It is good to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing? What has been going on with you? I read your post on the Bi-Weekly Vent and I wanted to talk to you about a few things. *warm hugg*
You know I don't think Kharma really exists. You know why? Because if it really is some universal law out there... then we have paid our due ten fold. \
You know I still pray, but the things I pray the most for have changed now. When I was younger it was my secret wishes and hopes and dreams I prayed for... Now I unload my stress and forgive myself. I forgive myself for being human. I recount the awful things of the day and send them out of my heart and into gods hands. It isnt that I dont have hopes and dreams... it is just that my dreams are now more like miracles and waiting for the "pain" to be gone ...suddenly became more like a cage of negativity. So, now I release the bad, the hurt and all the things attached to my human faults. From my heart to gods hands. I forgive and forget as best I can and start the next day with a clean slate.
I dont think you are a bad husband. Not one bit. You know why? Because through it all you are here. Reaching out to others even though you are hurting so much inside. I think you need to forgive yourself. You are trying very hard and we are all only human afterall. We can only do so much with our limitations. But what matters the most is that you did what you could, as much as you could, each and every day. *hugg*
I hope I wasnt out-of-line bringing up religious subjects. I just wanted you to know that I understand. I think your are trying really hard to deal with all the pain and hurt that has been tossed at you. I dare anyone to say different. Hang in there & Stay Strong!