How Men Think....It is not that we don't care.

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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 9/1/2010 6:49 AM (GMT -6)   
As I read through many posts I see a somewhat common theme among the ladies with spouses or boyfriends in that they all too often think the man in their life is fed up with them, that they don't care about them and so forth.

While it is possible this is true in some cases, and not knowing the guys in question it is impossible to say which ones, it may be more likely that the man in your life does care a great deal but because of the way guys are hardwired to think and act it does not show as you might like for it to.

For the most part men are not the nurturing type. Men are doers and fixers. When there is a problem men want to help by fixing it and when they can't it becomes a point of stress, embarrassment, and in a very real way attacks part of what they feel it means to be a man.

This all comes from thousands of years of evolution (if not millions). Kids and wife are hungry and the man goes out and gets food. They are threatened or scared and they leap to the rescue and get rid of what ever is causing the alarm. Car has a flat tire and off they go with the wrench to change it. Sure you have exceptions to this, but I am talking in general.

To a point men can learn how to be more nurturing, but even when they get part of that mastered it often fights with their need to "fix" the problem.

This is also a big part of the reason why men, when they are the ones hurting, often seem not to respond or become angry when they are hurting and all anyone can do is offer emotional support. While it does help some they are wanting whatever is wrong to be fixed, either by themselves or by someone else and when that doesn't happen.....well it is not pretty sometimes.

One last thing. Men are not mind readers. While we can sense when something is wrong we don't automatically know what you want us to do about it. We could really use some direction and more times than not we need it every time because our genetic code wants to solve the problem forever. So communicate. Let your man know what you need, what you want.

left forum.
Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Thankyou for this post, i think it is really thought through and will be good for people to read to help them not feel so unloved and like their husbands and boyfriends dont care, you have explained everything so well and because my brother has some learning difficulties i have had to learn that he is even more like this than alot of males, and gets stressed out with emotional things and doesn't know how to express his feelings or help someone, its hard to understand and accept and i feel angry inside and frustrated sometimes that hes so ignorant and just always seems to do the wrong thing for everyone and is embarrasssing and comes across as rude.. but i guess you learn to live with these things and accept people for who they are and have to understand everyones differently wired and think and react differently. and if they are too ignorant and uncaring the best thing to do is talk to them and tell them whats going on and what you want them to do, because as you said im sure alot of the time they just need guidance and dont want to do the wrong thing or know what to do.

sorry to babble on!!
great post!
15 years old,
Chronic stomach pain with no diagnosis yet and lots of other things.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Screaming Eagle
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 5005
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:11 AM (GMT -6)   
      Jim!....I'm glad you fixed me here! I'm begining to feel like a woman! smilewinkgrin
      Great post! Thanks for taking the time to post it.
            SE wink

Monty's Mom
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Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 664
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Jim, this is a great post! I knew my fiance wants to fix it, and I love that about him. He does so much, but at times I feel that he should have better, not the other way around. I know the problem is how I look at things, not with him. He wants to fix it, which would be great, but it cant be.

I have a question though. Can men learn little cues in body language or a tone of voice that would tell them what is going on? Just a question, nothing more. Only because my fiance acts like I am in need of help when I finally stop talking. I admit it is a rare occurrence, but it does happen!

Thank you for the insights, it helps me see things from his point of view.
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them. That's the essence of inhumanity. George Bernard Shaw

Pelvic adhesive disease, Irritable bowel syndrome, SI joint pain, 7 pelvic surgeries for pain, ovarian cysts, adhesions, and a kidney stone! Wait, future medial transcriptionist I must say ureteral calculus!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2854
   Posted 9/1/2010 7:49 AM (GMT -6) are typically classified as being left brained...logical and analytical...and women right brained.  Emotional and nuturing.  My most dibilitaing disorder is fibromyalgia even though I have a laundry list of other conditions including all kinds of spinal/back issues.  It is the ole 'eye roller' disease and it is hard enough to get a doctor to take it seriously let alone friends, family and a spouse.  We 'look' fine.  The hubby gets it when I'm gimping around because of the bulging discs compression pain, but I'm not so sure about the 'fibro flares' that can make me cry for days.  What man want to hear "don't touch me', and when I run in the house after a torturous trip through Walmart and tear my clothes's not what he thinks!  It's because it hurts to just have the fabric against my skin.

Good post...good perspective.  Okay...I'll tell you what I want.  Three pounds of chocolate, a nice massage, dinner served to me as I lounge in my fibro chair and a new Hot tub. yeah



Retired Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1753
   Posted 9/2/2010 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Jim!

It's really nice to have a reminder once in a while. Sometimes we forget that there are true differences between men and women. I've even heard my husband say....why is it always my fault when we argue (which is rare)? I don't think it would be realistic to argue with him about what was my fault. That would be simply saying I didn't do something I should have or did something I shouldn't have. It certainly wouldn't be a dissagreement.

It really is funny how different men and women think. You can see it even here when we type our thoughts.

Thanks for the reminder!
Retired Mom

solar powered
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 538
   Posted 9/2/2010 9:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jim. Excellent post but I've got a question for you. I understand that men are "fixers" but is it too much to expect to have my husband acknowledge that what has happened to me sucks? This is sore point with me but am I being unreasonable?

If I can laugh at it, I can live with it.
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