Pain> What the Heck?

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Pete trips again!
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 8/30/2010 11:30 PM (GMT -6)   
OK, a lot of you know me here and to all the newbee's that I see posting now since I've been away for the last month or so> WELCOME!!! So sorry I wasn't here to give you a more personal welcome!
So heres a question for All Y'all! How much pain can a normal person take before they completely loose it? Has it ever happened to you? Did you get to the point that it hurt so bad for so long that you started loosing touch w/ reality or maybe thought you were????

I have been asking myself alot lately > Am I crazy? [img]/community/emoticons/yeah.gif[/img] I know a bunch of you who know me probably think I am and alot of times I agree!

The reason I'm asking this silly question is because I sometimes believe that loosing it or just plain being crazy might be some sort of defence mechonizm that my brain has figured out to lessen my constant pain. I do know that being silly and funny helps me alot! Laughs are good meds! But I'm wondering if behind all the jokes and as some here say> my creative writing there is something wrong upstairs?? I've been diognosed quite a few times w/ depression, sometimes pretty severe and have taken all sorts of meds for it. Heck way back when we first started hearing about Prozac in the 80's I was on it!! I've also been on one type of antidepressant or another ever since!! I'm wondering if all these meds have had an effect on my brain??? Add to that all the pain medications I've been taking for the last 20+ years and should I evan talk about what I did way back when I was a card carrying member of the "Just Say Yes Genneration [img]/community/emoticons/devil.gif[/img] ??????? Lordy~Lordy how many skellitons are in my closet along w/ my old Gratefull Dead vinal LP's [img]/community/emoticons/skull.gif[/img] ?? Some of you may know what I'm talking about.

I guess the reason I'm bringing this all up is because I've been through a living hell the last month and did many things I would never think I could do evan 10 years ago! Evan w/ the pain being horrable I kept it up so I guess I'm either really stupid or just plain crazy!!! I don't think I'm really that stupid so I must be crazy and I think that crazy is a wonderfull way to deal w/ Cronic Pain!!! [img]/community/emoticons/turn.gif[/img] I really think I've passed the wall! I'm not sure when it happened but I think it was durring my recovery from cervical spinal fusion about a year and a half ago! I was in so much pain and then had an accident at work which just pushed me over the edge of the wall! I was having marrage problems after 28 years to my first and only wife living and working 250 miles from her. I was in agony so I quit my job making more $$$ than I ever had before and apllied for SSdisability and I haven't been the same since!

Well I guess if you didn't think I'm nuts before, I've probably convince you that I am now!

Guess I should stop now and go to bed. I'm taking my wonderful wife to the hospital for some tests early tomorrow a/m. She could sure use some prayers if Y'all are the God fearing kind! I'm pretty scarred, [img]/community/emoticons/confused.gif[/img] alot more than I ever was for myself and that ain't lyin!!!

So Good Night all you Crazy CP'ers!!! Just remember a laugh is better than a pill and a prayer is evan better!!!

Love Y'all!! Big Hugs infact Hers a Giant Cyber Cluster Hug w/ the whole FanDamily!!!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 8/30/2010 11:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Pete...yes, you are totally crazy. You're a wacked out goofball from Planet Goof and probably a little strange as well! And you know what?

We love you just the way you are!!!

I'm sorry you're experiencing all this pain my would be so nice to be able to say "enough". Just "enough". Keep your chin up, keep laughing (and making us laugh) and remember how much we all care.

Prayers for your wife and her health as well!

DX: Fibro, Severe Myofascial Pain, Chronic Pelvic Pain, Surgical Adhesions, IBS, IC-PBS, Carpal Tunnel (both wrists), FAI, Reynauds, Opthalmic Migraines, Drug Related Hot Flashes, Physically Unable to Vomit due to Nissen Surgery, Extremely tiny and scarred veins (hard start for IV's)

Meds: Oxycontin, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Cesamet, Flexeril, Clonidine plus Vitamin D + Multi daily

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 8/31/2010 12:11 AM (GMT -6)   
(Pam, you make me laugh, too!)...

Hi Pete...

I get what you are saying... I really do! I think you are just overwhelmed with everything right now... one person can really only handle so much. You've had a month that would knock anyone back a few notches... add in your chronic pain, stressing about Lisa, still having to deal with all the stuff at your house and so forth - I'd be out of my mind, too! (I actually AM losing it, too, but for other reasons...but that's a different story!).

I wish I had the "solution", my friend... but I know many of us can relate. I'm on anti-depressants, too, and probably always will be :) AND many of us here have a whole bunch of those skeletons in the closet :) That's what makes us such a good, crazy bunch here...


On a serious note, I'm praying for Lisa tonight and hope all her tests go well tomorrow. Please keep us updated on her... and, of course, prayers for you always, too.


Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 8/31/2010 1:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello Pete,

You asked a very interesting question (hidden in a great deal of comedy), but I think we all look at ourselves and ask that at some time.  Did we do the right thing?  Are we still the same person we were before??????  Are we crazy?
I cannot answer that question for you, but I think you can.  You know that you did what you did for the love of your family and that you still do what you do for the love of your family.  Some people may consider that foolish.  Some may think you are just plain crazy.  I choose to think that you have a need to handle the burdens for your family (if you can) and that you sometimes do it at your own expense.  I hear you speak of pain and frustration, but you don't lay the blame on others for Pete, you are not crazy.....just a good man, trying to do the best for his family. 
I hope you feel better soon. smilewinkgrin
turn  By the way, I always refer to my psych as my crazy Dr.  turn
Retired Mom

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 8/31/2010 1:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Great post! I think what you said makes a lot of sense, maybe not to someone that doesn't live with a chronic condition, but for someone like me (and I'm sure plenty of others here), it makes quite a bit of sense.

Pain preception is a big part of dealing with pain. If you are really tired, pain tends to hit you worse. If you are in a really good mood, it seems to affect you a bit less. If you are busy at work, you only have a limited amount of time to deal with the pain being preceived because your mind is elsewhere.

I do wonder sometimes how I am able to get through the days and manage to hardly miss any work, to go out and do things for and with friends, and in general to live life. I tell my girlfriend how often I don't want to go to work, and i actually like my job, hehe. I don't want to deal with the severe pain that happens during the 75 minute ride to work, and the 12 hour shifts of sitting down in an office (though I'm blessed to have more days off than most, and that I'm fortunate enough to have a job that doesn't require work that could damage me further). Sitting and especially driving are the hardest things for me. Thats why in my other post I said walking is like medicine for me. Too much is like taking to much medication, but a good moderate dose certainly helps. I guess when it comes to laughter though, its kind of hard to overdose on that :P
PS - I hope everything goes well for your wife. There's very little better than a loved one that stands by you in a time of need.
MRI revealed a bulging disc w/gel lost at L5 and showed the bulge touching nerves, causing sciatica. Diagnosed w/ Arthritis which is responsible for joint inflamation pain. Treatment: Nucynta 50-150 mgs every 6 hours (schedule II narcotic, Mu Opoid agonist and NE reuptake inhibitor), Celebrex 100 mgs, Klonopin .5, Epidurals, Radio Freq nuerotomy (sept 8th, 2010)

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 8/31/2010 7:12 AM (GMT -6)   
    Pete! Lady Ga Ga're girlfriend! smilewinkgrin
    I think she is a little wagged out right now! wink
    ........Ok!....Lady Ga Ga...the party is over! have been reported to the Kings and Queen's of Moderators! smilewinkgrin
           SE devil

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 594
   Posted 8/31/2010 7:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Oh my dear buddy Pete, we all have to be a little crazy in order to deal with our pain! A sane person would not stay sane for very long! What you went through this past month was enough to make anyone crazy and I am sure the pain was and is unbearable but you did what you had to do! I, also have questioned the choices I made in the past and what affect those choices have on my current situation! I know my brain had to be affected... but that is a whole other story! You are an amazing man, Pete, and we love you even if you are a little crazy!! Why be normal? Physically Normal was taken away from us a long time ago!!

I am sorry you are suffering so much....hang in there! Sending healing hugs your way!

Sending prayers for Lisa too and please keep us updated!

Big Hugs,
Spinal Stenosis L3/L4, L4/L5 & L5/S1 with Nerve Impingement, Fibromyalgia, TMJ, GERD, Severe Depression, VERY Large Cyst Right Ovary causing mild twisting, Small Cysts Left Ovary & 3 Large Cysts Uterus and Possible RA

Medications - MS-Contin, Cymbalta, Famotidine and currently Prednisone

Monty's Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 8/31/2010 8:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Pete, to answer your question about crazy, who really wants to be "normal" anyway  rolleyes  ? What is so great about being normal? Personally, being normal is overrated and being crazy is just fine if it gets me and anyone else through the day. Sorry to get all psychologist on you and answer a question with a question. I hate when people do that to me! nono
Still we all love you just the way you are. I admire anyone who can find humor in everything, and always manages to make me smile, no matter how bad the day smilewinkgrin I feel that the craziness that I have from chronic pain is necessary to keep me sane in the good moments. I daydream, which is a lot like hallucinating some times and that disconnect from reality for a time may be what is really needed to cope with the pain some days. Depression, anxiety, and a host of other conditions all come hand in hand with what we all suffer from. There are times when I think my long term use of depression meds has made me crazier than I was to begin with, but hey, its all good  turn   This is where God wants me to be, and he loves me no matter what so I try not to worry.
I will be praying for your wife. She is lucky to have her husband with her and it is normal to worry more about your spouse than yourself. My family will keep you and her in our prayers. Let us know if you are alright, please?
Okay, I am done rambling here! Take care!

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 8/31/2010 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Pete...I'm way behind...but you know a heart to heart is coming from me. I just need a little more time to get it are a special guy and deserve a special reply! wink

Later, my friend!

SE wink

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 1670
   Posted 9/1/2010 2:36 AM (GMT -6)   
I know I've had moments when I feel like everything is too much and its as if a giant wave washes over me and I just wash my sanity out with it and I'm left standing there feeling ragged, I hear my speech and it doesn't make much sense and its like a third person speaking for me and I'm just observing it all.
And then I can laugh at the wierdest things, so I reckon I've lost it a few times, but as I'm an artist most people think I've lost it most of the time anyway!
Wacky seems to be my middle name!
So thats me Pete, out there somewhere in that sea of humanity. What would we do without you and your humour? You constantly make me smile with your posts, so if you're mad you're keeping a lot of us sane!
Best wishes Pete, golitho

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 9/1/2010 6:36 AM (GMT -6)   
My> My> My> I think I'll eat some pie! (Make mine Key Lime!) Guess I'm not the only crazy one here! It's a good feeling knowing I'm not alone in the wierd~silly~ and loopy place I call Peteworld! Thanks so much for your kind words that make me feel normal, at least as normal as someone can get w/ CP!!!
All of the wonderful inteligent post Y'all write to me, I hope lots of others, you know the snoopers , prowlers or what ever you call the peeps who read us but don't reply are reading this post!! You make sooooo much sence to me and I'm sure there is others out there who are thinking the same as me!
Mikey (S.E.) You are a silly man! You are always saying that I'm a good writer when you are by far one of the best we have here on H.W.C.P. Right up there with Whitebeard & Father John!!! I know there are so many others but these guys somehow poped into my mind first!! We are so lucky to have you! Now we have a new Young Gun w/ us who also seems to be up there with yuze gize>> Mr. GrainofSalt> Like your name too Dudeman!!!
Lets not forget the Girls of W.H.C.P.!!!!! Dani> of course Suz, Tina, Beckey, Pam, Mindy, Golitho, R/T, and sooooo many more!!! Yipee<>Hoot<>Horay for the Ladies!!! Thank God we have All Y'all!!!
I feel so blessed to have such wonderful smart peeps & Fams writing to me evan when I get wacky and way out there!!!
Father John gave me a surprise call yesterday after reading this post! He said it sounded like something he would write! I told him I was thinking about him when I wrote it! Funny hu? We are so alike!! He sounds well and evan talked about maybe coming down here to Fla. this fall for the redfish run!!! Oh how cool would that be??? I said it would take at least that much time to clear out one of the extra bedrooms of junk!!!
Yesterday I mowed my Mom's yard first (it was really long!) then unpacked garage junk (tools, paint, oil & lubes, ect.) out of my truck and squished it into the cracks of my work shed. Figure I can sort it out later but if I ever get to go fishing, I'll need the truck and that was my reasoning for getting that job done! After that I ate a p<>b<>j and took my nap w/ Rose the wonderhound how had helped me all morning. Then knowing the last time I mowed the lower pasture was the same day I did Mom's, I knew I had to get it done before the sand spurs matured so off I went on my trusty little John Deere for another bumpy ride! It took about 3+ hours and by the end I was laying over the streering wheel moaning to myself in agony again!! My back was in such pain but inlight of the subject of this post, most of it was almost like the mowing put me into a trance, almost like I was hipnotized by the sound of the tractor and following the line of cut grass. I felt myself waking up from being zoned out and the pain would grab a hold of me. It was kind of like driving your car on the highway when you sort of wake up and missed the last 20 miles or so somehow?? As I finished, there was a beautiful sunset and Lisa came down to feed the ponys! Those big crazers were such a pain in my azz while I mowed as they kept eating grass right along the cutline and I'd have to shoo them away every time I came along! Rose helped me w/ that barking at them and running around herding them away! Of course when they saw Lisa they went running up to the barn> good riddens!!
Lisa had her tests yesterday and we haven't heard anything yet but as so many of you know> No news is usually good news so so far so good! Maybe we'll hear something today!
Well Gang, my fingers and hands are numb from the typing and I really want to get an early start today!! I'll check in later if I get the time!!!
Love Y'all and thanks again for being my Fam!!!!
Your humble Buddy,
PS> I'll settle for oatmeal & O.J. instead of pie> darn it!!!

Post Edited (Pete trips again!) : 9/1/2010 5:45:02 AM (GMT-6)

Monty's Mom
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Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:37 AM (GMT -6)   
I call those moments of zoning and craziness La la land. If I stay there too long I become a resident of the emerald city. HAHA I think I have watched the Wizard of Oz with the kids one to many times!

Hope your day goes well and the pain calms down. My family is still praying for you and your wife.

The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw

Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcriptionist I must say ureteral calculus!

solar powered
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 9/1/2010 9:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there Pete. My question to you is what is "normal"? I don't know anything about psychology but I would guess that if you're with it enough to ask if you are crazy then you probably aren't. If you are crazy I'm not sure you would be worried. As others have said I agree that "crazy" is a coping mechanism that some people use to get by with whatever is stressing them. How many times have you been to a funeral or something of that nature and people say the stupidest things or laugh inappropriately? It's their way of releasing the anxiety of the situation. I have been treated for depression for years. I don't usually cry but rather will laugh or be really silly when it gets too much. Someone on the street would think I was crazy and maybe at those moments I am. But it's OK because I usually feel so much better. So crazy does have its upside sometimes. I would just embrace your inner "crazy person" knowing that it is helping you get through. I hope things are OK with your wife. Please take a deep breath and try to rest some. You get so much done in a day, it just tires me out reading about it! Lisa
If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 9/2/2010 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Good Golly Miss Molly!....Pete...I'm running way behind..and out of time for the night...I think! smilewinkgrin

....But your on my to do list tomorrow, and I will post something before Midnight! smilewinkgrin

The board has been full of struggling members these last two days....and I'm working on my encouragement list as fast as I can!

Take care my friend!

SE wink

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 215
   Posted 9/2/2010 10:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the compliment Pete :)

I think I choose that name because I don't want people taking what I say as rock solid advice, just take it with a grain of salt :P

I have a tendency to go off on medical tangents at times. At first (3 years ago to the date!! haha j/k) I just started researching details on chronic pain, its causes, and its solutions, but then I just got interested in researching everything medical. At one point I was supposed to goto school to become a PA (I'm ex military, and the army NG has an outstanding PA program) but this job as a govy contractor with SRA fell through nearly 2 years ago, and I've been planted in this office ever since. My contractor boss and government side boss are both pretty understanding about my chronic pain situation so that is definately a plus atleast, and the insurance SRA offers (Cigna Pro Plus open Access) has pretty much covered almost everything with my pain management, so this job, even for the pain it causes with the long drive to work and sitting down constantly is still a blessing :)

As far as normal goes, I'm to analytical to be normal, yet even as analytical in thought as I am, I let my emotions and heart guide me. That literally makes me a walking oxymoron. Ofcourse, sometimes I can be to emphathetic towards others for my own good. :P
MRI revealed a bulging disc w/gel lost at L5 and showed the bulge touching nerves, causing sciatica. Diagnosed w/ Arthritis which is responsible for joint inflamation pain. Treatment: Nucynta 50-150 mgs every 6 hours (schedule II narcotic, Mu Opoid agonist and NE reuptake inhibitor), Celebrex 100 mgs, Klonopin .5, Epidurals, Radio Freq nuerotomy (sept 8th, 2010)

Post Edited (grainofsalt) : 9/2/2010 9:32:02 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 9/2/2010 11:40 PM (GMT -6)   
You guys are the kind I like to hang around...crazy people! I most often come across as pretty serious and sometimes boring when I'm not online. But just when people get comfortable with who I am I will zing them from left field! You see it's all part of a great plan. Let people think you are just a bit, or a lot, crazy. That gives you a lot of leeway for behavior. No matter what you do people will either chalk it up to you "just being crazy" or they will think you are just kidding when what they really are is totally confused. Always leave them guessing...just a bit~~

And you thought YOU were the only crazy one...hahahaaaaa
Moderator on the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain forums

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” Albert Einstein

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 9/5/2010 12:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Holy Stink Bait! smilewinkgrin

Ok!....Petey Boy!...I have put this off way too long! Here is a quote that Privey sent me yesterday...."I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here"

Pete! I remember many times asking questions here on the forum, and you unleashed many a no holds barred, opened hearted novels, right here in front of the world and God! tongue

Right then and there I knew you were my kind of people! wink You simply wear your feelings out there where everyone can see and feel them. Nothing wrong with that! The ones that hold it inside,
are the people that worry me the most.

Pete! are a wonderful person, and practically a National treasure here on HW! yeah Rumor is,.... your getting a CP Grammy this year! Well....maybe I stretch the truth just a little! rolleyes

You have a strong survival instinct, much like mine, and that is the reason you do some of the things, you feel would be deemed as certifiably crazy. I have no doubt you are the type of person that will sacrifice themselves to the death, to either provide support or protection to loved ones.

Read Chutz's reply again!....she likes to push it to the edge at times, almost a mental game or challange to humor herself and or others....a sort of mental entertainment...if you will! smilewinkgrin Does that make her crazy? I don't think so!...but what do I know! wink Sorry Chutzy...we got to keep the members here guessing...right? smilewinkgrin

Pete, what we have here is the lack to communicate (must be a quote from a movie smilewinkgrin) between your head, heart, pain, needs, wants, conscious, and so on! Hey! Guess What? We all have that problem!

So what do we do about it? idea idea idea Your doing it my friend!....we seek out answers from people we trust....we listen, share,...listen some more,...and share some more...and then before you know it... idea Yepper!...that old light bulb comes back on, and were back in business! yeah point is, your body is telling your head that..."Hey Pal!....your killing me with your silly ideas!" nono "Lighten the load a little, or I'm going to put your lights out!" eyes
So here is the problem!....the body thinks it's the parent...and your brain is the 16yr old rebellious teenager....back talking the body. Both of them are in a struggle for dominance! (Oh lord!...every member here, must think I'm full of it by now!) I'm only trying to help for Pete Sake! :) Did I just say that! :)

We need to figure out who is the wiser of them, the body or the brain. Sooner or later there is going to be a winner and a looser, but as the old saying goes (not sure if there is such a thing!) When one wins, everybody wins! ....or is it when one looses, everybody looses! Hum!.....what we really want, is for everybody to be on the same team. Starting to catch my drift here? I hope so!...cause I don't have a clue as to what I'm talking about! :)

I hope some of this makes sense and you can relax about it for a while. What needs to happen need a global body (Oh God! Not the Global Word! rolleyes) One, where all the parts are working for a central theme, that will benefit every member.

OK! I have spilled all of my spiritual guts here! tongue Right or wrong...that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

So! feel better now? big smelly, crazy, fruitcake, nutcase? smilewinkgrin

Enjoy life! Enjoy people! and like Chutzy says....keep-em guessing! turn

OK!...Buttercup!....I'm done!'re turn now!

Your Life Long Buddy! (LLB)

Yes!...Yes!...Yes!...we all love you! Scram!....and put a worm on a hook! :)

SE wink

Post Edited (Screaming Eagle) : 9/5/2010 5:46:34 PM (GMT-6)

Pete trips again!
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1899
   Posted 9/6/2010 7:31 AM (GMT -6)   
No Worms for Heavens sakes!!! Haven't I taught you anything! I use artaficial baits, preferably ones I make myself!!! I rarely use bait, OK I do use fish I catch for shark bait but thats about it! I'm so dying to go fishing it's turned into a full blown withdrawl!!! You think it's bad when you run out of meds? Fishin withdrawl is worse for people like me!!
OK> Listen you wacko, you and I are definitly on the same page! I think thats why we like each other> (not in any un natural way either!) Brotherly love I think!!! I get what yor saying perfectly and I think your the one who should get the CP Grammy along w/ Sister Suzane, Chuts, Dani, Mikel, Little Big Mom>Tina, Pam, Mindy, Lisa, W.B., F.J., Golitho, Little Sister Skeye, our own Chartreux, Wild Frances, R/T, Pam, Uniquleyme, Beckey, Susie, Shannon, Scared, Paula, Flower, P.A., Kara, U.T.B., KTN25, Pammela, Quahog, and some newbee awards for Buttercup, G.O.S. and sooooo many others> So Sorry if my fogged out one cup of coffee brain missed anyone or offended anyone!!!!! I love All Y'All!!!! Thanks so much for being Fams!!!
Big Brother Pete> and I do mean BIG litterally and most surely CRAZY!!!!!!

Post Edited (Pete trips again!) : 9/6/2010 6:37:23 AM (GMT-6)

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