a huge mess.  And through all of this trying to take care of the elderly Mom its just too much ya know?  After I clean my house i have to go over to Moms to do a bunch of chores and then go to the store for her.  If her place isnt clean then she will have to go to a nursing home and I am not going to let that happen as long as I can gimp my butt over there.
I am having so much pain everyday.  Some times a just go numb to it all and thats good I guess until it comes crashing back.   I am turning fifty this summer and people tell me I still look way younger but I feel like I am eighty.  I have some days where I cry alone because ppl get tired of seeing it.  I feel so alone much of the time.  I feel if I dont do the stuff that they need of me that I would not see them very often.  Just like my daughter.  Her cake business if finally taking off and she needs me to watch her 4 kids while shes out on cake calls doing serving and such and I am very proud of her,she has done all this by herself taught her self how to make beautiful wedding cakes and all kinds of cakes with figurs on them that are so life like its amazing but she still needs someone and its usually me to watch the kids.  Barbarann is a perfectionist and can be very highstrung and talks down to me at times.  She gets frustraited with me because I cant remember things and doesnt like to be told again and agian.  Its not my fault I dont mean to make her mad same as with Jayson.  I feel like ppl treat me like im retarded with the way I stammer my speach and cant think of the right words.  But they still like me enough when I get the job done for them.  Please be forgiving with my spelling as it would take forever to get it right.
So now I have blabbed too long Im sorry to bend your ear so long ,well your eyes I guess lol.  I just want you to know that I love you all so much and even if I dont type mych know that I am reading and care for you and all that ails you.
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Had another stroke 2/09 and it took my speach for the most part and dont know when it will coming back.  Had another stroke summer of 09, found out I have a block artery 80% blocked and waiting on Medicaid to do the surgery to hopfully save my life it was denied in winter of 09.  Still praying.
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day
Plavix(blood),Baclofen(muscle relaxer),Prilosec(acid blocker),Januvia(diabetes),Motrin,Meclizine(nausea)Prozac(deppresion)Melatonin(sleep) and thats all folksssssss(for now lol)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen,

I just wanted to say hello and tell you to hang in there as best you can and come visit and vent whenever you want. You have so much going on and it sounds like perhaps your generosity and willingness to help out is being taken advantage of. Who takes care of you??

I hope you get the news from Medicaid you've been waiting for and the surgery or other treatments you need can happen right away. In the meantime, please know that you are being prayed for and thought about....and I hope you start to feel some relief from the pain soon.

Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pelvic Pain, Femoralacetabular Impingement (CAM and Pincer), Reynauds, IBS, Interstitial Cystitis, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines, Severe Hot Flashes (both Surgical Menopause and medication related), plus physically unable to vomit due to the Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins with a lot of scar tissue...a joy when it comes to having to give blood or get an IV started

Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT

Medications: Oxycontin, Cesamet, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Flexeril and Clonidine plus Laxaday, Vitamin D and a Multi-Vitamin daily

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2261
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen
You sure have a lot going on.  I'm so sorry that youre going thru all this (((((((((hugs))))))))  My heart goes out to you.
I don't understand why youre having to wait on Medicaid to approve your surgery.  I've never had to wait for any surgery, and I have Medicaid.  That's so wrong.  How long have you been waiting?  I sure hope you get approved really soon. 
Dx:  ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, hypothyroidism, typeII diabetes, asthma, allergies, high blood pressure, polycystic ovary syndrome, PTSD, depression, anxiety

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 5/4/2010 3:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Karen,
It is good to see you post, although I know it took a lot out of you to write. Don't feel like you have to write a lot either - but if you want to just add your name or something to a post we can respond just to that and we'll know you want some hugs and support from us!

I understand why you're so proud of your daughter, but taking care of 4 children and an elderly Mom with all you have going on....I don't know what to say. I know you feel you have to do it, even want to do it, but we have our limits and I can't believe you haven't hit yours. It sounds so much like you need an advocate in your life. Do you have a good friend that can try to talk to your daughter and maybe help her to see she needs to try harder to make other arrangements for child care? It's so easy to rely on grandma. Think about this - you want to be around to see those kids grow up, and watch your daughter thrive, but you need to cut yourself some slack.

I don't know if you have Medicaid now and you're just waiting on approval for the surgery, or you're waiting on approval for the Medicaid itself (I know how that goes, trust me) but if you have Medicaid you may be able to find an agency who could provide some in-home services for you, and maybe this "neutral" professional could help other family members find options.

I truly do feel for you. I'm glad you're at least here reading. Like I said, just pop a couple of words at the end of this thread anytime you want and ask for hugs or a shoulder or whatever. We'll get what you're trying to say!



Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 5/4/2010 5:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh Karen,

When I start to feel bad for myself I see someone like you and I am ashamed. You are an inspiration! You are such a giving person and should be appreciated and respected for all that you do and for all that you give.

I am very glad that you were able to find the time to post to us so that we could give you encouragement. Like PAlady said, we will understand if it is only a quick hello and give all we can to help.

Please know that you are special and wonderful and that you are appreciated here.

I look forward to more communication when you feel up to it.

Best to you!
Retired Mom

Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 487
   Posted 5/4/2010 6:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Karen:

It is wonderful to see you post, I know it took a tremendous amount of effort and energy for you to write what you did. I am so sorry that you are struggling through such difficult circumstances.

It does sound like you are stretching yourself way too thin, and that can't help but have a negative impact on your health. I understand that you feel that you must do these things, and we are all guilty at one time or another of pushing ourselves past our limits (knowing full well that we are going to pay for it later), in order to do things for or with our families, but you are dealing with so much more than just chronic pain. Do your family members realize how taxing these things are on you? I know very often I am guilty of assuming that my husband must see the things that need to be done just the way I do, but the fact of the matter is, that he doesn't, & his standards are not the same either. When I overdo it, he will often get exasperated with me and say "Why didn't you just ask for the help you needed?"

I tell people all the time the hardest thing about living with CP for the last 14 years has been recognizing and adjusting to my limitations, and it requires constant reassessing.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 5/4/2010 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
((((((((((((Karen))))))))))))))). You have been through so much; I can't imagine NOT being overwhelmed & depressed. I wish I could do more for you, but all I can do is offer you hugs & support. It's not easy to accept the things that we have lost or learn to adapt to new limitations. I pray that you will be able to find the strength to carry on.

You are in my thoughts & prayers as well. I hope that your insurance comes to their senses & approves your procedure. It sounds like it is something that you desperately need.


White Beard
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 3602
   Posted 5/4/2010 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   
I am glad to see you posting again. If my memory serves me right back last year your husband posted once or twice to let us know how you were doing! It sure sounds like you are having a rough time of it. You know grown children can be very difficult some times, you always want to help them and do all you can for them and yet sometimes it just doesn't seem like they recognize or appreciate all that you do. I empathize with you on that! I am sorry though that with all that you have been through and are still going through, that they would not take your condition into consideration! Do they not understand what happens to a person that has had a stroke and the damage that a stroke can cause? I can on imagine how frustrating this all must be for you! When will you find out if Medicaid will pay for your surgery? I honestly can not even imagine what stress that must be for you, living with that knowledge of that clot just being there!

My heart goes out to you Karen! I do wish you all the best! When you feel alone, please know that there are friends here that do care and worry about you!

White Beard

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9607
   Posted 5/4/2010 9:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey there Karen,
will be keeping you in my thouhts and Prayers..I know you've been watching over us all, and sure hope you can get that procedure/surgery that you need.
Ya know I care and will hope you can get a low pain day soon...
Prayers and hugz to you..
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...


Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 5/5/2010 1:47 AM (GMT -6)   

I just got done reading your post... and the responses to it. I'm so glad that the people here are joining around you to support and encourage you... Thank you for updating us on everything going on. Everybody covered much of what I would say... but I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, Karen...

Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...

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