~ Sunday Koffee Klatch

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Mrs. Dani
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Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/7/2010 11:31 PM (GMT -7)   
 
 
     If you are new to this forum family then you may be wondering what kind of goofy question is that on a health care forum. idea   We all suffer with medical conditions and with most of us there is pain involved...sometimes a lot of pain. Or maybe you are the loved one of one of these persons. This forum is all about how we help and support each other, how we gain back more quality to our lives, and how we can learn and share what we gain along the way and hopefully make not only our lives better but the lives of others who come to join us.

      But we need to also remember that there is the other side of life...the side that isn't concentrated on illness and pain. That's why we started the daily Koffee Klatch. This is a time to laugh, reminisce, chit-chat about the silly things in our lives...all fun things and no pain. In fact the 'P' word is not allowed...  turn    So each day we share our thoughts or experiences on a different topic. Often it includes food, sometimes we talk about our past, and other times we just get goofy! Laughter is our goal. So, please join us whether this is your very first day on Healing Well or you're a seasoned veteran.
 
Daily Question:
 
     What are your ideas for the daily question? Trivia? ABCs og colors? games? Maybe you like the more thought provoking questins?
What ideas do you have for the daily question?
 

 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
 
Chronic Pain Moderator

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 8/8/2010 4:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey everybody!!!
Let me drop in and stir up the waters a little! how about this question???
Anyone having sex or is it just me who doesn't get any anymore??? I hate my live w/o sex!!! I used to be a monster and got it all the time, evan before marrage but now> NADA!!! My wife is going through M-pause and is shut down for biz!!! This wouldn't bother me too much except I am taking testosterone replacement shots every three weeks for a condition I developed after having prostate cancer surgery almost 7 years ago. My boys don't produce any testosterone any more!! Long term nacotics use didn't help matters either so they tell me! Anyway, about 4 or 5 days after my shot (testosterone is absorbed through fat so it takes a while!) I get as horny as a teenage rabbit!!! All worked up and nowhere to go! Once in a very blue moon my wife will let me but it's no fun asking and seeing her face (you know the look, like oh no not again!) plus I hate doing it knowing she ain't into it at all> NO FUN!!!
So there you go> I let it out and blabbed about my sexual missery (well not all of it!, I do have other complications from surgeery that changed the whole game but don't think I need to go into them here plus there's alway the pain!!!!) So how about Y'all??? Anyone want to open up about your sex life w/ C.P??????
Love all Y'all>
Pete
When I was young & stupid I broke almost every bone in my body and I'm paying a heavy price now but I'm still here and so glad to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men, both are in the Navy. I'm so proud! My biggest health problem>> I'm a certified Luny~Tune!!

MIKEL99
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 914
   Posted 8/8/2010 7:40 AM (GMT -7)   
  I like your question Pete , Thats a real factor when you dealing with pain , using pain meication and you hit 50 , man or woman . Its important for sure , for me before I met that high school girlfriend it had been a freaking year since I had any . Human beings I beleive , miss the closeness and intimacy of physical contact on its most deep level . I know I do , I hope this improves for me especially being HIV+ , its difficult , most females justifiably don't want to bother .Although I admit I've been fortunate in meeting wonderful women willing to look past it , after they've gotten to know me , its mostly me feeling very inferior because of this freaking illness .Its never bothered me all the time I've had it , been undetectable for 8 years straight now , never gave it to anyone , but the stigma is strong in cases where women don't know much about it , they just know they don't want any part of it . Well I guess life goes on . Pete my Bro , thats a great question !! I wager there are MANY folks here expierencing issues around their sex life , its almost impossible not to with pain and powerful medication as part of our lives . Thanks Pete , Your Buddy Mikel 
HIV+. meds - epzicom, Kaletra . oxycontin as needed , indothemiacin . hip replacement surgery scheduled for August 23rd !

Retired Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 8/8/2010 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
How about this?

What is the one thing that made you smile this week? This way the answer can be happy.

It's important to find something good to think about some times and I know that we could all use a smile now and again.
Retired Mom

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 8/8/2010 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
 
 
   WOW! A question and answer period!  Dani!...You left the Playing Field wide open!...Thanks! :)
 
  Pete!....I have to jump in on this one with you! Hum!....how to start and keep everyone from blushing! :)
 
     I have never had a problem in this department, even while being on the Percocet's, but then along came the Oxycontin's and there was a disconnect between my little friend and I :(
 
     My wife is in her early 40's and I in my early 50's. I did go to see the PCD for this, and had all the blood work done, and was given a scipt for the Big Blue Pills :) I was afraid to take them because of the side affects that could happen, so the script just set there.
Just a side note: My insurance will only pay for 8 of these Pills a month.....what a guy suposed to do the other 22 days? :)
 
     Well, surgery was close and I really was hurting to the point that it would not be fun anymore anyway, so my wife and I thought best to just wait and see what happens after the surgery. The oxy's were removed right after the surgery, and it didn't take long for the little guy to come out of hibernation, but I was in no shape for play time.
 
I will never forget the first time trying when I thought I might be up for some romance (I did say that right didn't I ladies?)
Well.....I could not move afterwords, but no problem for my wife....she tossed me off like a ragdoll! :)
(Mental note: never make a woman mad! They are much stronger than one would think)
 
    One of the side effect that can affect a man after lumbar surgery is that a person may experience an ejectulation that enters the bladder instead of where it is supposed to go. This was a great fear of mine! I'm happy to report, no problem there! :)
 
    My point in all of this and has always been, is that when we suffer (CP Paients) so do our spouces and family.
Pete this is a good item to bring up, and I know that it seems to be Taboo to mention and make comments on, but this can
really affect a person more than many realize.
 
     I'm going to stop on that note.....and my question would be for the day......
 
      What is the earliest memory in life that you have?
 
I for one still remember my crib. Hard to believe, but I do remember it clearly!
 
   Have a good day All!
 
       SE
 
 
 
 
 
"Respect your fellow human being, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, enjoy their friendship, explore your thoughts about one another candidly, work together for a common goal and help one another achieve it."

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 8/8/2010 11:36:31 AM (GMT-6)


PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/8/2010 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
This one would be to help me and everyone think "out of the box" a bit about our lives -

What is one NEW thing you could try to do, that you think you would enjoy, despite your CP or other health issues? If you've recently tried something new - particularly something you didn't think you could do with CP - and found you could do it, that would count, too!

BTW I think we all need to remember this is a family friendly place, and keep to the rules of the forum. I know there are adult issues that are important, and they can be discussed in a mature way, but some topics can get out of hand pretty fast if we don't remember what this site is for. That includes responses to my question! :-)

PaLady

Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 8/8/2010 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Just my humble opinion, but there's nothing on this thread that I wouldn't let my kids read... unfortunately, these are all part of life when dealing w/ CP... and I'm as "family friendly/conservative" in most ways, that they come!

Again, just my opinion... :)

--Tina

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 8/8/2010 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Tina! It can be a bit of a nervous subject to discuss, so I think we sometimes interject some humor into it. But Pete does bring a point to the table as this is surely a problem
for some of the CP members at times. I know, because it has been brought up several times before. Pete has been there for me, when I had questions about it.

Pete has been very open about his personal experience, and I applaud him for it!

I personally am so in love with my wife, and it bothered me greatly to have this problem crop up in our marriage. Thankfully it corrected itself after
a short time.

It's OK to give our personal opinions, but when it becomes a trend of personal attack it can harm the purpose of the forum.

It was a gutsy subject to bring up, but I still stand by Pete, and those of us who have dealt with this issue.
Maybe we should start the subject up in its own post again...I really don't have the answer for this.

Lets drive on and support in a positive way.

In all Sincerity!

SE
"Respect your fellow human being, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, enjoy their friendship, explore your thoughts about one another candidly, work together for a common goal and help one another achieve it."

tmjpain
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2022
   Posted 8/8/2010 7:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I absolutely agree Michael. It is a part of life and CP'ers are having to face it all the time, many of us anyways.
I always have a horrible headache, so guess what.......
Kudos to you men for being brave enough to talk about it!!

SUZANE

>

God has a plan but it will be on his time.
I must be patient and take it one day at a time.

[color=#ff0000>

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/8/2010 9:36 PM (GMT -7)   

   

 

Thank you all so much!!!! You have all helped a LOT!

   Sex & chronic pain, Impact of CP on our loved ones, Fantasy, love, positive influences, Encouraging day to day life, Ideas for future hobbies & activities are ALL great ideas! Thank you all so much. I am writing them down. I cannot thank you all enough!

*hugg*
  dani


 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
 
Chronic Pain Moderator

PAlady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 8/8/2010 9:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Just to clarify, I was not attacking anyone personally. Please read what I wrote closely. I never pointed to anything that had been written in this thread. I was just pointing out that there is a bit of a slippery slope with sensitive topics. There was a thread awhile back that was dealing with this issue in a very mature and healthy way, and I do agree it is an issue. It's also an issue for those of us who are single. Ever think of trying to find someone to date - or even having the energy to - when most of your energy is taken up by CP and its numerous related issues?

I also pointed out that the question I posted could just as easily lead down a similar slope.

I don't even know why or how the words "personal attack" got into this discussion.

PaLady

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 8/9/2010 3:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe I did go a little too far in my post about my sexual sittuation, if I offended anyone I appologize!!! I thought for one instant while writing, about telling Y'all about what my other problems are after prostate cancer surgery. I know lots of people wonder about how a man can have sex w/ no prostate, I know I did before I got all wound up in it. Before I ever came to the C.P. forum, I spent a couple of years on the prostate cancer forum here at H.W. which is also concidered a family safe place and of course this issue came up regularly. Since prostate cancer dirrectly (evan more than C.P.) affected our sex lives it was always decided (with H.W/'s aproval) that we would speak freely about EVERYTHING openly and this included many wives of the men there! This still continues there to this day. Of course everything was discussed in an adult mannor and jokes about our problems were kept to a minimum. I invite anyone who is curious to pay a visit to the prostate cancer forum and see for yourself.
My friend S.E was brave enough to bring up some side affects he encountered directly relating to C.P. and I aplaud him for doing so. Although I have been known to push the limmits sometimes and be totally honest about my life w/ C.P. here, I knew this was a"slippery slope" I was bringing up. Maybe thats why I mentioned it on the Coffee Clatch and not starting my own post. I believe it is something VERY important in our lives, especially the young members of our family w/ C.P. Like the rest of our lives, where can we go to talk about our pain and problems, who will listen?? I think everyone knows the answer to these questions>>>>>
>> RIGHT HERE!!!!
Love Y'all!!!
Big Hugs for Everyone!!!
Pete
When I was young & stupid I broke almost every bone in my body and I'm paying a heavy price now but I'm still here and so glad to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men, both are in the Navy. I'm so proud! My biggest health problem>> I'm a certified Luny~Tune!!

QTKaren
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/9/2010 4:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I had already brought this subject once just cant remember if it was on the fibro section or here. I just wish my dh would take the time with me, as I know that alot of women (and I guess men) need to have that intimacy and that could even start with cuddling throughout the day. Noone wants to feel like the only time theres going to be a kiss ,without the presure of knowing the only time you DO get a kiss and a cuddle is when theres going to be sex. Lol Ive been up all night and cant get this to sound right. Lets see, ok the only time Jayson is going to be affectionate is when he wants sex, I feel like there is alot of pressure if I cant go though with it and it makes me tense.
Karen
 
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
 
 
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x3,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,over 30 surgeries,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
 
 
 
 

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 8/9/2010 5:22 AM (GMT -7)   
That was an excellent topic to bring up, because anyone dealing with CP has questions and issues with sex. I can't imagine being single and living with CP. The struggle to find someone to be intimate with physically and emotionally is hard enough when you are healthy! Personally, I get tired of people asking me if I am sure my fiance wants to "deal with my issues" for the rest of our lives. As if someone with CP is a burden and couldn't possibly make a "normal" person happy. We compromise a lot in our intimate life together. Cuddling, snuggling and a whole lot of hugs make up for the lack of close contact when he wants it. It does make me feel guilty that I can't fulfill his needs on demand, but we take advantage of the good pain days and just foster the snuggling side on bad ones.

Pete, I applaud you for bringing up this topic. It was gutsy and any man willing to talk frankly about his needs gets a thumbs up in my book! As a 30-year-old woman going through menopause myself, things slow down quickly. It is also a time to discover the way my body changes so I tend to feel pretty frumpy and definitely not attractive to my partner. Have you tried anything to help your wife feel beautiful and that you desire her the same way you did years ago? Romancing always works for me!

This brings me to my question. What is one thing you would do if chronic pain didn't influence your life? This comes with a challenge though! Can you find a way to make it happen even with your current limitations?
Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, and adhesions.

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 8/9/2010 5:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello QT! I may be one of the few, but yes, you are certianly correct, that quality time and a proper warm up is very important, both before and after. It is about pleasing the other, not ones self.
 
My wife and I are both madly in love with each other, so there is sledom, if never a problem with one feeling like they are the only one giving.
 
When I realized there was an issue (CP related), I went to the Dr because I knew it was unfair for my wife. She is a healthy 40yr young woman.
I simply had lost my desire completly, but had the good mind to realize that she had a need. My wife is a beautiful woman to say the least, so I knew there was a problem with me for sure.
 
I'm going to stop here, and maybe Dani or someone else will post this subject elsewhere other than Koffee Klatch.
 
My wife and I love you're signature at the bottom :)
 
   SE
"Respect your fellow human being, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, enjoy their friendship, explore your thoughts about one another candidly, work together for a common goal and help one another achieve it."

Mrs. Dani
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2787
   Posted 8/9/2010 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   

 

   My Dear Family!

     I have thought long and hard about the topic of chronic pain, sexual fulfillment and emotional needs. I will compose a way to bring this topic in detail over the next few days. I think it is an important subject for us to openly discuss in a manner that will bring about ideas, observations and possible actions or changes we can make and do. I dont feel it should be in a koffee klatch. For only one reason though... this subject has many facets and needs to be discussed over a peroid of time. It will take more than just a day to debate, learn and support one another.

    So, hopefully I will be able to delve deeper into this subject in the comming days. I must admitt my husband and I had often thought of bringing it up in the daily koffee klatch (I ask him for ideas) and after reading all of your responses I can tell this subject deserves to be fully addressed.

    Again, I want to Thank you all! I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your input and ideas for Daily Koffee Klatch! I was in desperate need of some fresh, new, intresting topics. So all of your ideas are most welcome!

*hugg*
  dani


 
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
 
Chronic Pain Moderator
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