At the end of my rope...

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StephanieJoy
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Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I am not having a good day.  I am in horrible pain and I'm at work.  devil I work four days a week because of my chronic pelvic pain and every day it's a challenge to make it to work.  I feel like I am at the end of my rope.  I also feel severely depressed.  I am seeing a therapist and I've been on antidepressants but the every day challenge of dealing with chronic pain for the past couple of years is really starting to take a toll on me.  I don't know how people work and handle their CP plus a lot of people have children!!!!  I can't imagine taking care of a family.  My husband and I do not have children.  Thankfully, my husband and family have been pretty supportive however, their is nothing like talking to people who are actually experiencing CP and have been living with it for years.
 
How is everyone else doing????? 
How do you all deal with your depression????
 
Stephanie
 

kimber9807
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 492
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Stephanie , I am sorry to hear your hurting. I also did suffer from chronic pelvic pain for a long time. I know how you feel. It is finally cured now . I hope you can find relief for your pain. I try to distract myself from the pain by posting here and doing other activities. I hope your pain lessens soon.


im dxed with  herniated discs,fibromylagia , scolosis,ddd,athritis, spinal stenosis , spinal blockage ,gerd,gastric ulcer (2008), pernicous anemia , folic acid anemia and gallbladder removal 3/23/10.
 
meds: Ambien, prilosec otc,  ibuprofren,Ultracet, folic acid , b12 injections, zyrtec and benadryl.
 
Just added : folic acid supplement  1 mg a day for the next year and also b12 injections increased to once a month. pernicous anemia and  Folic acid anemia.

Post Edited (kimber9807) : 5/4/2010 2:53:06 PM (GMT-6)


StephanieJoy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
How did your pain get better? What types of treatment did they do? I don't even know how I got this!!!! The doctors don't really know either. It's been almost 4 years now and I haven't seen hardly any improvement in my pain levels.

Are you currently working? It seems like a LOT of people here have fibromyalgia. That sounds terrible. I am at least thankful my pain isn't 24/7. I don't know how people can stand that, especially if it is severe.

MIKEL99
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Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 5/4/2010 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Stephanie , Sorry your having such a hard time lately , Your doing the right thing seeing a therapist though , and posting here .I think your a very strong woman to work while dealing with such challenges to your health .Have you tried meditation ? Seeking peace within you can be very calming .I really hope you can work this out Stephanie , I'll send all the good thoughts and prayers your way I can . Mikel

kimber9807
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 492
   Posted 5/4/2010 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Stephanie , I wouldnt suggest this unless it was your last resort I had bad endometerosis ,twisted ovary And other issues. I tried injections to the nerves to numb the area that didnt work and pain meds plus several laproscopies. But in the end nothing helped my pain so I had a hysterectomy . I wouldnt recomend it to anyone I did it as a last resort and its a good thing I did in the long run besides curing my pelvic pain . They also discovered cervical cancer and it cured it. I would try all avenues before I would consider this. I know you said it in the past you cant afford medical treatment , but a good way to tell what is causing your pelvic pain is an laproscopy so they can actually see inside and see whats going on. Good Luck.
im dxed with  herniated discs,fibromylagia , scolosis,ddd,athritis, spinal stenosis , spinal blockage ,gerd,gastric ulcer (2008), pernicous anemia , folic acid anemia and gallbladder removal 3/23/10.
 
meds: Ambien, prilosec otc,  ibuprofren,Ultracet, folic acid , b12 injections, zyrtec and benadryl.
 
Just added : folic acid supplement  1 mg a day for the next year and also b12 injections increased to once a month. pernicous anemia and  Folic acid anemia.


StephanieJoy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/4/2010 2:08 PM (GMT -7)   
You had a hysterectomy and it cured your pelvic pain????? HMMMMMM.... Something doesn't sound right. The specialist that I am seeing for my pelvic pain is VERY much against having this done. I had a laproscopy done a few years ago and they didn't find anything wrong. Everything looked normal....

Thank you Mike for your message.. Very encouraging words to hear. I have tried meditation. It is helpful in dealing with my pain, especially when it gets severe...

Stephanie

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 5/4/2010 2:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Stephanie...

I'm sorry you are struggling so much...but I'm glad you are reaching out to others here that understand.

I have multiple medical issues, chronic pain and depression/anxiety. It sucks... there's just no better way to put it :) It has all severely impacted my life.... some days I do better coping.... some days I don't. I guess I've learned to allow myself to have good/bad days... that's all one can really do.

Re: the depression... it's good you are doing therapy and are on meds. Do the meds seem to be working? I was on an anti-depressant for a LONG time (Zoloft)... it worked wonders for a long time... and then quit working at all. I then switched to Effexor. Sometimes a change can help. I also try to avoid things that I know will "trigger" my depression. For instance, it's really easy for me to stay in my PJ's and just isolate, because I feel so horrible... but I know that I can quickly put myself in a deep hole that's hard to get out of. That kind of thing. Oh, and someone mentioned "distractions"... that's a good one, too. But, sometimes - as I'm sure you know... the depression is just "there" and there's nothing you can really do about it, except ride it out.

Re: having a family... it can be very difficult at times juggling it all... definitely. I had 6 kids before the majority of my health/pain issues came about... That being said, it can be done... it's just a bit harder :) I'm so glad you have a supportive husband and family... but, I agree, there's certain things that people don't understand unless you've experienced it firsthand.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much... I do understand, though, and feel for you. Keep posting and sharing...
Thinking of you...
Tina
Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...


kimber9807
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 492
   Posted 5/4/2010 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Yeah I did but I had severeal gynecological issues going on and plus undetected cancer. As I said I m not recommending it . I did it only as a last resort. Most drs dont like to do a hysterectomy if they cant see anything wrong but I had chronic pelvic pain for a long time and I exhausted all treatment options. I am not a dr just sharing my story. so Im in no way telling you to have one.
im dxed with  herniated discs,fibromylagia , scolosis,ddd,athritis, spinal stenosis , spinal blockage ,gerd,gastric ulcer (2008), pernicous anemia , folic acid anemia and gallbladder removal 3/23/10.
 
meds: Ambien, prilosec otc,  ibuprofren,Ultracet, folic acid , b12 injections, zyrtec and benadryl.
 
Just added : folic acid supplement  1 mg a day for the next year and also b12 injections increased to once a month. pernicous anemia and  Folic acid anemia.


StephanieJoy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/4/2010 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Tina for your response! 6 kids!!!! HOLY COW!!!! That is a LOT!

I have definitley noticed that my anxiety level increases when my pain goes up. I too try hard not to stay at home and just lay on the couch but it's difficult especially when the pain is very severe and I feel like I can barely move let alone get up and dressed and out of the house. I try to find things to do that distract me but don't take a lot of effort. I enjoy reading very much and that does seem to help me quite a bit. My therapist just recently put me on Zoloft and they increased the dosage about a week ago. It helps a little bit. I haven't seen a huge improvement but I guess it just takes time.

Stephanie

skeye
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 5/4/2010 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stephanie,

I wish I had a brilliant answer for you, but I don't. I've been struggling with my severe depression for many years now & have had little luck in getting it successful under control. Talking to a therapist helps, but only to a point. For whatever reason I have a really strange biochemistry -- I have several genetic mutations in my metabolic pathways which prevent me from metabolizing many drugs, including most antidepressants -- so medications have not been the answer for me. I just try my best to take each day slowly -- one hour at a time -- and not get overwhelmed. It's not easy, but for the most part I do manange. Sometimes all you can do is your best, whatever that may be.

I hope you are feeling better tonight!

hugs,
Skeye

Blessedx8
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 5/4/2010 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stephanie...

Yep, my anxiety goes up with pain, too... Actually, my anxiety goes up w/ lots of things.. but that's a different story :)

If I gave the impression that I'm up and dressed each day...that was wrong of me :) A good day is a shower and getting dressed and just existing at home :) Many days are spent on the couch... or whatever... It's a hard new life to get used to, I know. I was about 30 when I got so sick and my pain issues began.

Hopefully the increase in Zoloft will help... those are my wishes for you... I like Skeye's advice to about taking just each day slowly...and sometimes one hour at a time... this is how I have to live each day... because I never know how I'm going to feel.

Talk to you more soon... Hope you feel better... --Tina
Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...


StephanieJoy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/4/2010 11:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Tina-

I know, I have increased anxiety due to a lot of other factors as well. I think its because I have a type A personality and tend to stress over a lot of things.

I spend a lot of my time on the couch as well. The simplest tasks sometimes seem impossible when my pain is so severe. How long have you been living with your pain? Are you in pain 24/7? It seems like a lot of people on this forum have fibromyalgia. I really feel for you. Are you currently working? I work 4 days a week---I am off on Fridays. It's still very difficult to work when you have chronic pain.

I can totally relate to what you are saying about taking it a day at a time. Lately I have definitely been finding myself doing this. Hour by hour when my pain is really severe.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Stephanie

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 5/4/2010 11:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Stephanie...

I have a Type A personality, too... :) But, over the years, I've found that it doesn't work so well while managing a chronic illness :) But there's parts of me that I don't know will ever change... and, yes, I stress over things, too. (Those that know me well here, would be shaking their heads in complete agreement...I'm a stress case!).

I've had migraines since my early 20's (I'll be 37 in a few weeks)... but they were off/on over the years. I've had "chronic pain" for almost 7 years... I have fibromyalgia, neck/upper back issues, migraines, carpal tunnel syndrome.... and a wide variety of other junk. It's a 24/7 thing definitely.

I don't work an outside job... but besides the kids and managing my health - I think of that as my F/T job... :) Honestly, though, I don't know how you, and several here, work. I admire it very much.... How do you manage at work when you are hurting so badly? Is your job flexible about this sort of thing? I just ask, Stephanie, because - even though I have a million obligations on the home front - I know that, on a bad day, I can make it work from the couch. Does that make sense? Anyway, I imagine that by Thursday night, you are wiped out - and spend Fri through Sun in "recovery mode"?? That would be me, at least :)

Hang in there. I know it's rough at times, definitely. Thoughts/prayers with you as well :) --Tina
Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...


BobinmidMO
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 5/5/2010 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
You asked the million dollar question:  How to deal with depression.  Well as far as I'm concerned, this is one problem that can be fixed.
 
While our minds are constantly bouncing around all day long from one idea and thought to another, like it or not, we're not computers where we can do more than one task at a time.  Now since we can only really do one thing at a time, then why not use that brain control in a positive way.  Depression are thought patterns about ones self.  "I'm feeling miserable."  "Nobody knows what I'm going through," and the list goes on and on.  The way I deal with depression is by avoiding "me" at all costs.  The less I think about me, the less depression is a part of my life.  Instead replace it with thinking and doing things for others.  It's simple to do and it's amazing just how much faster a person can feel better, not to mention how much easier it is for everyone else that's in our lives.  My second fall back method for dealing with depression is to compare my lives with others.
 
While it's easy to buy into the idea that we've got it so much harder than anyone could possibly know, this just couldn't be further from the real truth.  Sure, we have those months when the house and car insurance payments hit on the same month or the hot water tank blew up and the cat brought up another hair ball, but compared to the rest of the world, we're the luckiest people in the world.  In Mexico if your home has windows, you're doing well.  Heating and cooling systems are only for the wealthy.  Owning a car for many is a dream they'll always have, but never enjoy because of the cost of buying, insuring and paying for the fuel.  Even clean water and food at prices that don't empty out the wallet are things we take for granted that so many in this world of ours will never in million years enjoy.
 
Tonight I'll be just like every other typical American and grab a bite of dinner from my fridge that's usually stocked pretty darn good.  If the humidity is a bit high, I'll turn on the A/C to remove the moisture from the air so I sleep better.  Then I'll go into my living room and kick back in my recliner and watch some TV with a lap full of goodies.  While this might be normal and no big deal to us, trust me, it's a concept and living idea that simply blows so many people in so many other countries away.  Now if I were in their shoes, then I'd have a reason to be "really" depressed, but I know that while my problems are a pain in the neck and I wish they'd ease up, I'm very blessed.  That's how I deal with depression.  Hope it works for you, Bob.
After an accident in  1997 crushed the nerves in my pelvis, halfway down the calf and at the fibular head (knee), my left leg slowly started to turn color from the foot up, along with swelling and temp change.  Within 2 weeks I was diagnosed with RSD.  By 1999 I landed in a wheelchair and started a life taking narcotics all the time. In 2004 I got an Intrathecal morphine pump &5 years ago the RSD spread to my right leg and has done around 80% of the damage it did to my left leg in half the time. 1 1/2 years ago I went septic, and the infection did go body-wide.  After 2 days in the hospital I then had a clot in my lungs.  Both should have killed me, but this time I got lucky.  Meanwhile I've been battling blood clots for the last 4 years.  A year ago my left leg was ampuated above the knee after ging septic.  Guess that about say's it all.  Bob.


StephanieJoy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/5/2010 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Tina-

I know, it's hard to change.... I am trying to do a little more relaxation and deep breathing. Kaiser has an 8 week chronic pain program that I am going to start next month. They meet once a week for two hours each week to discuss different topics relating to chronic pain and how to cope with it. I've taken this course a few years ago and decided to take it again. My pain has really flared up bad these past several weeks. My doctor wants me to start taking morphine tablets along with my percocet to help keep my pain more under control. I'm not crazy about the idea. I just don't want to get dependent on these medications. What medications are you taking for your pain?

That's terrible you are in pain like you are. You and your family are in my prayers. Do you like to read? I LOVE it!!! I try and read every day. It is a good distraction for me. It is VERY difficult for me to work. I work in San Francisco as a legal secretary. I work for a very large law firm and they are aware of my health problems. I do miss work from time to time because of my pain. I can't help it. I do the best I can. I do get really down on myself if I start to miss a lot of work. It's just really hard to be so young and to not be able to even work full time. Plus I have a 2+ hour commute every day. I am fortunate that my work is very understanding but I do worry about losing my job. I am stressed out every day because of work. I wake up and never know how I am going to feel or even when I will be in pain. It's an hour by hour thing. By Thursday I am wiped out both physically and emotionally. It takes a lot out of me!!!

Have you tried botox for your migraines???? Is your family supportive??? Do you have a lot of friends who you can talk to??? How did you feel today???

Stephanie

Blessedx8
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 5/6/2010 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Stephanie,

Hi... sorry it's taken me a bit... the last couple of days have been rough. I think it's great you are doing the Kaiser class. When my chronic pain began, we had Kaiser (since have switched)... I went through their pain management program, and took similar classes. I have a feeling you live in my general area... we are about 50 minutes outside of San Francisco. I can't imagine commuting each day, much less working, w/ the pain you have. I know it must be really wearing on your body. I'm glad, though, that you work w/ a company that's supportive.. and you seem to have a good attitude about things... you are right - you can only do what you can do. I think that's all any of us can really do. I'm really hard on myself re: my limitations, so I understand (back to that Type A personality thing) :) Yep, it's really hard not knowing day to day how you are going to feel. Most days, I cope ok w/ this... but I definitely have my moments. It's very difficult to make any sort of commitment for anything... For instance, I had a doctor appointment this morning that I was too sick to go to. It's just the way life is, dealing w/ all this junk.

I used to love to read. I still do but sometimes I lack the focus to keep on w/ a book. It has to grab my attention from the beginning. I love Jody Picoult books, though. I read a lot of non-fiction stuff... and I read a lot of "fluffy" magazines :)

I've tried everything for my migraines.. and then some, but no I've haven't tried the botox. That is being used more in the last few years... and my migraines aren't my main focus anymore, so I haven't tried anything aggressively for them.

Yes, my family is supportive... for the most part. But it's still really wearing on my family. It takes a lot of adjustments and such. That being said, I think it's taught my kids important life lessons - such as patience, compassion and so forth. Still, I'd rather them learn these things in other ways :) I do have good friends, both in person and on the computer... However, having a chronic illness put a strain on many of my friendships... when you are no longer the same person, some people just couldn't handle that journey w/ me. I think many of us here have been through similar things...

I gotta go try to scrounge something up for dinner... my favorite time of day... NOT (I hate cooking). But I'll talk to you soon. Let me know how you are feeling today...

--Tina
Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...


StephanieJoy
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 5/6/2010 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tina!!!

Where do you live? I live in Benicia!!!!

It sounds like you've had a difficult day today. I am so sorry... I've missed the last two days of work due to my pain. Are you taking any pain meds? My doctor wants me to start methadone. I've never heard of it before. It's very difficult to keep relationships with people. I can't commit to any plans or anything either. I always tell people it just depends how I feel. That's all you can really do. This has been hard on my husband. He is very supportive but it is really starting to wear on him. How long have you been married? It will soon be our 8 year anniversary. I got married young (I was 24). I'm very thankful for my husband. I cannot imagine going through all of this by myself. I really depend on him for support. I have to see my physical therapist tomorrow morning and I also have an appt with my therapist. My depression is getting worse. Honestly, I don't know how much antidepressants really work. They just don't seem to do a whole lot. I don't know. I guess its hard to tell.

What was your appt for today that you weren't able to make? l hope you are able to get in to see your doctor soon. Do you see many different doctors? That's the worse when you have multiple doctors treating you. I've found that a lot of them don't agree with each other let alone communicate with one another. It makes it very difficult.

Write back when you can...

Steph

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 5/6/2010 9:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Stephanie...

Re: the methadone - I'm going to answer on your newer thread.

Re: everything else :) ... click on my username, and you'll find my e-mail... E-mail when you can and I'll answer everything else :)

--Tina
Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...

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