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Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 7/14/2010 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I know I haven't been posting too much lately because things have been nuts here and I can't seem to catch a break.  My nerve ablation is wearing off way too soon and the insurance company never paid for the last one so I'll never get another one at this rate.  Even if I could, I'm not sure if I could stand the pain of the procedure because it was horrible for me.  I just don't know what to do at this point.  My back pain is way up every day and I want to cry all the time.  I'm stuck with a family situation that I can't get out of and it stresses me even more and now my husband's work is making him crazy.  I love him dearly, but he doesn't seem to understand CP and seems to think I can still do everything!  He only stops to think when I break down in to tears and just beg for some pain relief for a while. 
 
Please don't get me wrong....I'm just venting and I hurt!  I love all of my family, but they are making me want to go hide somewhere.  I like quiet and peaceful life....not loud people, lies, manipulation, and that you don't work now so you can do ......whatever.....for me!
 
Thanks for listening to the vent tonight.  I needed to get it out or explode~! shakehead
Retired Mom


Chutz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 7/14/2010 9:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Retired Mom!

It sounds like you are hanging by the knot at the end of your rope. Maybe it's time to do something that will help YOU. Others may not be willing to help or take care of you. Often the people who we love the most either are in denial of our pain since they can't fix it or they aren't someone who is willing to take care of us. Sometimes they just don't care. I wonder if our husband is not helping because he doesn't want to admit to the truth of how your health is. It likely scares him. But it hurts you more by him being so thoughtless.

One thing you can do is get yourself some counseling...ASAP. No, you are not crazy, but there is no sense living your life the way it is now when there is help. We don't always know the best way to handle a particular situation like this nor what to do with the pain and pent up anger but by talking to a pain counselor or a regular counselor most often your life will improve dramatically. Many members have used this option. Once you find someone you are comfortable talking to you might ask your hubby to join you one time...he may have quite an awakening. ;-)

Best wishes and loves!
Chutz
If you're going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

(\_/)
(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/14/2010 10:51 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
   Dear Retired,
 
    Good evening *warm hugg* I am glad you stopped by. I was wondering just the other day how the adoption was comming along and if you had been able to get your pain down. I see now though that not only has your pain increased but you are at witts end as well. *hugg* I am so sorry you have so much on your shoulders right now.
 
    You know, Sometimes I think the people around us.... they know we can handle more than the average bear. Emotionally, physically. Its the curse of a woman IMHO. Sometimes I have to spell it out for my loved ones. You know, good ol black and white, BIG BOLD DIRECTIONS. I donno what it is, but once we become moms its like we are expected to be super woman the rest of our lives. *sigh* So, spell it out.
 
~~> "I CANNOT move. I love you, and I WANT to do XYZ for you, but I physically just cannot do it right now. PLease help me by ___________."
 
     You know last year, BCBS, what a nightmare.... So, while I was dealing with their inability to even pay for the basics, I payed out to the hospital and doctors the portion I would normally be left paying. Which for us 10%. Then to keep my account current I would talk to billing and let them know I am re filing so I didnt get stuck with late fees on top of everything during the appeal. I literally had to apeal 98% of all my bills last year. The worst part??? My doctors and surgeons were all only charging me for materials only. Even for my eyes and dental reconstruction. No kidding, I still had to eat 22K in medical costs. Rediclious what insurnace companies get away with. Argh. Im getting off track, sorry. In anycase, my advise is to talk to billing, pay the portion you would normally pay and get the appeal done and a payment plann started if possible. If anything it will get you in the "current" status so you can get your next procedure done.
 
    Most of all I am so sorry you have so much high stress going on in your life on top of debilitating chronic pain. That has got to be diffacult to say the least. I do hope you can get enough help so you can work on just YOU for a little while. You are the kind of person to give 200% of who you are to everyone around you, but only ask for bare minimum for yourself. Its time to give yourself some attention. You are in our prayers here. Stay strong!
*hugg*
  dani
 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
 
Chronic Pain Moderator


MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 7/15/2010 3:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel Mom , I just hope you feel better very soon . Its good to vent and get it out Mom's are the hardest working people I beleive , it would be nice if you could get a rest my friend , take good care of you , try to relax a little , I hope you feel better , Mikel

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 7/15/2010 5:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your support.  A little rest helped considerably and I'm hoping to find a way to sort out some other things today.
 
Chutz..  Thank you for the suggestion on counseling, but I already see someone in that area.  He's actually really great and I'm looking forward to our next meeting (I think).  I say that because I know he does not want me to be involved in this family thing.  We've discussed it before.  In this case, I had a moral obligation to step in somehow.  It was me take over things or let the State do it and I honestly can't see letting that happen to someone I love.
 
Dani.. I also appreciate your kind words and advice.  I think you have me confused with someone else regarding an adoption though.  I never adopted or attempted adoption.  I lost several babies and the finally (10 years ago) had a child of my own.  She is my pride and joy and my saving grace in all of the days of pain.  I honestly appreciate the suggestions on how to keep these family members at bay, but I don't know if I have the strength to fight them any longer.  There are times when it is simply easier to give in for a while just to get the ball rolling in the right direction.  I hope I have the strength to send it rolling back to them pretty soon.
 
As far as the husband....he is struggling himself and I can see the toll his work is taking on him.  He is sort of giving up and wants desperately to move on up the ladder (although I'm not sure that would be a wise decision for him).  In order to do that, he has to increase his education....which is another issue in and of itself. 
 
Mikel...Thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words.  You are going through so much on your own right now and need all the strength and support you can get.  I will keep you in my prayers (as I will for the many others suffering here who wish me to) and I hope that you (and they) are feeling better today!
Retired Mom


Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/15/2010 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
    Dear Retired,
 
    Well that does it! My husband is right. I really have lost my mind.  smhair   Gosh, how terribly embarrassing. I dont know who I have you confused with. Its got me thinking and curious now, I will have to sift through old posts....
 
    Gosh, I hear what you are saying about the family memebers. It just that I can tell plain as day from your post, that you are worn out and exhausted. I really hope you can find some time to yourself. You need a break and a true "day off" badly.
 
     I hope today you can atleast get through the day with as little headaches as possible. You are always in our prayers here.
 
*hugg*
   dani
 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
 
Chronic Pain Moderator


MsBunky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 7/15/2010 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Retired Mom,

just sending you a quick note of encouragement. I know it's hard to deal with family members when you're feeling 100%...never mind when you're in pain and distressed and can barely manage to keep yourself going. I am praying for you and keeping you close in my thoughts...I hope things start to get better quickly for you. I hope your husband is able to find a way to manage his stress as well...it's not easy for our spouses to understand what we're going thru, but that doesn't mean they love us any less.

I hope you are feeling better today, and that each day ahead brings a tiny bit more comfort.

hugs,
Pam
Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Severe Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain (with permanent muscle damage), Femoroacetabular Impingement (CAM and Pincer), Reynauds, IBS, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines, Severe Hot Flashes (both Surgical Menopause and medication related), plus physically unable to vomit due to the Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins with a lot of scar tissue...a joy when it comes to having to give blood or get an IV started

Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT

Medications: Oxycontin, Cesamet, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Flexeril and Clonidine plus Laxaday, Vitamin D and a Multi-Vitamin daily


skeye
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 7/15/2010 2:17 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((((((Retiredmom))))))))))))).

Is there any place you can go (even just another room in the house) to escape for an hour or so & just take some "me time?" Someplace that you could just close the door & tell everyone not to bother you until such & such time? It's not much, but maybe it might help you de-stress a little.

hugs,
Skeye

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 7/15/2010 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again guys. Today has been some better (except for the pain) and I guess we may have a small lull before the next storm.

Skeye, I love the idea of the room alone and have actually changed an office/storage room at the other end of my house (I live in a ranch style) into another bedroom. It's MINE and I honestly can go there and be pretty much alone for a while. I even sleep there some nights when my pain is really bad and I want complete quiet.

I've insisted on other care for the "visiting" child this week (except for two days) and church camp (but that probably won't last) for next week. My child will not be going since I don't want her to be "responsible" for anything negative that may happen during the week. I hope to only have to deal with that situation for one day next week. Wish me luck!

Also, I made some decisions on how to help my husband and, although it is not perfect, it has helped ease his mind for now. He's having a much better evening....despite the extreme stresses of today. I guess we have to all do what we can for others. We also talked quite seriously about the pain increase and he's expressed understanding now. It was just the reaction to his horrible day yesterday and he's quite appologetic this afternoon for the insensitivity. Please don't get me wrong, he does not yell or fight....just can be very harsh and demanding at times. I should remember that it is a small price to pay when a person is very good to you on a regular basis.

I really appreciate all of the support on this thread. I've taken up enough of your time on this now, since I'm feeling better. I just had to get it all out before I exploded. I'm sure you all understand what CP does to you when you can't handle anything else. Once it passes though, we get our next wind and start over trying to be strong again.

Have a relaxing evening and rest well all!
Retired Mom


Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 7/15/2010 5:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Retired Mom, wishing you rest and lots of soft healing hugz...vent away anytime,
sometimes it helps just to get it out...
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((RM)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

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