I Felt Like a Total Fool

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/7/2010 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, so for the most part the long weekend was pretty good for me, and I hope it was for everyone else too!  The fair was in town, so we went to that.  I made it through without pain thank god.  Some bad spells, here and there, but we did some fireworks and family things, pretty good!
Last night I went to a "work reunion" I guess you would call it.  Many of us got a job at this particular McDonalds in town when we were like 15 or 16.  It was our first job for many of us and it was a really great one!  We have went our separate ways for 15 years or so but we decided to get back together to see what everyone was up to.  It was really great.  Just like old times!  After about two hours, right in the middle of dinner my pain kicked in and within five minutes it was totally out of control. 
I had to get up and go ome right in the middle of dinner.  I felt so stupid.  My wife stayed and said she tried to explain it to everyone.  I hoped they understood at least a little.  It really hurts me to have my disorder running the show and calling the shots instead of me.  I felt pretty powerless.
It is sad to me that the biggest change in my life in fifteen years is my disorder. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 7/7/2010 5:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jay!

Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear what happened. You are a brave man to get as far as you did. But I would guess that your former co-workers have a better understand and compassion of what you are living with after that evening.

I'm not trying to make a sexist remark here, but I can see why emotionally men can have a very difficult time with chronic pain. You guys are supposed to be the 'tough' one, the ROCK!, and hero, the bread winner, the guy who can do it all!! Well you know what? Sometimes you may not feel like it nor look like it but to those who love you, you are all of that and more. You still hold your head up high and push on. You went to the fair and did the family things. How many of us wouldn't make it that far? You accompanied your wife to an event but found you had to leave before it was over. I'd say that's quite an amazing accomplishment!! I doubt I could do in a month what you managed in one week.

You have shown other men that you can have chronic pain and still have a life, be it an altered one. Your life still has meaning, you still have family who adore you and you still have something that many will never have...your self respect. I personally think you are amazing and a Hero!

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 13361
   Posted 7/7/2010 5:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Jay, never feel like a fool because of CP. Instead, look at what you accomplished that long weekend which in my book is a lot and I think you and your wife should be very proud and happy at what you did. Good grief, some folks cannot do a third of what you did man, so kuddos to you. Be thankful that you pulled off what you, don't beat yourself up for what you did not do, its just not worth it man. I hope you keep having many, many more times like that too. Take care.

crohns disease dx 2002 & small bowel resection, still looking for remission whatever that is, chronic pain 22 yrs, added ulcerative colitis 6-05 to the mix, high blood pressure 28 yrs, aortic heart valve insuffiency, depression, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis lumbar spine, scoliosis lumbar spine, peripheral neuropathy hands & feet, COPD & on oxygen therapy, lupus & psoriasis and psoratic arthritis. Several other health issues just not enough room to list it all. Too many surgeries to list and too many medications to list. Currently on 17 different daily medications. Intrathecal pain pump implanted June 05.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 7/7/2010 5:53 PM (GMT -6)   
PLease don't feel like a fool. I totally understand having to leave in the middle of dinner. I went to a Sader (spelling?) at a university last year, and I felt terrible because I had to go early. Sometimes, the pain just gets to the point where we need to go home because it isn't possible for us to be out socializing. I hope your pain levels went down. It's great that you're out doing things at all with CP! You should be proud of yourself for doing things like going to dinner!


New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/7/2010 6:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone.
You have no idea how much just these few days of being a member has helped me! It is true, nobody can truly understand this until they have been through Cp themselves. I finally feel like I don't have to be embarassed for having long grass because I can't cut it, or missing work, or not being able to do "man projects" because I just hurt. Being a guy with this issue really is different I think. Everyone is just like "Can't you just suck it up and deal? Well I know I could." It's just not like that, but all of you know that!
Speaking of "man projects", my wife and I are trying to get pregnant. I havent been able to hold up my end of the deal, if you know what I mean, because of all the darn meds and of course the pain. I think that is the worst feeling of all. It breaks my heart not to be able to give her something she wants so badly.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 7/7/2010 7:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Jay...

The others gave you some valuable stuff... try really hard not to let you your limitations w/ CP get to you...in terms of feeling foolish. Some people get it and understand, and there will be those that will never understand. All of us here understand what it's like to have our bodies not do what we want them to do...that's for sure.

You've got so much going on... and I can tell you and your wife will make wonderful parents. Just take it a step at a time, and don't get down on yourself. I'm sure your wife has seen what you've been through and understands. I wish you luck and success, though, as you try for a little one...

Hang in there, and keep reaching out here for support - because we all really do understand. Take care, Jay...

Main Health Problems: Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Chronic Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; Severe Vitamin D Deficiency

Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain (they called it DDD...but I don't know); migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial (Sept, 2008); awaiting my decision for implantation...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 7/7/2010 8:02 PM (GMT -6)   

I think we've all been in a similar situation at one time or another. When it comes down to it, we do the best we can & that's all we can do. Yes, not everyone is going to understand what you are going through & why you have to do what you have to do, but in the end, you're the only one that matters. You have to do what is right for you. Your true friends will stick by you no matter what & those who don't weren't really your friends to begin with.

There is a great story out there called the "Spoon Theory." It was written by a person with Lupus, but it applies to any chronic pain, because pain often truly is an invisible illness. I'd highly suggest you read this story & perhaps pass it along to friends & family members to read as well.

You can find the story of the Spoon Theory at

And if I haven't mentioned it before, welcome to HW!


Stella Marie
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 601
   Posted 7/8/2010 3:17 AM (GMT -6)   
I would give anything to have the opportunity to mee with friends for dinner at McDonalds.  My condition does not allow be the pleasure of making plan ahead of time.  If I fee good enough that day, I might be lucky to go for an hour.  You are way to negative on yourself.  You should start to appreciate what you can do.  If you think something might be too much, arrange to attend for half the event, ot maybe a hour.  That way you ill fill glad you and your wife could attend together.  Dani Hanson has recommended a pain psychologist for you.  I think that might be a great idea.  You have to stop beating yourself up over spilled milk.  Becareful, sometimes it is easy for use to throw pity parties for ourselves.  This can be very difficult for our spouses.  Seek some professional help so hat you can develop realistic goals and a more positive outcome.

Stella Marie   Chronic Pain Forum Moderator

Progressive neurodegenerative disease called Multiple System Atrophy, congestive heart failure, muscle spasms, muscle pain, neuropathy, & neuropathic pain, central sleep apnea, osteoarthritis, and 2 pain implants – intrathecal pain medication pump and an SCS (spinal cord stimulator). 



Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9607
   Posted 7/8/2010 10:53 AM (GMT -6)   
At least you got thru 2 hours at the reunion and hey that alone says a lot.
Everyone will understand. Please don't let this get to you...and
I think it's great that you and your wife have a goal of trying to have kids,
it gives you something to look forward to and you will be able to, it'll happen...
and should your wife need it there are some spouse support groups
look into a pain management psychologist they can help...
healing hugz
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...


Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2022
   Posted 7/8/2010 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Jay.
I think you did so well. Look at everything you accomplished and forget the rest. You did a lot of positives that night. Be proud of yourself and feel good about what you did. I know that hard, because after it's all said and done you still have that chronic illness. I too am in the same boat, we all are. I am trying to come to terms that my life will be one with chronic pain and I have to do the best I can each day. And yes I am going to have a bad day, like today, but there is nothing you or I can change except our outlook on life.
So please stand proud for what you accomplished, You did good man!!!!
 Chronic, severe and continuous bilateral temporal headaches since 2000.

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