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Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/28/2010 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
mad   mad      
 
 
Dear Family,
 
    Who better to vent to than those who know you best? This thread is for getting it all out. For venting. A "bi-weekly vent".
 
     Most of us are quiet, and emotionally much stronger than those around us. It is one of the side effects of long term chronic pain. It isnt that it DOESNT bother us. On the contrary, it does hurt. Hurts ALOT! But, often times, we keep it all inside.
 
     This is where you can let it out. Once you let it go.. forgive and forget. As best you can. Get it out and take a deep breath. We wont take offense, we understand. So share it with us.

 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
 
Chronic Pain Moderator


flower123
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 856
   Posted 7/28/2010 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
WOW! I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know the uncertainty of waiting to find out if something is cancer, and for me it was very difficult to say the least. I'm happy that you have your prescription. Can the same doctor write it for August? You've been through a lot. You're in my thoughts.

My vent---

I'm sick and tired of not being able to do what I want to do. I'm tired of having to think about how things I do will effect my pain levels. I'm tired because I feel like no one understands sometimes. I wish that people were more sympathetic. I wish that I had more strength. I am just exhausted right now.

THanks for reading, and Dani, thanks for posting. THis is a great idea.

Hugs,

Flower

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 7/28/2010 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   

 

     ...Rude receptionists. They talk way too loud. Never fail to ask personal medical questions. I mean, why ask anyway? It isnt any of their business. I just skip right over and ask if they need my credit card and insurance card. And just for the record I hate people that make such a to-do about snapping and baby bubble popping their gum. Over and over. Buggs my nerves. Chew it quietly or spit it out!

     ...And what is the deal with the whole "Im too busy for you" attitude anyway? There are times I wish these various medical personel would remember that *I* pay them. And rather well if I might add. Wouldnt it be funny if we could pic and choose which recptionist or nurse we had (and payed) depending on service provided? 

    "..oh I am sorry but ,your performance was very poor. You will be paid minimum wage for today."    devil   

*giggle*
  dani


 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
 
Chronic Pain Moderator


Jadensmommy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 7/28/2010 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   
My vent:

I am so sick of not being able to do the things I want to do with my son! He'll be 3 this Sunday and of course has bundles of energy! My body is just falling apart and my knees are so painful that I can't be up on them for any length of time, let alone walk very far! My PM doctor medicates me to help control the pain, but I really think that I need to have some sort of intervention with my knees. I had arthroscopy on the right knee last summer and it seems to do pretty well now. My left knee probably needs the same thing, but none of my doctors have even suggested an MRI to see if it needs it. I plan to suggest that at my next PM appt.

I'm just so sick and tired of being sick and tired! That's all. I'm hoping my son's birthday party goes well this Sunday. My family has been wonderful with the planning and execution of his party so I know it will be a fun day.

I just want to go to the park with my son and play with him. Maybe take a walk around the block! Is it really too much to ask?
Fibromyalgia Dx November 20, 2009

Pain issues: Pain in neck and upper/lower back, chest/ribcage pain, Degenerative joint disease in both knees, migraine headaches.

Got the Mirena IUD that completely took care of my pelvic pain and painful menstrual cramping.

Meds: Morphine 30mg 3x daily, Lortab 10/500 every 4 hours PRN for breakthrough pain.


Tammy <3


MsBunky
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 7/29/2010 11:38 AM (GMT -7)   
I rarely ever vent here...I'm more of an Encourager or Supporter I think. But, Dani has opened the door for this, so I'm going to take advantage of it.

I am SO FRICKEN TIRED OF BEING TIRED!!!!

Ah, that feels better. I am so tired of the chronic exhaustion I experience, on top of constant pain. Now, I am lucky in that we seem to have found a combination of drugs that helps keep my pain at a fairly steady 3-4, with very few spikes. What we can't seem to find answers for is my constant exhaustion. I can sleep for hours and wake up tired. I can wake up refreshed, and then be exhausted within an hour. I have to plan every aspect of going out and balancing it against when I can rest or sleep to restore my energy (ha ha!).

If I do anything physical, like playing with my 4 year old grandson, or going out shopping, etc., I can guarantee it's going to mean I'm too tired the next day to do anything. I just hate not being able to do something spontaneous, without thinking of the consequences after.

I'm also frustrated by the incredibly long wait times to have tests done here, or to see specialists. It's about 6-8 months to get an MRI done and generally that long or longer to see a specialist (Orthopedic Surgeon in my case). But, since I can't control that, I try to practice patience.

My heart and thoughts go out to all of the people in these forums who suffer - whether they talk about it or not. I wish I could make everyone healthy but all I can really do is pray and lend an ear/shoulder to those who need it.

hugs,
Pam
Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Severe Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain (with permanent muscle damage), Femoroacetabular Impingement (CAM and Pincer), Reynauds, IBS, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines, Severe Hot Flashes (both Surgical Menopause and medication related), plus physically unable to vomit due to the Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins with a lot of scar tissue...a joy when it comes to having to give blood or get an IV started

Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT

Medications: Oxycontin, Cesamet, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Flexeril and Clonidine plus Laxaday, Vitamin D and a Multi-Vitamin daily


ekkorose
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 329
   Posted 7/29/2010 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so tired of people acting like a flare up is me faking it.

I am tired of people asking me how I am doing then getting that "there she goes again" look on their face when I am honest (family/friends)

I am sick of my stupid brother in law asking for my meds. I told him no in plain "Heck no" language so why does he not get it?

and if I get one more "your too young" I will kick someone...in the ankle cause thats about all I could manage anyways..

Hysterectomy at 25 : Fell down stairs 3 days after4 laproscopic surgeries since 24

Cervical Stenosis between C 2 and C6 and two buldging disks located C2/3 and C4/5

Meds - Embeda 20mg 2x per day: Dilaudid 2-4 mg every 4-6hrs::Amrix 15mg 1x day: Pristiq 50mg 1x day

____________________________________________

In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. ~Thomas Szasz 


nasalady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1176
   Posted 7/31/2010 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm with Jaden's mommy....I want to be able to play with my kids! Take them to the beach, or the park, or even just go outdoors on a bright sunny day instead of having to hide like a vampire (I have lupus AND Lyme, can't tolerate sun). I want to be able to stand long enough and walk far enough (without unbearable pain) to be able to be a MOMMY, instead of an invalid!!

I'm just so tired of it all!!
Lyme Disease, Babesiosis, Ehrlichiosis, Bartonella, EBV, CMV, AIH, Hashimoto's, lupus, fibro, RA, celiac disease, asthma, psoriasis, Raynaud's, hypertension, osteopenia, sleep apnea, RLS, GERD, DDD, L3-4 and L4-5 radiculopathy -> severe lower back pain, cubital tunnel, tarsal tunnel, IV Rocephin, Alinia, Zithromax, Prednisone, Imuran, Plaquenil, Lyrica, Cymbalta, Levothyroxine, Atenolol, Cozaar, Zyrtec, Fosamax, Albuterol, Prilosec, CPAP

autoimmunediseasesgfliving.blogspot.com

left forum.
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 8/1/2010 2:42 AM (GMT -7)   
i'm so sick of the constant worry, that if i do too much i will end up in bed for days, i'm sick of having to act fine at school and then when i'm not okay, trying to explain - people don't understand, i just get told "you don't seem sick most of the time though" i hate having to tell teachers i need extensions with assignemnts because i can't do it out of school when i just go home to bed, i hate doctors that don't even care or try to fix this. i hate being so tired, i'm 15, im meant to be out partying on the weekends. i want my old life back :(

thanks for this dani your amazing

caligirl2001
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 8/1/2010 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so very tired of the pain not being taken seriously. I am tired of the worry that if I take that pain pill today, and have to ask for a refill, they will tell me that they think an ibuprofen should really work just fine if I really give it a chance? It takes me an average of 6 months to go through 30 of the weakest pain pills, not because I am not in significant pain, but because I am afraid that if I use them, they won't refill the prescription, and I will have nothing to help me on the days that my pain leaves me literally nauseated. I have a pretty high tolerance, as I think most of us do who are in pain all day, every day. But there are times when it just gets to be too much, and I don't think it is too much to ask to be able to have something available in our medicine cabinet to treat that pain. Why should you have to be dying of some awful disease to deserve effective pain relief? Why do they force pain medications on everyone with side effects of massive weight gain, which in turn, increases pain? I wish that for a month or two, every doctor could experience chronic pain as we do. They would probably be backing a lifetime supply of narcotic pain relievers up to our doors with a thousand apologies for being such idiots if they lived with a fraction of what we do. I wouldn't normally wish chronic pain on anyone, but the holier than thou doctors who think an ibuprofen is a cure all for pain that makes you want to throw up need a serious wake up call.
Fibromyalgia, High BP, Migraines, anxiety, Non Celiac Gluten Intolerant
Current medications: Topamax, Maxalt, Lotrel, Wellbutrin

Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 8/2/2010 1:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I hate the pain meds and the need for them especially. I'm tired of going potty 12-15 times a day. I'm sick and tired of the smell of all that time in the bathroom. I'm tired of having to be so careful of my body and its movements and stairs and fear of addiction/dependency. I'm tired of eating at all since it only makes the pain in my tummy worsen. I'm resentful of all the other medications I have to take three times a day and barely manage to get into myself twice. I'm tired of the three days straight of insomnia versus the three days down where I can't flog myself awake. I'm tired of missing baking and wish I could handle baking ANYTHING. I resent my family and friends and husband for loving me so much I have to care about myself. And I'm sick to DEATH of this stupid depression. I'm highly annoyed with the health care system and all the doctors and nurses and ERs and hospitals. So much so, that I'm just letting the Crohns do its thing enough so that next time I have to go to the ER, maybe a doctor will spend enough time on me to figure out what the HECK is wrong with my stomach/left side under my ribs (not behind them). I figure that THIS is hell and when I die, I get to go to Heaven/the Summerland/what the heck EVER. Same goes for all the rest of us who experience chronic pain. :-P
29/f
Allergies and Asthma my whole life: Benadryl
Depression and PTSD after surgeries and illness of 2003 (turned out to be Crohns)
Crohns Dx'd: February 2008: Pentasa, Hyoscyamine
Fibromyalgia Dx'd: July 21, 2009: Lyrica, Cymbalta, Hydrocodone, Prenatal Vitamin

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 8/2/2010 3:55 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm trying to move everything out of my house that has accumulated there for 25 years of living and raising two boys by my self. My house is 250 miles from where we live now and I've been going down there once a week for the last month! I am in constant pain and am fighting it w/ all the power I can muster. My lower back is just totally shot and gets worse w/ every box of crap I pick up and put in my truck along w/ my electric neck. Every peice of furniture I struggle to get out the dorr and fight to squeeze into my pickup trucks bed under the cap.
I hate that I have to do this all by myself in my condition but it's not my wifes fault. She has to work and make the $$$ to keep us bearly going plus she can't leave because of the horses! She says she is planning to take some time off in two weeks and has someone who will watch the pets so she can come down to help me but thats two trips away!
Sorry about all this b'ching but it's driving me marony!
I just finnished building a shed in the back yard next to my dying garden to store more crap in. I almost killed myself putting it together in the 100 degree heat and 1000000 % humitity.
So I'm off again this a.m. and will be gone till mid week.
I love all Y'all and miss writing to you daily.
Big hugs from the edying fat guy!!!
Pete
When I was young & stupid I broke almost every bone in my body and I'm paying a heavy price now but I'm still here and so glad to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men, both are in the Navy. I'm so proud! My biggest health problem>> I'm a certified Luny~Tune!!

ekkorose
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 329
   Posted 8/2/2010 8:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to add that while I know I am super lucky I can still work for now I am so bloody sick of my "boss" (she is not my real boss, just the team "lead" whose job I have to do anyways skull mad ) getting snarky when I have problems or blowing me off when I tell her its a rough day and I need to take it easy. She seems to think that if my level is below a 9 I am perfectly ok to work and do as much, if not more, then I normally would.

Hysterectomy at 25 : Fell down stairs 3 days after4 laproscopic surgeries since 24

Cervical Stenosis between C 2 and C6 and two buldging disks located C2/3 and C4/5

Meds - Embeda 20mg 2x per day: Dilaudid 2-4 mg every 4-6hrs::Amrix 15mg 1x day: Pristiq 50mg 1x day

____________________________________________

In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. ~Thomas Szasz 


Gopurdue28
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/2/2010 8:55 PM (GMT -7)   
You know, I really wasn't going to say anything on this board today, but this is the ... posts" so I will.
Sometimes, just reading the post that other people wrote is helpful. I don't feel so alone.

I feel bad for them, and I don't understand why it has to be like this for so many of us.

I am alone. I purposely avoid talking to people now because of the "how are you question."

Why do people evn ask anyway? They dont want to know. They only want to hear it's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine.

What do you tell people when this is the worst time of your life to date? You just smile and say, "oh I'm fine"

I pretty much even do it with family now too. They don't understand and they don't care to either.

Everything is wrong with my life and it is all my fault. It is my fault because I should be stronger than the pain and be able to fight it off like a real man and move on with my life, but I can't.

The only person I have left is my wife. This has taken such a toll on her that we have fallen apart as well. I don't know why. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I'm an awful person. Maybe I'm just lazy. Maybe it's all in my head.

But most of all, maybe I am being punished by god for doing something wrong. Maybe this is what I get for doing something in my past. I wish I knew what it was. I am ashamed to say I am tired of praying. Either god is not hearing me or he doesn't care either.

Maybe I will go to hell for saying that, or even thinking it, but sometimes I do.

I am angry. Sometimes I am angry at god. I am angry that things have to be this way. I am angry at people for not having chronic pain, for not understanding Cp.

That is awful to say too, but I can't help it.

I look over at the person in the car next to me and wonder what their life is like.

Wonder why it can't be me. Wonder why I just can't be me.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

I am different. I am bitter and intolerant.

I am guilty, ashamed, and jealous.

I feel ashamed to even be alive. A total waste of space, and nobody cares.

Maybe she could marry a real person and have a real life.

Maybe I am dead.

Maybe it is being slowly isolated from all your friends and family until you are totally alone.

A hermit, in pain for all of eternity.

I need help. Nobody can help me. Nobody cares. Maybe if I fake a serious mental disorder they can just lock me up and my wife can move on with her life.

I think I have a serious mental disorder.

Forgive me lord, for I am lost and wandering alone in the dark.

I don't know where to go or what to do anymore lord.

Post Edited By Moderator (Chutz) : 8/9/2011 11:18:20 PM (GMT-6)


Joie1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 376
   Posted 8/3/2010 12:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Gopurdue, all those same thoughts I constantly have as well only instead of a wife, I have a husband. Just gotta take it one day at a time. S'like we're in AA or something "One day at a time" is a mantra for me. It's how I don't do all the awful things I truly want to do so I'd stop being such a burden to everyone around me. So, yeah, I definitely get how you feel and I have to say this 'cause I came to this thought awhile back. As much as you have a capacity for pain and anger and depression, so too do you have an even bigger capacity for love and joy and ecstasy. That's my other mantra besides, "You can't hurt when you're dead...someday I'll be dead and there'll be no more pain." That's said in a kind of sardonic way, not a depressed way (at least not usually or when I can help it). I'm trying and trying and trying every day. And I figure since I can still feel love and tenderness in my heart toward someone, then I can't hurt them by dying on purpose. Also kinda sounds bad but most days I am doing literally whatever I can not to do the suicide thing. I figure anything helps if it keeps me from doing that. And when I keep those thoughts going well enough, the better mental "practices" I learned when I was seeing a psychologist bc of PTSD kick in and I can usually find my way to a healthier mindset of POSITIVE reinforcements.

So, take it a day at a time and imagine the real pain the loss of you in the lives of the people you love. Consider how much pain it would cause them b/c THEY would feel guilt and anger that they couldn't help you enough. One day at a time ya know, just one breathe, one relaxed moment, one hour at a time to survive the hell our bodies put us through.
29/f
Allergies and Asthma my whole life: Benadryl
Depression and PTSD after surgeries and illness of 2003 (turned out to be Crohns)
Crohns Dx'd: February 2008: Pentasa, Hyoscyamine
Fibromyalgia Dx'd: July 21, 2009: Lyrica, Cymbalta, Hydrocodone, Prenatal Vitamin

Scarred_for_life
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1559
   Posted 8/3/2010 12:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Okay here is my beef, so to speak! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!!!! There is no relief for us that have CP! I cry everytime I read that one of my dear friends are not up to par. I feel abandoned at times because hubby might understand what I am going through, but in reality he really doesn't. His back healed just fine and sometimes I feel like God is punishing me for something that I did! I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes I feel like I am being punished for something.

Hubby I feel is coming to the end of his rope with the waiting. I know that he hates seeing me in pain and hearing me cry late at night. I know he wishes that he could take my pain away, but he can't and its frustrating to me because I have never been a weak person. I've always been able to stand strong through anything. But this has really gotten me down and I am sick of it!!!

Gosh I feel so much better!!
I live to "Tame My Pain!" 

spinal soldier
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 687
   Posted 8/3/2010 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I know its hard but i always look at 1peter 1:7. We with pain are just more refined. God bless you all.
L4,L5,S1 bilateral Laminectomies, Foraminotomies 2002
L4-S1 PLIF with instumentation 2008

current Rx: MScontin 30mgs 2x, dilaudid 8mgs 4x p.r.n., soma 3x, Arthotec 75mgs\200mcgs 2x, neurontin 300mg HS, vistaril 25mg 3x prn, wellbutrin 150mg 2x(ADHD),Adderall 20mgs 2x(ADHD)

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 8/4/2010 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I love the idea of a place for anyone with chronic pain to vent, and am hoping maybe someone will relate to me here!
 
I am tired of feeling like a burden to my two sons, fiance and extended family. Most of them ask how a day is going or how I feel, but you can see who really wants to hear the truth and who doesn't. Being forced to lie to someone about pain just makes me feel worse about myself, as though having daily physical pain isn't enough lets add some guilt and emotional torture to it!
 
And I just love the way people ask if I am overdoing it (can you hear the sarcasm?) They tend to be the people who don't really want to know how bad you feel also. As if the pain or medication makes me so stupid that I can no longer see that they are not really concerned with anything but themselves, and just providing lip service since that is what is expected. Those are also the people who ask "Are you sure he wants to marry you with all your problems honey?" Or my favorite, "How is your significant other holding up? It must be hard on him to have to care for you all the time!" It makes me feel like he deserves so much better than what I can give him, not to mention the lasting damage I may be doing to my sons. Obviously, people who would be that insensitive have never had any type of difficulty in life and have no idea what pain feels like.

Remembering that life's important moments are the ones least planned!

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 8/5/2010 4:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm back! Got back last night, amost fell asleep driving. Now I have to unload the truck, do the chores and head south again! I'm dyin ova here!!
Love Yuze Gize!!!
Big tired/sore Hugz!!!
Pete
When I was young & stupid I broke almost every bone in my body and I'm paying a heavy price now but I'm still here and so glad to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men, both are in the Navy. I'm so proud! My biggest health problem>> I'm a certified Luny~Tune!!

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 8/5/2010 9:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome back Pete...

I'm so tired of being sick..seems like I get sick easy, everyone else in the
family is so resistant to everything except me...and I've got a virus of something
with a sore throat...dang it...
**********************************************
* Asthma, Allergies, Osteoarthritis, Spinal Stenosis, Degenative Disc (Lower Lumbar S1-L3 and Cervical C5,C6, C8 and T1), Fibromyalgia, Gerd,
Enlarged Pituitary Gland, Sjogren's, Ocular Migraines, mild carpel tunnel, ect.... "Would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...

********>^..^<********>^..^<********>^..^<********

damouthy1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 663
   Posted 8/5/2010 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sick of all these new symptoms coming up! I had enough things wrong with me, I didn't need Graves disease and whatever else is happening now. Geesh...enough already!
Gentle Hugs,
Shannon
 
Fibromyalgia, Chronic daily headaches, Migraine disorder (with and without aura), Graves Disease, GERD, High blood pressure, Depression and Anxiety
Oxycontin, Lopressor, Lexapro, Omeprazole, Valium as needed, Promethazine as needed for nausea from migraines
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